Ever since I can remember, I have liked to draw. It was the one subject where I apparently stood out from the rest, and for a long time, I truly believed I was good at it.
As I grew older, this belief began to shift. With the rise of YouTube, social media, the belief of me being good began to decrease. People out there drawing amazingly, people younger than me going places.
I didnāt want to fall deeper into negativity for my own drawings, and kept perusing art. And now, as Iām starting college and majoring in graphic design, the realization hit me. It hit me hard.
25 years of my life wasted in believing I was good at this. Not only am I late to start college (which to me, thatās a failure on my part) but itās like everyone around me is not only younger, but better at art than me. Better ideas, better execution. Better everything.
And yet, thereās this silly voice in my head that insists that I can be good too. But what is āgoodā to me?
25 years and only focusing on wanting to draw should surely make me better at it, compared to my classmates who are in their early 20ās, right?
Even when it comes to sharing my art, I keep hiding. Keep avoiding. Itās not good for me, so why should it be seen?
I want to be good at art, but I donāt even know how to be ā goodā at it anymore. Tutorials? Iāve tried, butā¦
I believe to be a good artist, one has to have their own style. That to me is art. Something only YOU can make, in a way that people are able to know YOU draw this way. Idk if that makes sense. I donāt want to draw like someone else, I want to draw in a way that would make me unique.
But I donāt even know what my style even is. Which is a whole other problem.
Maybe this is a typical issue many artists have. Or maybe Iām just finally getting my wake up call, but itās too late because Iām 25 and still with no degree with my name. So changing majors is a no. Donāt wanna disappoint my parents with that.
If it is, I hope it passes soon. I feel lame for crying about this.
