This Dating Roller Coaster

Dating in the 21st Century is interesting, to say the least, especially when you've never done it before. EVER. This blog is a shy 29 year old's take on what happens in this elusive realm of love. ❤️

[rosesareread97]

The Beginning

A couple of days later while at work, and in between classes (Did I mention, I teach technology to elementary students? Because I do.), I get a text message from a number I don’t know. Lo and behold it’s the uncle, who in order to protect the innocent (although he’s not so innocent, which we’ll get into later) we’ll call him, Marty. Marty proceeds to tell me in a smart and witty way that his wonderful niece thought it would be great for, again, “the two most amazing people” she knows to get to know each other. I’m instantly taken by his charm and I trust my friend. As with all dating sagas, we begin slowly with the basic Getting-To-Know-You chit chat, and to my surprise he’s charming and witty and we have a lot in common. Now, I could sit here and hash out every single detail of every single date and tell you how wonderful he was and that everything’s going great and he makes me so incredibly happy! But I won’t hash out every detail. I can’t tell you everything’s great because it’s not. It hasn’t been since the day he walked away. This blog isn’t a bitter bash to try and get over someone who hurt me in the most intimate and personal way that anyone could ever be hurt. However, I do think this writing process will help guide my thoughts and feelings because let’s face it, I fell in love with Marty.

[rosesareread97]

Happily Never After

Sometimes, there’s nothing that Adele and a gallon of ice cream can fix. Sometimes, it takes months after knowing someone that they were truly never meant to be in your life. Sometimes the happy ending you’ve always wanted is just THAT much farther away. This is my story of what could have been, of what never was and everything I learned along the way. DINNER One October afternoon, while having dinner with my best friend in the whole world, (let’s call her Elle), and talking about the comings and goings of life, the obvious subject of dating and boys came up. I proceeded to tell her about a schmuck I had recently been dating who thought that the size of my waistline was the most obvious reason to NOT date someone. Let’s be honest here, I’m not a size 0, or even a 10 for that matter, but yeah, don’t worry, he wasn’t around very long. Elle, had some choice and heartfelt words about that whole mess. Then, while divulging my insecurities about dating in the 21st century, she had a revelation. “Date my Uncle!! You need to date my uncle!!” Aside from the obvious misgivings of the term “uncle,” the fact that my friend was trying to set me up with someone made me disdainfully nervous. Back to the uncle part: I pictured a man of about 60 years with a big nose and ear hair, something similar to, but nothing like my father’s. I must have said this and much more with my expression because Elle instantly clarified that her uncle was 35 years old (not 60) and a very sweet and honest man. She said she thought it’d be great because, and I quote, he and I were “the two most amazing people” she knew. Without hesitation, she began texting someone, and moments later let me know that her mom, aka the uncle’s big sister had given her blessing. Therefore the set up could proceed. I nervously agreed, while secretly hoping we could finish dinner and the whole thing would be forgotten in time. But Elle never forgets

[rosesareread97]

Hiatus

So I’ve been MIA for a while. I’m sorry. A lot has happened in the last year or so. Including my very first kiss. 😍 and a series of bad dates (crazies and weirdos), heartfelt goodbyes and a broken heart. 💔 Because these dating adventures have left me with so many emotions, I’ve decided to process through them by continuing my blog. The next several entries will be about my most recent of experiences with some references and flashbacks to the ones before “Him.” I hope the next few days or weeks will leave you with the knowledge and power all strong and independent women should have. And I hope my story is as much of a lesson for you as it was for me. Here’s a quick snippet of tomorrow’s entry.

-Roses

“Sometimes, there’s nothing that Adele and a gallon of ice cream can fix. Sometimes, it takes months after knowing someone that they were truly never meant to be in your life. Sometimes the happy ending you’ve always wanted is just THAT much farther away.”

[rosesareread97]

Spring Break, means...

**Original draft written in 2015. More to come on unfoldings of the last year. STAY TUNED.**

My original intention was to write a blog about how I was going to date myself this week and have all kinds of adventures and discover myself. 🙌 ALL in one whole week. Well as it turns out real life had other plans for me. I had neither the time nor the resources for that this Spring Break.

I did however, have time to contemplate time itself. Not as deep as it sounds and interestingly enough most of my contemplation spurred from alcohol induced girl talks. Lol

When I was younger, middle school high school even, really anytime before cell phones complicated dating, there were rules about the timing of talking to or dating a guy. Granted I’m new to all of this, but this is what I remember:

If you gave a guy your number, he was expected to call you within a couple of days. Otherwise, it could be assumed he was not interested. Nowadays if you give a guy your number and he doesn’t call in a couple of days, he better be on his death bed or a desert island. Cell phones make communication and online interaction so much easier these days and people try to use the infamous “Sorry I’ve been busy…” line when they haven’t reached out to someone in several days.

