Why My Life Can Never Become Like a Koreanovela
For the lack of better ideas as to how I would start blogging again, let me spare that thought as a post title which popped in my mind while taking a shower the other day. Koreanovelas or Korean dramas have special formula especially those romantic-comedy ones. Just sweet, romantic, funny, and ends with a happy ending… so might as well don’t expect this blog post to answer the divergent question posted above. I seriously want to start blogging again now that I have extra time (not really extra but who cares…) because of the simple reason that I want to preserve my sanity. There have been tremendous changes which took place for the past months of this year, so humungous that I am still in state of shock and I don’t think it will ever sink in soon. And I am not talking about just one particular aspect such as the change from being a student to graduating and having a job, I don’t know but it is more like a domino effect from changes from one aspect of my life to another. The happenings were one hell of a never-ending roller coaster ride (and I just made an understatement). I have experienced so many firsts and I am not even frightened by those (well, a little, sometimes). Exploring new zones out of your comfort zone is actually very thrilling. And although I am honestly having a difficult time adapting to my own profession and I have questioned myself if I am really for it, I can say that I am where I am supposed to be career-wise. I am pretty positive about it thanks to positive feedbacks from my colleagues though I know perfectly well that I am not feeling at my best right now. Thinking about it, I am always not satisfied with myself though people would actually praise me for a job well-done and because of that I feel that I am achieving something in everything that I do. What I am just apprehensive about is the next step up after the results of the licensure exams (which I am currently waiting for). So career is a check. Being a teacher is exhausting, it’s no secret. What actually keeps me sane is the thought of being restless and busy everyday plus the fact that I am enjoying the perks of having a job. I would always want to go out with my college or high school friends if there’s a time to spare after work. Unlike before that I would prefer to be home during weekends, now I never want my weekends to pass without having an intellectual or not-so-intellectual-but-just-funny discourses with my friends. Plus, shopping and pigging out are truly great stress-relievers! My interpersonal relationships right now I could say have rose up to a higher level since we have some sensible and professional matters to discuss now. Friends, old and new, check! Just a week ago, my high school friends and I were reunited in our HS Alma mater for the Cultural Night, the annual gathering for the Foundation Day. It was almost five (what?) years since we graduated there like, how did those years even pass, I cannot even fathom. Although there are lots of tangible and intangible changes that occur to our dear school, its teachers, and students, the feeling of having to meet your former classmates at the same school ground after a while is just priceless. I can genuinely say that I missed them so badly. Amidst the catching up with my HS friends and the exhibition of my restrained loud self, my sight was suddenly caught by a familiar glow. If my life is a Koreanovela, this is the part where the original theme song starts to play as the movements become slow in motion. As the glow faded, the recognizable face of an angel surfaced. If my life is a Koreanovela, this is the part where the lead girl was struck by the lead guy. Wow, he still hasn’t changed. The feelings repressed for so many years have renewed at that very instant. If my life is a Koreanovela, he is the leading man. I never expected that I would be able to see him again that night. Before that, weeks ago, I was able to reconnect with him after I have discovered that he had just followed me on Twitter. I courageously DM-ed him and asked for his number right after I finished taking my licensure exams (it was actually a pact I made with myself… lol). I asked for his number not because of anything else, I just wanted to have connections with worthy people and he is just one of those few sensible people in this world to talk to. Thought it was seldom, I was able to exchanged text messages with him after he gave his number. Not a big deal but I was very happy to hear from him after a while. The happiness I felt was unfathomable though when I saw him again that night. We were able to say hi to each other (thanks to the people who pushed him to have a picture with me …) I said that he still handsome and he said thank you… and the rest became blurry because I was floating in cloud nine. Though Cinderella… I mean, I hate it, the night has to inevitably end. If my life is a koreanovela, this is the part where the lead girl starts to chase