hiii!! i wanted to make a little get to know me post for anyone who stumbles across my blog! i barely post my own posts on here but i am very active and will always respond if anyone ever wants to talk or gossip or whatevsies!
Hi!! My name's Shayla! (pronounced sh-ay-luh, yes the same as the my shayla meme) I'm 21 from England! Im currently an undergraduate student nurse! nursing has been a passion of mine for quite some time now - i love to help people and make a difference both big and small but also the human body never ceases to amaze me and i hope one day im clever enough to graduate and know what the hell im doing hahhaa. my absolute dreaaaaaam job is to be a burlesque dancer but maybe in another life!! Im actually a trad goth but i thought id use a more "normal" photo for people to actually see what i look like i guess? i love being goth, it feels so right, feels like home and just makes me so confident in ways i could never put into words. gothic music, literature, fashion, politics all of it makes me who i am and i couldnt be more prouder of myself for staying true to who i am!! it hasnt always been easy!! My all time favourite artist is actually Ethel Cain, but omens forever have my heart! ive seen omens twice now, the first time when they supported bring me in 2023 and more recently on their uk leg of the DYFL tour! that was where noah noticed my sign for nick and came over to give me two picks, the photo of him smiling at me actually went kind of viral?? low-key my biggest flex in life but yes he was actually smiling at me hahahaha ! Ruffilo is my biggest lover and i feel like the only ruffilo girl online or at all for that matter (aside from Nadine of course) and I just want to spread some love and appreciation for him, listen i love Noah as much as the next girl but Nicholas has my heart entirely. my best friend is actually @runningincircl3s and i met her on tumblr not that long ago and we've been such great friends since !! i am so grateful for her!! we met up for our first and only time to see motionless in white together in february and i dont think ive ever laughed so much holy shit. ROLL ON DAYSEEKER AND SACE6!!! this girl just gets me and understands exactly the vibe and is the most INSANELY TALENTED WRITER EVER HELLO???? she inspires me so much and i have some drabbles on google docs (maybes ill actually write and post some day??) and i hope one day my blog can be the nick equivalent to hers but ill never be half as good since she is quite literally the best ive ever come across.
im not sure what else to say now lol but thats me!! please feel free to ask questions / talk to me / ask me in my chat box or even DM me!! im always happy to talk and meet new people <33
TW: mentions of self harm, suicide, home life problems, stalking(?).
it has come to my attention that an old friend has joined bad omens tumblr and I’d just like to make people aware of the person they really are. They are going by the username of @/bbimabadidea I am unsure of which pronouns they use nowadays so for now I’ll use gender neutral ones, since I am not looking for any drama or upset I just feel people need to know what this person is actually like. Please take the time to read 🤍
I met this person at a bad omens concert not too long ago and while they seemed nice at the time, after a few months of talking online their true colours showed. They would message me almost everyday and tell me about their home situation and how it wasn’t the best and how it made them want to k*ll themselves. They would constantly talk to me and say things like “it would be so much better if I wasn’t here” “I wish I didn’t exist” “I want to just sleep forever” “it’s okay, you knew a life before me and you’ll be able to move on”. As you can imagine this is very distressing, especially when it is a daily occurrence and we were long distance so for me to be supportive I had to stay up at night until around 6am to talk to them just to make sure they didn’t do anything. However a few of my other friend (who they also met at the omens gig) all collectively wanted to help and through a long conversation that ended up turning into an argument and us falling out, it turns out that this person was lying and “never meant any of it”. This person is an attention seeker, and will pry off the kindness of others. I tried my best to be this persons friend and be supportive of them but eventually cracks within stories began to show and things didn’t add up, which is why me and my friend has the big conversation and sort of confronted them about it all, to which the truth came out. This person also, I believe, is a pathological liar. They would tell me a lot of things which turned out never to be true. While trying to be supportive of them, no advice I gave or anything I said was the right answer and this person never actually wanted the help, which they admitted to. They admitted that they were just saying things and never meant any of it, however they never told me this until the large argument which made us fall out therefore I was of course very worried about my friend across the world hurting themselves and potentially ending their own life every day. This is a very distressing topic for me since I have lost family members to s*icide yet not once did this person ask me if it was okay to talk about these things, never checked in on my side of things, never thought about how it would make me feel and quite frankly I believe it is because this person is an attention seeker like I say, they love the attention they get and do not care about others feelings. It was an incredibly tough time they put me through since I already have / had a lot on my plate with being in university studying a harsh degree and my own problems such at home problems and mental health problems. Please know I did my best for this person but this person is twisted and mean and cruel and it truly broke my heart to realise this about someone I saw as a good friend. I tried to be there for them but I have my own personal boundaries, which they crossed numerous times however they put me in such a tough situation where I genuinely believed they were going to end their own life so I felt I could not say during the time, I don’t want to have this conversation anymore since that would make me feel like a horrible person and friend - to abandon someone while they’re (what I thought) reaching out for help, I couldn’t do it. I’d like to also mention, just to be safe, me and my friends noticed gaps within stories they told us and made us have the impression that they were actually stalking a guy they were talking to. They turned up to this guys place of work purely just to see him, which could be harmless however I believe this guy made it very clear he wasn’t interested since he would have this person left on delivered for numerous weeks / months so this is when this person turned up at his work just to see him - which happened a few times. Again I am not sure if this is classed as stalking but I do think it is a little creepy. I understand how much this person was interested in this guy however I think going out of your way to find someone at their place of work just to see them and do this numerous times is a little odd.
HOWEVER AGAIN - I do not know anymore what was true and what wasn’t, since this person is a pathological liar it leaves me second guessing everything they said.
