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In Sickness & In Madness

Pairing: Zayne x Yandere!Non MC. Implied Caleb x MC.

Synopsis: You know Zayne only has eyes for MC. That didn't stop you from doing your best as his wife. To you, your love is big enough for both of you...until you read his journal. That immediately sends you spiralling down the rabbit hole.

Note: Angst with a happy ending.

WARNING: Depiction of SUICIDE, OOC, emotional manipulation, obsessive love, unhealthy relationship, attempted murder, disturbing thoughts, Zayne being ignorant, angst.

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You're hopelessly in love with Zayne.

He didn't feel the same way because his heart is only for MC but is forced to marry you by his parents.

However, you are just happy to be with him. He doesn't ask you to but you cook and clean because you want to. It doesn't matter that he isn't home as often as he should or that you have seen him with MC at a cafe. You're fully aware of his feelings for her. You just didn't know the extent until....

...you clean his home office and notice a journal on his desk. One which you have never seen before. You know you shouldn't. It's an invasion of privacy but something inside you urges you to so you did.

You wish you hadn't.

Because it breaks something inside you. Never to recover ever again.

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Zayne finds you at the balcony when he returns home from his shift, seemingly drunk, judging by the empty glass bottles by your side.

He is alarmed, of course. Because you're not a drinker. You only drink during social events so this is unusual.

"Dear...let me have this, okay?" Your voice is soft. So very soft. You still didn't look at him, face hidden behind the curtain of your long hair. "I had a bad day at work...really bad day...you should rest..."

Zayne isn't sure if he should buy it. You seem...broken...defeated. It may not seem like it but he does notice a few things about you. You have always been resilient and calm, never falter, never give up, never like this.

"I'll come back inside soon...so just go and rest, okay? You had a very long day." You mutter, sipping on your wine again. "Please...let me have this...just this once..."

Although reluctant, Zayne nods slowly. "I'll wait for you inside, okay? Don't stay out too long."

"Okay, Darling..." You mumble.

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By the time you enter your shared bedroom from the balcony, Zayne is sleeping on the bed, still in his work clothes. He had fallen asleep while waiting for you.

You drop on your knees beside him. Your heart clenches at the sight of his face. He seems unreal to you at times, almost ethereal...divinely beautiful. You reach out your hand to lightly ghost over his face, tracing his temple, cheeks, nose and down to neck. His brows furrow slightly under your touch but otherwise, he remains in slumber.

As you trace the pulse points on his neck, you ponder on your current situation.

There are times when you want to kill MC off so you can have him to yourself...or kill him so no one can have him. If you dig your sharp nails in the flesh of his neck...he will wake up, yes...but you can rip off his air supply, feel his warm blood staining your hands.

You dug in your nail, just a little. Just enough for you to leave a crescent shape mark on his skin. Just enough for him to stir as his consciousness sinks in.

"Y/N?" His voice is rough with drowsiness, his lids slowly crack open to showcase those brilliant golden green eyes which you love so much.

At this very moment, it hits you on how easy it would be. One swift press, and he would be yours forever. Gone for eternity. But still yours. His life would be yours for the taking.

"Y/N...what are you doing?" Zayne questions, cautiously. Every last remnant of sleep evaporates the moment he registers the sharp, predatory look in your eyes. Understandably, it unsettles him. He had never seen you like this before.

You didn't reply, your eyes roam over his face, studying his expressions as if assessing his next move. The silence stretches for what seems like hours but in reality is only one minute.

Then, you smile. No...not the sweet smile Zayne always receives whenever you see him, but a slow, eerie smile which chills him to the bone, like facing a cold blooded killer.

"Just remembering how easy it would be to end you." You whisper, your nails pressing a little harder into his skin.

Zayne's jaws clench, his body tenses under your touch. His hand grabs your wrist gently, preventing you from digging in further.

"Talk to me, Y/N. What's wrong?" He demands softly as if not to agitate whatever is going on with you right now.

You didn't answer for a moment. Instead, in a flash of an eye, you wrap your hands around his neck, your nails pressing into his skin, and climb over him, straddling his lap.

"I could kill you right now, slowly and painfully..." You say calmly despite the eerie smile on your face. The discovery of his journal has messed up with your head, breaking your fragile sanity. "If I do, would she cry, hm? Would she go after me to take revenge for your death?"

