love, sabrina.

I'm smokin' while I'm runnin' This town and you better believe it honey I'm laughin' as I'm taking no prisoners And taking down names

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ALISTAIR BALFOUR.

“i can’t believe you still think sending you to rehab was my first port of call, sabrina,” he sighed, making for perhaps the first time ever a conscious effort to dial back the emotions displayed. it wasn’t like him, to get this worked up - but the aftermath of nearly a decade of his sister somehow dodging every method he’d devised to tackle her affliction had caused some wear and tear to his patience, it seemed. “you want me to leave you alone? fine. but you’ve got to stop thinking you ended up here just because i ‘want you gone’ or whatever it is you tell yourself. you need help.” with that followed another couple of seconds of alistair trying to collect himself, briefly occupying himself with placing her medical record back into the attaché case he’d brought with him, taking a deep breath, and then turning back to his sister again. “you’re way into your twenties. you should be able to take care of yourself without me having to parent you by now.”

“not just you, brother. the rest of our family. i don’t want you lot visiting me in this fucking hell hole.” she whipped her head at his direction. all her emotions merging together, everything she’d kept just spilling out in the form of tears running down her eyes. she’d learned to hold them back and put up a strong facade most of her life, because she didn’t want to be weak, to be seen as the fragile and frail girl she really was inside. “i don’t need their help! i needed yours! how hard is to fucking comprehend!?” she pushed him with little to no force. in the months she’d been here, she’s grown weaker and she had only herself to blame, denying herself the nutrition and vitamins she needed as an act of rebellion. “no, sending me here wasn’t your intention. i even like to think that you didn’t want this as well, sending me here. i convinced myself that you really did care for me in your own twisted unfeeling way, but i had a lot of time to think here and all i could think about is where the fuck were you when i actually needed you?” her voice cracked and her throat was burning from suppressing even more tears to spill. “you still don’t get it alistair. i didn’t need a parent figure, i never needed one. i just needed a brother, who would understand me, who would accept me, who would let me cry on their shoulder...”

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ALISTAIR BALFOUR.

“asked you if you wanted to be here?” he repeated, the disbelief in his voice almost palpable.  sure, on paper he’d always understood what sabrina’s addiction entailed, but it wasn’t until recently it had dawned on him just how bad it had gotten. perhaps it was his fault, for having spent so much time working - perhaps somehow, his absence had been an enabling factor in all of this. even if it wasn’t, the guilt still sat heavy on his conscience. “god, will you just sit back down again so we can talk this through like actual people?” he spoke, the tone of his voice surprising even him. he’d never been one for emotional outbursts (partly because the ability to have them had been very much trained out of him as a kid), and as soon as the words left his lips, his gaze shifted from her over to the window, not wanting to take in her reaction right now. “what exactly did you want me to do then?” he asked, voice still raised slightly, his distress managing to seep through with every word as he spoke. “pull a mum and dad and just leave you to rot?”

the raise of his voice, despite being minuscule, was enough to catch her attention. it was the closest thing she’ll get to him actually letting out a solid emotion. she finally got under his skin somehow, or at least that’s what she thought. it was indeed brotherly and thoughtful of him to have saved their parent’s asses from sabrina’s rage when they were children, always covering up for them and her dumb ass actually believing the excuses; though in time, she managed to piece the puzzle together and was glad he didn’t sugar coat it this time. “yes,” she replied curtly. “i want you to leave me alone. if you want me to stay here, fine, so be it, i’ll oblige. my only condition is that you or any member of this god forsaken family come visit me.” she didn’t want to see the people who forced her into this institution. not now, not ever. “i don’t want to see your faces and i’m entirely sure you lot don’t want to see mine. so let’s get this over with it and stop overcomplicating things, so you can go back and sit on that comfortable leather chair of yours in the safety of your office, yeah?” 