Please understand, I am not wanting drama, upset or “beef” I simply want people to be aware of this person and their true colours so they do not put others through what they put me and my friends through. I am not one for online dramas however this person isn’t the kindest and I would hate for others to be in this situation.
If anyone has any problems, please feel free to DM me.
BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award you're supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing happens, but it's sweet to know someone thinks you're beautiful inside and out 💜
THIS IS SO KIND WTH?!!?? IM SORRY FOR BEING SO MIA!! I’m currently working 12 hour shifts so they’re wiping the floor with me but I finish my first placement in 4 weeks!! And best believe I will be back!! THANK U SO MUCH FOR THIS ITS SO APPRECIATED OMGG TY!!! 💕💕
warnings: the beginning of the end... a little violent? (pushing/shoving/hair pulling), mentions of alcohol, LIES, this is a little all over the place, my heart hurts
holy shit i didn't realise just how long it's been since i posted the last chapter? ALMOST TWO WHOLE MONTHS?? i'm just putting off writing the ending because it's gonna hurt (but trust me, everything will work out in the end <3) i still have a load of filler chapters i want to write!! i forgot just how many ideas i was sent but i can't wait to get around to writing them!!🥹
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
You and the girls had all agreed it had been far too long since you all got together to catch up, so that’s exactly what you were doing tonight. You bought pizza, Maya bought wine, and Jess invited you both over. At first she said Noah could join too, but you didn’t want that, you just wanted to be with your best friends. You wanted it to feel like it used to, when the three of you would stay up until the early hours of the morning giggling with each other, gossiping, bringing back up old stories from school. You promised them nothing would change now you and Noah were basically dating.
Though it felt like he was here with you anyway, with the amount of texts you were receiving.
Noah: I miss you :(
Noah: Hope you’re all having fun babe
Noah: Please don’t start drunk texting me though, I can never understand a thing you’re trying to say
You chuckled at his messages, before tossing your phone on to the coffee table carefully and turning back to the girls. Jess and Maya were both sitting on the couch, and you were more than happy to take the beanbag.
“So, how's loverboy?” Jess asked with a grin as she took a sip of her wine.
“He’s being clingy.” You sighed playfully, “I told him to go out with the guys or do something, but he’s at home writing or doing… whatever Noah does.”
“I can’t believe we’ve watched you go from hating this guy to being completely whipped-”
“I am not-”
“Admit it,” Maya smiled, “You’re a little whipped.”
You groaned, shaking your head.
“Can we please not use the word whipped… what happened to saying you just like somebody.”
“Oooh so you like him, huh? It seems a lot deeper than that to me.” Jess chuckled. “You spend all your time with this guy, you work with him, you go home with him- or he goes home with you- you smile like an idiot when you think about him, like you’re doing right now-”
“Shut up!” You grinned despite yourself
“Case closed.” Jess smiled triumphantly as she reached for another slice of pizza.
Everything felt normal… it all felt good again. You hadn’t had a night with your friends like this in too long, you’ve been too busy with work at the garage, too stressed with Steve being in the hospital… and then of course, there was Noah. Life had just gotten a little busy, but you made a promise that you’d never let anything ever get in the way of you and your best friends.
And two bottles of wine later, the topic of conversation came back to Noah.
“I’m serious though,” Jess said with a smile. “You two are literally made for each other…”
You groaned again, leaning back in the beanbag.
“Please stop. Can we talk about something else? How’s Sam?”
Jess ignored you completely, and Maya tilted her head slightly, watching you.
“So how did this even happen?” She asked. “The last time I remember we talked about him, you were calling him an idiot.”
“He is an idiot.” You said immediately.
Jess laughed.
“But he’s your idiot now.”
You pointed at her again.
“You are on thin ice tonight, Jessica.”
She raised her hands in surrender.
“Okay, okay. But seriously, remind us… because I still remember the first time you told us about him, you were like ohh there’s this new guy at work, he’s the most annoying person I’ve ever met.”
You rolled your eyes, though you couldn’t stop smiling.
“He was annoying- he still is.” You took another sip of your drink.
“Yeah, but… in a good way.” Jess giggled.
“In a good way.” You agreed around a mouthful of wine.
Maya tilted her head slightly.
“In a good way?”
You shrugged, trying to act casual even though your cheeks were starting to feel warm.
“Yeah, because even though he got under my skin and he knew it, he just… stuck around.”
Jess snorted.
“I mean it,” you said, sitting forward a little now. “Most people would’ve given up.”
Maya’s brows drew together slightly.
“Given up on what?”
“On me.” You said simply.
The room went a little quieter. You hadn’t meant to say it like that, but it was true. And you all knew it, and that’s why Jess’s expression softened.
“Hey-”
You shrugged again.
“I’m serious. I wasn’t exactly easy on him at the beginning. You guys know that.”
Jess laughed quietly.
“That’s one way to put it.”
“You hated him.” Maya added.
“I didn’t hate him… not really.”
“You said you did.”
You shook your head.
“Whatever happened in the beginning doesn’t matter now, because he proved himself.” You said after a moment, your voice softer now. “At first, I thought he was just this fuckboy. He was always talking about girls he’d slept with and what he did the night before- he even came into work one morning covered in hickies. But… I dunno. I guess I just warmed up to him in the end, because I saw through the fuckboy act… and I realised we were more alike than either of us thought...”
Maya watched you carefully.
“And that’s when you fell for him?”
You shook your head.
“No.”
“So when did it happen?” Jess asked curiously.
You thought about it for a second, and images flickered through your mind.
