𝓶𝓪𝓭𝓪𝓶 𝓻𝓸𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓷𝓪 𝓵.

[rosannalorecode]

I’m still angry at everything and everybody.

[rosannalorecode]

And no matter how hard I try to undo the damage of hate and patriarchal harm.

It seems that no matter what my efforts are in vain.

[rosannalorecode]

At the age of nine, I remember my father telling me that if I could not memorize a prayer he had every right to create his own new family.

He screamed at me and called me a cow right before.

I am not a cow.

[rosannalorecode]

I know I’m pretty even when everyone makes me think I’m not.

So long as I know that I am all good.

[rosannalorecode]

It’s not fair.

They get the treatment they deserve at their lowest point.

Whereas I get berated.

I promise I’m not lazy.

I just need love too.

[rosannalorecode]

Time may pass, but for now I am will always remember the twisted ways u decided to hurt me.

[rosannalorecode]

I lied. I still care. And I still love u. Ur the whole reason I’m doing what I’m doing. You encouraged me to help others, be sympathetic and kind to those who need it most. You are beautiful yes however you are also generous, caring, optimistic, and supportive. I’m sorry we had to end on that note I really am. I wish I cared more - felt more - if only I had known the type of ending we’d have, I would’ve tried harder. I love you. And I hope you come to realize that too. And just like you are, I am hopeful that maybe: just maybe, we will cross pathed again, at a more convenient and carefree time, where there were no restraints. And no persons judging us. And maybe then we could finally love.

[rosannalorecode]

aren’t u just the most memorable thing.

[rosannalorecode]

I’ve loved you for 1,067 days.

[rosannalorecode]

And often times,

I wish I could change a whole lot more.

And don’t think telling me “there’s only so much you can control” will help.

It won’t.

It will merely make it worse.

[rosannalorecode]

I always think that I’m over you.

But you always appear in my restless dreams.

You hold me.

You adore me.

And you feel for me.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

[rosannalorecode]

I am still not over u beautiful.

[rosannalorecode]

I really hope it’s meant to be.

[rosannalorecode]

But I love u so so so much.

[rosannalorecode]

Behind every decision I make,

I always think of you.

I think of how I could get closer to you.

[rosannalorecode]

My favorite dream would be the one where I stood on my balcony still and smooth, my scarf doing little to cover my handfuls of hair, long beneath my back. I clutched a broom, sweeping the dust lightly, when I saw your truck roll into the driveway, loud and proud. I remember vividly brushing a piece of hair out my face. My favorite part of the dream would be when you finally stepped out the truck, strong and big, smiling at me lovely.

You are my favorite dream.

[rosannalorecode]

so so so so so so so so so many regrets.