Speaking of vulnerability and Caitlyn.
I glossed over it in my previous analysis, but there's so much more i want to say.
I think my limited explanation and examples make it seem like when i talk about "real" Caitlyn, i'm talking about Nice Caitlyn. and whenever she's Not Nice, it's a mask.
it's actually much more complicated than that. The question you should be asking yourself when watching any scene with Cait, is how emotionally open she is. if it seems like she's holding her honest emotions back, it's the mask, and if she isn't, she's exposing her "real self".
another thing to mention is that Caitlyn's real self also got layers to it (BARE WITH ME PLEASE). being 'open and honest' and being 'emotionally vulnerable' are 2 different things. real Caitlyn is genuinely empathetic to other people. many characters got to see that side of her, especially in S1.
her being a warm, empathetic, honest person doesn't stop her from also being emotionally repressed. basically, when it's about other people's emotions, she'll gladly listen and offer support. when it's about her own emotions, especially when they leave her feeling vulnerable- she bottles up. So while all of the above are also "true" Caitlyn, only Vi gets to really see Caitlyn fully- by choice, as Caitlyn only really lets herself open emotionally with Vi.
here's an interesing example
This is 'real' Caitlyn, though she's desperately trying to put the mask on. Vi's betrayal hit her so hard she can't seem to properly get back behind it for most of the scene. She's on the verge of tears, and she actually lets herself be vulnerable for a second- admitting her hope that Vi was "different". but like i stated before, Caitlyn doesn't like feeling exposed. the betrayal shattered her trust in Vi, and so she tries to wall herself off. by the end of the scene, she stops speaking altogether, keeps her back turned to Vi, and leaves before she breaks down in front of her. She doesn't let Vi see her cry anymore.
'Real' Caitlyn privledges revoked. the mask is back on, and Vi is denied any further access.
I think we can all agree that is the least nice Caitlyn has been in the series. but she's also entirely emotionally genuine here, even vulnerable, despite trying not to let it show.
it actually leads to an interesting reading on the last thing she tells Vi before their seperation. What does she mean when she says "I keep telling myself that youre different"? A common reading is "I thought you were different from your sister, but you're made from the same cloth"- which based on what she says immediately after ("it's her blood in your veins") is probably what the writers were going for. But let me offer you another interpertation.
when you consider Vi being the only person in Caitlyn's life who ever really saw Caitlyn for who she is, how she's the only person Caitlyn lets herself be herself around, this could mean "I thought you accept me for who i truly am, unlike everyone else in my life". Bare in mind, despite Caitlyn being all over the place in the first act, and in universe she's acting "out of character", Caitlyn herself doesn't see it that way. her emotions, as negative and toxic as they are, are honest and real. and isn't Vi the one place Caitlyn can be real in? yet, in a very short period of time, Vi questions Caitlyn's moral judgement, questions her aiming ability, and compares Caitlyn to someone who Caitlyn sees as a monster. the first 2 especially are very important to Caitlyn, as she prides herself for her sense of justice and her aim. Vi seems to not trust Caitlyn with those topics anymore. therefore, in Cait's eyes, Vi rejects "the real Caitlyn".
Caitlyn is so reeled by this rejection that she decides to zero in on the other version of her- just be who everyone expects her to be. Because what's the point of being herself if the only person who loved her for it rejected her? and so, her act 2 spiral began.
There are 2 other scenes i want to point out in which Caitlyn talking about her emotions, without actually being vulnerable.
Caitlyn talks to Jayce about seeing the body of her dead mother, and how it makes her feel-
only to immediately cut this off with talking about how much she fucking hates Jinx and wants her dead. she doesn't let herself sit in the vulnerability of the first admission, or let Jayce comfort her. she moves on so she can hide behind her anger.
while Caitlyn's anger is genuine, it is an emotion she defaults to so she doesn't have to be vulnerable. We saw it when she tried to hide behind it in the breakup scene in the sewers. It appears in several other scenes:
"I don't need charity, councilor. Yours or my parents" Caitlyn is hurt by Jayce babying her and siding with her parents on her career choice. Instead of expressing that she retaliates with cold aggression.
"I knew it was a mistake trusting you!" Is an accusatory way of saying "i trusted you and played me for a fool"
"You think I'm so daft I can't recognize a contingency? She wasn't there for my benefit, she was there in case I wouldn't follow through!" Is an accusatory way of saying "i trusted you and you kept me in the dark"
"a memorial... what type of.... ANIMALS" Caitlyn's clearly distraught by the attack, so she starts getting angry and aggressive to cover up how helpless she feels. (Vi clocks that immediately and Caitlyn soon breaks and lets herself be vulenrable for real)
"No good deed can undo our crimes!" Caitlyn is disappointed in her past mistakes, and she hides it behind her anger at Jinx again.
This last scene, however, does have Caitlyn offer a sliver of vulnerability.
techically Caitlyn's almost talking to herself here, seeing how unresponsive Jinx is for most of the scene. it's even framed like a confession booth. But regardless, it's probably the most vulnerable she's been with anyone other than Vi. with JINX of all people. crazy, but i guess thematically fitting. and of course, she immediately goes to leave afterwards, because the moment she lets her guard down for even a second she has to eject herself from the situation asap.
That's what i meant when i said that Caitlyn rarely lets herself be truly vulnerable. even all the way back in S1 she didn't let people who are close to her an access to that side of her, and that was before the trauma and grief made it worse. even with Vi, Caitlyn rarely expresses her vulnerability in words, and when she does, it's indirect or all over the place. Its clearly something she's not versed in.