The day it rained when you were walking home from work and Noah insisted on driving you back, and he didn’t give up until you got in the car. When he asked for Maya’s number to make you jealous, but got yours in the end anyway. When your car broke down and he left a party to come and help you, to make sure you were safe. The time he stuck up for you when the rude customer came in, “you think I’d let anyone talk to you like that? Not a chance.” The night Steve locked you both in the garage overnight. When he picked you up from the bar when you were drunk and wanted to go home without ruining your friends' night. The business trip, the hotel room, losing your virginity to him. Sam’s halloween party- spending Noah’s birthday with him, buying him a cake, making him feel special… the way he held you when you cried outside the hospital. The way he told you he loved you.
Your lips curved into a small smile.
“I don’t think there was one particular moment. He just slowly became my favourite person.”
Jess clutched her chest.
“Oh that’s so sweet…” She pouted.
Maya swirled the wine- her fourth or fifth glass- slowly, and didn’t even look up when she spoke.
“And he treats you well?” She asked.
You looked up immediately.
“Yeah.” There was no hesitation. “Really well. Better than I even treat myself a lot of the time.”
Jess nodded approvingly.
“I always liked him, honestly. Even when he was fucking around with other girls in the beginning, I knew he would stop it all if you told him to.”
You blinked at her.
“You did?”
“Yeah,” she shrugged. “From the stories you told, it sounds a lot like he fell for you long before you even considered liking him.”
“You mean the ones where I complained about him constantly?”
“Yes!” She laughed. “And I realised as time went by that you were falling for him too...”
You snorted, about to shoot something back when your phone buzzed again, and Jess grabbed it before you could even move.
“HA!”
“Jess!”
She held the phone out of your reach, squinting at the screen.
“Oh my god.”
“What?!”
She read it out loud.
“You’re just gonna ignore me babe?- and there's another! Make sure you drink water after each glass of wine, don’t want you feeling like shit tomorrow. Aww! He’s babysitting you!”
“He is not.” You hissed.
Jess tossed the phone back to you.
“Text him back.”
You glanced at the screen, and started typing.
You: I’m fine, I can handle my drink
Noah: Sure, and that’s why I keep puke bags in my car huh?
You laughed under your breath, and set your phone back down on the table. Then Maya leaned back into the couch cushions again, watching you.
“So…” She said slowly, her cheeks pink from the wine.
You looked up.
“Yeah?”
“When did you realise you were actually… in love with him?”
The question made your stomach flip, and Jess’s eyes widened.
“Oh shit. Good question.”
You hesitated for a second, then let out a small breath.
“Well, we actually said it to each other… just a few weeks ago.”
Jess leaned forward eagerly.
“Huh? What happened?”
You stared down at your wine glass, smiling softly.
“We were at the hospital visiting Steve.”
Jess’s expression softened immediately.
“And I just… got overwhelmed.” You rubbed your thumb along the side of the glass. “I started crying and Noah was just so good with me… that’s when I really realised I loved him, and it… just slipped out.”
Jess gasped.
“You said it first?!”
“Yeah.” You nodded slowly, a little shy now under the attention.
Maya sat up a little straighter now.
“And he said it back?” She asked.
You glanced down at your glass for a second before looking back up, not even trying to stop the smile from spreading across your face.
“Yeah, he did.”
Jess couldn’t help but let out a delighted squeal, kicking her feet like a teenager.
“Oh my god, I love this! I love you two!!”
You groaned as you covered your face for a second while she laughed. But Maya didn’t laugh.
Because she felt her heart sink.
“Oh… really?” She asked slowly, quietly.
You frowned slightly at her tone.
“…Yeah?”
She leaned back against the couch, her expression unreadable. But in her chest, her heart was racing, adrenaline raced through her veins, and the feelings she had tried so so hard to push down were threatening to rise again. Despite her best efforts to hold it back, she felt it all at once. Guilt, anger, jealousy, sadness, confusion.
She didn’t think. She didn’t stop herself. The words came out before she could stop them.
“Well I guess his plan worked then.”
Your stomach dropped.
“His what?”
Maya shrugged casually. She told Noah that she wouldn’t tell you that they slept together. So instead, she decided she’d make something up, something even more painful, something she knew you’d never forgive him for. Something you’d believe.
“You know. His plan all along was just to get in your pants.”
Jess’s blood suddenly ran cold as she turned her head to face her.
“Maya, what the hell are you talking about?”
“You know it too, Jess. He told me to my face, he said he only wanted to fuck you because nobody else had. He didn’t want anything more, but you just got too attached, then your uncle got sick and he didn’t want to make himself look like an asshole. So he stayed. Not because he wanted to, but because he felt like he had to.”
You suddenly felt sick to your stomach.
…
Not too far away, Noah was at home. He was sitting in his bedroom, cross legged on his bed with his guitar in his lap. He was humming away to himself as he played, coming up with some ideas for new songs.
He’d been texting you all night- he knew he shouldn’t have, since you were spending the night with your best friends, but he was missing you already. God, you’ve completely taken over his brain.
He wasn’t quite sure when exactly he fell in love with you- it could’ve been the first time you ever called him annoying, or a bastard- but all he knew that he was in so deep now. He’s never felt this way really about anybody before. But you were just different.
He liked that you put up a fight in the beginning, he was so used to girls swooning over him, wanting to get him in their beds, they’d blush and giggle when he’d compliment them- but you would roll your eyes at him and tell him to fuck off. He still wondered to himself if you were playing hard to get all along, or if you genuinely didn’t like him in the beginning. Either way, his bed now smells like you, and he keeps a little basket of your things on his dresser for when you sleep over.
He was just hoping you’d be okay with the move.
