[sacrifiedtrauma]

greetings, lost lamb.

this blog arises not from altruistic motives, but serves primarily as a sanctuary to channel my most turbulent impulses through consensual and non-aggressive means, in essence, an archive for trauma.

please, submit an ask only if you harbor no objection to your narrative being utilized for carnal gratification.

we impose no restrictions upon those who seek this confessional; all who desire its solace are most welcome.

that being said, we accept desired traumas, source-related tribulations, fantasies, and all manner of kindred inclinations.

with fondest regards, Father Lucien

[sacrifiedtrauma]

are transtraumas allowed to come here and get inspo?

primarily, I cannot impede one's own resolve, however, it is indeed permitted.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

this is semi my personal trauma and semi trauma I was the perpetrator of

TW for detailed descriptions of rape / sexual assault

My system used to be dating this guy who would constantly pressure me into having sex with him when I wasn't in the mood, and guilt trip me about how upset and rejected it made him feel if I said I wasn't up for it until I just stopped feeling like I could ever say no because I didn't want to bother with having to deal with him being upset about it for the entire day

It was happening pretty often after a while, it kind of especially sucked because he was a sub and a bottom so I would be expected to be dominant and sexy and in control all while there was a terrible pit in my stomach because I really did not want it. I'd just kind of space out and go through the motions and pray that he would finish soon so I could stop

Our relationship was generally just really shitty and toxic. I'm one of our persecutors, and one day one of his "scary tough guy dominant" type alters was fronting and being a cunt to me and I decided I had enough of it. I had gotten especially pissed off at him and decided to pin him down and rape him. None of the coercive shit he did to me, just direct and violent and forceful. I remember pulling his clothes off while he tried to kick and shove me off of him, I remember forcing my cock inside him, I held his jaw open and shoved my fingers down his throat to keep him from screaming if he tried, but he didn't try. Once he realised I was forcing myself on him and not listening to him safewording or telling me to stop, he just kind of froze up and went limp. As fucked up as it is to say, it was honestly really satisfying to watch him just break and give up like that

I will say for the record that this was in a very dark time in my life and I do absolutely not condone what I did and I realise it was pretty horrible of me, and I have since put a lot of effort into trying to be a better person

sincerest gratitude for your confession.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

We dunno if our body was ever SA'd or not (blocked out most of childhood and such) but some of us really, really like the idea of submitting our exomemories that beings may like here.. so we may do that soon.

sincerest gratitude for your confession.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

I'm a headmate with a past life before being in my system and exomemories so here are some of my memories from my past life I want to share here! TWs for SA and murder and grooming and some necro stuff. Context, I did die before coming to the system. Everything mentioned below is my past life!

My dad used to SA and rape me a lot. My mom worked a lot and was often on business trips or in her home office, so she never really noticed. She did care about me but she was very busy. I don't know how old I was when he started but I was pretty young I believe. He'd tell me that he missed my mom and that he wanted me to play a game with him so he wouldn't miss her as much. It would always be sexual stuff like rubbing each other's genitalia and such.

I think I was 10 or 11 when he started to rape me though. He'd always do that at night, regardless of if my mom was at home (she usually wasn't but he got bold sometimes). A few times, when I was 13-15, he did it while I was showering late in the evening or at night before bed. He'd hump and penetrate me, he'd rub my genitalia, he'd make me give him oral (sometimes he'd give me oral), etc etc.

I was a teenage boy in a small conservative town though so nobody really noticed. They just thought we were a very close father and son. One day my mom did get close to figuring it out but she never actually did I don't think. I do remember my parents started having arguments when I was 15 about how he "acted around me when she wasn't around" cause she suspected something.

My dad didn't like how close she got to finding out and he didn't want me to say anything so he had taken me to the woods. While in the woods he raped me in his car before attacking me. He then raped me again as I died and he left me in the woods.

I don't want my dad back buuutttt I sometimes do wish I had someone similar to be with💔 I am an AAM, autonecro, masochist, and autobiasto now (probably due to my past life) haha.

- 🔪 of 🐾🕸️

sincerest gratitude for your confession.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

I have a cousin that's about five years older than me, and apparently I was only about one at the oldest the first time he tried to touch me. My mom caught him and stopped him before he could do anything, but I was still left alone with him basically all the time.

I think I was around two or three the first time I actually remember him doing anything to me, and from what I can recall, all he did was show me his genitals and make me show him mine. He even made it into a game based off of the 'five little monkeys' thing, so now that of all things is a trigger for me. For reference, I'm female, and he's male.