Zayne's grip tightens around your wrists out of instinct. He could throw you off him if he has to. You are a Deepspace Hunter. A formidable one. Although he isn't aware of the full extent of your strength as he had never seen you fight before, only heard stories from MC, he can hold his own ground.

"Y/N, you're not thinking straight." Zayne says. There's no denying it. He doesn't know what happened but something definitely broke inside you.

"And whose fault is that?" You retort, the venom in your voice is concentrated yet full of pain. "You never looked at me."

Then, you chuckle brokenly as though you have truly gone mad. Maybe you are. Your pointy nails sink further in his flesh, enough to leave tiny cuts. "Shall I kill her instead, Darling? So you can take revenge for her and kill me with your own hands...Maybe I can have your hate since I can't get your love...I gave you everything I have just to get scraps of your love...my dignity, my body, my heart..."

Zayne feels his heart clenches painfully at your words. It dawns on him...this is his fault. It's his fault you became like this. He had known of your feelings but the bitterness of the situation led him to take it out on you, who wished for nothing but his love.

He lets go of his grasp around your wrists, cupping your cheeks instead, wiping the fallen tears away with his thumbs. The unexpected gentleness, which he never showed you before, catches you off guard, prompting you to release him from the death grip you had around his neck. Your manic expression softens back to your normal self with every caress of his hands.

"Oh Y/N...I'm sorry...what have I done to you...?" He mumbles under his breath.

Zayne can see it now. How much his indifference and iciness had damaged you. Your desperation for his attention, your love turned into an obsession for him...

"I don't know if I want to live in this world where you're not mine...You have no idea how much I hate her...so much that I feel like the only relief to this madness is if I have her head or yours...I dreamed I killed her... tortured her... tortured you..." You laugh brokenly in tears. "I thought of many ways I can end your life and hers..."

"But you didn't." Zayne states softly, like speaking to a wild, scared animal. He's deeply disturbed by your honest thoughts but chooses to not react to better handle your current mental fragility. He carefully wraps his arms around you. Perhaps because you're so deprived of his attention, you melt easily against him, even nuzzling your face in his chest.

"Let us sleep, okay?" He coaxes quietly, stroking the back of your head.

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The next day, Zayne calls in sick to stay at home for the day. He even calls the Hunter Association to report the same for you.

Everything seems fine at first. You're back to being his sweet little wife, who does your wifely duties as you always do. You made him breakfast this morning and clean as per your usual routine, even fussing over him when he attempted to help you, telling him to rest instead. Now, you're cooking lunch. You seem...normal. Happy even, as you hum a tune to yourself. In fact, you greeted him sweetly as if the version of you he saw last night was nothing more than a figment of his imagination.

It almost tricks him into believing that you are okay.

That is until his phone rings...and MC's name is displayed on the screen. You're at the kitchen when it happens. You weren't even facing him yet for some odd reasons, you know she's calling because Zayne hears the sudden loud sounds of chopping.

The sound of your knife hitting the cutting board—hard, rapid, and loud—echoes through the apartment. Zayne’s blood runs cold.

"Y/N..." He says firmly despite the unsettling feeling in his heart. "Don’t."

"Dear..." Your voice is sweet...too sweet, when you call him. Your back remains facing him as you continue to chop the veggies with enough force that should be reserved for butchering meat. "Your phone is ringing. Don't you want to answer it?"

Zayne could hear his heart beating in his ears as the chopping sound continues in a rapid succession like a gun fire. His hand trembles slightly when he presses the answer button, lifting it to his ear. His eyes remain on your back as if bracing himself for your reaction.

"Zayne? You okay? Yvonne told me you called in sick today and rescheduled our appointment. Do you want me to come over?" MC asks.

Zayne swallows inaudibly, eyes still remain on you. It's a miracle MC didn't hear the violent, butchery sound over his voice.

"No...it's fine. Y/N has a flu too so it's infectious. She's really...sick now."

At the mention of your name, you stop the assault on your poor chopping board. You turn your head slightly, just enough for Zayne to catch a glimpse of the calm yet dangerous glint in your vacant eyes.

"Oh, okay then. Take care, okay? Both of you. Make sure to take your meds and drink a lot of water." MC chirps, completely oblivious to the current predicament Zayne found himself in.

"Yeah...we will. Thank you, MC..."

