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@rycerzaneczka
partners in crime
How crazy I am that one night I am writing about Chuuya and Dazai graduating high school and going to collage. But the next night I am writing about cancer, cause my half-science-half-humanist ass went on science faculty. Oh, maybe I will write how those becoming gangsters after detonating uni at chemistry lab or maybe they create a super dangerous virus.
So... don't ask a student how is January.
Hunger.
As a student I live like this
I am shitty as fuck at relationships, in friendships and in interactions with people. So God gave me something - too many emotions under resting bitch face and a love for writing, love for observing people and placing their behavior into my characters. Unfortunately, I hate it so much as I love. Until the end of my life will be my imagination, my characters and their love, their relationships and their friendships, not mine. All of this which was mine I broke. That's so funny how terrible person I can be and at the same time want to be loved and write about love. Love is such a beautiful thing. Love with a life partner, love in friendship and family, I want it so much. But I suck at it as hell. So I will be writing about it, ironically.
this several people who stayed here, at my blog... Forgive me, if I start talking sceince shit about biotechnology in the next weeks instead of posting bsd or nerdy content, cause semestral exams will be exauisting.
one day - sskk fanfics
another day - oh guys, look at my fuckin ideal electrophoresis gel
ouh maybe it will be inspiration, when I will have a free time to write. so chuuya nakahara would hate electrophoresis and chromatografy, I know it
Electrophoresis gel results in the next week, I promise. I think it will be a fuckup like my BSA standard curve, so pathetic
this several people who stayed here, at my blog... Forgive me, if I start talking sceince shit about biotechnology in the next weeks instead of posting bsd or nerdy content, cause semestral exams will be exauisting.
one day - sskk fanfics
another day - oh guys, look at my fuckin ideal electrophoresis gel
ouh maybe it will be inspiration, when I will have a free time to write. so chuuya nakahara would hate electrophoresis and chromatografy, I know it
i think chuuya would really like the offsping tbh (and crazy taxi)
Akutagawa in My Candy Love
A few years ago, when I created an account in My Candy Love game, I think that's when my BSD obsession began. So when I created my nickname, I added "lovesakutagawa" after my regular one. Nothing has changed.
THIS VIDEO ISN'T GETTING THE ATTENTION IT SHOULD GET
Thx for the creator for blessing my eyes
A fanfic I’ll probably never write
ahhh, I’ll probably never write a full fic about my BSD high school AU. so why not say a few words about it here from time to time?
I wanted to set the main story in a small countryside town. Everyone knows everyone, and everyone knows way too much about each other (sometimes more rumors than actual facts, but that’s part of the countryside charm).
A new semester, spring, and new students in class. Who?
Chuuya — a pretty boy, born in the city, with a rich adoptive mother, Kouyou. And Atsushi — I don’t fully know why new school yet... But he will have parents and a healthy relationship with them. Chuuya has an amazing bond with Kouyou too, but his family is incomplete and he’s adopted, so not everything is cute and warm from the beginning. Atsushi deserves that kind of love and warmth. The others do too, but… he’s our cinnamon roll, right?
In the countryside, there’s a huge, almost monumental estate belonging to the local doctor — Mori. His wife is dead. His sister is dead as well, so her son, Dazai, lives with him, along with his daughter Elise. After his wife’s death, Mori became distant and cold, especially toward Dazai. Osamu feels pressured to become a doctor like his uncle, but he’s clearly more of a humanities type — writing poems and essays in the attic instead.
Okay, more about characters and relationships.
Of course, I want the SSKK and SKK fans’ dreams to come true — I’m one of them. But I also have something less popular: Ranposano, and a totally random idea — a difficult but genuine friendship between Akutagawa and… wait, Ranpo? YES. I don’t know how this idea got into my head, but years have passed and it’s still there. I won’t blame myself — I like it, and I like strange fic combinations.
Of course, Dazai and Chuuya will hate each other at first, but it will slowly turn into a rough, intense friendship, because neither of them really had friends before. Dazai was a strange boy with a lot of issues after the deaths of his mother and aunt, and everyone knows Mori isn’t exactly the warm father/uncle type (sometimes he is with Elise, but she spends more time with the nanny — and later with Dazai and Chuuya, eating way too much ice cream, which was absolutely worth it). And Chuuya was just a cocky boy, students rarly wanted to associate with him.
I don’t want to make Dazai and Chuuya’s relationship clearly romantic. That would be too tragic. It’s enough that their “friendship” is unhealthy and harmful at times. But the reader will sometimes feel that it’s more than friendship — and will understand more than the two of them ever do.
It will be like: “Chuuya, can I hold your hand?” “Oh… um… yeah.” “Is that normal in friendship?” “Uh… maybe? You know what? Fuck it.”
