『🍬』To have asked Theo in this moment whether he still believed love was feasible, not for the person he was, but for the situation he was with Aleks, was to receive the same answer he would have always given, if he had the opportunity to speak at length. He realised the same chance was afforded to him here, with Aleks’ willing ear pressed to close to him - yet the very words he knew he ought to express were lost within the recognition of his circumstances. Why not bare himself to his friend? He’d already done it physically; why was the emotional layer so much more difficult for him? What piece was he missing?
More importantly… why does it matter whether or not Aleks knows what he’s done, what he’s been through? The more he mulls over the now-squandered opportunity for absolute secrecy, the confession inherent that he was a bad person… and the knowledge that Aleks had revealed much the same… it made no sense to him. Secrecy afforded him nothing, yet truth was an idea forever out of his reach.
All his offer gets, then, is a soft hum of acknowledgement - a wry smile making its way onto his face. “Yeah, okay. Whatever you say.” At last his arms are able to wriggle free - immediately finding their place on his hips as though they always belonged there. A single eye looks him up and down - seeing the thinly-veiled pain in his smile with so much ease. “Hey… don’t be upset. It’s not your fault I’m like this, I just got shit to work through.” And yet, as always, the priority lies within his vices as he offers the only form of comfort he knows.
“… hey. Would a kiss make you feel better?”
there is so much in theo's gaze that he does not understand ( and oh, how he hates not understanding. ), layers of turmoil and heartache that just . . stayed there, right beneath the surface, just barely out of sight. aleksandr softly inhales as he feels theo's hands upon his hips── it only takes him a moment to understand such a gesture. he finds himself having no words to say, there is just a lingering feeling of sad longing that rests like a weight on his chest── hands travel gently up his friend's neck, thumb grazing the line of his jaw before his fingers lift to softly cup the sides of theo's face.
❛ i'll be here for you, ❜ he assures him softly, leaning forward slowly, head tipping forward to gently rest his forehead against theo's. ❛ you can tell me whatever . . and it . . just doesn't matter, because . . i like being a - around you, and i wanna stay by your side, ❜ words are soft spoken, their lips just barely ghosting together before he closes the space between them finally. ❛ just . . let me stay by your side, okay? ❜
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