As soon as the calls end, you set down your knife...slowly... carefully...before turning around to face him. Chills run down his spine when he meets your eyes. Dark and vacant as if staring into the abyss itself. And your face...blank without a single drop of expression, like a doll.

"Y/N...are you alright?" Zayne asks cautiously.

It unnerves him on how still you are. Almost borderline inhuman.

Then-

"Dear...." Your voice is so soft. So full of honey. Then, the beautiful smile he knows so well graces your face. "Let's eat."

Just like that, it's as if the spell is broken and the tension has dispersed. You usher him to sit down before going back to plating the salad.

It's as if the monster inside you has left.

You're back to being sweet to him, playing the role of his wife perfectly as you always do, even when he didn't spare a glance at you back then.

Zayne pretends not to notice the bruises on your fingers from when you gripped the knife with enough force to crush his windpipe.

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"Y/N, are you really okay?" Zayne asks.

Both of you are laying on the bed but neither of you can sleep for different reasons. He couldn't get the haunting image of you this morning out of his mind.

"Darling, of course I am." You hum gently, your hand traces his chest randomly. He tenses under your touch but doesn't move away. He doesn't dare to.

It's disturbing how easily you can switch from the sweet wife he's accustomed with to the murderous beast he's acquainted with just yesterday.

"You don't have to lie, Y/N..." Zayne says quietly. "I know what I saw this morning."

"And what exactly did you see?" You reply without missing a beat but your voice becomes even more saccharine.

Zayne didn't answer for a moment.

"You looked like you would have hunted her down if I didn't have my eyes on you."

A stretch of silence settles in after the last word. The tension is heavy and thick that Zayne almost forgets to breathe.

Then, you laugh.

Your shoulders shake with barely suppressed giggles, the sound soft and sweet and...innocent.

Zayne can't tell if the knots twisting in his stomach right now are from relief or concern. There's something unnerving about your laughter, the way you're acting as if he just told a joke.

You scoot closer to YOUR husband, your hand still rests on his chest.

"Darling...have you forgotten how much I hate her?" You say, your voice remains caramelised.

Zayne nearly couldn't speak because of how disturbed he is by your reaction. "Do you hate her that much?"

"Yes, Dear. I hate her more than anything in this world." You chirp in a joyful tone as if you're telling him about something good happening in your day. You stroke his cheek lovingly. "She has your heart even though she did nothing."

Zayne's breath hitches at your words. He doesn't expect you to admit the last part.

He turns his head slightly to kiss your palm as a silent apology for the pain he has unknowingly caused you throughout the two years of marriage. For not realising that the wounds run so deep he's not sure he will be able to fix it even if he apologises for eternity.

"You deserve better than me, Y/N." He says softly, guilt brewing within him.

"....I know I do..." You lean forward to nuzzle your head under his chin, emitting a soft sigh. "But all I want is you, Darling....because I'm..."

You shift up to kiss his temple. "Hopelessly..."

Then you peck his nose. "Stupidly..."

And then his cheek. "Helplessly..."

Finally, his lips. "In love with you..."

You pull back to meet his eyes, still with that beautiful smile you always give him. It used to not mean a thing when his mind was full of MC...now, he wishes he hadn't taken it for granted.

"And now, nobody can fix my heart again."

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The next day goes downhill so fast and terribly that Zayne is certain he will never recover from the ordeal.

You attempted to murder MC, and in turn, also tried to kill Xavier because he interfered with your plan. Captain Jenna had immediately called Zayne to inform him of your situation. You are currently locked up in the Hunter Association's confinement section in the basement.

Fortunately, both MC and Xavier are completely fine.

"What more do you want, Y/N? I have started to pay attention to you. I see you. I reduce my contact with MC. What more do you want?" Zayne demands.

You tilt your head, your eyes, once full of life and warmth, are now dull and empty, dead the moment you read his journal a few days.

"Dear...I don't want just your attention. I want your love...but I know I will never get it..." You chuckle brokenly, a single tear slips down your cheek.

Zayne expects you to be as insane as you were last night. He thought you would have a sort of outburst...anger, frustration...not this sorrowful acceptance, like you have given up but not in a peaceful way.

"Y/N...you can't force someone to love you..."

"I know..." You smile ruefully. "I wish...you hadn't destroyed me...Now...I don't know how to live without you..."

