„Water is comfort, Fire is merciless, Grief is suicide“
Cw: nsfw content, angst (ish), semi public sex, not proofread
A/n: All of this is a work of fiction and not meant to represent Ateez or Yunho in any way. I really suck at writing smut but I hope this is a bit enjoyable. <3
📼‘ destroy lonely - suicide mission
Water, the purest form of nature. Water has a memory and carries within it our thoughts and prayers. As you yourself are water, no matter where you might be. Everything you once thought, everything you once did, it will be carried to the rest of the world.
The waves hold you, guide you, you don‘t try to push against them and the ocean caresses you in its comfort. When your body floats beneath the surface you can feel it, emotions welling down. Dysphoria leaves you and the air narrows. Not to hurt, but to endure a world past materiality. Where you watch the universe through a blurry vision and limbs that carry you gently towards the light through a darkness, a gloom that isn‘t unfamiliar. One that you can trust.
Little taps followed down the hall, the air damp, it‘s scent soothing with a hint of clorine. Something that you‘d get used to.
With determation of a undemanding genius College senior Jeong Yunho padded forward. He wasn‘t unknown, you were certain of his existence but limited on knowledge. Wether this was another hobby, stop gap or something convinient you would never know.
He reached the indoor pool. Almost ethereal, a sight for a ease mind when the water‘s brilliance painted the entirety of its area.
The ceiling, dark, the stars and the moon probably watched him through the glass. The only glow present was the gleaming pool lights, the water waving slight. Yunho would almost miss it if he didn‘t pay attention.
It was past curfew, long ago, but Yunho wouldn‘t even spare this fragile rule another thought. Not when the world always grew a little quieter underwater. When it was nightime and every soul would fall to slumber he would be wide awake. The resting, but present, euphoria always overcame him a little. The idea of his figure diving deep and the slight breeze that would pull him back to reality when his skin and hair was painted wet.
He dropped the gymbag out of his clutches and pulled the collar of his shirt upwards, like a routine that he had done constant.
When his trousers fell down his ankles, leaving him in his swimming pants, he would notice it. Of course he would.
The cool splash of water that had burdened the tile floors was brushing his feet. Someone was here, maybe even before him, maybe with the same idea as him.
Though, as his body got swallowed by the water, his head going in first, it felt like sweet and freeing relief that he waited all day for.
The water was slight cold, but warmed him on a sentimental note.
His arms swayed through, never against the waves, always along them. You never push, you hold, you free yourself from a world that didn‘t listen, but this would rather clear his mind.
His fingers brushed upwards the cool air, then back into the water so he would never leave anytime soon but try to move forward.
Forward until the edge of the pool would stop him from swimming further. Yunho held onto it, his upper body now exposed and his legs keeping him afloat.
He exhaled and let the tension leave his body, a hand ruffling through his hair after his thumb and index rubbed his nose.
That was the first time you encountered him, not on purpose. When you heard the indoor pools doors click you knew you this wasn’t were you were supposed to be. With one quick motion you were already hushing away, but when you saw him enter. When you saw his carefree expression through the gap of your escape you felt uncertain, untrusting, but couldn‘t stop peering until he thought he might‘ve heard something.
From that day on you became like a little spirit, that he was aware of, but not sure who or what you are. Just a silhoutte that he could make shape of on the clear water surface, when it would run off and you were a flicker shadow. Yet there was a familiar essence to it, of course there was.
Night never called dead, for neither of you. Not last night nor several nights later when the pattern would repeat.
„You‘re not supposed to be here“ his voice reached to you. Your back turned to him, your silhoutte almost shimmering in the shining blue and a moon that would glow through. You swayed your flat palms over your soaked scalp before shifting your body into his direction, admiring his figure from the corner of your eye.
„Neither are you“ you answered quietly, your voice echoing up to the high glass ceilings.
Yunho sat still on the starting block, he didn‘t answer while his feet dangled over the water.
„Cat got your tongue?“ you teased, but the mockery didn‘t quite reach your tone.
The setting was familiar, you two felt familiar.
You swam your way over to him, slowly, giving him enough time for realisation. He didn‘t say much just let your approach sink in. Then you folded your arms over the edge, burying your cheek inbetween and gazing up at him with knowing eyes. Your eyeballs falling round and doe.
„You don‘t ever get lonely around here?“ you questioned, the waves following your words which made him smile slight.
„You‘re here, you always are“ he giggled in one breath, which you could only return. The shared comfort that he had missed, it filled him. You pushed yourself off the pool‘s edge and spread your arms in welcoming manner.
„Join me then“ it wasn‘t a invite, it felt more like a ritual. A ritual that he had been yearning for, maybe for ages, maybe for only months. Your pretty figure glistening above the pool lights and the way your shoulders were fully exposed giving him just enough space for his imagination. Yunho stripped his shirt off, as per usual. He couldn‘t care less about modesty as his shorts hit the wettened tiles. Leaving him in his boxers. He dropped into the water, not particulary elegant, but you knew him by now. Of course you did. Splashes of water hit your face to which you couldn‘t help but laugh with Yunho joining you.