They’ll be too stupid and too lost to realize it. Maybe years after high school, they’ll meet again — without all those unprocessed traumas. Because I think… by the end of high school, this relationship will break. It will be too hard for them, even if they liked — or loved — each other.
Ouh, I am too lazy to write anything more right now—it will have to wait for another time.
Sorry for my language. It was checked by Chat (I don’t trust it at all), and sometimes I use a translator to feel more confident, but it’s still not the kind of English I want for communication.
To be honest… I don’t like English. It may come from my weak skills in learning languages (especially German). Uh, it’s really hard for me, because my stories are dense with emotions, I think. I can’t write about action, but writing and reading about emotions and relationships in Polish… it has more magic for me.
But the BSD fandom in Poland is basically dead. And I have to improve my skills, so it will be a challenge, haha. Maybe one day emotions in English will feel as dense and amazing for me as they do in Polish—who knows?
It's been 5 years since I fell in love with bungou stray dogs. Maybe I haven't finished season 5 or manga, but... 5 years, and I'm still obsessed. Fascinating.
Lol
He's so pretty like his mom... OH MY- SHINSOUKOKU
Hiii! I return with another mini chapter about sskk, which my besto friendo @aomiya72 translated from polish to english. Unfortunately this is the last one I have finished :c
“What have I done, what have I done, and why on earth did I do it?” This was definitely worse than asking his grandmother to come to school because he had been caught smoking in the bathroom. And not just any bathroom—the girls’ bathroom, with painted nails on top of it all. According to the school regulations, the whole incident had been classified as scandalous. Akutagawa had long felt that his very existence was one big scandal. And so, with each passing day, he seemed to humiliate himself more and more—even if his actions were driven by fleeting hope.
Ryuunosuke Akutagawa, for the first time in his life, was incapable of going on a date with someone. He had managed to ask Atsushi out—but picking him up was a completely different matter. Ever since early morning, he had felt it in his bones how this day might unfold. He had gotten up at five in the damn morning, on a Saturday no less, when he usually slept until ten. They were supposed to meet at noon.
He couldn’t eat breakfast. He tried waiting it out for two hours—no use. The bread roll with butter came back up after several minutes of nausea. He would have to survive the day on tea, a handful of pills, and extreme emotions. His grandmother, shocked that the kid was awake and looked like he was on the verge of agony, thankfully went out to do the shopping and didn’t force him to eat any more.
His hands trembled more violently than usual. Choosing the right outfit took him a full hour—he couldn’t decide what was appropriate and what wasn’t. He left the house far earlier than he would have for any ordinary, low-stakes meeting, knowing full well he would end up standing by the gate or the door for at least fifteen minutes, unable to gather the courage to ring the bell.
And that was exactly what Akutagawa was trying to do—scrape together the last remnants of his courage. He decided that covering his face with his hands and mumbling under his breath might help. Coward. More than ever before. The lack of control over his own body and emotions filled him with both frustration and shame. The only thing keeping the last shreds of his sanity intact was the thought that being late to pick up Atsushi would be unforgivably rude. Besides, they still had to catch a train to the neighboring city. He couldn’t afford to waste too much time.
Suddenly, the door opened.
Akutagawa no longer knew which version of events would be more awkward—Atsushi answering the door, or his mother, who had just stepped right into his path. He bowed immediately.
“Good morning, I—I don’t mean to intrude. I’m here to see Atsushi,” he muttered, averting his gaze from the woman, who looked surprisingly young for a mother. She probably has no idea that I kissed her son a few days ago. I wonder if she’d still be smiling like that if she did.
“Ah, Akutagawa, right?” He felt intimidated by her positive aura, her youthful appearance, her natural charm. He had never even seen Atsushi’s father, yet he already knew where Nakajima got his pretty face and that warm, magnetic presence.
“Yes… It’s nice to meet you.”
“Please, come in. I’d invite you to stay while you wait for Sushi, but I’m in a bit of a hurry.” She paused, narrowing her eyes in thought, then caught Akutagawa by the arm. “Could you remind him to lock the house and leave the keys where he always does? Oh—and I almost forgot! Before you leave, tell him to take the meat out of the freezer for dinner. And of course, if you’d like, you’re welcome to join us. My husband and I would be happy to finally meet one of Atsushi’s friends. I was very worried about him after he changed schools, so I’m really glad he’s managed to get along with someone.”
Akutagawa flushed, thoroughly embarrassed. He had been unceremoniously pulled into the rhythm of Atsushi’s household. They barely knew each other, he was meeting his mother for the first time, and already he was responsible for making sure Nakajima remembered his chores.
When the woman left, Akutagawa stepped inside hesitantly. He closed the door quietly and leaned against it, breathing heavily. Now comes the final boss.