He was looking at moving to LA for the band, and he found a nice apartment not too far from where his friends live. He was hesitant about it at first, since he’d gotten used to life here again. Originally, his plan was to come back to his hometown for a while, get a boring job and start saving up so he could move out there. He never in a million years thought he would’ve fallen in love here.
So he was going to ask you to come with him.
It wasn't definite yet, though. He wasn’t sure if he would get the place, but he’s already submitted the application, so he was waiting to hear back. He remembered the night of Sam’s halloween party, the way you told him you wanted to get out of this place one day and make a name for yourself, so he was going to ask you to come with him and offer you that opportunity. He was just afraid that with your uncle being sick, and having to run the shop essentially by yourself, that you’d say no- which was fine. He was perfectly happy doing a long distance relationship, but he just hated the idea of you being alone after a bad day, having nobody to cuddle with when you were sick, having nobody to hold you at night.
God, why did he have to fall for you?
He found himself distracted again, staring down at the guitar in his lap as he thought about it all.
If you moved out there with him, you could work for the band. They needed someone to help out with merch, or you could even help Matt-
But what if you wanted to do your own thing, separate from him? You were already so independent, who said you’d even want to work for the band?
Noah sighed, putting his guitar down and checking his phone again… but you hadn’t replied. He hoped you were having a fun night with your friends, talking about whatever girls talk about when they’re together…
…
“You’re lying to me.” You said, shaking your head, “Noah’s not like that! Why would he even talk to you about that...?”
“You wanna bet on that?” Maya scoffed.
“Look, can we not start this tonight?” Jess groaned, “I thought we were going to-”
“Sorry Jess, but it's not adding up. If she’s accusing my boyfriend of-”
“Oh so he’s your boyfriend now? I thought you two didn’t want to label it? What does that tell you about him?” Maya snapped back, a stupid smirk on her face that you wanted to-
“I was the one who didn’t want to put a label on it!”
“Really?” She crossed her arms over her chest, “And why’s that? Because you’re scared of this very thing? That he’ll break your heart when things start to get too real, because he didn’t give a shit from the beginning?”
You tried to tell yourself she was lying. Oh how you tried to tell yourself it wasn’t true… but that was the reason.
“And why are you only telling me all of this now?” You asked, already sounding a little defeated.
“Because I never thought you’d actually be so stupid as to fall for him!” She laughed, taking another sip of wine, “Guys like Noah don’t do relationships, they just to fuck and move on to the next when they’ve gotten what they wanted. Which is what Noah would’ve done, if you didn’t get too attached. I mean c’mon, you were playing hard to get in the beginning, he just wanted to know he could fuck you. You seriously think he actually loves you?”
Oh, that was it. That touched something deep inside you, just like she knew it would, and you snapped.
The glass in your hand hit the table a little harder than you meant for it to, the wine spilling over the rim as you rose to your feet.
“Say that again.” Your voice shook with nothing but anger, and Jess quickly raised her hands in the air.
“Hey, hey- let’s just calm down-”
But Maya was completely unfazed, she just leaned back, that smug look still sitting on her face like she wanted this reaction from you.
“I said,” she repeated slowly, “You seriously think he loves-”
Smack.
The sound echoed through the room before she could even finish what she was saying. You slapped her over the face so hard that her head turned to the side, and all that followed for a second was silence.
Until she opened her mouth to say something again- but you didn’t let her. She barely had time to react before you grabbed her by the front of her top, and yanked her forwards, dragging her up to her feet.
“What are you-”
“Don’t you fucking talk about him like that!” You hissed now that you were face to face. Your chest was heaving, but she still looked too unfazed. God you wanted to wipe that look off her face.
And as if she couldn't make it any worse, she just laughed...
“You’re pathetic.” She said, “You really think he-”
You didn’t let her finish. Instead, without realising you ever had it in you, your fist flew into her face, the sound of it echoing through the room as she stumbled back from the force of it. Jess gasped, loud and panicked, but afraid to get involved.
“Oh my god-”
Maya staggered, her hand flying up to her cheek, her eyes wide now- no longer smug or calm. But worse... angry.
She shoved you back hard, but it didn’t stop you, because you grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked hard. Pain shot through her scalp as her hands flew up to grab at your wrist, but you pulled again.
“You’re lying!” You cried, “You don’t even know him!”
“I know enough!” She snapped back, her voice sharp as he tried to pry you off of her, “More than you do apparently-”
“Shut up!” You shouted, pulling again, your grip tightening without even thinking.
“Get the fuck off me!” She yelled, and this time she grabbed your hair back.
You let out a pained groan, but you didn’t stop. The two of you just stood there for a second, locked like that- both angry, gripping each other, too far gone to stop. Under any other circumstance it may have looked hilarious, but right now you were just furious.
“Stop it!” Jess cried, rushing forwards, but neither of you listened.
“You really think you’re special?” Maya hiss through her teeth, tugging your hair again, “You think you’re the one he suddenly decided to change for?”
“Yes!” You shouted, your voice shaky, tears beginning to spill from your eyes, “I do!”
“Then you’re a fucking idiot!”
You couldn’t help but snap again, never have you ever been a violent person, but you shoved her as hard as you could. Her grip on you slipped as she lost her balance, stumbling backwards before going down, hitting the floor with a heavy thud beside the coffee table.
“Maya!” Jess gasped, her hands shaking as she held them over her mouth.
But you weren’t listening. Your breathing was completely out of control, your chest heaving, your hands shaking too as you lowered them to your sides. Your head hurt, your heart was pounding so hard it made you feel sick, but Maya still wasn’t backing down. She pushed herself up slightly, one hand braced on the floor, the other coming up to her shoulder where you shoved her- and she just glared at you furiously, like she meant every word she said.
