Ryan Ross Livejournal master post entries:
The moon bred new Atlantic life tonight.the salt burned you right out of my eyes.and secrets we’re not proud of were taken with the tide. We were all newborns with blurred vision and no sense of direction.
Today I saw cancer, cigarettes and shortness of breath.
this is why I walk to the ocean.swim with jellyfish.I may never get this chance again.
this is why if you want to kiss you should kiss.
If you want to cry you should cry, and
if you want to live you should live.
You don’t have to love me. You already did. At least enough to keep me smiling from South Carolina to Virginia.it’s for lovers (orjustfriends)
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I’m the ghost in the bed.you can touch because i can’t rest. and the lights are always off so I can mold you in the dark.i can shape and pretend.”i just want to have a good time, just like everybody else, but i don’t want to fall apart”
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go buy the forgive durden record.they did it better than us.
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it caught up.everytime i get an ache i think it’s going to put me in there again.I wonder if this was physical or if it could have been in my head,people make themselves sick sometimes.so i try not to think about it and you.it was still sharp through the morphine.living through the holes in my arms.drip fed a liquid diet not quite enough nutrition.and there’s never anything good on tv.i drank contrast.i ate IV’s.look at radioactive me. but, today the sun charged me up some,I can glow in the dark..wish you could see.
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japan. so strange, i am unable to communicate with anyone here whatsoever.i feel like i’m on an entirely different planet, but somehow there are people that know the words to my songs.making a phonecall here is damn near impossible.sorry i missed you..i’ve never wanted home so bad.i miss my dog, i want my bed.it’s me and you.i just want to drivedrivedrive.i want to be somewhere i know with someone i want to know.finally, i’ve got nowhere to go.don’t move so slow. don’t move so slow..
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you come swimming into view..
I may be a great gambler but i can’t win.i roll six when i need seven.i’m good. but no where near great.
I need to get away from the snow..it’s pretty but i need some heat.it’s not coming soon.
the sun’s gone down in my eyes.i’ve never been so alone,and i’ve never been so alive.
magazine covers are ruining my face.i draw all over them.i knowiknowiknow i know i know i know i can’t keep it all…together.
i’d like to believe my horoscope but it’s laughing.when i came to visit you, that’s when i knew. that i could never have you.
living my life a thousand times faster than normal.i’m missing home or am i missing you.or am i missing me.
i can slow down. i just need to stay up all night.
i sleep in a coffin 7 days a week.i don’t dream i don’t don’t dont.
back in vampire sleep,that makes it worse.i’m on a train but there’s no one at the helm.
she’s got her jaws now,locked down in a smile.but nothing is all right.
If i can keep from losing it now.
i don’t think highly of myself.but when you hear you’re a god it gives you quite an image to live up to.
and i tell them i’m not.maybe i never will.
and the god of wine is crouched down in my room.
i want to believe in the faith that grows but i’m having a pretty hard time.
the achohol it permeates.and soon the cells give way, and cancel out the day.
but.somehow i still try to believe that
I’m the one for you cause I know all the dirty things you’d like to do
I’m the fear in your eyes I’m the fire in your flies
I’m the sound that’s buzzing around your head
every creative writer worth our consideration…is a victim: of man given over to an obsession.
and you are guiltless and free.
And I’m hanging on your words,Like I always used to do
The words they use so lightly,
I only know because I carry you around In the background
I’m way, im way way way way way way way i’m away i’m way away in the background.
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I want to be a lion, everybody wants to pass as cats.
yea we all want to be big big stars,
but then we have second thoughts about that.
I don’t always deal with things the best way, and in order to try
and slow my life down I disappear every now and then.
so believe in me, because i don’t believe in anything.
when everybody loves you, you can never be lonely.
sometimes, sometimes it’s not that easy.
I have this pocket watch, and I spin the hands around and around just to pretend I have control of things. a month away. we can play normal for a few days.
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i see only black and white.pictures, i feel like i’m a ghost in all of them.I may never get used to this.
and i speak to you like the chorus to the verse. drop another line like a coda with a curse.
baby, i want something else, to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life.
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i am romeo.you’ll see. tomorrow you’ll be worlds away…still, happy valentines day.
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we put all our money on black in atlantic city-we came out on top.
i’m lonely, you should take a vacation.
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lay like lions in the sand..
one day we’ll settle in seattle.
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if you’re ever lucky enough to have dreams about someone, and wake up right next to them then you’ll know how i’ve felt the past week or so.with you i don’t have to be anybody.my name is just “yours”
i am stuck in a song.we are just sharks and butterflies.vicious and fragile.my neck isn’t the same without you gnawing at it.six days.