I may have had a flashback the other night about something worse he might have made me do, but I'm only partially sure that it was a real memory. If it was, he also made me kiss the tip. But since I was a toddler, I didn't know how to do it properly, and it wasn't good enough for him.

There were plenty of times after that where he would try to get me to take my clothes off while we were playing in mud or in water, and I would always compromise by taking some articles of clothing off, but not my underwear.

The last time something like that happened was when I was 9, so he was probably about 13, and we were playing with water on his trampoline. He tried to convince me to take all of my clothes off, but I only took off my shorts, and left on my shirt and underwear. I told my mom afterwards, but she still let me go play with him alone in his room while I was only wearing one of his really big shirts (I was a tiny kid and he was/is overweight) because my own clothes were wet.

I'm pretty sure he was going to rape me then. At the time, I still thought we were just playing pretend, even though I knew by then what sex was. He took everything off but his boxers, and we both climbed into his bed. Before he could do anything, both of our younger siblings interrupted us, and then my mom came into the room. Basically the only consequence was that I wasn't allowed to watch adult shows anymore.

Maybe a couple months after that at most, I was left alone with him again and his little sister, and that was for sure the last time. He tried to make me lick it, but I refused. To demonstrate that it wasn't that bad, and they did it all the time, they licked each other's genitals, but I still didn't want to do it. I don't know all the details, but I'm pretty sure he continued to abuse her after that. I feel weird sharing that detail because it isn't my story to tell, although it did affect me because I had to witness it.

That's all he did to me, but I have more stories to tell eventually involving other people! I'm going to claim an anon tag, if that's okay, to help keep track of which stories are mine. I'm also eager to hear what other people think about this tbh.

-🧁🐶

sincerest gratitude for your confession.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

Suicide attempt mentions ahead: Yes, I will be talking about this, it did traumatize me in one way.

-

I think my overdose was interesting. Even if it's something that I've learned to be wary of, a part of me still feels attached to this attempt in ways that I may never fully unpack.

I think the intense dizziness that I was going through and the pain my mind was a petrifying part of my experiences, and are the most damning. The inability to stop myself from repeatedly seizing.

It was freeing to grow oh, so exhausted of breathing, of forcing myself to breathe, of feeling myself slowly slip away due to being so exhausted from all of the consequences of the overdose.

Out of everything that I dealt with during and after the overdose attempt, it was feeling myself drift in an unusual way that I miss the most.

It's not a LOT but hopefully it's something. And if you somehow recognize me; ah well, so what if you do. Just don't say it to me.

sincerest gratitude for your confession.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

shout out to the ex-radqueer who groomed me! "these people are evil and harmful" they actually believed me<3 they love me without me having to pretend i hate everything you did to me 100% of the time<3

and then you accused me of grooming you?

sure! ok! call me a trisgroomer then<33

sincerest gratitude for your confession.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

the way that we were taken advantage of by our best friend of 8 years may be of use to some of you. Guilted us into asking him out via "i just dont think im lovable!! I should give up!!" For hours at a time while we were FWB. Used his ocd to get us to get him off once we were dating (threatened to sh if we didnt, FOLLOWED THROUGH AND SHOWED US, IN OUR OWN HOME- we had to use our hands and eat him out, his cunt smelled like rotting milk and bile. Extremely dysphoria inducing because our host was a trans man who wanted to use his metadick or a strap at LEAST), faked DID and specifically a bookend alter to fuck a headmate who hated him (who had not recovered Still almost 4 years later, he doesnt front, he doesnt talk to anyone, he is constantly covered in cuts innerworld, the only people he let's exist around him are sourcemates who were similarly hurt). Financially planned to work us to death. Ruined our relationship with our family, they like him more and don't beleive he raped us. We moved out to get away from the feeling of his presence because we had worse nightmares about him than anything that caused our DID.