Zayne's heart tugs painfully at your words. The guilt brewing within him is indescribable. He knows he can't force himself to love you, but he should have treated you right from the start. Through all the pain, the abandonment and the ignorance you received from him, you always smile and never once falter to take good care of him. You always make sure he's well fed and fully rested. He doesn't deserve your love but you gave it anyway. So much that you lost yourself in the process.

"Then, we'll start over, okay?" He coaxes gently. "Let me fix what I broke, Y/N. Please..."

You shake your head, more tears freely flow down from your eyes. "No...it is too late. I know about your past lives with her, Darling. I read your journal...."

Zayne freezes. "What...?"

Realisation sinks in at the revelation. The journal...he usually kept it locked in his drawer for only his eyes to see and his hand to touch. He had accidentally left it on his desk but didn't think you would read it.

Now that you did, it makes sense why you're broken by the truth. He underestimates the depth of your love for him, so he didn't anticipate it would send you spiralling into madness. Perhaps you were insane all along, tethering on the edge until he pushed you over.

"You will never love me. Not in this life. Not in the next. Your love for her spans across multiple lives, no matter what I do or what happens, you always find each other again and again. I can never measure up to her. I'm sorry I went mad...you will never understand how much I love you. How I would have done anything to make you happy and ensure you're safe all the time..." You tell tearfully. "But...it's okay, Dear. You don't have to choose anymore, my Darling..."

The moment Zayne spots the glint of silver from your pocket, his heart drops and his stomach churns in dread.

"Y/N, no!!" Zayne screams. A sound he didn't know was inside him.

"Darling...I love you..." You smile ruefully as you hold the knife to your neck.

The security frantically tries to unlock the door but by the time they do, it's too late.

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Your blood...

Still feels warm on his hands.

Even though he had washed them until his skin felt raw.

Zayne closes the door behind him. His home...feels heavy with silence. The kind that is so thick that every little sound becomes loud.

He shrugs off his coat, dumping it on the floor, not bothering to put it properly in the laundry basket as he usually does. He walks towards the stairs, but on his way, his feet stop in front of the kitchen, where you used to spend most of the time in. The sight of the clean counter and empty sink disappoints him somehow. There's no single trace of you in the kitchen so he heads up to his bedroom, where he used to share with you.

As expected, the bed is perfectly made, courtesy of him. Zayne takes off his bloodstained shirt, once again leaving it on the floor, before laying on your side of the bed.

Oh...there's still your scent left. The faint smell of your shampoo and soap clinging on your pillow. Zayne lays there, allowing himself to be bathed by your leftover fragrance.

Then, a tear rolls down his cheek. Then, another. Then, another one...until he's sobbing for the first time since he was a child.

You're gone.

It dawns on him that he will never see you again. He will come home to a silent house as he did today and he will never hear your voice again. This guilt he carries will stain his heart for as long as he lives.

'In another life, I promise...I will love you truly.'

Zayne doesn't know if he will meet you again in another life but if he does, he promises himself he will love you sincerely and wholely. He swears he will.

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Zayne slowly cracks his eyes open as his consciousness resurfaces. The curtain drawn blankets the place in darkness but the light coming through the dark canvas tells him it's already morning outside. He blinks away the drowsiness from his eyes, his limbs are still too sedated from sleep to move but eventually, the feeling washes away and he pushes himself up slowly.

He's off today...that explains why his alarm didn't wake him up. Through his morning haze, he can vaguely hear a familiar movement in the kitchen so he gets off the bed and exits his room.

"Oh Darling, good morning. Just in time."

You greet him cheerfully, placing a few plates on the table. Then, you head over to the drink section of the kitchen to make some tea for you and your husband.

"Good morning..." Zayne replies. He heads to the living room and slumps down on the sofa, still a bit disoriented from the sleep...and the vivid dream he just had. While you're busy making drinks, he briefly checks his phone.

It's the year 3050. 1000 years since 2050. The year of your death in his dream.

"Dear, I still have cinnamon rolls baking in the oven." You say, placing his snowman mug (courtesy of you for his birthday recently) on the low table in front of him. "But it will be ready soon."

You flop down beside him and are about to reach out to press on the holographic keyboard on the table when he immediately tugs you close to his side.

"What's wrong?" You ask though you can't resist snuggling to him. He presses a kiss on your forehead. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"Something like that." Zayne replies, recalling your death in his slumber. "How are you feeling? You didn't have to prepare breakfast, you know.'

He gently strokes your swollen belly. You're 3 months along with his child now and he couldn't be happier.