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ALISTAIR BALFOUR.

the sound of her laying into him caught the attention of security, who poked their head through the door to check if everything was alright. before his sister got a chance to reply, he offered them a quick shrug and a dismissive wave of his hand; after all, this was nothing new. “just hit a nerve, that’s all,” he offered up as an excuse, his voice apologetic. it wasn’t until security had left the room that he turned to face her again. “you’re in no position to cut any deals right now, sabrina. i’ve been lenient for years, but i’m not about to watch you waste your life away like this. no chance in hell.”

she snarled like a rabid dog at the security guard who dared poke his head into her room, if not for alistair’s quick dismissal she would’ve. “i have every right to ask you of something when nobody fucking asked me if i wanted to be here in the first place!” she shouted, voice cracking almost giving up at trying to negotiate with him. she was so tired of everything. “waste my life away,” she scoffs. “ for a minute there you actually sound like you give a damn. i’m impressed.” she stood up from her bed. “you’re too late. i’ve already wasted my life and you were too caught up with yourself to notice. you think helping me—sending me to this place is going to save me? better yet, save you from your own guilt?” she laughed dryly. “i hope you drown in your guilt and choke and die and burn in hell.” she didn’t mean it, god no. but right now hurting his nonexistent feelings was the least of her concerns.

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ALISTAIR BALFOUR.

“ mind your language, angel. all this cussing .. it’s unbecoming. not a good colour on you.” if he was frustrated with the situation, he didn’t show it. he just sat there, listening to his sister as she rambled on, neither body language nor facial expression giving away any indication of actual worry. at her accusation, he shook his head slightly. “i’d love to trust you on this, but you don’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to lying about your sobriety. they’re only doing what’s best for you.” with that, he wrapped his hand around hers to guide it away, shaking his head yet again. it was almost as though he could sense her next point before it materialised: “and, before you bring it up: you’re staying. and that’s final.”

“you’re insufferable! you know that? now i can’t even fucking curse when i goddamn please!? god fucking damn it!” she yelled at him and she was sure it was heard all over the hell hole institution she currently resided in. “stop with all the bloody pet names too!” she hated him with a fury, burning through her bones. it wasn’t always like this, she fondly remembers a time when alistair was her favourite person in the whole world and she was thankful that the gods gave him the perfect brother. she didn’t know when things went downhill between them and she hated it, because she did love her brother. she really did. “want me to stay here? fine. no bloody problem. just promise me one thing.” she managed to calm down by taking a deep breath and counting to ten—a trick she learned from group therapy.

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ALISTAIR BALFOUR.

he couldn’t help but roll his eyes at sabrina’s little outburst. it had become almost routine now; her messing something up, having him fix it (or at the very least, cover it up), and all the while convincing herself that he was somehow at fault. “listen, darling, i understand you’re frustrated with …” he spoke, his hand making a slight gesture to indicate what he was referring to, his nose almost instinctively scrunching up in disgust. “… all this, but you can’t really expect me to believe they’re lying about your files when we’ve been speaking for … what is it, a minute and a half .. and you’ve already lost your temper, now can you?”

“—don’t you fucking darling me.” she warned, pointing a trembling finger at him. her nails filed down clean since she scratched ferociously at her skin ever since her withdrawal. “i’ve always had this temper. the only reason i didn’t shout or lost my temper my temper with you, or anyone for that matter, was because i was so high off my ass.” she made it sound like getting high was a good thing for her, because it truly was in her case. she believed it was the only thing making her better and nobody’s opinion would change her mind about it, certainly not this joint. “you’d rather believe a bunch of bitches leeching off your wealth, than your own sister?” she laughed incredulously. “jesus fucking christ, you’re unbelievable brother.” the dark hues under her eyes ever so prominent. “fucking un-be-live-able.” she jabbed a finger to his chest every single syllable.

[palvin-news]

Barbara Palvin’s message for Mavi Jeans 

[sabrivcs-archived-blog]

ALISTAIR BALFOUR.

@sabrivcs

he’d been postponing the visit for well over a week now - the hope that this would be the time his parents decided to pull through and take over the parenting role alistair had been fumbling with ever since his sister was born, but alas, they seemed to be in no hurry to rush home from france. so there he was, in lieu of their mum and dad as per usual, perched at the edge of her hospital bed, her records in hand. “so, i’ve talked to them, and they say you’ve still got another three months to go before they’ll consider letting you out again. but of course, that’s contingent on you actually cooperating this time around.”

she scratched on her arm lightly as her brother talked. “i am cooperating! i have been for the last few months!” she snarled, shooting him a glare. “i don’t want to stay here anymore. do you understand how it feels to be forced into group therapy? the endless macaroni art? singing kumbaya!? and the god awful food!? of course you don’t!” it felt good to shout at someone, she just felt bad it was alistair who took it all in. “haven’t you ever thought that they could be lying about my records? to keep me here? we—you pay good money to this god forbidden institution. they wouldn’t want to release their best paying patient just yet.”