And a part of you was afraid, because you actually believed her.
“I need to talk to him.” You said quietly, wiping your tears away from your face as you reached for your phone from the coffee table.
“...What?” Jess asked, looking between the two of you.
“I’m not listening to this from her.” You said, your eyes locked on Maya as you spoke to Jess, “If there’s anything to hear… he can say it to my face.”
Maya let out a short, humourless laugh as she sat up fully.
“Yeah,” she scoffed, “Go on then.”
Jess stopped in front of you, her hands hovering like she wasn’t sure whether to touch you or not.
“Hey… don’t do anything stupid, okay?” She said softly, “You’ve been drinking, you’re upset- just wait until tomorrow when you’ve got a clear head-”
“I’m not waiting.” You said, your voice interupting hers. You grabbed your coat with trembling hands, your whole body still rushing with adrenaline, your head spinning from everything she’d just said.
“I need to hear it from him.”
Jess’s expression softened, worry written all over her face.
“You shouldn’t go alone.”
“I’ll be fine.” But your voice didn’t sound fine, not even a little.
You shoved your arms into your coat and grabbed your bag before heading straight for the door.
“Text me when you get there!” Jess called after you, but you didn’t answer her.
You just opened the door, felt the cold night air hit you like a shock, and stepped out into the night.
Your heart was racing, your head was still full of all Maya's words, your hands were still shaking, but none of that mattered. You were already walking fast, fueled by anger and hurt, by the need to hear the truth from him.
Back inside, Jess was cursing at Maya as she dragged her up from the floor.
“What the hell was that about?” She asked, her voice sharp as she helped Maya onto her feet.
She just shrugged, clearly drunk.
“She needed to hear it.”
Jess’s eyebrows raised in disbelief.
“Are you serious right now? None of what you said was true in the slightest!”
…
Noah was still sitting on his bed, still checking his phone every few minutes to see if you had replied, but you hadn’t. So he picked his guitar back up again, and played purely from muscle memory, since his mind was elsewhere.
But then all of a sudden, the sound of the door practically being bashed down made him flinch.
BANG BANG BANG
“What the fuck?”
Noah frowned as he sat the guitar back down, and stood up.
BANG BANG BANG BANG
“Alright, alright!” He called out as he rushed down the stairs.
He had no idea who it could be. It was late, his friends had keys, and you were at Jess’s place. He was almost hesitant to open the door, since something about it didn’t feel right. He swallowed hard, his stomach turning as he reached for the door handle-
And there you were- red eyed, messy hair, tears streaming down your face, your chest rising and falling far quicker than normal.
His heart dropped.
“Baby-” He barely got the word out, as you shoved past him
“Don’t you fucking call me that!”
He spun around, shutting the door carefully.
“What happened?” He asked, stepping towards you slowly, his voice softening, “What’s wrong?”
You shook your head, wiping frustratedly at your face, your hands still shaking.
“Don’t-” Your voice broke, and you had to swallow before trying again, “Don’t act like you don’t know.”
“I dont,” he started, frowning, “What are you talking about?”
You let out a shaky laugh, stepping back from him like you couldn’t stand to be too close.
“Maya.” You said, and her name tasted bitter in your mouth. You were about to continue, but you saw the way his expression changed, he looked like he saw a ghost.
And that was the moment you knew.
“...What about Maya?” Noah asked carefully.
You took a deep breath before meeting his eyes again.
“Is it true?” You asked, your voice small. “What she told me about you?”
Fuck.
His heart dropped. Maya promised not to say anything, they both agreed it was best you never found out that they used to hook up- since that’s what he thought you were talking about.
“It is, isn’t it?” Your eyes were wide and teary, searching his face like you were begging him to say no.
But he didn’t. He just froze… and for a second, he thought about lying.
But he couldn’t do that to you, not when you looked like that, not when he didn’t know just what detail Maya would’ve gone into. So he braced himself, exhaling slowly.
“...I’m so sorry.” He said quietly, “I never meant for it to happen the way it did.”
Oh.
You felt your heart physically shatter into pieces. Your chest hurting in a way it had never done before, you felt sick to your stomach.
“I see…” You said, your voice just above a whisper.
You never meant anything to him? This was an act, this entire time, because he felt sorry for you. All he wanted was to get in your pants, but you made it into something else entirely.
“Baby, I’m so sorry,” he said again, his voice sounding almost desperate, “If I could go back and do things differently, I would. It’s just… one thing led to another, I tried not to let it become what it did, but… I’m sorry.”
All you could do was stare at him in silence, trying to wrap your head around it all…
“Say something,” he whispered, reaching for you, “Please-”
“Don’t touch me!” You stepped back, the words landing hard, making him freeze.
You had to look away, the sight of him made you feel sick.
“I’m sorry, Noah.” You said, and his brows drew together, “I’m sorry I ever trusted you. I’m sorry I read it all wrong, I’m sorry I got too close. I knew deep down you could never ever change, but I gave you a chance anyway. So I guess I just hurt myself, huh?” You sighed, stepping towards the door, “I should’ve fucking knew from the beggining that you were nothing more than a-”
“Hey, don’t leave. We can fix this, okay? Can we just talk about it, so you can hear both sides?”
You shook your head.
Deep down, you felt more disappointed than angry.
Disappointed at yourself, because you’ve never been this stupid before. You’ve always guarded your heart, you’ve never put yourself in the position to get hurt… but Noah just seemed different. Guess the saying was right all along, all men are the same. And they never change.
