My Family

[ruiningmymarriage]

Every Morning

Every morning something happens, either I do something or my son does something to piss off my husband.  I can’t remember the last time I saw my husband have a good morning.  Especially on his days off.  He always says he needs to relax and I agree, but I don’t think he knows how to relax.  My husband works in a stressful environment and for about 50 minimum hours a week.  I understand why he’s stressed and needs time to relax.  I try to provide him an environment to relax.  It never works.  He usually gets upset with our son.  My husband and I have very different expectations from our son.  I maintain that he’s a child, a very smart child, but a child.  My husband expects him to be quiet and respectful and follow all directions the first time he’s told something all the time.  I expect him to be quiet when I tell him to be.  I expect him to follow directions, even though I know I’ll probably have to repeat them because he’s a child and I can’t even remember the list of things I must do without writing them down.  I expect him to be respectful always.  I don’t expect him to play quietly all day.  He’s 7 years old.  He’s going to get noisy sometimes.  He’s be raised in a strict household, he’s going to push his boundaries.  I want him to grow up in a household that he’s not afraid to talk to us.  I encourage him to talk and ask questions. 

My husband gets angry when he leaves a room and that’s the moment that our son decides he can ask a question or make a comment.  I don’t know how to explain to him that the reason he does this is pretty much because he’s scared of my husband.  My husband has gotten mad enough and yelled enough at my son that he’s scared to ask anything or talk really in front of him.  I understand that my son has issues but I don’t feel like that’s a reason to make his childhood hell. 

It frustrates my husband to no end knowing my son acts differently when he’s not around.  We’ve fought about this several times.  He feels like our son is so manipulative that he uses my love for him as a tool to do whatever the hell he feels like.  I try to explain that he doesn’t get to do whatever he wants.  He has boundaries and rules and expectations.  But because I don’t yell at him and treat him the way my husband treats him, he’s running around doing whatever he wants.

[ruiningmymarriage]

Annoyance

Recently we’ve had a “friend” staying over at our house.  He is 20 years old, and grew up in a very privileged sheltered home.  He was studying to be a pastor and staying with his “boss” and roommate at their church.  He started working with my husband about four months ago.  My husband being my husband slowly manipulated him.  This kid being this kid has adopted my husband as a father figure and has been seeking his approval.  He found out about my husband’s background in being raised in a cult, since then he’s been constantly talking about religion with my husband.  My husband was forced to memorize the bible, and he chose to study other religions after he left the cult and his family.  My husband discussed everything having to do with religion with this guy.  Because of this my husband had this child rethinking everything he’s ever known about his religion.

He was living his “boss” roommate in a church.  When he tried to discuss his feelings and the doubts that started arising, his pastor got angry with him.  His pastor wanted this kid to go to a Christian college and come back and become a pastor in this church.  When he told his pastor that he wanted to stay local and take the promotion my husband offered him while going to college here, his pastor gave him two weeks to move out of the church. 

When he moved in I found out he would probably be with us for an extended amount of time when he informed me about his finances.  After paying his bills he only has about $6-12 left.  Having no one to teach him about money, he got a few credit cards after high school and when his car breaks down (because he doesn’t understand preventive maintenance) he doesn’t shop around and has a “take advantage of me” look to him. 

He has never really been away from home.  When he comes back from his first girlfriend’s house (she has a curfew) he goes through my kitchen and eats everything that is cooked and sits down beside my husband and I.  We watch a lot of movies and play a lot of video games.  This kid wasn’t allowed to play games or watch movies that had any type of violence or gore in it.  So now that he’s staying with us he watches what we watch and asks at least a hundred questions per 30 minutes.  He has no concept of saving electricity or budgeting or not eating all of our food. 

It’s like adopting a teenager that grew up under a rock. 

It’s very annoying.

[ruiningmymarriage]

So apparently the loving men in my life have decided to take shifts on pissing me off.  My husband had 10 days that was slowly driving me insane.  Now my adoring child has taken over.  For the past two days my son has made me feel like I want to be an alcoholic.  First there was the entitled “I want every toy ever right fucking now” phase that lasted until I very nicely explained to him that he’ll get rewarded when he does something worth the reward.  Next he started the “I’m pissed at the world so I’m going to throw my toys as hard as I can to break them and cry when they break” until I took the toys away.

My son is 7 years old.  He is very smart.  He can read and write at a 6th grade level.  When he gets in trouble we have him write, either a sentence or a phrase over and over, a mini book report, or a page essay on why he was doing or saying what he did or said.

After the deafening tantrum that ensued when I took the toys away, I sat him down with a sheet of paper and a pencil and had him start writing.  He wrote a total of two lines before he decided to scribble over the whole sheet and my floor.  He then decided he was a block of ice that melted on the floor.  After I picked him up, and gave him a new sheet of paper he ripped it up and threw another tantrum.  He then got 7 minutes of standing against the wall.  Which made him scream or the whole 7 minutes.  I then decided that my migraine was going to be permanent until he turned 18.  At this point it was 3ish in the afternoon and my sweet child had thrown more fits in the morning than he had in the past few months, so it was time for him to take and nap.  While he was laying down he thought the best thing to do was to kick the wall repeatedly until I came into the room.  When I tucked him back into bed (tightly rolled in the blanket that I hoped would act as straight jacket) and walked out of the room, he decided that he needed to scream and cry and throw his shoes at the door.  Around 8pm when it was almost time to pick up his father at work, he finally calmed down.  I had him eat dinner and take a shower and brush his teeth, which he did as if nothing happened all day.  Then he proceeded to have another tantrum since he didn’t get to play with his toys that afternoon. 