Sorry abt lack of detail, I dont know if this is the sort of thing that readers want. Thank u for the blog I love to get my rocks off!!!

sincerest gratitude for your confession.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

ive been molested a few times in school ever since i was in about fifth grade. i always wish it were muuch worse. this might be a little boring but i want to pretend my sexual trauma is desirable. this is kinda just a stupid ass yap

also note for if anyone recognizes who i am no you dont. unless you want to tell me you get off to my trauma dont mention it <33 thank you., anyways

ive always been the youngest and the smallest in school. extremely vulnerable and everyone else knew more than me. i'd recently transferred to the new school and it was the first time i really learned about sex. and i learned a lot. i felt very left out so i looked more and more into it., got into wattpadd.. yknow.

my first negative experience was when a kid told my friend (who then told me) that he wanted to see me lewd. i didn't know what that meant at the time and it was described to me as "naked/nude but worse" which,, although that isnt exactly the definition it stuck with me and now a lot of the time when i hear or read the word i get really horny and uncomfortable and unstable. i think someone should use that against me

anyways, same year i had a friend. she kinda took advantage of my innocence and lack of knowledge to get me in a relationship with her and have me kiss her plus pretend to have sex with her.. yeah idk. (probably without much ill intent but,. that's what happened) we broke up like 10000 fucking times and she was toxic as hell. then like a few years later she tried to sell me a blade to get me to cut more., i was fully on board but cmon bro ??

thats besides the point. the next time was around a year later. a really popular football player at my school begun to touch my thigh and whisper in my ear how exactly he wanted to fuck me and use me. he would get more and more daring as time went on, even as i told him to stop multiple times (he pretended to care but did it the next day each time)

sometimes, i think about what it would have been like if he actually raped me. he liked talking about how big his dick was, i wonder if he was lying. i wish i remembered the ways he said he wanted to fuck me,, he always complimented my nice thighs, i still pride myself on those though lowkey..,

the next year i had a class with him but i had a close friend with me so he didnt have the opportunity to continue. i wish he did sometimes even though i despise him with my whole heart,,

next one needs the context that i'm a trans man. the next year i got into a friend group of very toxic, misogynistic cis guys, it was the main source of gender euphoria i had and it was horrible for me. the teacher of the class i shared with these guys was agonizingly relaxed with how the class behaved., the newest one i'd met was also the biggest and strongest.

eventually he confessed he had a crush on me (plus two or maybe more of my friends. also trans guys. massive chaser i tell you) and i declined because i was taken (he also confessed to my boyfriend </3) but we moved on and we started getting more and more verbally sexual with each other. we would describe, (loudly, mind you), different ways we were going to fuck and/or rape each other. all formatted in a gamer trash-talk type thing as we'd do this as we played competitive video games.

then, he started getting touchy,. he would touch my tits and ass and eventually crotch and tell me that if i wanted to be a man i had to deal with it. if i dared to bend over he would most definitely touch my ass and the two other guys would watch and laugh about it. he also once showed us his girlfriends nudes, almost definitely without consent.

once again, nothing resulted from this so nobody took it very seriously

anyways despite nothing rlly happening i honestly have a massive rape kink now and would absolutely let myself be raped. my friends (with my prompting, if they dont mind) also call me molestable and i think thats wonderful. im so small and weak i could never dream of fighting back

yeah i dont know if this really amounts to much or if its interesting at all. can at least one person jerk off about this. thanks. if it sucks feel free to delete this

sincerest gratitude for your confession.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

https://www.tumblr.com/sacrifiedtrauma/817389072606789632/tw-sa-rape-threats-grooming-predators-we?source=share

Back at it again, different headmates, same system.

Lets elaborate on our friend's boyfriend SA'ing us. So lets call him Oscar, Oscar was dating Trinity first... and they initially started dating because we weren't reciprocating the initial flirting he was doing with us. After they got together we hung out alot because he was always with trinity. He initially stopped flirting with us for about a week, probably because we make dirty jokes alot around friends we're comfortable with, like trinity. So he was just there listening to all our freaky and kinky jokes for a week, not flirting, not touching us... it was normal. Until it wasn't because he then started flirting again and teasing us about our kinks. He didn't really touch us much other than hugs, which he stated later on that he enjoyed them because he could feel our beasts pressed up aaginst him. He broke up with trinity (because he was flirting eith other girls) and got with out other friend, who we will be calling hailey, and hailey was like, my BESTEST friend. I couldn't get away from him without getting away from my bestie... and she knew his history about flirting with us and what not but didn't really care about it. During this time, he started touching us more inappropriately when we were alone. He would touch our thighs, grope our ass an what not. We had made threats against him because of it at one point but he didn't stop. Then he broke up with hailey... (because she was obsessed with another guy) and got with another one of our close friends, olivia. Yes he would also then go on to cheat on olivia. Whilst he was dating Olivia he kind of did back off us for a bit until he cheated on her and went bsck ro trinity who had moved away at this point so they were long distance. This is where it all kind of picked up. He was more bold about his actions, kept sexualizing our body, saying we liked it (because of one of our kinks & also paraphilias), would openly rub our clit in public, etc. Now we avoid him like the plague of course, our siblings are actually friends with his older brother and it's crossed our minds to tell them what happened, but our home life is generally unsafe.