“No. There’s nothing to talk about, Noah. We’re done.”
warnings: mentions of alcohol, drug use (weed), lowkey public grinding? lmao, hedonist noah is a BIITCH and frat!nick is a sweetie <3
this was the most fun ive ever had writing anything!! me and shayla have been talking about this FOREVER, and i'm so happy we finally WROTE IT TOGETHER ON A GOOGLE DOC LMAO but this is just something super fun and silly!! and mostly aimed at the ruffilo girlies <3 there will be a part two posted on her account sometime soon :) (once we've written it lmao)
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A frat party? There was no way Noah was serious but boy was he. They’re pretty much his natural habitat at this point. Hot girls, booze, drugs and not to forget his homeboy Nick. Somehow Noah had convinced you to go with him so in all your defeat here you were, standing in front of the mirror, debating on which outfit to wear tonight. You’ve already changed twice… but then your phone buzzed from where you left it on your bed. You glanced over your shoulder and caught Noah’s name on the screen.
Noah: Hey babe
Noah: Uh so I’m running a little late, you good to make your own way?
Y/n: Seriously? Noah I don’t know anybody there thats gonna be awkward as fuck…
Noah: It’s fine, Nick’s gonna be there. You remember him right?
Overwhelmed and already annoyed, you give up on texting and decide to call him instead. A few rings and he’s on the other side.
Noah: Hello? What’s up?
Y/n: Noah, can’t you just close early? I hardly remember Nick, walking in on my own is gonna be so embarrassing..
Noah: Relax… I’ll come straight there when I’m done, okay?
You sighed, about to argue until you heard something… It could’ve just been interference but you could’ve sworn you heard a girl's voice in the background.
Y/n: Noah? Who are you with?
Noah: Hm? Oh no one baby just a client, gotta go, see you there yeah?
*hangs up*
With a deep huff you put your music on and went back to picking out an outfit. Noah had mentioned something about “dressing sexy” but this guy would use anything as an excuse to see you dressed up let's be real, but this time you decided to listen. Settling for a tight black dress and matching heels, you sprayed yourself in your nicest perfume and took a step back from the mirror. One last swipe of lipgloss and a few selfies later, you were just about ready. Grabbing your purse and throwing a few things inside, you lock up behind you, and look through your messages with Noah to find the address… it’s not too far. But you’re not walking there in these heels.
Reluctantly, you text Noah again asking for money for an uber, since he was gonna be your ride. But he wasn’t getting back to you. Your mind immediately started thinking of all the things he could’ve been up to right now, if he was with another girl or if he really was working on that car (doubt it). It wasn’t like the two of you were together, so if he could flirt with other people, if he could fuck other people… then so could you!
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You weren’t sure what to expect when you got to the party, but you could hear the music from the end of the street. You hesitated for a second by the door- you were supposed to be coming here with him, not by yourself. But you shake the thought off with a sigh and push the door open, before stepping inside.
The house was packed with people. You were looking around, searching people’s faces until you recognised one of them. As you walked through the house, you spotted some guys standing by the back door in the kitchen. It was Noah’s best friends- or a couple of them. You’ve met a few of them before, you’ve been to a few Bad Omens rehearsals, seen a couple of the guys at the shop once or twice, but you felt a little nervous to approach them tonight without Noah by your side.
You notice one of the guys smile and wave you over. Shoving past people and worming your way through the crowd you finally reached the kitchen. Jesse and Nick both turned their heads as you approached, with a nervous smile.
“Oh, hey!” Nick smiled, putting his drink down on the counter beside him, “Noah said you two were coming tonight-”
“Noah’s here?” Jesse asked, glancing past you but you shook your head.
“He said he’s gonna be late.” You explained, “He had to stay late at work apparently.”
Nick met your eyes, giving you a knowing look, and a small nod. Like he was saying yeah, that sounds like him.
“You wanna drink?” He asked, already turning to all the bottles lined up on the counter.
“Please.” You smiled, and he was already moving. He grabbed a cup and started pouring something together. You leaned back against the counter, watching him.
Sure you’ve spent time with Nick before, but you never really took him in like you were doing now. His dark hair was tucked under a beanie, he had the sleeves of his flannel shirt pushed up to his elbows, revealing the tattoos inked across his arms. You didn’t realise you were staring until he glanced over and caught you looking.
“What?” He asked, an almost shy smile tugging at his lips as he passed the cup over to you.
“Nothing.” You said, a little teasing before taking a sip.
He looked as if he was almost blushing, but it was hard to tell under the flickering LED lights above you.
“So.. all alone then?” Nick asks, eyeing you up and down.
“I guess” you shrug
“You know..” he starts, moving a little closer and off of the counter “It’s dangerous for a pretty girl like you to be here, these kinda parties, all alone.”
You couldn’t help but smile at that, with a soft chuckle.
“Are you offering to look after me then?” You asked, looking up at him through your lashes, the tiniest smirk creeping onto your face.
That threw him off a little, and you watched him try to act casual about it. But you could see what you did to him. He’s not used to girls flirting back, not unless they’re easy or drunk, which is more Noah's type usually.
“Maybes…” He says, taking the last sip from his cup. You couldn’t help but grin at his reaction, you swear his cheeks looked a little pink. Whatever, it was probably just the alcohol and you were probably just overthinking it…
The song that had been playing finished, and as soon as the next song started, you gasped, a wide smile spreading across your face as you looked up at Nick.
“Oh my god, I love this song!” You said, already reaching for his hand, “C’mon, you’re dancing with me.”
“Oh I don’t dance.” He chuckled, shaking his head. But then you looked up at him, raising an eyebrow.