“A long december and there’s reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can’t remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving
Now the days go by so fast
And it’s one more day up in the canyons
And it’s one more night in hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven…i wish you would”
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i’m so sick it makes me happy,i’m so happy it makes me sick.
we become the things we do
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there’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth…
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so everyone knows everything about me, I get it.everything you ever hear, is also true all the time.okay?
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can you still feel the butterflies?
wow.halloween is the new valentines day.i’m feeling quite a bit better now because of you.
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my oh my. things are well enough.never happy with where i’m at,i really am trying to work on that.
i’m the kid in high school you never gave a fuck about.now i’m signing your t-shirt.go figure.
you and me,we should make a secret song. but i don’t know if you’re into it. but do i ever,nope.
everypicturetakesapieceofme.
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“finding faith in bathroom stalls…”
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she’s dreaming of him i’m dreamingofher.
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no more sleeping in the coffin.We are Oliver Twist.We are Edward Scissorhands.We’re just make believe.
I’m living a fairy tale.and you’re all in it.
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whisper babe..i’m as good as it gets in this town.whisper babe..i’m a fever you can’t sweat out.
these are my deepest thoughts and secrets under a microscope or under a spotlight.forgive me if i’m not quite ready to give them to you.it’s just such a different feeling..when i see you smiling and singing back to me,i’m still playing different pictures in my head that aren’t so pleasant.i’m doing my best now to live in the song and not just the meaning.thank you all for picking up our record today. it’s the biggest thing any of us have ever done and it’s a great feeling to know all the thoughts and second guesses haven’t gone unnoticed.
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a year ago i was dreaming of where i am now.
now i dream of where i was then.
(bitter)sweetsixteensummers.andfalls.
we used to laze around like drug addicts in a heroin den.
the scale is tilted far too off balance and i ruined it.
i’ve hurt everyone but myself for a change.
We play by Donner Party rules at all times.
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my boo is back home wutwut
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as soon as i start being kind of okay she realizes im the best fucking thing that ever happened to her. go figure.to late honey.
i am heaven sent, don’t you dare forget. i am all you’ve ever wanted.what all the other boys all promised.
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hello hellooo. i’m in maryland right now, today is the first day of tracking drums which also happens to be the first day i’ll be able to be on the internet. first of about four total. anyways we did preproduction for the past 7 days and the squiz is convinced we are ready to begin bringing the rock. ooooooooooh
yea im a nerd. maryland is pretty nice i guess. we met a rapper named Dibiasi at danny’s sub shop, he’s from North Carolina. he’s street. thinking about having him do some guest vocals on our record. his manager “Big Easy” wants us to tour with him. so yea that has probably been the funniest and most awesome thing to happen since we’ve been here. i wear the same clothes almost everyday and have been getting lazier and lazier, started with just wearing basketball shorts everyday…then the same shorts…then same shorts and shirt…then not showering..then not combing my hair.. so if i were famous, this is what i would do to not get noticed in public. but it’s probably gotten so bad that i do get noticed in ways like “look at that poor homeless kid, we should feed him” okay i think i’m done. i’ve said to much.
i miss you.you know who you are.
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i’ll be missing someone special.perfectly horrible timing.
“yeah, you do you do you do you do you do. you make me want you”
“send me all your vampires”
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i got a new journal.check there sometimes for what i’m up to.
www.fueledbyramen.com/journal
also this band is something you’ll all thank me for knowing about before they blow up.www.purevolume.com/thehushsound
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i’m writing fiction cause it’s just more interesting.
It’s when the cigarettes smoked after, seem so much cheaper than the sex.
It’s these substandard motels on the on the corner of 14th and Freemont Street.
Appealing, only because they are just that un-appealing.
Any practiced catholic would cross themselves on entering.
the rooms have a hint of asbestos and maybe a just dash of formaldehyde,
and the habit of decomposing right before your very eyes.
(along with the people inside.)
there are no raindrops on roses or girls in white dresses.
It’s sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses
at the shade of the sheets before all the stains
and a few more of your least. Favorite. Things.
Tonight tenants range from: a lawyer and a virgin,
accessorizing with a rosary tucked inside her lingerie
(she’s getting a job at the firm come Monday)
the Mrs. will stay with the cheating attorney,
moonlighting aside, she really needs his money.
Oh. What a wonderful caricature of intimacy
and not to mention, the constable. and his proposition,
for that “virgin”.Yes, the one the lawyer met with on “strictly business”
as he said to the Mrs. only hours before.
After he had left, as she was fixing her face in a compact,
there was a terrible crash. Between her and the badge.
She spilled her bag and her purse held a “purse” of a different type.
And here is where he entertains that proposition:arrested on possession,
think of what you wouldn’t want to happen
They ended up… well, making love isn’t exactly what I’m looking for.
Oh. what a wonderful caricature of intimacy.
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since you’ve been gone i cant breathe for the first timeeee
shegivesmebutterflies?whaaaat.how.
