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my stress really triggers this state of mine

heavy topic but earlier i was thinking of ending things, as in everything, my life, but when i am in a verge of doing it, i get these adrenaline rush and a life preview of what i could be doing if i keep on living, it all seems so happy, why can’t i be happy like that right now. with all of that prince’s purple rain riff gets louder and louder, sounds like a cliché edit video but that that’s really how i saw it. i only feel good when i know i’m gonna harm myself and then feel bad about it afterwards. i don’t even cut or what, it’s just with what i’m feeling right now it’s just better to end things. i have friends, a loving significant other, and a good family, but i feel so lonely inside my brain.

i don’t feel like i am anything but myself and i am not so fully myself, i feel so full and i feel so empty as well