Today has started with the same tantrums and crying.  Every nine months or so he throws an epic fit for about a week then he calms down.   I don’t know what causes these fits.  He was born with colic.  Most of his infancy was spent crying.  I felt I was going insane then.  Now it feels worse.  It feels like I should know what’s causing this and how to make it stop.  My father says that our people believe children get this way when one of their parents is having another baby.  Maybe that’s it.  I’m not sure.  His biological dad hasn’t been in contact with us for 4 years.  Maybe this his about him.  My baby gets crazy for a week or so every nineish months...that’s a lot of babies being born.  And I bet he’s not in contact with those children either.

[ruiningmymarriage]

Ari Throwing Phone - Reaction GIFs

angry, Ari Gold, do not want, phone

MFW my husband said I’ve been on tumblr too much and I need to pay attention to him.

[ruiningmymarriage]

Losing It

For the past week and a half, every morning my husband wakes up in a bad mood.  He’s a lighter sleeper than I am therefore when our son moves around or the neighbors make noise, I don’t hear it.  I wake up to my husband jumping out of bed and yelling at either our son or some unknown force cursing his existence.  When I ask what’s wrong (very groggily, because it’s before my morning coffee), my husband complains that everything is wrong and he has a horrible life, and he’s done trying to discipline our son and that I don’t care. 

After coffee and a couple of hours to cool off, he usually calms down.  During this time I usually have to be extra perky and happy to speed along this process.  I’m normally a happy person since I met my husband I’ve been becoming more an optimistic, since my husband is a pessimistic.  My hormones were going crazy during this time (we’ve been trying to have a baby for the past year).  During this hormonal time, I saw pregnant women everywhere telling me how it happened so suddenly.  I became very bitter. 

It became harder and harder to be the perky optimistic wife that my husband married.  It’s very exhausting to be extra happy all the time especially when my husband wakes up screaming every day.  I finally stopped trying to be perky and focused on not punching people in the face.  On day 10 my husband finally realized that something was wrong.  He kept badgering me.  My husband is the type of man that wants to talk about things.  He said that he’s been upset with me and I’ve been ignoring him because I’ve been on my phone constantly. 

I told him that I haven’t been ignoring him, he’s been separating himself from me.  I couldn’t really argue with him, because of the way his mind works.  My husband is extremely smart and was raised to be manipulating.  Every time we have a disagreement or I’m unhappy about things I have to think things through and think of anything I might say that he would take offense to.  It’s exhausting just going through the process so much so that I don’t even feel like following through with the disagreement. 

[vidaentrepesadillas]

[ruiningmymarriage]

MFW the counselor at my son’s school calls child protective services because my son had a bad day at school

[ruiningmymarriage]

Getting up to date

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year.  We met years ago during my very sucky divorce from an ass ex husband.  We both have sons from previous marriages and lost babies.  We're perfect for each other in almost every way.  He's been a father to my son for about two years now.  He moved across the country to be with me.  We're living with my family to save enough money to move to the coast next year. 

Here's a little history on my family.  My mother and father got a divorce when i was 5.  I have an older brother and a younger sister and brother.  My father drank a lot when I was little and he got full custody of all three of us.  I didn't see my mother after the divorce very much.  When my dad would drink when we were little if we did something wrong he would spank us or put us in our rooms....he was mostly a happy drunk.  My mother when to nursing school and is now a charge nurse a a big hospital...I'm told she's good at her job.  My sister is in college for electrical engineering...she's adjusting well even with her social anxieties.  My brother calls himself an artist.  After high school he went to a college across the state.  He almost made it a year.  Apparently he was having issues adjusting to semi independent life.  My mom picked him up and he moved in with her.  She took him to a doctor that in my personal opinion was a quack.  My brother went into a deep depression and between the doctor and my mother (who talks horribly about my dad every chance she gets) they convinced my brother that my dad beat the shit out of him.  He has developed issues with my dad.  He believes that my was evil and beat us and he protected us.  I was there I remembered.  I got more hurt from him than I ever did from the spanking I got from my dad.

My husband came from a horribly broken home.  His dad is sadistic and psychotic.  His mom is submissive to an abusive master.  His sister is a slut with daddy issues.  His brother is a closet homosexual who sleeps in the same bed as his parents. 

My husband is kinda broken, but so am I. 

Because of all these issues going around it makes it difficult to live under one roof.  My family hasn't made it difficult for my husband to join in.  I've tried to explain to him that it's not really him its just my family.  My husband is extremely sensitive he wants very badly to be accepted by my family.  My father and his side of the family have accepted him and they like him.  My mother's side is full of lesbian man haters and they refuse to accept change, they don't really accept men into their fold.  Recently my dad broke his legs, I took a week off of work to be with him at the hospital.  My husband works very hard for us.  My brother having no job and not going to school and no social life to speak of went back home to take care of my dad, he was gone for a month.

He returned home three weeks ago and we've found out that while we're at work he's been telling our son that we don't care for him and we don't love him.  He's been poisoning our son to think that we're the enemy.  My son now has started screaming when we tell him to do something and  if we discipline him in any way he'll scream and say "please please please" or "don't hurt me."  It breaks my heart and has created problems in our marriage.  We're constantly fighting.  My husband now thinks that everything is his fault and his fault alone and that if he were to leave it would make us all happy.  It brings me to tears every time he says that or tells me that I was happier before I knew him.  He makes me complete and truly happy but apparently he doesn't see it.  I don't know what to do anymore I can't make my husband happy or make him see that I'm not conspiring against him.