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you’ve got to hope there’s someone for you, as strange as you are. who can cope with the things that you do, without trying to hard.cause you can bend the truth, till it’s suiting you. these things you’re wrapping all around you, you’ll never know what they will amount to. cause life is just going on without you. it’s the end of the things you know….here we go.
listen to this song. it’s moving
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this is prefect non fiction fiction.
oh look what i found. this evening,while cleaning. i found your diary. it doesn’t get any better than this. this is the scalp off the head of your worst enemy. just what were you thinking?leave it to me. i’ll write your life. displeasing things.i’ve already started on some of the bigger events.wedding days..the part where i can’t figure out why i can’t seem to just forget you completely.every word i write will be the truth about how and why you threw me away. things that you’d only find deep inside someones diary. and when i fill all the pages i’ll send it back your way. you know, just to see what you think.
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“In periods of rapid personal change, we pass through life as though we are spellcast. We speak in sentences that end before finishing.
We sleep heavily because we need to ask so many questions as we dream alone.”
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“You got a new friend, now I’m the odd man gone.
You got a new friend, I know.
And your mom’s got you convinced that he’s the one.
He’s all you need, so forget me – marry him at once.
But if you ever change your mind…
I could still buy that box of wine.
I still have your copy of Harold and Maude.
But you got a new friend.
Yeah, you got a new friend”
i’ve been weaving you a playlist, if you put together all the lyrics from these past few entries, you’ll see.you’ll see.
“i’ll write the album of the year, and i know she’ll love me then. i swear to god she did its the way she’d bite my lower lip and push her hips against my hips and dig her nails deep into my skin.”
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“can anybody find me somebody to love”
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got a heavy metal mouth that hurls obscenity
and i get my check from the trash treasury
because i took my own insides out
it don’t matter cause i have no sex life
all i want to do now is inject my ex wife.
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mr. mercury said it best.
what is my excuse. i do drunk dialing minus the alchohol.
god damn i’d hate to see what i’d do under the influence.
but you see what you’ve done? this is what i get for giving myself to you in the first place.
indiangivericannotbewhoiwish.
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i traded in you bedsheets for shoddy transmission dreams in the back of a van.
this is where i am supposed to write how i feel.
“she sure as hell aint you,but lord knows she’ll have to do”
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snap your fingers. tap your heel to the concrete.
in this little number we party like its 1888.
i hope you like to dance to different beats.
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panic at the disco are such sellouts
sooooo, its official. we signed to decaydance/fueled by ramen!
we’ve got alot of work to do for this record. i’ll be pretty much hibernating and only coming out when something super important comes up that i think you all should hear about
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” Proposing college courses on the pigments of his eye color which had prevailingly changed in the matter of your position toward the sun.”
wish that were about me. you out write me any day of the week.
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i’ve been trying to find a new heart on ebay. i think they quit making those though.
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today is the worst day of the rest of your life.
blink. i will miss you dearly. this is band alone is the reason i play music now. tom delonge will always be my biggest influence and best hero. i’ve got to much hurt going on with everything.boy, things do like to build up and fall apart all at the same time for me.
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portugal the man, is really, really good. i think.
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maybe its my love of dispondent things but the woodsman is a good movie, see that.
i’ve been thinking alot on what i want this record to be about. and i have some things i’d like to say i just hope it comes out right. parts will be about some of you too like it or not.
i am going to start wearing my seatbelt more often. i have seen some pretty bad car wrecks happen in my head.
give me envy give me malice give me closure.
if i talk alot of shit on this record i hope i can back it up.
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ok. i haven’t had any sort of schedule in my life for the past 2 to 3 months so im trying to act like a normal person now.
2. write every single day
3. listen to a new band every day
the list will grow but thats for starters.
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your mouth is like a magazine.
i’m thinking we move the band to l.a. because for some reason or another we end up down there every weekend.
anyways..nothing big going on. trying to write songs at breakneck speed.and “this mission just got a hell of a lot more impossibler”. song #1 for the record:done. well,maybe.
the academy is…coming here feb 12. looking forward to meeting those dudes.you will all love their record.
i got some good new games for gameboy advance which should be good for the road.
pete put a shitty picture of us up on the clandestine site. go make fun of it. brendon is wearing a bra
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everyone should take notice to this playlist. he is legend
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If we were to meet under the mistletoe, would you kiss me? - YES - MAYBE - NO WAY copy and repost! see who wants to kiss you! hahahhaa….sweet
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i haven’t been keeping up with this thing and im sorry if i seem like a dick. truthfully i probably wont be writing too much in here anymore.i’ll try and update to let people know i’m still alive but it has come to a point where i don’t think this journal is serving it’s purpose anymore. iusedtowritewhatifeltandnowidon’tgetanyo fitdown.