“So you’re gonna let me go in there alone?” You teased.
He rolled his eyes, saying nothing but keeping hold of your hand and following you through to the main room where everyone was. A smoke machine made it kinda hard to see but that could’ve also been just the sheer amount of people vaping and smoking up in here. The place looked like something straight out of euphoria, so stereotypically laid out, the same LED lights, bottles and cups carelessly thrown and decorated everywhere, music thumping loud enough to rattle the floor, it was almost laughable.
You pull Nick closer, still holding his hand, already moving to the beat. But he looked a little awkward, almost nervous even.
“Relax,” you laugh, looking up at him, snaking your arms around his neck while his hovered just below your waist. “Just follow my lead ‘kay?”
And so he did, he tried his best to loosen up a little, though he still looked a bit stiff, and unsure of where to put his hands. But you didn’t give him time to overthink it, you just stepped even closer, trying your best to guide him, however you couldn’t help but laugh when he hesitated.
“See? Not so bad.” You grinned.
Nick huffed a quiet laugh, and you could feel him relax. And for a moment it’s fun, you forget about Noah, about everything except the music and the way Nick’s hands feel. They’re softer than Noah’s. Slightly smaller. His fingers slightly more slender.
But then…
Bump!
Someone walked straight into the both of you. Your drink splashed, the cold liquid soaking into the front of your dress.
“What the fuck?!” You gasped, instantly pulling away to glance down at yourself. Thankfully your dress was black, so it wouldn’t show…
You look up to meet eyes with the culprit.
“Oh sup davis man!” Nick shouts over the music, dabbing him.
“Nick?! The fuck?” you look at him confused. Is he serious right now?
“Oh shit my bad…” He winces, looking away in embarrassment
“Heeyyy im really sorry, l-let me get you another” Davis slurs, clearly too drunk to even speak straight, let alone go fetch another drink.
You roll your eyes in defeat, huffing “No its fine i’ll just clean it”.
Nick shook his head, quickly stepping in.
“I’ll help… c’mon, let's go to the bathroom.” He said, already starting to guide you. You let him lead you towards the hallway.
The bathroom door was unlocked, and as Nick pushed it open…
“Well shit!” Nick laughed, and as you peeked past him you saw Matt clutching on to the sink, his head thrown back a little with a girl on her knees in front of him.
You gasped and quickly turned away, but Nick just laughed.
“Yeah man!!” Nick giggles.
As you were about to swing the door shut you notice Nick bro-fisting Matt?? I swear…
You stare at him completely dumbfounded, to which Nick just shrugs “Game is game”.
You sigh, glancing back down at your dress.
“So what now?”
“Uh…” Nick scratched the back of his neck, “I know, follow me.”
So you did. You followed him through the house again, annoyed but mostly amused at the way the whole night was turning out so far. You watched him grab a handful of paper towels- definitely a lot more than necessary- then nodded to the back door.
“C’mon.” He said, already holding the door open for you.
You follow him out, and the cold night air makes you shiver. It was quieter out here, but you could hear chatter coming from the distance, and when you glanced over you saw a couple guys by the firepit. You and Nick wandered over, spotting Folio slouched back in one of the chairs. His tshirt was nowhere to be found, and there was a blunt between his fingers, he took a drag before glancing up at the two of you. He said nothing but instead, flicked his head up to offer the joint to Nick, to which he accepted.
The fire was comforting, not too hot but just warm enough to take away the bitterness of the night. There the three of you were, folio manspread on a chair - high as fuck staring into the flames, Nick shuffling closer and taking the longest drag you’d ever seen and lastly you holding your dress down, watching nick mesmerised, almost in a trance.
The paper towels in your hands were long forgotten, and you couldn’t help but stare. Fuck he was so beautiful.
Nick passed the joint back to Folio, but as he handed it over, he looked back over and caught the way you were looking at him.
“You gonna keep staring?” Nick asked, a lazy smirk spread across his face.
You didn’t look away though, you just smiled at him, taking in the way he looked in the warm light of the fire.
“You got a problem with that?” You teased. And this time Nick wasn’t shy about it.
He opened his mouth, about to say something, when the back door opened again, and Jesse appeared, calling out Folio’s name.
“Dude I need you for a sec!” Jesse shouted, making Folio groan.
“For what?”
“Just come here man!” Jesse insisted, already disappearing back inside.
Folio let out a long sigh, handing the joint back out to Nick before pushing himself up off the chair and heading inside, the door swinging shut behind him.
And just like that, the two of you were all alone…
You felt Nick’s eyes on you.
“Want sum?” he asked through half lidded eyes.
“Oh no thanks I uhm, I’m good” you shook your head.
“What, never done it before hmm?”
“Well, not really no. Kinda scares me” your face flushed in sheer embarrassment .
“It’s not a big deal… just don’t overthink it.” Nick said, smiling a little softer now, but you were still unsure. He could sense the hesitation, and instead he bit his lip in thought, before shifting a little in his seat. “C’mere.”
You felt your cheeks heat up from his sudden confidence boost- maybe it was the alcohol, or the weed, either way you didn’t care. He held a hand out, and you let him guide you into his lap.
“Relax,” Nick says as you feel your heart racing in your chest, “I just thought we could try it like this…”
Your eyebrows draw together, and you let out a little confused laugh.
“Like what?”
He doesn’t say anything at first, he just lets his thumb stroke your hip over the fabric of your dress before asking quietly.
“Do you trust me?”
You swallow hard, but nod your head, bracing your hand on his chest. He brings the joint up to his lips again.
“Just breathe in when I tell you, okay?”
