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Immortality a blessing or a curse

Summary: Traveler had brought Xiao a book with a legend of the love of an Adeptus and a mortal, he seemed to recognize who this book was talking about bringing memories of the past.

Xiao x fem! Reader

word count: 5289

genre: angst

Warning: Major character death, mental issues, blood, xiao backstory spoiler(?, archon quest spoiler, kind of OOC xiao, Health issues, mention of killing.

A/N: I apologise if xiao seems OOC i tried to make him as ‘xiao’ as possible lmao. Also y/n is going to be described in third person since xiao was just explaining the content of the book or it is as if you are watching his past in third person so just wanted to clear that out.

Staring at the cloudy sky, the breeze brushed his locks getting some strands of his hair on his face. It was always like this, since when has he sat down in the balcony waiting for someone to arrive knowing to well that it was nearly impossible for it to happen.

Thinking about the past, he closed his eyes walking away from the balcony to disappear in thin air, when suddenly he heard the voice of a small one.

“We should hurry! Paimon really wants to know about this,” The companion of the traveler was hurrying to see the adeptus at the place he always stayed with a certain book they found at Liyue harbor.

The adeptus taken a back from her voice he crossed his arm lining in the balcony to wait and see whatever they wanted.

“Hi Xiao! We wanted your help with a subject,” The blonde said fixing her attire from running and following Paimon.

“Help for what?”

“Wanting to learn more about Liyue and their adeptus Paimon found this book! We asked people around about it and apparently it is a famous legend,” The little one opened the book to show the content to the adeptus that was standing in front of them “, Paimon really wants to know more of this legend!” She smiled nervously at the traveler and then Xiao hoping for him to accept.

He felt this was a waste of time, human’s books where of no interest to him neither was their legends but still, the adeptus took the book of Paimons hands planning on just reading the title not expecting interesting content from it. Reading the small summary the book gave, his eyes widened for the familiar content he once experienced.

“How can the future be advantageous to us, illusions of dreams too far away to reach even for the ones who love. The legend of a far dream between an adeptus and a mere mortal, how could they fall in love? Aren’t there too many differences? That’s for fate to decide,”

Paimon noticed the change of mood from the Yaksha, getting that he indeed knew this legend but didn’t say anything of it.

“This...,” Memories where still appearing knowing too well who was this book talking about, as he remembered everything his brows furrowed handing the book to Lumine “, why do you want to know.” Trying to change his obvious expressions he just closed his eyes. Clearly, the traveler understood what he meant, he indeed knew of it “I thought it was a beautiful story and couldn’t stop myself from knowing more.”

Sighing he turned his back to them staring to his hands not really wanting to share something that meant too much for him, but of what use was hiding it when basically all humans knew about it.

“Fix yourself, it is a long story if you don’t want to waste your time, leave.” No one moved a finger

“Fine…”

-

Way back, in the archon era, yakshas were summoned from Morax to take care of the monsters that roamed the lands. Eons of fighting, the remaining yaksha became an adeptus promising the god of contracts for his protection to the land Morax now ruled, Liyue Harbor.

With no remaining Yakshas, the new adeptus karma grew bigger than anything. Years of fighting himself, he was saved from his hell but the burden of guilt was still accumulated, it was hard for him to control it. He never let himself get near from humans, distancing from any kind of contact fearing for it to be contagious. No matter the effort he put to build himself walls to stay in, his heart betrayed his promise when a certain mortal caught his attention. The archon war hasn’t finish at all making the wrath and vengeful feelings of gods affects the land of teyvat, mostly to mortal’s life.

A day more for the adeptus to protect the land, his deep burden was affecting his physical state making him feel like he was tied up with metal ropes. a mortal has noticed this one being falling from a tree instantly running to him where he has fallen to not fearing the strong aura he gave. The adeptus noticed the mortal approaching him giving her a fixed stare, basically screaming to leave him deal with this alone. What he didn’t know is that purifying and helping local people was her duty, so of course she didn’t pay mind to his hesitance. It hurted to much for him to struggle and not accept help, thought he would never say it he very much appreciated the help the mortal was offering.

-

This mortal was known in many villages as she was from a family with an ability to purify the wrath that roamed the land of teyvat that affected all living things. but she wished she had more power with her, she wanted to protect the land that her family has taken care for years now. The land she grew up in was full of death but it was not unheard of, even though it was protected by Morax many gods approached to fight him affecting the lives around. She felt helpless, by only purifying or killing the affected creatures, she felt that it was not enough. Karma still affects humans, all living creatures does and of course she was no exception.