Moving onto something else... we got into kinks at a very young age due to a interaction with our uncle when we were 5, and surprise surpise but we actually have a bdsm test dated back to when we were only 6. The first cock we ever saw was also our uncles, I'll let that linger in your minds... imagine whatever you want.

sincerest gratitude for your confession.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

I contemplated renaming the blog to align with its new theme, yet I fear such a change might undermine its established recognition.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

My brother assaulted me behind our grandparents couch and covered my mouth telling me to be quiet while he did it.

He also taught me to masturbate when I was three by doing it in front of me!

sincerest gratitude for your confession.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

We don't have any memories that are explicitly SA (not counting exomemories of individual headmates) and we aren't sure if we've been SA'd and just don't remember or not. But we go through emotional incest of sorts sooo.

Ever since we were young our stepdad (been in our life since we were almost 2) has been very weird towards us. Not sure exactly when it started but we think probably around chrono 9-10 when our "behavioral issues" started to die down. He'd constantly treat us like a back up partner and shit talk our mom, he still does actually. He'd say horrible things about our mom to us and vent to us about things she did. Most of the stuff she did wasn't even bad, it was just due to her disorders, but wtv.

One time when we were bodily/chrono 11-12 our mom cheated on him and left for a week (she stayed at her other bfs house). One night our stepdad came into our room and made us get in his bed with him at 4am cause he missed our mom. We laid there for 20-30 minutes in awkward silence and we kept rolling over as he laid there. Eventually he let us leave and we went back into our room. Our mom came back the next morning and asked us something (can't remember what) when we mentioned what happened the night before. Nothing ever came of it though.

We still live with him and he still treats us like a back up partner at times. We also went into psychosis a couple months after that event and had these extremely strong delusions that we were pregnant and that being around him got us "spontaneously pregnant". We're transmasc but he's transphobic and has called us his princess and a bunch of other fem nicknames

To this day we do wonder what would have happened if we went to sleep in his bed. If he hadn't let us leave the room. Would he have done more? We really hate him but everything he did has caused us to have a thing for dadcon/dad x son (+ other types of consang but they're unrelated) as well as forcefem.

- 🐾🕸️ (just in case we want an anon tag/if we submit stuff again)

sincerest gratitude for your confession.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

https://www.tumblr.com/jerkofftrauma/817555212009078784/thiiis-close-to-going-out-into-the-woods-to-relive?source=share Holy shit, club of anonymous radqueers raped by trees. If I had a nickel, am I right?

sincerest gratitude for your confession.

[sacrifiedtrauma]

thiiis close to going out into the woods to relive the first time i was assaulted

she stuck a branch inside of me, was picking out splinters for like two weeks after cuz parents thought i was lying

yeahhh cuz a five year old is that kind of creative

thx u 4 the confession! <3

[sacrifiedtrauma]

yknow everyones talking about emotional incest and i think i might have gone through that... yikes! you guys are freaks /aff and seem to love it though, so here you go? inform me if this is unusual or if every dad does this.

cw slight transphobia

ok so im transmasc, and i have a brother and thats it. i once tried to come out as nonbinary to my parents but that didnt go so hot (this is context as it might be the drive for dad but whatevs)

my dads favvvv thing in the world ig?? is to call me his only daughter and similar shit (:) and i think he calls me his babygirl? im lowk dissociated a lil bit so memory's foggy. when i would work out at his place he Constantly commented on my body (ik it was cause we were working out but i am pretty clear with not liking ts ok?) telling me i should do squats cause it makes my butt look nice. yikers. and to not do stuff that works out the chest cause i 'need to

keep my cute chest' or whatever the fuck! he'd tell me to wear shorts and that my thighs looked nice. hes always been weird with tickling me and being touchy, and pouting when i say i dont like it .. yikes! i purposefully dont really work out like that anymore cause it always made me feel a little weird. he's a great guy otherwise, cool dad and all, but these few things have always felt so weird.

sorry freaks its not that explicit but whateevvvs ! use your imagination and expand on ts ig - (btw i am not that young. i just talk like this cause i can, ok?)

thx u 4 the confession! <3