musebyanyothername·: @musebyanyothername·
“I didn’t realize that you were starting to see this as somethingthat was hard.” Nathan’s voice was soft as he let Arden rest against him. Hehad noticed the way his partner retreated back, putting more of himself intowork than he did their relationship, though Nathan had tried to ignore it – he hadtried. Then a hint of jealousy has set in and suddenly it was too hard to ignoreany longer. “I guess…yes, it’s gotten sort of hard, but I think it’s only beenas hard as it’s been because we don’t talk about what is bothering us anymore,Arden. We don’t actually share things. We just…go to work and then come homeand act like zombies around each other.”
He was guilty of it too, Nathan knew that. He too had ahabit of giving his all at work and then coming home with nothing to share withhis partner. No energy, no time, nothing. That needed to change. “I think,maybe, we need to stop wondering about the days of the future, that moment whenwe’ll have that perfect relationship and that nice life, and focus on what wehave now. Because…I think, if we don’t, we won’t ever have that because we’regoing to lose what we have now completely.”
Leaving Arden was the last thing he wanted to do, but healso knew that continuing on like this wasn’t in his best interested either. Heloved Arden more than anything. Nathan was happiest when he was with the otherman, but lately everything had just seemed wrong in a way that theirrelationship had never seemed before. “I admire your passion for work, Arden. Ireally do, I just…want some of that passion for myself too. And you’re right, Ihaven’t made any moves towards you out of my own silly hears of rejections.That too will change. I will give you the attention you deserve whenever youare around.”
This was the work they'd been avoiding. This was the painful part that they hadn't shared with each other. It had hidden beneath every interaction, every text message, and festered into toxicity. It wasn't what Arden ever dreamed or wanted for his relationship and he never wanted to treat Nathan this way. They'd just not communicated. “It didn't used to feel hard,” he said quietly. Things had obviously changed between them at least in some marginal sense. Before they would've had no troubles being so open with each other.
“I don't want...you to be afraid of me.” Arden peered into Nathan's eyes. “When did that happen, huh?” There was pain in Arden's gaze. “When did you get afraid to just come to me? Or touch me? What...did I do?” They weren't doing an autopsy on their relationship. Arden had to remember that. They were still in this. These types of questions were where the healing began. “Is it because of Brandon?” He was always careful not to be flirty with his boss' assistant when Nathan came to see him but that didn't mean Arden didn't wear the friendship on him when he saw a text from Brandon or told a story about his friend.
He reached out for Nathan's hand. “You have to know there's nothing going on there. I would never...” Arden shook his head. “I get lonely. Sometimes I feel hurt.” He breathed. “But I would never do that to you.” Arden cupped Nathan's cheek and stroked his jaw his thumb. “I have passion for you. I'm...I'm sorry...I haven't shown it.” He pressed a gentle kiss to Nathan's lips and let his flat palm slide down the man's abdomen, just absolutely happy to feel him there, firmly in the room with Arden and not packing to leave.
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