But what was he supposed to do? Start shouting for Atsushi to hurry up? He couldn’t even bring himself to speak.
“Mom! What time are you coming back?!” The shout—accompanied by noises from the floor above—instantly eased some of Akutagawa’s tension and even coaxed a faint smile from him. He headed toward the sounds of movement. He was still nervous, but now that he had heard Atsushi, he wanted to see him.
Atsushi clearly heard someone step into the kitchen doorway but didn’t turn around, convinced his mother was still at home. Akutagawa, meanwhile, leaned against the doorframe and let his gaze roam over the boy from head to toe. When he heard the clatter of a metal spoon hitting the tiles, he had already resigned himself to the idea that they would have to take a later train than planned.
“Mom, can we invite Akutagawa over for dinner?”
Silence.
Atsushi froze, confused by the lack of response. He turned around—and dropped the spoon again when he saw Akutagawa standing where he had expected to see his mother.
Akutagawa was still gnawed at by stress, but he couldn’t suppress the intrusive, almost satisfied look on his face. It wasn’t only him who had been thrown off balance, surprised, and flustered that day. Atsushi’s face quickly bloomed with a blush, paired with a silly, awkward smile.
“Your mom already suggested it herself when she was leaving,” Akutagawa said.
“H-Hi… Sorry, I know I’m late…”
“Is it really that important?” Akutagawa stepped closer, picked up the dropped spoon, and placed it in the sink.
“I didn’t expect you…”
Their first direct look—filled with shyness and fragments of memories from a few days ago. Akutagawa felt embarrassed when he noticed Atsushi staring at him as if he were a painting. In his mind, the only beautiful picture there was Atsushi himself.
“I didn’t expect this either…” He swallowed hard when his gaze accidentally flicked to Atsushi’s lips. He looked away. He had no right to even think about that.
Ryuunosuke had planned to greet him properly. For several nights, he had played out different versions of this meeting in his head. Not a single one had worked. He had to improvise—and he couldn’t. The confident smile from his imagination shattered, leaving behind only nerves and a cold facade. He desperately didn’t want to come across as rude. He was afraid Atsushi might think he felt nothing, that he was distant.
“Can I…?”
“Hm?”
“Could I hug you?” The feeling after asking was worse than waiting for Atsushi’s answer to the date invitation. It felt like no matter what he did, it would be awkward and strange. After a moment, he heard:
“Sure.”
Maybe it would have been better if Atsushi had said no.
“Are you okay?” Atsushi asked when Akutagawa didn’t move after getting permission, only staring blankly at the wall behind him.
“Yes—sorry, I…” His words cut off with a sigh when Nakajima pulled him into a firm embrace. At first, he stood stiffly with his arms hanging uselessly at his sides. Only after a moment did he raise one hand, threading it into Atsushi’s light hair, while the other settled on his back, drawing the boy as close as possible. He rested his chin atop Atsushi’s head and closed his eyes, savoring the blissful sensation that slowly replaced the tension gripping every muscle in his body.
Atsushi was warm. Gentle. And on top of that, he smelled wonderful. He also seemed just as blissed out, melting into Akutagawa’s arms.
A quick kiss to the forehead—barely a brush, the lightest touch of lips. Then, nervously, Akutagawa clenched his fingers in the fabric of Atsushi’s clothes and abruptly pushed him away, much to the younger boy’s displeasure.
“I think you should finish eating that breakfast.”
So I cry, and I pray, and I beg for u to... SHINSOUKOKU
Another one short chapter with ssk and again thank u @aomiya72 for translation!
Another turn onto his other side. Switching the pillow from its warm side to the cool one. A few minutes of silence, then the sudden glow of a phone screen. 3:24 a.m. Zero notifications. And Atsushi still couldn’t fall asleep.
He wasn’t someone who stayed up late. His friends even teased him for going to bed as early as old people did.
With a sigh, he rubbed his face with his hand. The moment he closed his eyes, the same thing returned. Not even that scene—the one that had marked a turning point for him that evening. Though even thinking about it sent shivers down his spine and a wave of heat spreading across his chest. He felt embarrassingly flustered, yet a shy smile bloomed on his lips as his thoughts drifted back to the spontaneous kiss with Akutagawa.
Still, it wasn’t the image of Ryūnosuke’s flushed cheeks after that first kiss that haunted him the most. What stirred him far more was the moment they had returned to the other guests after their small incident. They had sat down at the table, supposed to act as if nothing had happened between them just minutes earlier. Yet the number of glances Akutagawa kept sending Atsushi’s way made it impossible for him to sit still without discomfort. Every little smile on Akutagawa’s face when their eyes met filled him with the irrational feeling that everyone was about to find out they had kissed in the bathroom—where, on top of that, they had accidentally shattered Chūya’s expensive perfume.