Bull. Shit. Think about how long it takes you send a text message. 5 maybe 10 SECONDS. All a guy has to do is simply relay the fact that he’s incredibly busy but still thinking about you or at the very least not wanting you to feel bad about the lack of interaction. Buttttt noooo. Does he do that?

[rosesareread97]

Spring Break. ☀️🌊🌴👙☀️

** Original draft written in 2015** I've gotten a little behind on this thing please forgive me. And SPOILER ALERT there have been prospects since "The Puto."

So unfortunately for the sake of this blog, things on the dating front have been a little slow. No recent dates. No recent prospects. I feel like I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be doing (reaching out to my matches, updating my pictures, and getting out of my shell in the real world) but alas no new developments since “The Puto.” Maybe it’s my subconscious way of slowing down or stepping back from this, even though I feel like I’m doing more. But since no new prospective “friends” have surfaced I thought that I might take the next week, this glorified and God sent week, to do a little soul searching.

[rosesareread97]

Starting off my week with this in mind. As much as I'd hope that I'm this kind of person and strong enough to keep moving and keep my head up no matter what, I'm still human. I still get knocked down every now and again. But I can't let experiences or people change who I am. I am a strong, beautiful, positive person. Over the years I've told all of my girlfriends these exact same things, so now it's time to practice what I preach. Here's to yet another low in this damn emotional roller coaster. #rosesareread #datingcoaster #positivity #bealifechanger #iamalifechanger #dontletthemchangeyou #iwin #youlose #yourloss #sorrynotsorry #faithoverfear #manicmonday #repost #thebehappyproject

[purplebuddhaproject]

You don’t know anyone at the party, so you don’t want to go. You don’t like cottage cheese, so you haven’t eaten it in years. This is your choice, of course, but don’t kid yourself: it’s also the flinch. Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy. You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like. If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way. Set fire to your old self. It’s not needed here. It’s too busy shopping, gossiping about others, and watching days go by and asking why you haven’t gotten as far as you’d like. This old self will die and be forgotten by all but family, and replaced by someone who makes a difference. Your new self is not like that. Your new self is the Great Chicago Fire—overwhelming, overpowering, and destroying everything that isn’t necessary.

Julien Smith (via lexichelle)

"Set fire to your old self" I love that! Just might have to take this advice.

[rosesareread97]

No words. 🙊

Ding! Ding! Ding!! Annnnnd he was a puto!! Hours before our date, I get a text message from my friend, informing me that he doesn't think it's a good idea for us to meet because he thinks we're not compatible. Tells me he's been praying about it. 😳 Wait, I'm sorry what?! 👂I didn't quite catch that, because five seconds ago you were telling me to have a good day and that you'd see me later! 😠 I don't understand the level of douchebaggery that exists in the world today. I appreciate that he was honest and forthcoming enough not to stand me up, AGAIN. But come on. It was just coffee. You could have at least given a girl a reason to get dolled up and go somewhere on a Saturday night and then blown me off tomorrow. At least I think that would have been the nicer thing to do! But Noooooo you had to lead me on and make me get all stupid and girly excited about our date and then throw it back in my face with your finishing touch of "Goodluck on ur search! :)" First. Learn to spell. Second. If life has taught me anything it's that when people tell you they've been praying about something and then dismiss you, it's actually their Southern hospitality way of throwing you the bird (really wish there was an emoji for this!!) and saying "Leave me the eff alone!" Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Truer words were never said. I've definitely learned my lesson. Sigh....Who knew when I wrote my post this morning, my afternoon would turn into one hell of a drop on this dang emotional roller coaster?? I sure didn't. Let's hope the next guy I meet on this ride doesn't pray quite as much. Or at the very least feel the need to share it with me like this. -Roses

[rosesareread97]

