[rose-blue-f]

She is beauty she is grace

[majestic-username168]

[hancarolyn]

goin home to be ugly in peace is one of my fav things to do

[fuckyeahthesimplelife]

[shejla20]

[shoelight]

cop: can you describe the guy who stabbed you

me: yeah he was not very friendly

[neonmanatee]

this one time I ran a red light on mistake and I didn’t notice it was red until it was too late so I just ran the light screeching like an angry pterodactyl the entire time

a cop was at the intersection so he pulled me over and when he came up to my window he was wheezing cause he was laughing so hard and he said

“ok so i know you ran a red light and that’s really bad and you should never do it again but i’m not gonna give you a ticket cause that was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen and my partner can’t get out of the car cause he’s laughing so hard he’s about to pee himself”

i forgot that i’d had my window open when i ran the red light and the cop told me that all he heard from my car was this really high-pitched “screeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

and that’s how i got out of getting a ticket for running a red light

[rose-blue-f]

This never happened

[officialunitedstates]

does anyone want to join my midnight shovel club?  we walk around the streets at midnight with shovels

[champagnemanagement]

[jovan]

he 😜👦 was a skater 🚴🎿 boy 🎸🎮🚬she 🙅 said 💬 see you later 👋 boy ✌️ bush did 9/11 he🚶wasn’t good enough 👺 for her💅💆💇👰

[esics]

when you get in the shower and see pubes on the soap

[amoisthobo]

[nyehs-deactivated20140525]

marijuana more like marijuanah. say no to drugs. stop kony

[meanplastic]

[softjungkooks]

when u know someone is fake as hell but u dont have receipts 

[toastbutteregg]

[bambietta666-deactivated2015090]

Person: “Why are you wearing sweatpants?”

Me:

[30-minute-memes]

“Ducking”