Cuz, we need to talk about John. I don’t think he’s the good guy you want to think he is.
Cassie didn’t want to hear any of it, not tonight. Not while her mind was still going over, or trying to, the events that led her to be in bed late at night staring at the ceiling. Something was wrong, that much was obvious, she can feel in the very marrow of her bones but her lack of information of the previous evening is still hammering at her head. Not a single word from Sam, Linda leaving for New York because ‘Sam finally came to his senses’ and Abigail insisting that John wasn’t what he claimed to be, had Cassie’s head about ready to explode. Still, no remedy or elixir could ever undo the pain and strain that she is currently feeling. There was a sense of loss that took the very essence of her soul away.
Twisting and turning in her bed throughout the night, Cassie gives up on sleeping around five am and decides to go for a brief walk. Stepping into the cool breeze of dawn, coat tight around her frame, hand holding tight to her cellphone, Cassie’s legs began to move without a path laid in her head. The storm within her going strong, the confusion still heavy as a fog. It wasn’t like her to not have clarity in her life. For the most part she had reached a point where everything was laid before her like a room full of screens, choices and their consequences playing out in real time, giving her the opportunity to make the right one. Of course, there have been moments in which she had feared making a choice that might alter the course of her life forever, letting Sam in was one of them, but the reward outright outweighed the risks and as their relationship became more stable, the choice of letting him into her heart became more clear. Her feelings for him became clear but now… Now it was as if all the screens were turned off she had to move forward feeling out the darkness left behind.
Cassie doesn’t have hatred in her, but this, this situation she hates.
A deep breath and she is standing in front of Sam’s house, in front of the door where they first met and the tug at her heart is enough to leave her breathless. Sitting on the step, she looks at her phone, just an empty screen with Grace’s photo and zero traces of Sam.
That’s the moment when the dam breaks.
Cassie’s eyes closed tight as the first tear rolled down her cheek and a sob broke loose from her chest. It burns at her lungs, settles in her stomach like molten lava rapidly destroying her insides. She didn’t think it was possible to miss a person this much. She didn’t think it was possible to hurt so much for a loss that never had a true beginning. But here in the cover of the cloudy night, sitting at the place where the prologue of their story came to a start, Cassie is acutely aware of the shift Sam had brought upon her life. She always knew it, his marks were all over her life, finger tips imprinted on her very soul.
“Cassie.” Abigail’s voice breaks through all the noise and when she looks up, her cousin is standing before her, steaming cups in hand. Being so consumed by the pain that was finally breaching out of her chest, Cassie didn’t even sense Abigail’s presence. “We need to talk about this. You need to talk about this otherwise you’ll completely lose yourself.” The concern in Abigail’s voice could not be denied. She always was the type of person that carried wit and snark in every sentence, in every dot and exclamation but now all masks were down and heartstrings were laid bare. After a second that felt almost like a lifetime, Cassie nodded, accepting the warm cup. Eyes laser focus on the sloshing warm liquid. Peppermint rose from the cup invading all of her senses and Cassie almost laughed at the irony.
“Peppermint. Enhances memory and alertness.” It should be comforting, and it is to a degree, but Cassie can see the underlying message Abigail is trying to send and the brunette cannot help the little laugh that leaves her as the cup is being raised to her lips. The warmth was a welcome respite. It courses through her body, wakes her senses up and for the briefest of moments Cassie finds enough composure to stop her crying. For how long? The course of this conversation will tell.
“I thought you might need some help to move it along…” As her cousin sat beside, Cassie’s mind went on to decipher her words and how they made her insides churn. “Not all teas are good, you know.” She goes to add nonchalantly while taking a sip of her own beverage. After a second, she pulls the cup down, “But you know that better than anyone.”
A scoff as Cassie nodded. There was no denying that statement. Years of this life had taught her to separate the good from the bad. It was a nice ability to have when you have an outlook to other people that very few could harness. But sometimes she falls short, not everyone could leave malicious intent behind and even then there was a silver lining, a lesson to be learned. It was her nature to try and see the best in people, it is what makes her the person she is today and to face the fact that someone might have taken advantage of that trait, it causes her to feel emotions she doesn’t know how to process well. Sure, she deals with disappointment from time to time, it is only natural but to feel something so ugly in her chest it only makes Cassie feel dirty, especially when it was someone she thought respected her enough to not act the way he did.
And she knows John did something bad, sitting here with Abigail said as much and by the words that have been spoken by her counterpart, she finally knows what it was.
“Ah that’s why I don’t have my memories from yesterday.” Her eyes look forward to the empty driveway that used to house Sam’s vehicle, and it makes her heart constrict even more.