You giggle softly. "Oh Darling, it's just a simple meal. Not tiring at all."

Zayne emits a soft sigh, resting his cheek on top of your head. You can be stubborn when you want to be. You love cooking, especially for him, so it's a routine for you to prepare his meals from breakfast to dinner. Of course, whenever you're too tired or not in the mood, he would indulge in whatever you request.

"Do you want to talk about your dream, Dear? You seem disturbed by it." You ask, concerned.

Zayne's mind briefly flashes back to his dream...no, it's more accurate to say they're memories of his past life. The scenes are too vivid to be simply a dream. It's a normal occurrence for him. He has always been more in tune with his past lives much to his chagrin but it's a reality he has long accepted by himself and his past selves.

"Not really... it's not a dream. Just another memory of my past..." Zayne says, combing back your hair from your face. "Have you ever experienced one, Love?"

You shake your head, leaning further into his embrace. "Never. Then again, I rarely dream, let alone remember my past lives."

"That's good. It's better if you don't." Zayne says. He doesn't tell you of the immense relief he felt at your answer. It's best if you forget your terrible previous life. He's not sure if you are simply out of Astra's loop but this is actually the second time he met you after the unspeakable first time. Century after century, he has never crossed paths with you despite his attempts to track you down. Either you didn't exist or you're so far out of his reach that any chances of meeting each other is non existent.

Finally, in this timeline, he found you, working as a Hunter as you did the first time he met you. In fact, this timeline is the exact replica of his first meeting with you.

Just like in your previous life with him, your marriage to him is arranged by your and his parents. However, this time, Zayne didn't hesitate to accept the engagement and he made sure to treat you the best.

"But I worry about you, Dear...you sure you're okay?" You frown.

"I am." Zayne cradles you closer, still stroking your belly. "As long as you're here."

"Okay...if you insist. Just know that I am always all ears for you, okay?"

"Of course." Zayne smiles. He brings up your hand to kiss your knuckles, his touch is slightly cold but comforting to you.

Soon after, the oven lets out a 'ding', prompting Zayne to get up from his seat, assuring you he will take the cinnamon rolls out. You thank him, resting back on the sofa.

"That reminds me, where's Hw-" Zayne is about to ask when the main entrance bursts open and Caleb and MC enter happily while the latter is carrying your baby boy. Your little 10 month old Hwan Li, who is Zayne's mini twin. Literally. Your genes didn't even try but you don't mind. You love your child no matter what.

And yes, Hwan isn't even a year old yet but you're already pregnant with your second child. Blame your husband for it.

"He's so cute, cute, cute!" MC squeals, smooching Hwan's chubby cheeks, evoking a high adorable laughter from the tiny Zayne. "I just wanna bite him!"

"Pips, he will lose his fat cheeks if you keep doing that." Caleb chuckles.

"I can't help it. He's too cute it should be illegal." MC pouts, taking a seat beside you.

"Have you seen his father? He got a lethal face card." You giggle, holding your son's hand. His short fingers naturally curl around your finger in a tight grip.

Zayne is grateful that his back is facing them because he can feel his face heating up from your words.

You lean forward to kiss your son's head, emitting a soft sigh when your nose picks up his baby scent. Babies truly smell the best.

MC passes Hwan back to you as she needs to use the toilet so you carry your baby to his father, who is currently preparing the table for breakfast.

"Baby, look, Daddy." You coo, carefully passing Hwan to Zayne.

Hwan, being his cheerful self, greets his daddy with a series of babbles as if telling him about his walk with uncle Caleb and aunty MC this morning. He even waves his hands around as though he's trying to explain what he saw.

Zayne chuckles at his son's animated babbles, nodding along and replies to him as if he understands.

"Breakfast is ready." You announce, scooping out beef congee into a bowl for each person.

MC sits down in front of Zayne because he will be feeding Hwan, who is now seated on his high chair, and she really loves baby Hwan. Caleb is right next to her while you're beside your husband.

As Zayne feeds Hwan and chatters and laughter fills the air, he feels like he can finally breathe. Like he has found his forever home.

"Dear~" You hold up a shred of cinnamon roll to his lips, to which he lets you feed him. "Is it good?"

Zayne nods, sweetness bursts in his mouth with every chew. "It's delicious, as always." He smiles fondly.

Yes, this is exactly where he wants to be.

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Thank you for reading!🩵