You were close, a gentle expression graced your features as you traced your fingers over his toned chest. Your touch ghostly and his eyes followed down every move, before grabbing your wrist and interlocking your hands. To feel this close again, to forget about surpressed emotions that had finally escaped him.
„It does get lonely“ he mentioned in a breath, quiet not to disturb the resting, but loud enough to reach just you.
He hovered centimeters over you, while his gaze switched back between your hands and your eyes. Yunho‘s caressed your lower back under water, up until he reached the clip of your bra. The straps had already fallen off your shoulders naturally and were now swaying back and fourth under water. Your bra met the edge of the pool, right next to Yunho‘s clothes, long forgotten.
It wasn‘t embarassed, not because of your bare bodies being this close again after it felt impossible for so long, it was something else that pricked your skin. Something that he couldn‘t understand.
„Yunho…“ your voice was just as quiet as his, he could barely register it. Even though you called out for him, you couldn‘t quite finish your sentence.
He leaned in and when your lips finally met you felt this sense of relief. Yunho clutched your fingers a little tighter, his heart beating faster when you deepened the kiss and when your cold hands touched his neck. It felt electric to be this close again.
You pulled away, just for a moment, but he gripped your figure tighter.
„You‘re freezing…“ he mumbled. Quiet. Aknowledging.
Yet you weren‘t shaking. It wasn’t cold. If it was, you wouldn’t be able to feel it. You were savouring every last bit of him as you pulled him into another kiss. You didn‘t want to break this one, your lips moving in sync to another like a distant rhythm. His hands feeled up, gracing over you ripcage. Goosebumps following his trail like a shadow. He moved his hands further until he cupped your chest. His fingerpads outlined the shape of your areola a flinch escaping you at its sensitivity.
Another chill ran all over your skin when Yunho‘s warm lips found your exposed neck gently kissing and nibbling. Not to break it. The feeling it felt welcoming, warm and he couldn‘t help himself but to suck a heavy spot into your neck. Just to claim what he had once lost. The pressure, the warmth of his lip.
„Yunho- please…you-„ you tried to form your words, but he knew how to push your buttons just right when he squeezed your nipples and deepened the hickey. Short breaths escaped you, looking for any sort of stability, but you could only respond with cut off words.
„Missed you so much“ Yunho admitted in a gentle tone, when he leaned back up to look into your eyes again. He was hurting, something deep within him was broken, something that you couldn‘t fix anymore.
Yunho tightened his grip around you, spinning you towards the edge of the pool till your back was pressed again the tile wall. His palm reached out from underwater to cup your cheek.
Your wet bodys felt close to another, you could almost hear his heart stammering hard against his chest. Every second the tension seemed to deepen when you pulled him into another kiss. Your blue lips trembling, pressed against his softer ones while you‘re both chasing the heat of the moment. Yunho wrapped his arms around you, raising your hips on the wet tiles. Instictively you pulled his shoulder to drag him out of the water as well until you were spread across the tile floor. A little breeze followed through, but the heat in contrast of your kisses and the warmth of his body wouldn‘t change. Little droplets of water dripped down your figure while he hovered over you. His right hand found your hips until he played with the hem of your drenched panties, the other steadying himself.
Yunho’s gaze never left yours, yearning and intense, as if memorizing every flicker of emotion that played across your face. His lips hovered just above yours, breath warm and heavy, before brushing softly against your jawline, down to the curve of your neck.
You arched into his touch, your breath catching when his fingers slipped under the waistband of your panties, teasing your sensitive folds beneath.
The coolness of the soaked fabric compared sharply with the heat of his hand, creating a tension that coiled low in your belly.
“You can‘t leave me again,” he murmured, while teasing your entrance with his finger and rubbing circle around your clit with his thumb. Your legs twitched under his touch, tiny sparks of heat run along your skin while you tightly pressed your lips together to surpress any sound that might escape you. You couldn‘t answer his open thoughts.
Gently, but roughness hidden behind he dived his fingers inside of you.
You swallowed hard, words tangled in the haze of sensation while he curled his fingers just right and moved them at a steady pace. The wet sound of his fingers moving in and our of your soaked cunt, mixed with his thumb stimulating your clit and his hot breath against your ear was taking you over the edge.
you whispered, voice trembling in between whimpers that echoed through the hall.
Your eyes followed his fingers slipping in and out of you until they squeezed shut. A tightenening feeling was stirring in your stomach, not too far out of reach, feeling like it was gonna spill all over.
Your vision stayed dark, your mouth slightly agape, suddenly the warmth of his fingers left you. Cold. Unfinished.
When you blinked your eyes back open, Yunho was palming himself through the fabric of his boxers. The growing bulge, just at the sound of your sweet noises and kisses that would swallow up his own thoughts, it was starting to bother him. Increasing his inpatience. The need to be this close to you again.
„Please, let me“ his face; pathetic, eyes yearning for something he couldn‘t have and eyebrows arched just a nudge. He needed this. He needed you.