The phone screen lit up again. A quick stretch of his arm, a soft rustle. A glance at the display—a notification—and an ache of heat rushing to his cheeks. Atsushi snorted quietly, feeling strangely detached from reality. He didn’t like losing control over this particular part of his life; something was slipping away from him, as if someone else were writing a silly script for a saccharine romantic comedy.
Why are you online? Why aren’t you sleeping?
“What’s he doing, then?” Atsushi muttered under his breath. He sighed and unlocked his phone, staring blankly at the screen—and at the bouncing dots that meant Akutagawa was typing another message.
I can see you’re reading this.Can I call?
“Picked a great time…”
He agreed anyway. He wanted to hear his voice. And maybe scold him for being so shameless, for staring at him all the time. He probably wouldn’t find the courage to do that—but it didn’t hurt to dream.
“Everything okay, Sushi?” He flinched at the nickname.
“Yeah… I just can’t seem to fall asleep. What about you?”
A minute of silence. Then two. Three. Eventually five. Akutagawa seemed to lose the ability to form words and could only sigh. And when he finally spoke, nothing he said made much sense. Akutagawa was usually articulate, direct, precise—so Atsushi found himself confused. On top of that, it all sounded absurd.
“Aku, it was just a day with a slightly higher dose of excitement. I’m fine. Besides, you’re not sleeping either. What am I even supposed to have a problem with? The fact that I like you too? Honestly, I don’t even know how you came up with that…”
“I don’t really know either. I’m sorry…”
“What are you apologizing for?” Atsushi laughed softly. “Have you tried sleeping yet?”
“More than once.”
Sitting together in silence didn’t bother them. In the past, they often didn't know how to talk to each other, so they would sit side by side in awkward silence, unsure what to say. Each similar moment grew less stressful, less uncomfortable—until eventually it became something pleasant, simply being there with someone else.
“Atsushi?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you go out with me?” Atsushi could hear Akutagawa’s nervous breathing.
Nakajima felt like bursting into laughter—out of nerves and excitement at the same time. But first, he didn’t want to wake his parents, and second, he didn’t want to embarrass Akutagawa. He pressed a hand to his mouth, trying to hide the smile spreading across his face even from himself.
“Atsushi?” Akutagawa’s voice trembled with uncertainty now. He didn’t know what to think when there was no answer—just faint noises on the other end.
“Yes!”
“But… yes, as in what?”
“I can’t believe it!”
“Believe what?”
“You!”
A brief silence followed, then Atsushi heard a groan from the other side.
“You mean… you agreed?” Akutagawa clearly realized the meaning had reached him with a delay. Atsushi could picture him perfectly—Ryūnosuke squirming at the thought of his own cluelessness.
“Yes, I agreed. How about that?”
Long pauses didn’t bother Atsushi. Neither did the moments Akutagawa needed to think things through. He was used to it. He knew how hard it was for him to put emotions into words—anything beyond bare facts.
“I’m happy like an idiot…”
And Atsushi knew how much it had cost Akutagawa to say those words. He heard every tremor in his voice, mixed with quiet excitement. He could even imagine him partly hiding his mouth in his sleeve, as if pretending—to himself—that he wasn’t saying it. But he had said it.
And Atsushi felt quietly proud—though he had no intention of admitting that just yet.
Between the Perfumes and the Washing Machine SHINSOUKOKU PL VERSION
Czy polski fandom BSD egzystuje tutaj w ogóle?
Kręciło mu się w głowie, tak jakby każdy ten gwałtowny oddech sprawiał, że jest jeszcze bardziej pijany. Tkwiąc między ścianą, a ciałem drugiej osoby, czuł się przytłoczony nadmiarem wrażeń. Mocny uścisk Atsushiego i dość silne przypieranie do jednej z szafek, powodowały u niego pewną panikę z powodu takiej bliskości. Ku sprzeczności, to jego dłonie łakomie błądziły po twarzy, karku czy ramionach Nakajimy, który zastygł w uścisku bez ruchu, wpatrując się w niego rozmarzonymi oczętami.
Akutagawa i tak został nakryty na wstydliwym uczynku, więc co mu szkodzi... Po omacku, gdyż rozkoszując się chwilą zamknął oczy, odnalazł swoimi palcami wilgotne usta Atsushiego. Kciukiem przejechał po jego dolnej wardze, prowadząc w myślach dyskusję z samym sobą, czy to nie będzie zbyt niegrzeczne... W końcu czuł się kuszony już od tak długiego czasu, czy wytrzyma więcej? Nie sądził, aby tym razem zdołał zapanować nad swoją naturą, która właśnie pożarła resztki jego rozsądku. Nie, nie był w stanie się dłużej powstrzymywać, kontrolować. W dodatku był podpity.