[horsconcours]

[lysslxric-blog]

@wtfbridget @sabrivcs

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THOMAS GELDOF.

thomas couldn’t help but let out a laugh that was the perfect mix between nervous and genuine, as if somehow stevie could understand what was going on. tom had to admit that he remembered fondly the good times they had shared together, to the point that he now found it all sorts of ironic that she became his best friend’s wife. regardless, his baby daughter seemed to get a liking to sabrina as she smiled widely at her. “sober? that’s really great,” he nodded. of everything she said, that seemed like the only thing he managed to pick up on. “not gonna lie, i miss my party animal days sometimes, but the whole dad thing is proving to be quite fun as well.”

❛   thomas, have you ever been sober  ?   ❜   he looks at the man in utter disbelief.   ❛   it’s the most difficult thing ever.  ❜   she exaggerated, groaning at the thought of spending all her life sober.   she then moved closer to him, leaning to whisper in his ear.   ❛   you don’t have to miss it though.   i’ll let you in on a secret,   ❜   she laughs before continuing.   ❛   i’m reeaallly high right now.   ❜   she retreats from his ear, giving him a grin  &  a sweet smile to his little girl.

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BELLE GRANDET.

“ drinking is the only way i know how to cope. “ belle replied, it wasn’t a lie, she had to quit for broadway and for her daughter, but it was true.

❛   —  you, me both, sister.   ❜   sabrina sighed, taking another flute of champagne in her hands.   ❛   but hey, gotta do our obligations as mums, yea  ?   ❜

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THOMAS GELDOF.

tom looked up as he secured stevie tightly around his waist and a smile tugged at his lips as he recognized the woman standing in front of him. “wow, sab, honestly, it’s great to see you again,” he told her honestly. one could say tom always kept fond memories of sabrina. “yeah, eliza, we got married a few years ago. and this is our daughter stephanie,” he smiled as he motioned for stevie to say hello to sabrina. “what about you? jamie always talks about your little daughter but never says much about what you’ve been up to.”

❛   it’s always great to see me thomas.   ❜   she shrugged her shoulders, a smug grin on her lips.   she crouched down, running a hand on the side of the kid’s head.  ❛   hi stephanie, i’m sabrina.   me  &  your dad used to be very good friends.   weren’t we, tom  ?   ❜   she looks up at him, before looking back at the girl.   ❛   you know, i have a baby girl just about your age.   ❜   she pats her head, standing back up.   ❛   —  that’s probably because there’s really not much going on with me, i’m your ordinary plain sober housewife, who turns out to be really bad at cooking.   you  ?  hopefully you’re a good dad as much as you were a party animal.  ❜

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BRIDGET WINDSOR-GREENE.

the last thing bridget wanted to do was fight over cocaine of all things, let alone have an actual bust up with one of her best friends in the early hours of the reunion. “every parent loves their children sab, but he also has charlie floating around with mickey probably,” she sighed heavily, “i suppose worst case scenario i’ll get the nanny i have on call to take celeste and charlie as well as my three if everyone needs a break.” standing up, she flattened out her dress and pulled at the creases, pointing a finger to ollie. “i don’t know what he has, i’m not sure i want to, but if you mention my name when you’re getting it i’m going straight for alistair.”

❛   exactly, our children have two mothers.   which makes it easier for one of us to do things we want to do, plus, i’m not totally abandoning them.   i’ll switch with mickey or jamie later.   ❜   she shrugged her shoulders carelessly.   ❛   —  &  that’s not the best part  !  i have a best friend with an arsenal of nannies, who happens to be the wife of a drug dealer.  how lucky am i  ?   ❜   she kissed bridget on the cheeks.   ❛   oh please, you wouldn’t.   not for my sake, but for ollivander, perhaps.   ❜

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BRIDGET WINDSOR-GREENE.

bridget sighed, it used to be fun being so reckless with sabrina, and the woman was still one of her very best friends but she was pregnant damnit and if she couldn’t have fun neither could anyone else. “regardless of what he has up his sleeves, you won’t be getting any because james shouldn’t be the only one looking after celeste tonight,” she tutted. she spotted ophelia across the room who had coerced reid into carrying her around and gave her little girl a wave and a big grin. “and what’s your brother going to do if he finds you getting high, love? last i heard he was going to cut you off if you didn’t get sober.”