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if i could bottle my hopes in a store bought scent they’d be nutmeg peach and they’d pay the rent.
los angeles was good. life aquatic was good.mansoup was good.my updates suck because i have to keep my mouth shut. “i keep telling myself that i’m not the desperate type” edit: go to asiandan’s journal to see what im talking about. bye.
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chris made us a neat myspace page.. i dont really get it but here:http://www.myspace.com/panicatthedisco make us some friends.
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bombing finals. writing instead.this weekend.l.a. road trip. today a semi truck with bees crashed on the freeway, bees everywhere.
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from left to right: brendon (guitar vocals) spencer (drums) me(guitar lyrics) (brent bass)
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“take those pics and write the hits”
wow. big things have been happening. pete from fob heard the band and liked it. he and i talked today about alot of things about what we plan to do, as of now he’s going to go see us in california. who knows after that. wierd that someone in a band i really like is into my music. it feels good.
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dear livejournal, i managed to waste an entire day today. remind me not to do this again.and help me get out of this writers block while you’re at it. thanks love,ryan.
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tonight the faint played at house of blues. and that was a show. not just a band playing. a fucking show. they had videos up on projection screens to go along with every song it was amazing. the entire floor was dancing like it was a club. unbelievable. here is another one of my baby- and yuri knows all about the dirty greasy creepy band practice hair. and nerd sweaters. okay thats it im done. ps. keep telling all your friends about us, we just broke 1000 listens today. thank you
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thoughts of a dying atheist.
Watch your mouth your speech is slurred enough that you might swallow your tongue. Im sure you’d want to give up the ghost with a little more poise than that.(thank me later) Or was it god who chokes in these situations? running late?no,no, he called in Problem:the hospice is a relaxing weekend getaway. where you are a cut above every sick sad patient. Where you’re on first name basis with all the top physicians. solution: prescribed pills to offset the shakes..to offset the pills you should take…um.. take..take it a day at a time(fix a vice with a vice.) That’s when you st st stutter something profound to the support on the line.. and with the way you’ve been talking every word gets you a step closer to hell. A pessimist? No I just cant help it. to say what everyone else is thinking..(let me state the obvious again). I am alone in this bed, house and head. She never fixes this but at least she makes me forget those are the lyrics to the new song on purevolume for whoever was wondering. also brendon (singer) got a livejournal recently so go be his friend. part_time_lovah
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panic at the disco’s new groove.
hey we recorded a new song and put it on purevolume but we dont know what to call it yet. so its just new song. but go hear it WWW.PUREVOLUME.COM/PANICATTHEDISCOWWW.PUREVOLUME.COM/PANICATTHEDISCOWWW.PUREVOLUME.COM/PANICATTHEDISCOWWW.PUREVOLUME.COM/PANICATTHEDISCO thanks. -ry
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i swear its bad luck or no luck at all. someone is out to get me and here is proof: first i get a $15 parking ticket at school for parking in a staff spot. second i get the $100 speeding ticket. then on thursday my car got towed from school for parking in front of einstein bagels for my class. $150. total cost of bullshit in the last two weeks? $265. sucks bad. the underoath coheed show was amazing. both of them were so good it gave me chills and butterflies at times. we started to record a new song this weekend so hopefully that will be done pretty quick. i’ve been getting sadhappy when i listen to some of my favorite records from the past two years. certain songs remind me of specific times..and i can remember things in such detail.. last year this time was mae and the new blink. and trying to stay happy when its so cold and depressing outside. summertime got me thinking back to when you were mine
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its almost cute how all you kids think you know so much shit about politics. since you all love to follow trends, bush is the new kerry. i’m tired of hearing how it’s the end of the world, stop being so dramatic, your life will not be affected by this.
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put me in parenthesis and make me implied so my name can slip from your lips when mentioned. replace the letters change your sheets (but compare me with all the new boys you meet).
i’ve paged books in dusted cries for attention. sweetheart break my spine I’ll spill my insides and hope my blood will stain and soak in more than I did.
laid to waste but im still “your favorite”
i still hope you’d haunt the passenger seat. if that was the only way i could keep your company. no matter how veiled or murderous your intent. those scarlet lines in your hair will mark every scar that spoils my appearance. keeping this cavalier is possible: possible like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound and not bleeding to
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watching sex talk with this old lady on it. it’s the greatest show. the people ask the most insane things you’ve ever heard. like “if i have crabs, and i shave my pubes, will they go away?” and then at the end of the call the girl goes… oh this was for my friend, she was to scared to call. watch it. it’ll make you smile and feel like your watching something that you really shouldn’t be watching
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i was at the store today and i must have seen 20 stuffed teddy bears with “worlds greatest secretary” on them. and i just thought of how rediculous it looked. and how all of the secretaries who get them will be the best, without ever knowing about the other 19. i don’t know why i thought about that for so long.
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