Uchylił powieki. Pierwsze co ujrzał to jego zaczerwienione bardziej niż zwykle usta. Przesunął wzrokiem po zwykle bladym policzku, na którym teraz wykwitał wstydliwy rumieniec.
I wystarczyło, aby dotarł do jego oczu, aby stwierdzić, że jego kolejna zachcianka, musi zostać spełniona i, że przepadł już niezaprzeczalnie. Zawstydzone, rozmarzone spojrzenie Atsushiego wręcz wypowiedziało zezwolenie. Zezwolenie na wszystko.
Akutagawa ponownie wgapił się w usta chłopaka, przy czym bezwstydnie oblizał swoje. Namyślając się, jedynie jęknął z niecierpliwości do samego siebie, że mimo wszystko tak zwleka i nie wie jak to ugryźć… Może najlepiej w wargi, tak od razu…
— Atsushi? — wybełkotał, poprawiając jeden z kosmyków chłopaka.
— Hm...? — nie zdobył się na bardziej rozbudowaną wypowiedź, czując jak chłodna dłoń Akutagawy dostała się pod materiał jego ubrania i przylgnęła do szaleńczo rozgrzanej skóry na jego boku.
— W sumie... To nie aż takie istotne... — rzucił cicho, kiedy odległość między ich twarzami ponownie zmalała. Zawstydzony odwrócił wzrok.
— Może jednak? — Opuszkiem przesunął po dolnej wardze Akutagawy, na której pozostały resztki pigmentu szminki, która poturlała się gdzieś pod jedną z łazienkowych szafek.
Kiedy wchodził do łazienki, aby odetchnąć od towarzyszy, nie spodziewał się ujrzeć pochylającego się nad lustrem Akutagawę, który jedną dłonią zaciskał palce na ceramicznej umywalce, a drugą starał się delikatnie podmalować swoje usta szminką w jakimś jasnym odcieniu czerwieni. W końcu kiedy ktoś korzysta z toalety, to chyba zamyka drzwi od środka, Atsushi nie pokwapił się na to, aby zapukać, przez co Akutagawa poczuł się przyłapany na najwstydliwszym występku.
Sztyft upuszczony z wrażenia poturlał się gdzieś pod szafkę, drzwi zamknęły się od środka na klucz z trzaskiem, aby nikt więcej nie widział takiej sceny. Reszta potoczyła się niemal instynktownie, z ledwie wypowiedzianymi urywkami kilku zdań. Wyglądało to tak, jakby to spotkanie było już wcześniej zaplanowane i nie muszą się już nawet konsultować, jaki będzie jego przebieg.
— Dlaczego akurat ty... — wyszeptał, próbując oprzeć się dłonią o pobliską pralkę. Przez nieuwagę strącił on z niej kilka kosmetyków, które z hukiem spadły na podłogę i na moment odwróciły ich uwagę od siebie. Kiedy Atsushi chciał swoją dłoń położyć na tej jego, również zmniejszył kolekcję pielęgnacyjną Nakahary. Tylko tym razem były to perfumy, które nie przeżyły starcia z kafelkami. Na pewno były cholernie drogie. I kafelki, i perfumy…
— Cholera… — Akutagawa mocno go przytrzymał, kiedy ten chciał rzucić się na ziemię, by posprzątać stworzony przez siebie bałagan.
— Nie ruszaj się, bo jeszcze na coś wejdziesz i się pokaleczysz…
— Więc…?
— Więc… — Nie chcąc stracić takiego momentu przez jakieś durne Coco Chanel, ułożył dłonie na rozgrzanych policzkach Atsushiego, by choć odrobinę go do siebie przysunąć.
I dalej już samo poszło.
Atsushi nigdy nie spodziewałby się, że swój pierwszy pocałunek odbędzie obściskując się z kimś takim jak Akutagawa, w obcej łazience pomiędzy szafką, pralką, a okruchami szkła od fiolki ekskluzywnych perfum, których mocny zapach przyprawiał go aż o mdłości.
Chyba każdy z nich od dłuższego czasu czekał na ten moment, tylko żaden nie potrafił się zebrać na jakikolwiek śmielszy krok. Oboje czuli ostatnimi tygodniami, jak powstaje między nimi jakieś dziwne napięcie, potrzebujące rozładowania i, że coś naprawdę zaczyna iskrzyć. Tylko zabranie się do rozwiązania tego, każdemu z nich wydawało się tym, co może wszystko zepsuć. Więc czekali, aż to jakoś samo wyjdzie, nie będą musieli nawet o tym rozmawiać, a cokolwiek poważniejszego między nimi zajdzie niemal instynktownie.
