seeing red again @rotclaw - Tumblr Blog

nox

draws sometimes • likes red things

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butterbean has passed away.

#rottext #we don't know what happened. i checked on her and she was gone.#butterbean

figured i might as well post an update because i've been silent again

the anxiety episode i went through trained my brain to be uncomfortable in my house and with my boyfriend. i feel like i've fallen out of love, but i'd never leave JD. at least, i don't think i would. sometimes i contemplate taking a break but he's trying so hard and being so loving and compassionate that i just feel fucking awful for the fact that my brain does not want to cooperate

i'm at my lowest point right now. i barely have any willpower to function properly, i have no drive to get anything done in the house, and i just haven't been able to draw a thing. no interest in reading or watching anything, don't want to talk to people. i almost wonder if i should go inpatient again because this is absolutely horrible.

i'm on two antidepressants and an antipsychotic. i do wonder if that's contributing to the numbness of it all, but i'm afraid to stop taking them

i'm sorry for being so nothing right now.

#rottext #personal stuff

so i have a tremor now, either from a new med i'm on or just..randomly. art has to be put on hold for the time being until things get figured out. it's a huge bummer to say the least :[

#rottext #i do not like feeling like this. at all. it's scary

alright we're good, it's nox again

ignore any messages you got from this account recently

#to prove it's nox. uhh #i really love halloween acaras #and the new dragon breed on FR rules #rottext

went inpatient at a mental hospital for 40 days lol

#i hope i'll be alright but the anxiety made me want to fucking kill myself fr #rottext

okayy so i'm going through a super awful anxiety episode. hard to sleep, something keeps me up every time, whether that's my head or my stomach or shaking

it used to just be bad at night but now i'm waking up and anxious thoughts are there..my stomach muscles are tight today. i'm trying breathing and calming reassurances but jesus it feels useless sometimes

anyone else gone through this kind of thing? like for weeks or longer. the anxiety makes me question things like, my routine and stuff. things i know never bothered me in the past. i'm signed up for some kind of anxiety managing class which starts in a few days but it's hard to keep my mind occupied until then so i guess i just need some reassurance :{

#rottext #i wonder if this happened because i accidentally quit a med cold turkey. but the med isn't usually associated with withdrawal from that so #it's also really hard to eat anything. i don't have standard nausea but my stomach wants nothing

for whatever reason lately i've been having killer insomnia. my brain is so aware of itself trying to fall asleep so i'll just be awake for hours in bed, getting so close and then snapping out of it

i mean, it's probably tied into the awful horrible anxiety i have at night now, but like.. it's so bad, man. i am exhausted

like i wonder if this is all because of that pituitary thing but i also wonder if there's more going on that i don't know about

#even after taking my anti anxiety meds i can be awake shivering from anxiety #and i hate taking them too often because i do not want to build a dependency #but i have no other choice or i'll feel like i'm actually actively dying #rottext #for reference it's 6 am and i went to bed around midnight #there's literally nothing happening. why do you have to be so anxious. shut UP

finally cancelled premium on neopets after all these years

the site exhausts me now.

#i could complain about every little thing that's been bothering me but that would be most everything they're doing right now lol.#it makes me so sad. at least i have honst in spirit #rottext

hi i'm still alive

happy new year

cinnabar turned 4 on christmas

#also two days ago i found out there's a very small cyst or non-malignant mass on my pituitary gland #quite possibly the reason my anxiety has been so hard to manage this year #rottext #anyways. hoping to get back into drawing soon lmao

rexim-djm

it's so funny going through the flight rising tag on my blog and seeing the posts here and there about how i keep struggling with that double white. most difficult dragon to figure out because he has a million good looking options

#rottext