Now that the adeptus was in her hands, she was trying to help him to get rid of the strong aura roaming within his self. Waking up, the yaksha felt that he was laying on the ground quickly getting up and turned around only to see the mortal being to close to him. Trying to avoid affecting the human, he got away from her grasp by vanishing in thin air. Appearing at Jueyun Karst, he couldn’t help but think of how can a mere mortal be to near to him? Is she going to be okay? Questions was the only thing he was getting in his mind, not noticing how light he suddenly felt after the encounter with the mortal.

After watching the man disappear, she figured that maybe he was an adepti of Liyue the protectors of the land, she felt glad that she could be of help to these protective beings.

After that, the adepti was always near her village silently watching her work, how she took care of the villagers, her spiritual work in purifying, how she fought with creatures everything in order to protect the village… but how can she be so careless? Now… humans are very observant; their intuition is also strong but some choose to ignore and others to trust in. She was one to always trust in her intuition and something told her that she was being followed everywhere.

“I can feel your gaze,” she confronted her watcher and this made his heart nervous making him vanish once again without saying a word. But even after that, he still ‘took’ care of her, but why was he so interested in her? He was just protecting nothing more, right? Excuses was his way to go and she just grew more curious to this someone following her. A plan was made to finally see who it was, it was not hard to do so since she always felt this being.

-

Doing her usual tasks, she found herself at the plantation collecting herbs for the doctor of the village. It was pretty late for being outside on the woods so it was most likely for the yaksha to visit her on her duty. His gaze felt clearer than other days, this was the perfect opportunity to catch is attention in a way to not scare him away, so with only one arrow she took her bow and aimed for his sides, not wanting to hurt him. She shot her bow succeeding on what she wanted to achieve, he was perplexed by the arrow that it didn’t give him enough time to run away. “Could you show yourself?” Now he knew who shot the arrow.

He saw her at an attack position, afraid of being seen as trouble, the yaksha showed himself at her with his usual serious expression.

“There you are,” smiling she lowered her weapon “I have noticed you have been following me around… why?” her expression didn’t change, it was surprisingly intimidating since the situation wasn’t really a moment to be so relaxed. But he also never changed his expression, it was cold and his eyes looked dead for her.

“no reason, my work is to protect this land.”

“Is that so?” This didn’t answer her question “whatever reason may be, if you want to approach me do so… not everyone appreciates someone following them around,” Knowing well that he didn’t seem as one to answer doubts, she took the herbs and prepared to part away walking past him “please, come find me at the village, I believe you already know its location” Was the only words he heard from her after watching her walk away.

Since that day, they became closer to each other. She has asked him help for protecting the village worried that there has been a lot of monsters with stronger karma in the woods. No matter how many people shielded their home, it was not enough to end with the karma since she was the only one left of her family with the ability to purify them.

This was their karma, power in return of their life spawn.

They took their duties seriously and their personal life with care, this both sides made their whole person look different to one another. People found their closeness special; it was not often that you heard these types of relations to happen with these secretive beings. These too treasured each second, they hanged around together, spending countless of hours walking besides each other visiting the only places not affected by the war taking the paper of protecting these lands to maintain the state they founded them like. He loved her company, the laughs she released while playing around, how her hair got into her mouth complaining to the air to stop teasing her and how she treated him with such care he felt he would melt at any moment. The yaksha even showed her the land the adeptus lived in, the way she was thrilled by the sight was worth the scolding from moon caver. Both forgot their own issues blinding them for what was to come, they knew it all but preferred to not get them into their minds, sometimes he regrets he didn’t put a stop earlier to these moments.

Getting back from their usual guard, they walked into the entrance of the village looking slight exhausted from all the fighting. Kids got excited at watching them return, she greeted the kids more excited for seeing them healthy as ever, the yaksha just watched as the kids received her with warm hugs after being away for days. He never got tired of her tenderness towards their welcomes every time they got back; This all made his heart warm… he still wasn’t used to these feelings but she still made it appear each time her eyes met his. A small boy interrupted his thoughts by grabbing his hands “Sir, would you like to stay to celebrate?” He was taken back by the child request immediately looking at you to somehow read your thoughts, he found out you were also surprised by the request but your expression changed to amusement at the thought of celebrating the mid-autumn with him.