Atsushi głośno i nerwowo wciągał powietrze nosem, gdy usta Akutagawy spoczęły na jego delikatnej skórze szyi. Czuł, że odblokował zupełnie nowe uczucie, zupełnie inny stan, tak odmienny od wszystkiego, co do tej pory znał. Było to oszałamiające uczucie, które czuł, jakby oddalało go od rzeczywistości z każdą sekundą, z każdym kolejnym milimetrem skóry pokrywanym przez pocałunki Akutagawy. A ten natomiast karcił się w myślach za to, że stał się na tyle bezwstydny w swoich poczynaniach. Być może nie powinien takiej uroczej istoty jak Atsushi brudzić swoim dotykiem, pocałunkami. Oderwał się więc od niego, by móc na niego popatrzeć. Niemożliwe, lecz serce zadudniło mu jeszcze szybciej, gdy spostrzegł zaczerwienioną twarz Atsushiego i jego zagubiony wzrok, który po chwili zdawał się oprzytomnieć i obdarzył Akutagawę miłością.
— Lubię cię bardzo... — wyszeptał młodszy chłopak. — Wiesz, nie rozumiem cię czasem, a w sumie... to dosyć często, ale pomimo tego lubię cię słuchać i być obok. — Tym razem to on złączył ich usta w kolejnym pocałunku. Atsushi zdecydowanie nie chciał być tym, który tylko bierze, więc zaskoczył Ryunosuke pewniejszymi gestami. Akutagawa, choć nie całował się ani pierwszy, ani piętnasty raz, ani to z piętnastą osobą nawet, musiał przyznać, że nigdy wcześniej nie czuł się tak miło.
Potem pozostało jedynie pytanie... Czy to wszystko powinno wydarzyć się w łazience Nakahary, gdzie ucierpieć musiały biedne Coco Chanel?
Between the Perfumes and the Washing Machine SHINSOUKOKU
Hello, little ones! I want to start posting short chapters of my stories from Bungou Stray Dogs. This one exists thanks to the help of @aomiya72, because she translated it for me—English is not my native language, and my writing skills are… uh, practically non-existent. So, thank you very much, and let's start with Shinsoukoku, my beloved ship!
His head was spinning, as if every sharp breath only made him feel even more drunk. Trapped between the wall and another person’s body, he felt overwhelmed by the excess of sensations. Atsushi’s firm grip and the pressure pinning him against one of the cabinets stirred a rising panic caused by such closeness. And yet, in contradiction to that, it was his own hands that wandered greedily over Nakajima’s face, neck, and shoulders, while Atsushi remained frozen in the embrace, unmoving, staring at him with dreamy eyes.
Akutagawa had already been caught in a shameful act anyway, so what difference did it make now… Groping blindly—his eyes closed as he savored the moment—his fingers found Atsushi’s damp lips. With his thumb, he traced the boy’s lower lip, arguing silently with himself over whether this would be too improper… He had felt tempted for so long already—could he really endure any more? He doubted he would manage to restrain his nature this time, the one that had just devoured the last remnants of his reason. No, he was no longer capable of holding back, of controlling himself. Especially not when he was already slightly drunk.
He parted his eyelids. The first thing he noticed were Atsushi’s lips, redder than usual. His gaze slid over the boy’s normally pale cheek, now blooming with a shy blush.
And that was enough—once he reached Atsushi’s eyes, he knew that his next craving had to be fulfilled, that he was undeniably lost. Atsushi’s embarrassed, dreamy look was an unspoken permission. Permission for everything.
Akutagawa’s eyes returned to the boy’s lips, and he shamelessly licked his own. Still hesitating, he let out an impatient groan to himself, annoyed that he was delaying even now, unsure how to go about it… Maybe the lips would be best. Straight away.
“Atsushi?” he slurred, adjusting one of the boy’s loose strands of hair.
“Hm…?” He couldn’t bring himself to say anything more, feeling Akutagawa’s cool hand slip beneath the fabric of his clothes and cling to the feverishly heated skin of his side.
“Well… it’s not that important anyway…” Akutagawa murmured quietly as the distance between their faces shrank once more. He looked away, embarrassed.
“Maybe it is?” Atsushi brushed a fingertip along Akutagawa’s lower lip, where traces of lipstick pigment still lingered—the same lipstick that had rolled somewhere beneath one of the bathroom cabinets.
When Atsushi had entered the bathroom to get a moment’s respite from the others, he hadn’t expected to see Akutagawa leaning over the mirror, one hand gripping the ceramic sink while the other carefully applied a light shade of red lipstick to his lips. After all, when someone uses the bathroom, they usually lock the door from the inside. Atsushi hadn’t thought to knock, and as a result Akutagawa felt caught in the most shameful of acts.
