* Letters to my love *

[sa-seraphim]

It’s freezing rain outside. It’s dark, there’s pitter-pattering against my window, and my warm blanket against the cool morning air. All I want to do is lay in bed and sleep the day away.

I need coffee.

[sa-seraphim]

Love my workouts. It always changes the chemicals in my body, and I feel stronger.  I ended up running 1.5 miles straight. I’ve gone from running a max of 5.0 miles to 5.2 miles per hour. Also I can do 200lb reps of leg presses!! I admit my butt struggled a bit to move 80 lbs...It only did 8 reps before telling me to cut it out via fatigue. -.-

Lately I’ve just been feeling like there’s a lot that’ll need to be handled before me in this journey called life. I’m not sure why; maybe it’s intuition. I just feel like there’s mountains to move, and sometimes I get a bit anxious or overwhelmed. When I exercise, it calms me down and helps me to accept reality for what it is--that to move forward means to work harder than ever.

Anyway, today’s affirmation quote is: I am the architect of my life. I build its foundation and choose its contents. I truly do believe in that quote. Sometimes it’s smooth sailing; other times, it’s sweat, blood and tears. These days, I am really feeling the latter.

[sa-seraphim]

Today my coworker brought her young child and baby to work. The baby is 2.5 months old. I got to hold him and he’s so very cute. I poked and prodded his little fingers, held him and rubbed his arm. I could feel the soft baby skin underneath. He slept most of the time, and then spent the majority of his waking moments staring at the ceiling lights with a raptness that makes you wonder what little baby brains think about. Maybe one day we’ll really know.

I bought my nephew a book on being a big brother—

Hopefully he doesn’t hate it lol. Also because I’ve got two more “big brother” books coming. The book should arrive today. going to ask my mom how he likes it.

I’m starting to feel more like myself as the day wears on. I feel so much better! 😅

[sa-seraphim]

At home during my lunch hour. I love having a TV. I only ever use it for YouTube and streaming though. Funny how all I want to do is watch people make coffee; it brings me joy.

This morning I thought about how I needed to find a coffee shop to chill at after work. I need to get out of my head. I wondered if all the inflammation from my arm due to putting together my dresser recently might be causing low mood. Inflammation spurs all sorts of chemical reaction in your body and is a natural part of wound healing. Anyway, people in chronic pain are always a bit cantankerous. But anyway, it’s highly likely I’ll hit up the gym after work instead, and I want to try and be home by 6pm because I’m expecting packages of water bottles.

I’ve opted not to call my boyfriend during lunch. He always sounds super busy especially nowadays, and I don’t mind the silence. He’s told me that he might be able to move in by June, maybe. Not sure why but I just feel like that‘d be really nice. Although I’ve been pretty moody lately. I’m really tired too. I was sore all over after putting my new dresser together after six hours and am still feeling it in my muscles.

Being home all I want to do is sleep.

——

I’m low-key pretty worried about my studies. I tried to study this morning and just fell asleep on my futon. I decided to move to my bed because I was really cold and uncomfortable on my futon and only fell asleep there too.

I just want my new chair. It comes in tomorrow; I can’t wait to set it up. I’ll have to start finding time to study for the GRE. I’ll try after finishing my class exams.

[sa-seraphim]

I’m not sure why I’m such a crabby pants today. I just feel angry, and idk. Maybe it’s the food I’ve been consuming? But I am feeling unusually irascible.

I like work. It gets me out of bed and out of the house. It gives me a sense of meaning and purpose in my life. Still, I find myself asking myself, “is that all there is to my life?”

[sa-seraphim]

I don’t ever wear my touch bond anymore. I always found it somewhat confining what with already having a watch on my wrist. But I’d get messages from my beloved, and so it was worth it.

But I send out messages now and he never receives them, because he never wears his anymore. The messages automatically get wiped out after a few days. I used to send a lot but then I realized he’d never read them. It got to the point where I didn’t think he even checked anymore. Time and again there’d just be a long line of unread messages from me, and then after a few days, nothing. He never brought it up in conversations so I assume he never read them.

It‘s sitting on my bathroom counter. I feel sorry about how useless it is now.

[quezify]

<3

[mangafascination]

[shoujo-dreamland]

[perhapsafrog]

are you sure you wanna stand so close to me? i’m madly in love with you

[nanamilore]

you make me calm.

[nanamilore]

i cannot wait to feel your warmth again

[itallstartedwithakiss]

[nanamilore]

your sleepy voice is so, so sweet

[therapeuticss]

“Somehow, my soul knew your soul before we ever had the chance to meet”

[sa-seraphim]

Aww.

[cutedatesuggestions]

concept: you and me on the wood floor of our first apartment, surrounded by unpacked boxes full of things the two of us have accumulated over our lifetimes, meeting for the first time. the light is low, the music is quiet. it’s just us and takeout and all the mystery of the first night in this new place, the life we’re building together

[paranow]

You'd never know how nasty a girl is until she is yours.