Imagine having to choose between Jared and your fiancé
I finish sending the last email, almost throwing my laptop across the room so I wouldn’t have to answer any more questions about Jared’s schedule. It’s almost 6 in the afternoon and I should have been at home at five. Jared still hasn’t appeared and his inbox fills way too fast for me to handle it.
When I hear the front door shut, I sigh in relief, one more minute and I would have gone crazy.
“What are you doing here? People are going to think I exploit you!” Jared laughs, entering the room with bags from Whole Foods, “You look really tired”
I am. But I just forget about everything the minute his eyes lay on mine. I start playing with the ring on my hand, remembering why I can’t allow myself to get consumed by his gaze and the way his body reacts to my intent of distraction.
“Well, you look even prettier when you are tired” He says, leaving his bags on his desk, I can feel all the air in my body stopping, not being able to continue its course, “How is that even possible?”
You can’t, I start saying to myself, stop it.
“Sometimes, when you find something that lightens your day, even the most tired people can… Glow”
Oh no, you did not just say that. So silly.
I can notice a small change on the way his jaw tightens, I know I’m saying this words because of him, but he doesn’t seem to get it. His head points to my hands, and a forced smile appears on his lips.
“You going out with… What’s his name?”
“Kevin” I answer, even though I’m sure he knows my fiancé’s name.
“Right” He sighs, still on his feet by his desk, “What time? Because it’s already 6 o'clock”
I check the clock on my wrist, I have an hour and a half to go home and get ready. Enough time to be able to stay for an extra couple of minutes in here.
“7:30” I say getting on my feet.
We share another look before changing our gaze completely. I save my laptop on my bag, check my phone, put my jacket on, but I’m still not ready to go. Everyday was the same. I would be happy at home, spending the night with Kevin, waking up in the morning to have breakfast together. But then, I would have to come here, hating myself half of the day, not believing the way my heart would race whenever my boss was near me. And by the time I had to go home, go back to my fiancé, to my reality, I just wouldn’t want to leave.
“I’ll see you monday morning“ I mutter, adjusting the bag on my shoulder.
Jared is now sitting on his desk, displaying all his food. His head raises to look me in the eyes, a small smile appearing on his lips. I know I’m smiling too, and it makes me feel like an idiot.
You’re engaged, you’re engaged…
“Have fun tonight“ He says, but I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t really mean it.
I nod, spending at least a whole more minute just staring at him. I have to stop, this is becoming really creepy.
By the time I decide I really need to leave, my phone starts buzzing. Kevin’s name appears on the screen, and I ignore the phone call till I’m inside my car. He sounds so happy, as always, and I try to imitate his tone as best as I can.
Once I get home I start getting ready for my date. A quick shower, dry my hair, pick my outfit and finally make up. My mind should be busy with the task at hand, but I can’t keep Jared’s smile off my head. I start wondering about him. Is he eating alone or did he invite someone else? A friend? A… lover?
The thought makes me uneasy, and I try to find an excuse to just give him a call, something that I forgot to tell him, or something that I may have left on my desk. Anything. By the time I dial his number I still don’t have an excuse, but I’m doing it anyway.
“It’s almost 7:30” He says from the other side of the line.
“I know” I mutter, giving another look at my ring, “I’m ready”
“Loverboy hasn’t appeared yet?”
I stay quiet for a couple of seconds, processing his almost angry tone of voice and the fact that he just called Kevin “Loverboy”.
“He’s on his way” I mutter.
The silence that comes after my answer is awkward, and I just want to punch myself in the face for calling Jared before my date.
“I think I forgot my… my…” I stutter, trying to think of something, when the thought of actually forgetting something at his house takes over my mind, “My glasses, I think they are in the kitchen”
I hear how he stands from whenever he’s sitting; his steps, the sound of a door, more steps. My doorbell rings right at the moment I hear the sound of the phone being put back on his ear.
“Good, can I go pick them up?” I ask, starting to walk towards the door.
“Now?” He asks laughing, and the sound of the ring makes him shut, “I think loverboy arrived”
“I have to go, thanks, Jared”
I hang, avoiding hear him say goodbye. I sigh deeply before having the guts to open the door, and change my expression of disappointment to complete happiness.
I’m engaged, I repeat myself.
Kevin doesn’t notice how distracted I am during our way to the restaurant, or how I avoid looking him in the eyes. I feel guilty for having another man in my mind, for wishing it was Jared who was in the car with me. But the night goes on, and I hear him talk about work, and how Jay, his best friend, almost broke a leg trying to get a date with one of their co-workers.
In the middle of dinner, the topic of our marriage starts coming out. Kevin has found a venue and wants me to see it, he thinks that it would be a bit small for all the people we want to invite, but he thinks we can handle it.