So there are times when you just can't wait to tell your girlfriends the latest on your brand new outfit, all the drama at work or your most recent date or "hang out" sesh with THE BOY. Sometimes even if your friends don't like the guy or have a bad feeling about him they'll sugar coat those feelings and tell you exactly what you want to hear. "Ahhh! Girl I'm so excited for you!!" When really they're thinking "He messes this up, and I'll mess HIM up!!" 👊 Haha the thing I love about my girlfriends and the rest of my support system is how brutally honest they are. Idk what I did to earn such a great group of people in my life but I can only thank God everyday for each and every person he's placed in my life. So to try and explain the picture above, let me back track a bit. Remember the guy who stood me up and then claimed his phone was messed up? Well after his disappearing act we decided to finally meet this weekend. I explained the situation to a few of my friends and some had hesitation, while others were understanding. And then there was this brutally honest response. "Well he better not be a puto!" 😳 well I hope he's not a puto either!! Haha For those whose Spanish is not quite up to par, my friend just dropped a giant F bomb en español!! 💣 Well here comes the next wave on this coaster and I'm praying that at the next drop I don't find out that he is exactly that, a puto. So here's to not being a puto! Cheers! 🍻🙌😊 -Roses

[rosesareread97]

"I'm not Josie Grossie Anymore!!"

Before I get ahead of myself let me go back to the beginning. The beginning of what led me to start this dating adventure… Many of you have probably seen or at the very least heard about the movie Never Been Kissed, starring Drew Barrymore. Quick overview for those who have not. Drew plays a dorky journalist who’s never been kissed and has to go back to high school to research her next big story, but falls in love and attempts to get her very first kiss. Well minus the drama and theatrics of it all, this movie pretty much sums up my life. I’m 28 and have never been kissed. Nor, prior to about 3 months ago, had I ever dated or been in a relationship. EVER. It wasn't until my roommate and I had a conversation about our impending 30th birthdays and the fact that I really, truly needed someone in my life, that the reality of being alone really hit me. We talked about why I had never really put myself out there (we'll get into that later) and how I could try to change things for the better. One of these possible solutions to my singleness was online dating. So with a giant nudge and a lot of giggling, together we researched the best online dating site to suit little old me. Several hours later I'm creating a profile and answering all the silly questions about my hopes and dreams, what I do in my free time and deciding whether or not to include all my favorite selfies.  Little did I know when all of this was coming together that I would be doing myself the biggest favor of ALL TIME.  

The posts that follow will describe and illuminate the under appreciated and sometimes ill respected world of online dating.  Now I would just like to add that the dating site I use is a quite popular one that does require a paid subscription.  Also for the sake of all of the "friends" I've made online, all identities and names will be changed and no personal information of theirs in any shape, way, or form will be given out.  I might be ready to open up about this part of life, but not everyone in the online world is. And that's ok. If anyone is looking at trying online dating just remember to use a site that is right for you and what you're looking for in a partner, and always be safe and follow your instincts about people.  

To close this already long post, I just want to mention that I've already quickly learned that this dating life is just one big, giant roller coaster of emotions; ups and downs, highs and lows. Too bad I'm not a huge fan of roller coasters, but apparently I've never been a fan of dating either. So sit back, strap yourself in and hold on tight! -Roses 

[rosesareread97]

"Moved On"

Why is dating such an emotional roller coaster?! I’ll never understand it. I don’t know how people have done this “thing” for centuries. I am literally at a loss at every turn. For those completely confused I recently started an adventure in online dating. I barely know how to date in the “normal” way. Ya know like meeting people organically in the real world. But then throw in the Internet and Emojis and….what is life?! 😳 every misused comma, inappropriate capital letter and time stamp just takes this dating game to the next level. Then throw in the fact that you know everything about a person before you’ve even been in the same room with them and you’ve got one hell of a list of feels happening. For example, I recently had been texting a “friend” I met online and was getting excited about where it was going because he kept wanting to meet but the timing was never right. Then by the Grace of God we finally pick a day and time….and the day we’re set to meet, I never hear from him. All weekend. STOOD UP. And then his online profile suddenly disappears and I’ve been graciously told by this online gem of a message that my “friend” has “Moved On”. What. The. Heck. The guy whose idea it was to hang out and be all cutesy with me, literally just vanished?? Say whaaaaa?! What did he move to Antartica?! Is he sailing around the world with his dog?! Did he catch some third world disease?! No friends. Lo and behold his phone was just broken. Which doesn’t exactly explain a whole lot but who am I to judge. These dates don’t come around too often for me so I should be ok with it right?! Ehhhh, we’ll see what happens. Till the next drop on this roller coaster….Roses.

[rosesareread97]

That date life tho!

Someone told me I should start blogging about the stories and background of my dating life, or lack there of. Haha This is the beginning of that. I’ve never blogged but wanted to start a new adventure this year and thought this would be a great opportunity. So sit back and hold on tight because adventures in dating is about to BEGIN!! 💁💄💋💏⁉️