“Tea and a charm.” Abigail adds as an after thought to what her mind had already deduced. Silence stretched like taffy, stick and taut. Cassie’s mind finally slows down enough for coherent thoughts to form. The explanation was simple, at least simple enough for her but knowing Sam, he won’t exactly understand it. No, that’s not right. Certainly wasn’t an assumption she wanted to make but how to explain to a man with two feet on the ground and a head full of cold hard facts that someone had utilized something, a charm to mask their intentions? She would be lucky if he believed that John had drugged her. Cause that’s essentially what happened. “You are overthinking this Cass.” turning her head, Cassie raised a brow in her direction. “Look, this wasn’t your fault. You are great Cassie, and a lot of people see that, a lot of people want to have a fraction of the good you harbor in your entire body but not everyone will be like that. People do crazy shit for love…” The way her cousin’s voice became more vulnerable afterwards didn’t go amiss but she knows better than to point that out, not now anyway. “And what John did under the guise of being in love, because let me tell you that’s where it’s going, wasn’t right. He knows that you don’t feel that way about him so he did the one thing he could think of…” Trailing off, and this time for good Abigail stands, and turns to Cassie. “”Your heart brought you here, to Sam’s house… that should be a clear view of what you really want. It’s okay to want something, Cassie. If there is someone in this world that deserves to be happy, it’s you.”
“What if Sam doesn’t feel the same way?” The question as broken as it came from Cassie, was something that had been weighing heavy on her all this time. “He left without giving me any chance to explain myself. What if all this time he had been wanting to walk away from whatever is that we had…”
“Is that really what you think?” The redhead paused for a moment assessing Cassie. For the first time it felt like her cousin was staring at her very soul. “For someone who knows everything, you are blind when it comes to your heart and his. I’ve never felt so much pain in a person like that night with Sam.” Eyes shot up to her cousin. Rarely did she ever express what other people were feeling. Abigail was the type to act and see how everything would play out. For her to openly say something like this… Maybe she should have talked to her before and now wait till now. But time has passed and there was no turning back time, no in the sense that would truly move people and objects through space but she could act on the now. She could act on the knowledge that she now has. There is still fog to contend with but for the time being she can see herself once again.
“Do what you must with that information. I am going back to sleep.” and just like that, Abigail was gone and Cassie was left behind with a myriad of thoughts and tea, and as she took a sip of it a plan began to hatch.
In the hours between her conversation with Abigail and day time, Cassie had managed to be productive. Made sure everything was in order in Grey House, welcomed the new guests before heading to the shop and managed to get through the day well enough. As close time came around, the bell announced the entrance of someone to the store, she didn’t need to turn to know who it was, and as much as she disliked the idea of confronting him, Cassie turned and took a deep breath.
“I was wondering if you would be interested in having dinner tonight with me?” John’s face sported a smile, hand casually rising to show the take out he had brought with him. “I brought Thai, I know you enjoy it.”
Taking a deep breath Cassie finally took a step forward and then another one and then another one until she was standing by the exit. “I actually can’t. I’ve always been honest with you, and always will be and I can’t do this. I can’t have you in my life if you can’t respect my wishes. I know what you did so save us both the grief of having this conversation and leave.”
“Cassie…” He begins, lowering his hand. “…I only wanted you to have clarity. I just wanted you to see that I am right here. I’ve always wanted to be here.”
“Your actions were less than ideal, John. But you are right, it gave me clarity, it made me realize that my heart is just elsewhere and it is hurting because of all of this and in turn it hurts me as well. I can’t live with myself knowing that Sam is hurting… So please, go..”
John moved as if wanting to say more but Cassie shaking her head prompted him to finally leave the store. As his footsteps echoed heavily for the last time, Cassie finally managed to breathe easier. Something had been lifted off her shoulders and the realization hit her square in the chest. That black fog that had been casting upon her all this time finally seemed to dissipate into nothingness and with it a new vigor had been renewed. Hand in her pocket she took the phone out of and like expected a text from Grace came through. “I texted Sam. He said they are alright. Nick just wanted to visit some friends in New York. He didn’t say when they were coming back.” And of course Grace was worried and there was no blaming her. Grace’s capacity for care was something that Cassie was always proud of. When it came to the Radford man even more so. They’ve all become this conglomerate of people that cared for each other. It wasn’t the easiest path but they’d reached a point in which they could rely on one another. The truth was that having that connection to Sam and Nick had brought a joy that it was impossible to replicate. Fingers taped over the screen a quick message. “I’m glad to hear from them. Thank you for letting me know.”
Cassie reached for her overnight bag and headed out of the store locking it behind her a cab already waiting for her. Getting inside, she confirmed her destination. “Airport.”