“That’s a great idea, why don’t you stay? We worked hard these days, we deserve a rest,” She said standing from her seat to stand in front of him “I will assure your wellbeing.” Her hand reached out to his hoping to come in contact as an answer for her request, he stared at her hand for long seconds as he didn’t expect to get asked that by a mortal and less for him actually considering it. She saw his hesitation and didn’t want to make him feel forced “Its fine if you don’t want to, please take care on your way-”

His hands reached hers and grabbed them not wanting her to walk away, something was telling him he had to stay “Wait, i…would like to” At his response, she squeezed his hand with excitement and ran towards the village. Entering the village, he saw how everything was bright and comforting, people were preparing to go near the lake and see the full moon with everyone. The village decoration made him think this was another world, how can a place be so joyful when there are gods still fighting, creatures still consuming living things to feed themselves… but it was all her, everyone thanked her for the celebration, some people even had tears at expressing how grateful they were ‘It has been years since we could finally celebrate traditions’, ‘If it weren’t for all your effort I don’t know if we could have done it’ An elder said grabbing her hands, all he could think at this moment was of how much she has actually sacrificed to protect her people.

Everything was too perfect to be true, all you could hear was the laugh of kids playing around while the adults enjoyed the view with the food gathered together to share with each other and the delicious mooncakes everyone enjoyed eating. They both had stayed siting at the wooden bridge by the lake, watching the bright moon as if it could go at any minute. They have done pretty much anything they could do at the village, she wanted him to have an unforgettable night, to watch his smile as she had before. He did enjoy it all, after all his sins he has done, this was something he never thought he could experience but he did and all he wanted was to things to stay as they were.

“I told you that you wouldn’t regret it,” chuckling she pulled her self-closer to her legs to get warmer by the cold breeze, “I would never like for this to end,” she turned her head towards him “but… will it?” He had understood the meanings behind her words, turning his head to watch her, the usual smile she wore wasn’t anywhere to be seen but instead, he was greeted with a saddened face.

She seemed so different than other days, something was off and just now he had noticed. Her lips were tinted purple and she had more noticeable eyebags, he has seen this before. but before he knows it, she falls on his shoulder with an exhausted sigh, worriedly he slightly moved her shoulders to see her state, she had must likely passed out. He didn’t want to think of the worse that could happen so he just took her bridal style and went to send her to the adobe, before he arrived an elder had seen the adeptus taking their village chief somewhere. “Adeptus, did something happen?” The elder approached him and watched who was at her arms.

“She suddenly fell asleep.” He said brushing off what might had happened.

“Is that what you believe?” The elder said walking inside the house, “put her to bed” smiling she sat down at the chair near the bed taking in with her a bowl to mix in herbs. The yaksha didn’t know about health issues so he just submitted to her request. The village chief was sound asleep, she seemed peaceful and graceful even at her state but he couldn’t stop thinking of her symptoms, he recognized them too well and how he dares to think that’s was the case. The elder hand touched his hand as a way of reassurance, he was anxious for her state “I am responsible of treating her so no need to worry you,” responsible of treating her? Was this not the first time?

Since the mooncake celebration, he didn’t get near the village for days, he couldn’t bring himself to face her state. He was at Jueyun Karst where he used to normally be before meeting her, while walking past the extensive lake he was thinking of the day he had spent with her and how it all ended when suddenly he heard her familiar voice calling out for him. Without hesitating he appeared in front of her, she seemed better than how she was that day but still something felt off.

Running towards him, she gave him a warm hug. “I didn’t hear from you for days… I couldn’t help but call you out, I apologies” he reciprocated the hug showing on how much he had missed her.

“I’m glad you are better now…”

-

The karma and wrath that was roaming the land was something people tried to fight against, making living beings designated to struggles with their deep grudges. Bringing out guilts they had tried to hide, guilts that ate their sanity making them act with carelessness. This was a curse that she had slowly grew with, the more she fought against the wrath of deceased gods, her life spawn deteriorated with time. It wasn’t her fault, her family heritance that they left behind with her was the cause of her suffering, it was the path anyone had to follow if they had her family blood… there isn’t any place to run besides dying completing their duty.

Never once she planned to fall in love. When she was a child, her duty was constantly reminded off, she was told how she would have to live for the rest of her days and consequences if she chooses to fixate herself in personal matters and still, she fixated herself in an immortal protector of the land she grew up in, she knew too well what would happen then but that didn’t stop her from giving in her desire. The first guilt had started to grow. He would stay alone, he had told her his story and how karma had consumed him and she still couldn’t help but feel envious of his immortality, she even had told him about it making him chuckle at her comment but… how could she not? If she got to be immortal, then she could spend years at his side, she would get to experience old and unreachable dreams she once had as a small child. How could she be so selfish and only think for her own good when the adeptus even wished he could leave this world someday as mortals do… Her third guilt started to grow. But her forte was hiding herself, she couldn’t let herself be consumed by all her guilts… but it all started to hurt a lot more, her grudges began to be unbearable and she knew the cause was how far she was pushing herself. It was too late to slow down now, she knew realized it too late to start regretting at her choices. Her end was getting near, she can’t leave… not now.