Startled, he dropped the lipstick, which rolled under the cabinet, and the door was locked with a sharp click so no one else would witness the scene. The rest unfolded almost instinctively, with only a few fragmented sentences exchanged. It felt as though this meeting had been planned long ago, as if there was no longer any need to discuss how it would proceed.
“Why you, of all people…” Akutagawa whispered, trying to steady himself by placing a hand on the nearby washing machine. Carelessly, he knocked several cosmetics off it, which crashed loudly onto the floor and briefly distracted them from one another. When Atsushi tried to place his hand over Akutagawa’s, he too reduced Nakahara’s skincare collection—this time it was a bottle of perfume that didn’t survive its encounter with the tiles. It must have been ridiculously expensive. Both the perfume and the tiles…
“Damn it…” Akutagawa held him firmly when Atsushi tried to drop to the floor to clean up the mess.
“Don’t move, or you’ll step on something and hurt yourself…”
“So…?”
“So…” Not wanting to lose such a moment over some stupid Coco Chanel, he cupped Atsushi’s heated cheeks, pulling him just a little closer.
And after that, it all happened on its own.
Atsushi would never have expected his first kiss to happen while being pressed against someone like Akutagawa, in a stranger’s bathroom, between a cabinet, a washing machine, and shards of glass from a bottle of exclusive perfume whose heavy scent made him feel nauseous.
Perhaps both of them had been waiting for this moment for a long time, yet neither had been able to muster the courage to take a bolder step. Over the past weeks, they had both felt a strange tension growing between them, something that demanded release, something that truly began to spark. And yet, attempting to resolve it felt like it might ruin everything. So they waited—for it to happen on its own, without words, for something more serious to arise between them almost instinctively.
Atsushi drew in shaky breaths through his nose as Akutagawa’s lips settled against the delicate skin of his neck. He felt as though an entirely new sensation had been unlocked within him, a state utterly different from anything he had known before. It was overwhelming, pulling him further from reality with every second, with every millimeter of skin covered by Akutagawa’s kisses. Akutagawa, meanwhile, scolded himself in his thoughts for becoming so shameless in his actions. Perhaps he shouldn’t taint such a lovely being as Atsushi with his touch, with his kisses. He pulled away, wanting to look at him instead.
Impossible—yet his heart pounded even faster when he saw Atsushi’s flushed face and his lost gaze, which after a moment seemed to clear, filling with affection as he looked at Akutagawa.
“I really like you…” the younger boy whispered. “You know, sometimes I don’t understand you—and actually, pretty often—but despite that, I like listening to you and being by your side.” This time, it was he who brought their lips together in another kiss. Atsushi clearly didn’t want to be the one who only received, so he surprised Ryunosuke with more confident gestures. Akutagawa—despite the fact that this wasn’t his first kiss, nor his fifteenth, nor even with his fifteenth partner—had to admit that he had never felt this good before.
Then there remained only one question…
Should all of this really have happened in Nakahara’s bathroom, where poor Coco Chanel had to suffer?
godzina 3:24 shinsoukoku; nakajima atsushi x ryuunosuke akutagawa
Szybki szkic, krótka scenka. Głównie dla testu czy ktoś po polsku czytałby tu fanfiki z bungosów, bo jestem mega ciekawa, więc naturalnie nie daję tu ani długoego, ani mega rozbudowanego rozdziału. A ostatnimi czasy chyba potrzebuję artystycznego powyżywania się.
Kolejne przewrócenie się na drugi bok. Zmiana poduszki z ciepłej strony na chłodną. Kilka minut w ciszy i błysk światła z ekranu telefonu. Godzina trzecia dwadzieścia cztery. Powiadomień zero. A Atsushi wciąż nie mógł zasnąć. Nie należał do osób, które chodziły późno spać. Znajomi nawet podśmiewali się z niego, że chodzi spać tak wcześnie, jak robią to starzy ludzie.
Z westchnieniem przetarł twarz dłonią. Po zamknięciu oczu znowu ta sama scena. Nawet nie scena, która była przełomowa dla niego tego wieczora. Chociaż jak o tym też pomyślał, to aż przechodziły go dreszcze i fala gorąca rozchodziła się po jego klatce piersiowej. Czuł się zawstydzony ponad miarę, ale nieśmiały uśmiech wykwitł na jego ustach, gdy myślami wrócił do spontanicznego pocałunku z Akutagawą. Jednak to nie obraz rozpalonych policzków Ryuunosuke po pierwszym pocałunku stawał mu przed oczyma niemal non stop. Najwięcej emocji wzbudzało w nim to, gdy wrócili do pozostałych gości po swoim drobnym incydencie. Usiedli przy stole z założenia mając zachowywać się, jakby nic między nimi się nie zadziało zaledwie parę minut temu. Jednak masa spojrzeń słanych przez Akutagawę w stronę Atsushiego powodowała, że nie był on w stanie wysiedzieć w spokoju w jednym miejscu i bez poczucia niekomfortu. Każdy kolejny uśmieszek na twarzy Akutagawy, gdy spotykali się spojrzeniami, przysparzał go o poczucie, jakby każdy zaraz miał się dowiedzieć o tym, że całowali się w łazience, gdzie w dodatku zbili przypadkiem drogie perfumy Chuuyi.