I nod, feeling a strange pinch on my chest. Kevin starts to notice how distant I’m being, and I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. The bathroom is not empty, and the eyes of a girl go straight to my face. I don’t know her, but a smile appear on her lips.
I nod, taking my phone out of purse, I have a text from Jared and I’m too on edge to read it right this second.
“I think my boyfriend is going to propose” The girl says, and the black mane falls covering her eyes when she lowers her head, “I’m not ready”
“Why not?” I ask her, leaning on one of the sinks.
“I’m not sure I love him enough to spend the rest of my life by his side” The girl confesses, and the familiarity of the situation makes me gasp, “I love him, I know I do. But what if I say yes and I end up finding the right one when it’s already too late?”
Why know? Right when my mind is already too busy with my own situation.
“If you say yes, and you find the one, what would you do?” I ask her, and I can feel the trembling on my voice.
“I don’t know, what else could I do but make the right decision for my heart?”
I nod, changing my gaze from the girl to my phone, deciding to read Jared’s message.
“Tell loverboy that if he doesn’t buy you champagne and strawberries, tells you how much he loves you, and ends the night with the best sex someone could ever offer, I’m taking you away from him”
“You’re crying” I hear the girl whisper.
I nod, “I think I have to make the right decision for my heart”
“Me too” She says, walking towards me to hold my hand, “Wish me luck”
“Break a leg” I mutter, squeezing her hand for a second.
The nameless girl leaves the bathroom, leaving me alone with my tears. I let them free for a few seconds, finally deciding it’s time to make the right decision.
I don’t even dry the tears, or reapply my make, before I get out of the bathroom. Kevin is finishing his glass of wine when his eyes lay on the state of my face.
“Oh my, did something happened in the bathroom? Are you alright?”
I shake my head, taking my seat in front of him.
I’m engaged, I tell myself, but I just don’t want to be.
“Please, tell me what’s going on, you’re scaring me”
I stay in silent, but my eyes fall to my hands. I play one last time with my ring, taking it off to place it in front of him. Kevin’s eyes dance from my face to the ring, and a nervous laugh escapes his lips.
“I can’t do it” I whisper, “I’m so sorry, Kevin, I can’t”
I stand from my seat, leaving a quick kiss on his forehead before walking outside the restaurant. I’m shaking, my whole body is trembling and I just want to run away from there. I catch the cab I get a glimpse of, almost shouting the address to the driver.
I read Jared’s message another time, thinking of a way to answer it, but there are no words for this. So I just wait.
The driver announces that we have reached destination a few minutes after my almost breakdown. I thank him, giving him a generous tip for having to deal with me in this situation. I stand in front of the door, thinking of ways to explain what I’m doing there when I was supposed to be having dinner with my fiancé. Well, ex fiancé.
I decide that if I don’t right that doorbell right this second, I may end up taking another cab home. I can hear the footsteps on the other side of the door, and Jared’s image appears in front me. He’s shirtless, only wearing pajama pants, and I can feel my soul falling to the ground.
“Hey” I mumble, folding my arms over my belly.
“You came for your glasses?” He asks, and I can see the glimpse of a smile.
Jared moves from the door to let me in. When the door shuts behind me, it’s just a matter of seconds before my back is leaning against it. Jared’s body is pressed against mine, his nose caressing my temples.
“Your hand is lacking something” He mutters, and automatically, both of my hands reach for his neck, “I like it”
I use both of my hands to make his lips crash with my own. The kiss is desperate, his thigh getting position between my legs. I can’t even control my body, letting it do whatever it wants, following his movements.
“So…” He whispers out of breath, breaking our kiss to grab my hips, making me fold my legs on his hips, “Loverboy didn’t have champagne?”
“No, he didn’t” I laugh, reaching for his lips again.
“Then, I’m allowed to take you away from him?” He asks, cupping my face with one hand.
“I think you did that a long time ago” I mutter, before receiving another one of his deep kisses.
The kiss rapidly transforms into something else, and right there on the door, his pajama pants falls to the floor, and my dress and panties follow them. We can’t stop kissing, we have a magnet on our mouths that makes them play with each other, even when it gets harder. A moan makes me part from him when he starts filling me. I can feel the growing sensation of completeness in my chest, his body feeling as the missing piece of the puzzle that is my life.
My hands take hold of his arms, finding a way to make me follow his rhythm. His eyes hold my gaze, biting my lips, his hands clenching on my hips. This is everything I wanted, everything I needed, and he knows it.
I can hear myself screaming his name, but at the same time thinking that this is nothing but a dream. But this is real. I know it. I can feel his orgasm and mine crushing in one single moment.
From the moment our lips touched I knew I had make the right decision. But now, looking at his eyes shine, his lips forming a smile just for me, I am completely sure I made the right decision for my heart.
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