By the time she arrived in New York it was already four in the morning. Logic dictated that she should wait a few hours, go to her hotel and sleep, after all, she hasn’t slept since she woke up confused in bed. Peace of mind wasn’t possible, no when there was the possibility that Sam and her wouldn’t be able to fix things but at least she wants to try. He needed to know that she didn’t choose John. So instead of trying to sleep… instead of heading to the hotel that had been booked by Abigail. It was her idea to come to New York now, and booked a ticket while Cassie was trying to survive another day of silence. But what was done was done. As she stood in front of the door to Sam’s condo, many thoughts ran through her head but one thing was for sure, she knew damn well he was awake so without thinking it twice, she rang that door bell. She’ll apologize later if Nick were to wake up because of it.
Time ticked by with little notice by the surgeon sat in an armchair facing the view from his bedroom windows. When purchasing this particular home a good amount of time was spent wondering if the wall of windows would be well suited for him but he quickly learned they were. With a push of a button the blinds and curtains open revealing a picturesque view of Central Park. Thankfully, the Radfords were high enough no one could attempt to look in and if they did they had one way thick glass to prevent it. The warmth of the mug kept Sam grounded as thoughts attempted to fly in directions he dare not think of.
How was Cassie? Was she happy with John? Could she live a life without Sam apart of it?
The last question stung the most. In spite of everything they had been friends first. There had been another in Cassie’s life who attempted to ascend from best friend to lover only to find out they weren’t well suited. This man had too promised nothing could come between their friendship but proved a liar when things came to a halt. Strangely enough, Sam felt a bit of guilt for the ending of what was a long standing friendship. If he hadn’t of wrapped Cassie in a hug that night in her store lips wouldn’t have lingered so close a kiss was plausible. A moment Ryan had witnessed which undoubtedly crushed his heart. A feeling Sam understood more after the scene with John. However, Sam refused to run forever. The friendship built from the moment the Radford’s landed in Middleton would remain as strong as ever... right after he could push past the heartbreak. It wasn’t Cassie’s fault Sam allowed feelings to wrap his heart in a manner never felt before. Cassie was just being Cassie. The kind, compassionate, friendly, helpful human she was. A human many fancied for obvious reasons.
Coffee was sipped upon with a bit of a frown. Even the man’s solace for lack of sleep was riddled with memories of Cassie. A chuckle reverberated limbs as the thought of dandelion tea popped up. His best friend had taken the time to find a tea similar in taste to his favorite beverage. This was one of the many reasons Sam Radford had fallen for Cassie Nightingale.
An echoed ring bounced through the simplistic Radford home drawing attention from the Big Apple lights to the bedroom door. It was peculiar to receive a visitor this late in the evening. Feet quickly hit the floor in a panic. What if Nick had done something? What if Nick was hurt? The latter was the more likely of questions since the youngest Radford had begun to clean up his act, and attitude, since Middleton. A quick visit was given to Nick’s room where he found the teenager strung about, sheets half on the floor, mouth wide open, slumbering. The sight prompted another chuckle as the door pulled closed. Then he remembered someone had rung the bell.
Due to the late hour, Sam only wore a pair of sweatpants and mused hair from the attempts of sleep. It wasn’t exactly how someone should present themselves but whoever stood on the other side shouldn’t expect more at this time. Without looking through the peephole, fingers loosened the chain lock, turned the deadbolt then twisted the handle to pull open.
“Can I help you?” The tone was very reminiscent of the man who used to reside in this home. It was gravely, deep, and had an edge of annoyance. The hour was four am! It took a moment for Cassie to come into view, but when she did air sucked from lungs and eyes widened. “Cassie?” Out of habit, Sam looked up and down the hall to see if another had accompanied the woman but saw no one. Eyes quickly scanned her form to see if anything was out of place or injured before they landed upon her own. “What are you doing here?” The question was laced with sorrow, confusion and intrigue. It dawned on Sam this wasn’t Middleton and it was early in the morning, or late at night depending on who you ask, so before she could answer the door was fully opened and Sam stepped to the side. “Come inside.” Even in a secure building there were nosy neighbors who would take any bit of information to blow out of proportion.
Breathing steadied which was a miracle considering the racing heart. The woman’s presence was knocking Sam off his feet. Words failed, eyes softened and stomach twisted into knots. The normal cool calm collected Sam Radford looked a damn mess and there was no hiding it. A need to fill the silence led to words spilling without much thought. “I would offer you some tea but I’m afraid I don’t have any unless Linda left some in a cabinet.” Which was entirely possible since Sam never used the kitchen much when they lived here. “I can check for you.”