This all was caused by the wrath that was slowly consuming her.

The adeptus at this point knew what was about to happen, nothing got to be as it were before. They still saw each other as the promised they made said but they both weren’t as blind as they were before, trying to get back to the old days, it just made them grow apart even more. They missed each other, it was too much to bear and hard to overcome. She was slowly growing more ill; everything was affecting her negatively and the only way to cope was protecting her people before she leaves with regrets. The villagers knew what was happening and they tried to treat her but it got hard to do so.

The elder that once took care of her had called for the adeptus not really expecting him to show up, but he did. “Oh, I didn’t expect for you to actually come,” The elder sat in the wood table of her adobe pointing the adeptus to sit with her.

“Young adeptus… time passes really fast, doesn’t it? Every moment you take a breath in this world, you have to cherish it even with your loved ones. I think it’s never too late to try and spend time with those that are leaving us behind,” This brought a bitter feeling on his heart making him grip his pants to control himself at her words “I’m not only asking for her, but for your own good too. Today could be the last day you could bring back cherished memory and you would only grow regretful with time if you don’t act early, so please… take your last chances.” These words confirmed her fate, He couldn’t grasp the idea that she was must likely going to leave him behind and it pains him thinking of her last days suffering as he knows to well how karma gets the better of you.

-

She had just finished clearing out the monsters in the woods, when cleaning her weapon, she saw her final work. There was blood everywhere and her hands were full with the blood of the creatures, she felt pity at them, how these pure creators fell victims to the contagious wrath. It reminded her of a certain someone.

There was nothing than a serious expression on her face, but she still wasn’t prepared to go back her home so she stayed, roaming the woods thinking of her childhood desires when without a notice she found herself at a familiar place, a place that made her life take a turn. But what made it better is that the yaksha she had deeply adored was in front of her and all he had with him was serious face with slight sad and happiness in his eyes. He was still as charming as she remembers, memories of their moments together were the only thing she had in mind, in how they spent countless of hours together, in how she wished she had known him earlier and still, she was taken a back by his presence but glad she could see him for one more time.

“This is the place where we met each other, how nostalgic” She broke the silence and smiled warmly at him.

“Are you really leaving?” He can’t save his emotions anymore, his face got more saddened “why did you never tell me about your illness…”

“I knew what was going to happen if I continued…” she tried to maintain her smile but it seemed fake

“but I didn’t,” at hearing this words, she felt more guilty over her decisions “I did know you were leaving someday… but not so early, not so painful”

This all had break her down, his words sounded like an echo on her head that made her leave tears out of her eyes. Everything seemed clearer now, it was indeed all her fault… she felt if she basically lied to his face. “if… I had told you back then, would you still act the same?”

He only thought that if that were the case, it wouldn’t hurt as much as he is currently doing but he couldn’t throw everything to her. He should have known you both weren’t compatible for each other in this world, immortality was his first clue for stopping on his track but he kept on trying. Now she was breaking down Infront of his very eyes, he watched as her karma was consuming her even more…it all was too much for him. He quickly ran towards her to grasp her figure and feel her for at least one more time, if it wasn’t too selfish of him, he would like to stay like these forever more.

He felt how light she was, her face was pale and her skin was full with bruises. She seemed awful it was a sight he just wished to forget.

With a pained voice she gripped on the adeptus hand “please… just end it, what is there for me to fight for” Her voice cracked and tears continued to stream down her pale face. He was speechless at her requests; he couldn’t believe a person like her could ask for her own death.

“What are you saying… stop it,” This was all wounding him; he just can’t do this to her, he can’t bring himself to harm her body. “I don’t want to have a slow and agonizing death you know,” she laughed slightly trying to relax him.

He can’t hold his tears anymore, everything he had burden within him got out as cries, he doesn’t want to hear her pained voice anymore, not like this “Stop… this is no time for jokes, please stop asking me to do that, I can’t…” everything that came out of his mouth were shocked cries, he threw himself at the floor with her on his arms tears not stopping coming out of his eyes, she saw how much he hated this but she also did. Her hands reached to his face and her other hand a dagger she had on her and placed it on his free hand signaling to hill her with that.