Yunho released his length, his breath stayed unsteady. Shaking and desperate. He gave himself a couple more pumps, the sound squelching. Drenched
With a slow, deliberate motion, Yunho slid your soaked panties to the side before slowly pushing his dick inside of you. The replacement from his long fingers to his cock was a adjustment the thickness of it and the force of his shaft making you moan airy. Yunho‘s whimper broke into a heavy exhale when he felt your tight and warm walls around him. He began thrusting in and out with a tenderness that belied the desperation in his eyes.
„Yunho…“ you whined when his length repeatedly moved deep into you at a pace just right and a force you couldn‘t adjust to. The sound of your skin clapping to another echoed through the area of the swimming pool.
He cupped your cheek again, gentle yet commanding, and you gasped when he hit even deeper the sensation sending ripples through your core.
His hand moved back upwards, threading through your hair, tilting your head back to expose the line of your throat. His lips followed, pressing soft, lingering kisses along the sensitive skin until a low, satisfied sound rumbled from his chest.
Yunho moved with growing urgency, yet never losing the admiration he held for you.
Every thrust felt heavier, every kiss felt like forgotten time. You melted beneath him, your body arching instinctively as he deepened the connection between you, skin slick and water droplets shimmering under the faint light.
Time stretched, you could feel your legs trembling around Yunho‘s torso.
„Keep…going“ you exhaled with eyes squeezed shut when you dug your nails into Yunho‘s shoulder until it would leave a mark. Until he could feel that this was real. When his cock sunk far enough it bulged in your stomach and left you moaning helpless.
The pleasure rose throughout your entire body and the formed knot in your abdomen was tensing, the need for another was pulling itself apart and you scratched Yunho‘s shoulder. But he never winced, his breath stayed unsteady heavy, airy moans leaving him. His sense to reality was faltering.
You felt everything at once, the overstimulation of his dick frequently thrusting in and out of you, while his fingers worked simultaneously.
As if all these walls, the tiles were crashing down and the water was drowning both of you into something too far to label.
You whimpered needily and dazed, this intense wave of pleasure rushing through your veins and your cum dripping out of you. A low groan escaped Yunho when your walls tightened around him, the pressure of it messing up his pace. His body felt hot when he fucked you through your orgasm, his legs twitching as he could feel his own climax approaching.
„___“ your name repeatedly came out of his mouth like a prayer when his thighs shock and shoulders tensed, emptying himself inside of you.
Your breaths were unsteady. Out of sync. When you slowly calmed down, he pulled out. Your liquids mixed over the wettened tiles to which Yunho could only laugh through his nose. His warm hands felt up your body once more while you could only keep your eyes shut.
The moment had lasted long enough to lose yourself in it. You almost did.
Yunho helped you upwards.
The pool area was silent, except for his breath. You could barely hear your own heartbeat. The world felt quiet. Your body felt like it was on fire.
Your silhoutte moved towards the pool once more, the color glistening blue. A sight so beautiful, almost ethereal. No danger to it.
You wish you could‘ve been swallowed by it whole
„Yunho“ in a hushed tone, you called out for him.
„You‘re not gonna come shower?“ his voice was hesitant to your sudden distance that you created unwillingly. A distance that could never be closed again.
„Yunho“ you dived back into the water with elegance. He repeated the motion in his head several night before, memorys of it replaying like a broken record player. Reality felt far too distant for him, nothing he ever wanted to face. He felt like this place was gonna sustain him forever and the horror of the opposing was gonna haunt him.
The opposing to water was always fire. Each element held beauty in its own way, but fire was never stability.
It was the cruelest form of nature. Fire didn‘t embrace, it didn‘t hold you, it didn‘t let you in. But neither would it bring escape. It burns your hopes, crushes your future. It kills. Everything you once held onto would slowly suffocate you. You feel everything at the same time and the worst of all: it The flames do not hold you they seize you. They do not guide you are driven, cornered, chased by their hunger.
Fire consumes. It does not carry your thoughts or prayers. It devours them, leaving only ash where meaning once lived.
The light is not gentle, but blinding, devouring the edges of all things.
The most merciless force.
Like a mantra inside his head, the neutral voice of the woman from the news spoke to him. Each time it pricked his skin further. The repeat button had probably already a mind of its own, annoyed, by how many times Yunho had nudged it. His bed carried the weight of his thoughts, the chaos he would call his mind. Grief, sorrow, it had a way of glueing you into one place. Consuming even the slightest bits of energy. Every night, after faint hope would await him at the pool. His headspace giving him any trace of assurance that what was lost would still be there. Waiting for him. In a place that could‘ve prevented the damage.
The comfort of his covers would embrace him, wipe tears that no longer came and hold his trembling figure.
„News reporting, it‘s the 22nd of march. A fire was caught at the Korean National Sports University in the Songpa District of Seoul. The fire had abrupted in the school‘s gym hall. The reason still unknown.
4 Students were heavily injured, it cost 2 of them their life“
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