Rozbłysk ekranu komórki. Szybkie wyciągnięcie ręki i szelest. Spojrzenie na ekran, powiadomienie i ból rumieńców na twarzy. Atsushi prychnął pod nosem, czując się zbyt odrealnionym od rzeczywistości. Nie podobała mu się utrata kontroli nad tym konkretnym wątkiem życia, coś mu uciekało, tak jakby ktoś pisał głupiutki scenariusz do ckliwej komedyjki.
Czemu jesteś aktywny?
Dlaczego nie śpisz?
— A sam to co niby robi? — mruknął pod nosem. Westchnął i odblokował komórkę. Tępo wpatrywał się w ekran i nadal podskakujące kropki, znaczące o pisaniu kolejnej wiadomości przez Akutagawę.
Widzę przecież, że to czytasz.Mogę zadzwonić?
— Porę sobie znalazł...
Atsushi i tak się zgodził. Chciał go usłyszeć. I nawtykać mu, że jest bezczelny, że ciągle na niego się gapi.
— Wszystko w porządku, Sushi? — Chłopak wzdrygnął się słysząc zdrobnienie.
— No... Po prostu zasnąć jakoś nie mogę. A ty?
Minuta ciszy, dwie, trzy, później pięć minut. Akutagawa przestał potrafić wymawiać słowa i tylko wzdychał. A jak już zaczął mówić, nic nie miało ładu i składu. Akutagawa bardzo ładnie, bezpośrednio i precyzyjnie mówił na co dzień, więc Atsushi się pogubił. W dodatku wszystko to dla niego brzmiało absurdalnie.
— Aku, to był po prostu dzień z trochę większą dawką wrażeń. Ja się nic źle nie poczułem. W końcu sam nie śpisz. O co ja mam mieć niby problem? O to, że też cię lubię? Nawet nie wiem jak ty na to wpadłeś, tak szczerze…
— Sam też do końca nie wiem. Przepraszam…
— Za co ty przepraszasz? — Atsushi się roześmiał. — Próbowałeś spać już?
— A żeby to raz.
Nie przeszkadzało im wspólne siedzenie w ciszy. Wcześniej często nie wiedzieli jak ze sobą rozmawiać, więc siedzieli razem na początku w niekomfortowej ciszy, nie wiedząc co powiedzieć. Każda podobna sytuacja była mniej stresująca i mniej niezręczna aż w końcu to miłe dla nich było, że ktoś z nich posiedzi z drugim i po prostu pobędzie.
— Atsushi?
— Tak?
— Umówisz się ze mną? — Atsushi słyszał jak Akutagawa nerwowo oddycha.
Nakajima chciał wybuchnąć śmiechem z nerwów i ekscytacji zarazem. Ale po pierwsze nie chciał budzić rodziców a po drugie wprawiać w zakłopotanie Akutagawy. Przyłożył dłoń do ust, próbując schować przed samym sobą uśmiech, jaki wymalował mu się na twarzy.
— Sushi? — Akutagawie już drżał z niepewności głos. Nie wiedział co myśleć, gdy nie usłyszał żadnej odpowiedzi, tylko jakieś szmery.
— Tak!
— Ale co tak?
— No nie wierzę!
— W co?
— No w Ciebie!
Chwilą ciszy, po której Atsushi usłyszał jęk po drugiej stronie.
— W sensie, że się zgodziłeś? — Doskonale zdawał sobie sprawę, jaki wyraz twarzy ma teraz Akutagawa, kiedy zorientował się, że informacje dotarły do niego z opóźnieniem. Oczyma wyobraźni widział Ryuunosuke, którego aż skręcało na myśl o własnym gapiostwie.
— Owszem, zgodziłem się. Co ty na to?
Atsushiemu nie przeszkadzały długie pauzy, dłuższe chwile na przemyślenie, których Akutagawa potrzebował. Przyzwyczaił się do tego.
— Cieszę się jak głupi...
I to ile Akutagawę kosztowały te słowa, też Atsushi wiedział. Słyszał każde drżenie w tonie jego głosu wymieszane zarazem z cichą ekscytacją. I domyślał się, że częściowo musiał zakryć usta rękawem, jakby chciał udawać sam przed sobą, że tego nie mówi. Ale powiedział. I Atsushi był całkiem dumny, czego zdradzać jeszcze nie zamierzał.