I’ve got you. When Jimin says those words to him, something inside of him stirs. It starts down low inside his stomach for a second before it floats up to his heart, filling his chest with warmth as he works to calm his breathing. I’ve got you. The words ring in his head, and Taehyung realizes that Jimin has always had his back, right from the first time they met. And maybe he’s known some other people a lot longer, his friends from high school that he still catches up with sometimes, but no one has made such a significant impact on his life in such a short amount of time. He wants Jimin to be in his life for a long time, for years to come – I’ve got you. Taehyung is glad that Jimin does, that he has someone like this, someone who cares about him enough to just let him be completely genuine.
Maybe this was the kind of relationship that people talk about in fond speeches at each other’s weddings. About the friendships forged through hard times and tough feelings, strengthened by experiences both good and bad.
Maybe he’s found that in Jimin.
Or perhaps something more?
Taehyung watches Jimin come back to the bed, snacks and comfort food in hand, and though he smells the rich scent of hot cocoa, he only takes a few slow sips before placing it down on the nightstand near Jimin. His stomach churns, and he scoots a little closer to Jimin, craving warmth. “My dad didn’t tell me much. He didn’t want to upset me.” His words stay quiet, as if saying them any louder will make the situation more real. “I– I don’t know what’s worse. Not knowing everything or knowing–” It feels as if someone has replaced the blood thrumming through his veins with ice cold water. “–everything.” Tae’s words stutter on the last word as he slides his closed hands against his face, knuckles pressed to his closed eyes, as he sees whites and greys behind his eyelids.
“Why couldn’t it be me instead?” Before he even fully realizes, he’s voicing his thoughts out loud, the sentence raw with hurt as he starts to tremble. “My heart hurts,” he repeats again. “It hurts so much.” And it’s the only expression that can come close to explaining how he feels. “I’m so cold.”
He wants to just reach over and kiss him so hard, press his lips against Tae's own and taste the remains of chocolate and marshmallow. To hold him near and just tell him - tell him that everything is going to be alright, and that whatever happens, he'll be there for him; at his side, in his arms. Because not only (but especially) at moments like these Jimin realises the severity of his feelings for Taehyung. They’ve moved on past tension to form this friendship, something so so precious Jimin doesn’t want to remember living without; but it’s more for him. And it’s more than a crush, he’s painfully aware. No, that was the first weeks of meeting Tae. Heart fluttering at every touch, eyes searching for his tall figure in every turn, wanting to hear his laugh all the time. He’d done just about everything to mask his feelings under a mask of casualness; some bro-like comradeship, and maybe... just maybe he’ll believe it one day.
Today is certainly not that day.
Jimin makes sure the cup is steadily resting on the wooden surface before he’s back and snuggling Tae against him. “Your dad doesn’t do mindless coddling,” he shook his head gently, lowering them to lay down on the mattress. “If there was something important, he’d tell you. I’m sure of it, Taetae. This is good, okay? You’re just filing in the gaps with... thought up scenarios. Thinking of the worst. Don’t do that. Please, for me, just try to think positive. We have amazing doctors in our country - he’ll be just fine, I know. I can feel it, right here--” Jimin reached for Tae’s hand, placing it over in chest and covering with his own palm. Breathing and out slowly, he hoped his own calm heart rate would do some good soothing Taehyung, as well. “Now you - just breathe in and out, slowly. There’s no use panicking. We’ll deal with it, okay?”
Taehyung’s next words feel like swords piercing his heart, and he almost wanted to reach over and punch, anything, really. Because how could he say that - so carelessly, so casually, like it’s something to be joked about? Even from a place of pain, Jimin still frowned deeply at it. “Don’t.” he murmured, trying to will the pang in his chest away, “Don’t you ever say that again.” his finger dug into the fabric of Taehyung’s shirt, gripping and holding him close before he heard the rest of his words. “Listen, Tae, I--” Jimin started, tightening the blanket over them and pulling Tae closer so that his own body heat rubbed off on the younger. “I want you to try and relax for me, okay? Please, please - trust me that I know it’s going to be okay. I need you to let me help you relax. Please, Taetae. Can you do that for me?”
And with that, he tangled their legs, pulling Taehyung in impossibly close. Jimin’s hands went for his biceps, gently kneading his soft skin under the heavy sweater. He stroked up and down, letting his head rest up on the shoulder closest to the pillows, whispering empty words and mostly just breathing in his scent. Slow, deliberate intakes and outtakes, and-- somewhere in that position, with Tae so so soft and gentle in his arms, something in Jimin’s head switched off. He didn’t even realise he was moving before he licked his lips and pressed them firmly against Taehyun’s cheek. “I’ve got you, Taetae-” he barely whispered as he peppered kisses across Tae’s cheeks, starting from closer to his jaw and nearing his lips, “I’ve got you-” and then hopping over to the other side to repeat the same mantra, same gestures, same order. Only when he approached the corner of his mouth, so close to simply closing the gap and kissing his breath away, he stopped. Pressing and holding there - his own lower lip barely grazing Taehyung’s pair - thinking he should probably pull away. Definitely should.
He did. Pulled away just barely a few inches, breath hot and mingling with Taehyung’s, staring down those plump lips and -- god he wanted to kiss him worse than ever before. But he waited. Stared own and waited, and prayed in his head that maybe, just maybe he’s been good enough this year to grant him this one wish.