the lead guy as feels annoyed and flattered at the same time. I forgot to mention, that guy with angelic (I have to reevaluate this adjective…) face was my first love. It is clear that I used the proper tense in my last sentence. It was also five years ago since we talked properly (if Yahoo Messenger calls and convos are considered proper!). I was trying to retrieved all the evidences but it is impossible now so all those scarce memories are already fading. As I pondered, within those five years, he was completely out of my life and most of the time, I never thought of him. Did I completely forget about him? What we had was nothing compared to what I or what he had shared with his friends or girlfriend (it is but proper to mention that he had one though I honestly am bitter about this…lol), but what’s with all these shiz I am feeling right now? I was able to do it before, I can just do it again right? If my life is a koreanovela, this part will be omitted because it’s just plain boring. Last Sunday, I made a pact again with myself and asked for a sign. I am always the one who texts him first and usually ask if he’s busy (because he is always busy). The sign I asked goes like this: if he text me first within the day that means I have to push through (hoping, dreaming, and working things out to have him... haha!) because there is a chance for us again. 3 o’clock in the afternoon that day, I had a power nap. I woke up at 5 pm and checked my phone. He texted me approx. 30 minutes pass 3 pm. Wow. So I presume that there is still a chance because the sign was achieved. If my life is a koreanovela, oh cut it, signs are always achieved in koreanovelas! Just yesterday, I was with my best friend and after we watch a movie and shop, we had coffee. We wondered when will the time comes for us… the time that we will meet up with our boyfriends or we will meet up and talk about our boyfriends. And of course, I kept on whining about him, the supposedly-past-love-interest-but-if-my-life-is-a-movie-he’d-be-my-leading-man. My best friend grabbed my phone (because she’s been eyeing it!) and said that if I don’t have the guts she’d do it… and she did. She texted him but I saw what she texted though. Lol. It was a plain Hi kuya with a “:)”. And after 8 minutes he replied with a Hi, but take note, with a “:)” My BFF continued to text him on my behalf and asked if he’s busy. He said that he is busy and he will study for his exams tomorrow. But that wasn’t what made my BFF and eventually me furious… it was the phrase, “see you when I see you!” with a “:)” at the end. My BFF was annoyed afterwards. I was smiling though and thought it was ok. But as my BFF started to deconstruct those words… I felt so damn stupid. When I went back home, I spent the night trying to decipher those dagger-like words. Thanks to Google. I thought that that phrase means like “see you soon” but what’s worse is that it means “I don’t know when will I see you again I will most likely see you in the future by chance.” My BFF was right. Afterwards, I was down and the songs that were playing in the radio were like salt sprinkled on the wound. I came across psychological articles relating to stuff like how to know if he’s into or not into you. I was trying to evaluate our recent conversations after reading the articles. Again, I was trying to hurt myself even more. Lol. But basically the use of “:)” on text messages is a show of interest according to most of the articles I read. In fairness to his texts, probably most of his short messages end with “:)” or “haha”. I still have a chance, right? Lol. And I was informed on tips on keeping a guy’s interest and stuff. I was fascinated on the idea that the art of questioning is equally reliable in texting like in teaching. So basically my aura partly shifted from being a stupid-hopeless-romantic to a somewhat-informed-still-hopeless-romantic lead girl. Truly, it is through pain and heartbreak that we learn and become wise. Does this even happen to koreanovelas? Now you know why my life could never become like of those koreanovelas. It is because the guy who I presumed to be my leading man is not into me. It is just me who thinks that it’s sweet though it’s nothing to him. It is just me who hopes for a happy ending with him. Again, it is just me who likes him, who still likes him after five years. Yes, I used the right tense. Nevertheless, one fact still holds true: Even if the signs were achieved or not, even if we end up together or not, even if my life became a koreanovela or a Japanese horror film, I know for sure that my first love will always have a special place in my heart. He will always be a part of me. He said that he’ll see me when he see me, maybe five years, ten years, twenty years, or even fifty years from now, if we see each other again, I would still see him glowing and I am certain I would still feel the same feeling as to how I felt when I first fell in love with him – this is what will remain forever.