You nodded again, and he took another drag. Your heart was beating so fast you were certain even he could hear it.
“I’ve got you.” He added before he slowly started to lean in.
You feel dizzy as he leans in closer, and instinctively, you move to close the space between you, until your lips almost touch.
“Now.” Nick whispered, so quiet you almost didn’t hear him.
You parted your lips, and he softly exhaled the smoke towards you. You breathed it in, your breath catching as his hand tightened a little on you, like he was making sure you’re okay.
Your hands moved from his chest, your arms coming up to wrap around his neck. You let your eyes fall shut, holding the smoke in your mouth for a second before pulling back, coughing a little as you let it back out.
“Easy,” Nick chuckled, his eyes meeting yours again. “You good?”
You nod your head, smiling at him, a little dazed.
“Yeah,” you say, “I’m good.”
But you don’t move. And neither does he.
Your faces are still close, your arms still around his neck, his hands still holding you in his lap. You notice the way his eyes drift down to your lips for a second, but so do yours.
And that was all it took. He leaned in slowly, almost like he was giving you time to pull away if you want to- but you don’t. Again, you close the space until your lips meet his, properly this time. You kiss him softly at first, like neither of you are sure how far this is going to go…
But then you shift in his lap, and something in him gives. He pulls you in even closer by your waist as the kiss deepens, and you even feel as he smiles into it, making your stomach flip.
His tongue flickers at your bottom lip, making you whine out unexpectedly. He smirks at your sounds, tugging at your lip and gaining access. The kiss now hot, heavy, heated. His hands settling above your ass, slowly yet still cautiously rubbing smooth circles, helping you to grind into him. Suddenly you don’t know what’s hotter, him or the fire right beside you. His lips tasted like beer and weed, and you never thought that combination would make you feel so dizzy. You roll your hips and tug at his shirt, a little needy. His hands fumbling, still trying to be polite and not overstep any boundaries you’re holding.
“Fuck Nick..” you moan almost uncontrollably.
“Yeah?” he coo’s into your ear, leaving small kisses and bites down your neck.
You bite your lip, trying to stop yourself from turning into putty right there in his lap. Everything else didn’t matter at this moment in time, you didn’t care who saw or who heard. Ruffilo’s eyes were at perfect level with your boobs (uh huh) to which you caught him staring, almost drooling. You smirked and blushed, wanting to shy away. He gave you a small look, almost asking for permission before he leaned in and made soft yet harsh kisses over your chest. Your head rolled back, back arched, lips parted and eyes fell closed yet again. You couldn't help but keep grinding your hips, the feeling of Nick beneath you squirming was almost devilish.
And then, a voice came out of nowhere.
“You having fun, baby?”
You pulled back suddenly, looking over, and your eyes met with Noah’s. He was standing a few feet away, his arms crossed, an almost amused expression on his face- but his eyes were locked on you.
You were still panting, still trying to catch your breath.
“Noah-”
“Oh, don’t let me interrupt.” He says, letting out a small humourless laugh. He wasn’t angry, to your surprise. If anything, he seemed… interested.
He stepped a little closer, and stopped right in front of you. Close enough that you can smell the scent of his cologne mixed with the smoke in the air. His fingers brushed your chin, tilting your face up slightly so you were looking at him.
“Didn’t think you had it in you.” He said, almost teasing in the way he spoke.
You didn’t know what to say to that, still dazed from everything that happened, mixed with the alcohol and weed. But then Noah finally looked at Nick- or the joint in his hand to be more precise.
“You gonna pass that?” Noah asked, and with a nod Nick handed it over, his other hand still holding you close.
Noah met your eyes as he brought it up to his lips, taking a long, slow drag. Then as he blew the smoke out, his other hand slid up, cupping your face before he leaned down. He kissed you with no hesitation, he wasn’t tentative or slow, it was like he was reminding you exactly who he is to you.
You felt Nick go still beneath you, the way he wasn’t sure how to touch you anymore, like he found himself in the middle of something he didn’t expect to be a part of… but even as you kissed Noah, your hands were still on him, your hips were still rolling against his.
Noah’s greed and possessiveness taking over, forcing you to match his tempo. Rough yet slow, almost mocking you. It was pathetic how needy you were, sat between the pair of them yet so desperate for the two, at the same time. Your nails sank into Nick's thighs in response to Noah delving deeper into your mouth. Ruffilo’s mouth quivered as his breath became shaky, both in anxiety and pure desperation. He was so hard it was starting to physically hurt. He’d been toyed with, teased and tormented the second he set eyes on you in that dress. His eyes flickered between your mouth, breasts, thighs and god anything else he could make out in this low light.
And you could feel it. You could feel the way his breathing changed each time you rocked your hips, each time you even touched him. It was like he couldn’t control himself.
“Let’s go somewhere else…” Noah said against your lips after a moment, making you pull back.
Nick, beneath you, tensed as if he was unsure. Noah, in front of you, was waiting for you to say something, that stupid cocky smirk on his face like he knew you’d follow him upstairs.
But you didn’t want just him.
You looked up at Noah, at the way he glanced down at you with that confident look on his face, then slowly, you looked back down at Nick.
“You coming?” You ask him with a little teasing smile.
That clearly surprised him, but he couldn’t nod his head quick enough. You giggled a little at that before looking back up at Noah.
“You okay with that?” You asked him, and he also nodded with no hesitation.
“Of course,” he says with a shit-eating grin, “If you think you can handle the both of us...”
AAAAA ITS LIVE!!! i hope everyone enjoys reading this just as much as i enjoyed writing it with ashleigh <3 this was soooo much fun holy heck! part 2 when...?