“Please…” this was the only thing she could throw now as her voice was growing tired of talking.

He held the dagger with widened eyes not wanting to do it but her pleading face was the end of him, closing his eyes he positioned the dagger directly on her heart preparing to stab her there to make it as quick as possible, but he was too anxious. His fingers were trembling and his eyes were blurry because of his tears, she wanted him to do be lighten before doing it and before he knew it she got near his face and watched him with a grateful gaze before putting her lips on his wet ones, it was a long kiss but if felt too son to end for his liking, it was the first and last time he would be able to do so.

Lightening himself he saw her for a last time before she opened her mouth “I love you; I will be sure to watch over you now…” at finishing her sentence the dagger entered her chest taking her breath, she last gave him a final smile for him to remember.

He just hugged her limb body and mumbled to himself before he could stand up from his place and place her body in a safe place.

“I’m sorry…”

-

After her death, he stopped showing up at the village. Everyone was grieving at the loss of their head chief, as being the last one with her family heritance she had thought of how would the villagers would live if she were to leave this world, leaving behind small shrines with her purifier energy. The village did rituals for the family as a way to show their gratefulness, it was like this for centuries to come. Now the place where the story had taken place in its named as Qingce village changing its lands thanks to erosion taking away many treasures from the old place with it. The yaksha still went in visit of the village location to take care of the shrines she has left behind but because of the era they were built in, some of them were destroyed not leaving behind the energy they once had. The villagers never heard from the old protector they once had, the gaze she has explained to many of them cleared the doubt if he still roamed around the area. It is all left in the past, the legend went past copies to copies until they formed the book of Liyue legends, it was a sorrowful story and worse of what there is of the village they both took care together for years.

-

Paimon was now crying after the yaksha ended the story, she found it bitter how these two ended. The traveler was saddened and couldn’t help but think that maybe Xiao was the adeptus of the book.

Xiao turned around to be greeted with Paimon tears “There’s no need for tear, it may be even seen as disrespectful for the adepti”. He crossed his arms and looked at Paimon seriously.

“I-I’m sorry, Paimon just felt bad after hearing the ending” She wiped her tears with the traveler clothes “Hey! Use your own clothes!” The traveler pushed Paimon aside and cleaned her dress. Xiao looked over them with curiosity bringing memories of the village kids of centuries ago.

“If that everything you needed to know, there it is.”

“I actually have one more doubt” Lumine reached over Paimon to take a bracelet she had on “As we said, we were so curious of the book that we went to the village only to find well… a ruin connected with the legend” she rubbed her neck on how uninterested xiao seemed over her comment as he already knew this “But, we did find this at the ruins and I think it matches the girl of the book.”

After hearing that, Xiao curiously got near the traveler to see a bracelet “this…” The traveler figured that he indeed knew what the bracelet was so she handed it to him. Xiao felt an energy flow on him the moment he touched the bracelet, the energy was familiar. He then remembered the time where (y/n) had helped him and how he felt after their encounter.

“This bracelet contains an ancient energy that purified creatures with karma caused by the deceased gods,” he explained while still holding the bracelet analyzing it “The people that had these powers normally had an amulet that was given to them by the former head of a village, The amulet had to be something they found comfort in to be able to transmit their energy, almost like passing family blessings over an object.”

Xiao still had the amulet at hand not wanting to leave the familiar feeling the bracelet gave to him. “That’s good to know, you can keep it!” The traveler now understood he was the adeptus of the book so decided to make him keep this bracelet. The yaksha was grateful for her gift, he never thought Lumine could help him find something dear to him.

“Thanks, traveler I… will cherish this gift.”

“I’m relieved you liked it,” Lumine smile at him and was about to live when then she stopped on her track, Xiao saw her stopping so he waited for her word.

“By the way, I’m sure you will be able to meet her again in not too long” He was surprised at her words because he never said it was him all along

“Are you wishing for my death?” He said seriously but it was his poor attempt of a joke.

“Ah! No, what I meant is that if you open your eye long enough, what you can find may be surprising.” Lumine was feeling nervous, her attempt of comfort meant something else for the adeptus, she thought.

Xiao truly appreciated her words, it made him think if there was actually a way to watch her again to at least not forget her face. He gave Lumine a smile and thanked her for the time they had and for the comforting words, this surprised the traveler since he never shows this side of him but was happy she could at least be of help.

Xiao was left alone at the balcony with only his thoughts and the caressing breeze, the bracelet hanged on his hands lightening his worries.

“To ever experience your energy like this again… Dreams may not be as unapproachable as they sound”.

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