If I Hadn’t
If I hadn’t
(Note of precaution: This is a long read as I reflect on my life as a full-time housewife for the last eight months, an expectant mama and a budding digital entrepreneur.)
As I was preparing our November budget, it came to mind how different our circumstances would be had I not lost my job early this year. If I am still employed to this date, would I be able to muster the courage to venture out on my own to do this digital marketing business?
Perhaps not. In all honesty, I found working 9 to 5 and getting my pay check at the end of each month a lot easier than hustling it on my own and putting myself out there to convince people that what I am doing is something worth their while.
If my job wasn’t made non-essential, I would have stuck to my old routine of waking up, dragging myself to work 40 hours a week and try to live life on weekends in between household chores. It is easier, economically speaking, since there are two incomes coming in each month to get the bills paid, send support back home and a spare to stash away for our future and some to spend leisurely.
But if I hadn’t lost my job, will I be experiencing this kind of euphoria brought by the little life growing steadily inside my tummy? Perhaps if I was still working to date, I wouldn’t feel as heavy as I’m feeling today because my body is too stressed out to conceive and carry a baby just like in the past years. Or if I was able to conceive while I’m still tied up to a full-time job would I be able to enjoy an uncomplicated pregnancy journey? Maybe not. It would have been worrisome to be constantly out in the public and expose myself and my unborn child to the menace of the corona virus.
If I hadn’t heeded my husband prodding and started my online business, I certainly would have saved a lot of money, time and effort. I wouldn’t have to worry about creating contents that I wasn’t even sure if it pique the interest of those who happens to see it; or wake up in the wee hours of the morning worrying if my ads are working or not. But then again, not doing this business wouldn’t give me a sense of purpose and accomplishment that I am doing something for my own personal development and to provide a better life for my family.
In this kind of business, people only see the success and triumph of those who dared to take the unconventional path. But behind those milestones and celebrations are unspoken struggles, constant battle with self doubt and bouts of frustrations; which we learned to shove at the back of our minds in order to face on the challenges before us. After all we have a business to run and a life to live.
For every business owner whether it’s traditional or digital business it is always “business as usual.” We don’t let negativity of failure engulf and paralyze us instead we let it be the pulley to to haul us upward to the top.
A lot of things have changed in the last seven to eight months. Our monthly income has gone down exponentially but we learned how to manage our finances more efficiently and have a clearer grasp of where we want to be, economically speaking in the coming years. In a few weeks, we will become a family of three with the arrival of our baby Z. There will be a lot of adjustments, learnings and a complete shift in priorities. Every decision we make from now on will revolve around the welfare of this precious little one who was entrusted by God to us. It is no longer about us or what we want for ourselves but what would benefit and what is good for our child.
If I were to ask myself again, do I feel sad about losing my job or do I regret joining this digital business community? I wouldn’t outrightly say no, for there are still times that I feel that having the extra paycheck will be a lot of help especially at this time and that I can do away with the stress of having to come up with a content that will appeal to my target audience. But at the end of the day, I know I am where I am supposed to be. The Lord, brought me here for a reason and that reason is to enrich myself with new learnings, empower other people to dream big and elevate the quality of life, not only of family but of my community as well.
The road to success may be long, winding and crooked but as cliche as it goes, “the tougher the journey, the sweeter the victory.” I won’t mind losing sleep raking my brain for concept and planning on what to do to better cater to my audience if the end result is having the time to spend with my love ones and the chance to make our dreams come true and help others achieve theirs too.