note: not very proud of this, but i wanted to write something not as detailed as i usually do :)
Bezz thinks it's a little hard to understand Cele sometimes. He thinks he should be good at it by now, growing up together and dating for a few years, but Cele can still be so enigmatic, a little closed off. It's not hard to guess the facile emotion he may be feeling, especially when Cele is sulking, it shows up fairly easily. But it's hard to get inside his brain, understand what caused it or how it really makes Cele feel, hard to understand what he's thinking, how he's dealing with it.
None of the guys really suspected anything, not even Bezz, not until Cele started drifting away, fading out of the picture by choice. They were a little too preoccupied with their own shit during the season, trying to make time for each other, but ultimately a little lost in their own stuff.
Bezz would check in, taking the feeble responses and excuses without much thought when he should've dug deeper. Cele always relents if he's persistent enough. And it's not like Cele was dying, or planning to, but he was almost withering away by the time Bezz grew concerned enough to pry. Bezz had every right to pry, that kind of came with the ordeal of a relationship and caring about someone, but Cele was more independent and Bezz was trying his best to respect it. In the end, he felt like maybe he respected it too much, it probably wouldn’t have gotten so bad with more insistent check-ins.
It wasn't until Bezz's routine started feeling void of the Cele shaped presence that he took a more physical approach than just texting and calls or facetime while Bezz cooked for himself and Rubik. One day Bezz just showed up at Cele's place, concerned with the slight reluctance he was met with when he brought up the proposal to come over.
Cele was never particularly tidy with his spaces, liked to keep them 'lived in', but this was just. Different. Dirty clothes on the floor, unmade bed, days old dishes waiting to be washed in the sink. Cele didn't look his best either. Paler than normal, curls wild and grown out, unshaved beard. It made Bezz's heart break, something in his chest tightening at the thought of Cele – his Cele – suffering in silence as they all went about their lives, taking his lackluster excuses at face value.
Bezz wanted to cry, but he couldn't. Not when Cele was fidgeting around like he should've even felt guilty about anything. He helped clean the place up, took the medication off Cele's nightstand with shaky hands. Bezz couldn't even read it properly, thought he really might cry if he read what it really was. But the bottles and weird names were telling enough, Bezz was somewhat familiar with it all. They prescribed him all kinds of different shit when he was having a hard time getting his head in order earlier in the season.
They showered together, Cele practically melting against Bezz's chest the whole time. It must've been so relieving, finally getting to bask in the physical contact, the closeness, the care. Bezz sat him down on the bathroom counter after, gently held Cele's face as he shaved his scruffy beard. It immediately made Cele look younger, a little more alive and Bezz could already see the life coming back to Cele's face, eyes. It was nice. Getting to take care of him, even if he should've done it sooner.
With the blinds wide open, the fall brightness filtering into Cele's apartment, everything was coming back to life. Bezz's boy was coming back to life. Coming back to him.
Cele wasn't that good with opening up about his feelings, clearly, but they talked about it, kind of. Cele was a little more lively after they ate, ordering take out because the kitchen pretty much only housed redbulls and ingredients that Bezz wasn't qualified enough to craft into a meal. They migrated to Cele's bed after, fresh sheets and all, Cele's head pillowed on Bezz's chest, talking quietly about it all, Bezz finally deciding to push a little. He wanted to understand.
A few weeks passed. The guys were clearly happy to have Cele around again, checked in more, Bezz could see that Cele liked it even if he didn't let on. He fucked his collarbone at the last race, Bezz made sure he was there to take care of him. They barely spent time apart, but it was good.
The season's over and they're pretty much glued together, apart from the occasion plans that Bezz's friends make and invite him along, Cele has his own stuff too. But they wake up together and they fall asleep together, they take Rubik out for walks. They meet up with the guys and it's good, it's normal again.
Cele is half on top of Bezz again, one arm around his waist, cheek squished against Bezz's pec. It's pretty fucking cold in Cele's apartment so it feels cozy to be like this, all tangled together like they're one creature. Bezz plays with the curly strands of Cele's dark hair, he thinks he really likes the length. Long, but not too wild. Cele doesn't have to wear the sling anymore, still, his doctor told him not to put too much stress on the injury. Bezz doesn't think Cele will listen to the doctors though.
They've been in this position for ages, talking and just. Enjoying each other. Rubik is sleeping in his fluffy dog bed and Bezz loves this, it feels so perfect and domestic that he could cry.
"Want to go for a walk?" he asks when they've been silent for a while.
"Yeah. Okay," Cele mutters an answer, but doesn't make any move to get up for a while, not until Bezz starts untangling their legs.
He's wearing Bezz's hoodie, soft and clearly loved, big on Cele just like it is on Bezz and everything about it just compels Bezz to draw him closer, kissing him easily, softly.
They go outside and it's cold, a little windy, already dark outside even though it's not even that late. Cele's wearing a light blue puffer jacket, celeste. It matches Bezz's, although his is camo print. They hold hands as they make their way through the quiet street, talking about whatever. Bezz doesn't remember the last time life felt so right.
The skatepark is empty even though it's not that cold yet. Bezz tugs Cele towards the tallest ramp, runs up and sits on the edge, waits for Cele to do the same. Cele tries, but doesn't gather enough momentum, slides back down and he laughs, bright and easy. It's so fucking nice. Hearing Cele laugh like this. The next time he succeeds, sits down beside Bezz and they're both smiling at each other, leaning towards each other for a kiss.
Bezz reaches into his pocket, there's a brand new pack of cigarettes, still in the plastic wrapping and all, that he bought this morning, intending to share with Cele. It's unhealthy, but it's almost like a treat now, not like a good few weeks ago when he was chainsmoking during the early stages of the whole recovery thing for Cele. It was hard. It's better now, so much better. They only smoke together, it’s easier to lose the habit that way.
His lighter has a little scorpion sticker on one side, a wave sticker on the other. Cele holds his cigarettes between his index and middle fingers, palm open – Bezz read somewhere that it must mean Cele's a dreamer. He thought that was fairly accurate. Bezz holds his cigarettes like they're a joint or something, Cele teases him for it. They hold hands, fingers intertwined and resting on Bezz's thigh.
The ashes fall down the ramp, the skaters will be fine, the wind will scatter them. When they slide down, they stand there for a moment and Cele starts rubbing his hands together, always running colder than Bezz. He takes Cele's hands and blows warm air on them, can smell the lingering smoke on their hands and it's kind of lovely, he finds that he likes the smell.
It's properly dark outside when they get back to Cele's apartment. Bezz puts on a shitty TV drama and they settle on the couch, Cele curling up against his side again like it's his natural position. Maybe it is because Bezz likes holding Cele, sharing kisses whenever he turns his head. Rubik is a warm, solid weight on the other side of Bezz. Cele plays with the frayed strings of Bezz's hoodie, something for his nervous hands to busy themselves with.
Life is good and Bezz really loves Cele. He loves him so much that he could never put it into words. But it's okay, they have some weird silent connection, Cele understands him and Bezz is starting to crack the deeper codes that reside in Cele's subconsciousness.
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