❛   i’m not that irresponsible, my high will fade soon, i’m just having a little coke  —  if i’m having any at all tonight.   plus, james is going to have a lovely time with our daughter  —  he loves that little munchkin like no other.  he wouldn’t mind taking care of her for an extra few hours.   ❜   she looked over at the bridget’s little girl, giving her a smile  &  a small wave.   ❛   which is exactly why he won’t find out.   also, why i told you bridge.  if anyone knows how to keep a secret it’s you, right  ?   ❜

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SABRINA BALFOUR

“he’s incredible at micromanaging, i’m shocked he and ollie didn’t come running as soon as i said wasted and pregnant in the same sentence,” she sighed, rolling her eyes. ollie was an incredible dad but he was awful every time she was pregnant, always hovering, always refusing to even touch her, though he was weaker this time around. blaze sat happily on his aunt’s lap, wiggling and playing with her jewellery. “nice try, i’ve already been explicitly warned to not indulge you i’m afraid. i mean, the threat i got was weak but jamie means well so..”

she looks down at blaze who was happily distracted by her pearl necklace, she always wanted a baby boy of her own, but she didn’t know if she could bear the pain all over again.   ❛   oh god, just a little will do.   c’mon, i’m quite sure ollivander has something up his sleeves.   ❜    she sighed in aggravation.   she was desperate to get a little high, while jamie was busy playing with their daughter.   ❛   the closest thing i’ve had to a drug was the anesthesia at the hospital  &  i’m telling you, that didn’t cut it.   ❜

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BRIDGET WINDSOR-GREENE.

bridget sighed loudly as she looked over at the bar longingly, of course the one time she needed alcohol more than anything she was knocked up, as if being around her crazy family wasn’t enough, she was being forced in interact with her former classmates also. she knew there was a person behind her before she even turned around since blaze buried his head into her neck to hide from whoever it was, never fond of anyone besides ollie or her, and a select few other people. “so, you wouldn’t happen to know of a way to get wasted while you’re pregnant? don’t tell my husband i asked that.”

❛   hmm....   sadly no,   ❜  she smacked her lips.   ❛   you’re brother has done a tremendous job keeping me  &  mickey away from anything that could harm the babies when we were pregnant.   ❜   she reached out for blaze, who gladly came running into her arms.   she sat the kid on her lap.   blaze was familiar with her already, always inviting them to lunch  &  whenever she was in new york.   ❛   though i could drink your share  &  get drunk on your behalf, how’s that sound  ?   ❜   lord knows how long sabrina’s been sober, constantly on the watchful eye of her brother that financially drain her  &  james, of course.   in short, she was utterly desperate for a sip of alcohol  &   a snort of coke.

[sabrivcs-archived-blog]

THOMAS GELDOF.

open starter

Thomas walked around the school campus holding tightly on Stevie’s hand. At first, he didn’t think it was such a good idea to bring their children to an event like this but Eliza had insisted, saying some old friends were dying to meet their two babies and Tom could never say no to his wife. So here he was, showing Stevie around the place where her parents had first met, he wasn’t so sure if the 3-year-old could understand anything he was saying but she looked in awe of the tall old buildings as she escaped from his grip and into the nearest stranger. “I’m so sorry,” he muttered to the other person as he went to pick up Stevie in his arms. “The older she gets, the harder it is for me to keep up with her.”

sabrina was surprised as she suddenly caught a three year old, reminding her much of her own daughter of the same age, with james flaunting her around like the princess she is.   ❛   no, no.   don’t worry it’s all good.   it get you, i have a kid just like her.   ❜   she smiled kindly at the kid, before her father picked her up, making sabrina catch the man’s eyes.   ❛   tom  ?   —  oh wait, uhm.   you’re daughter right  ?   —  with uh, that girl, what’s her name  —  eliza  !  god how long has it been  ?   ❜

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BELLE GRANDET.

“come on, cassie, this place isn’t half bad.” belle told her 14-year old daughter as she was glued to her phone and refused to take in the oxford air. “ugh, teenagers.” she replied, sitting down and drinking a glass bottle of vodka.

❛   woah there, don’t down the whole thing, darling.   ❜   sabrina cautioned, but was actually amused at the mother in front of her.