once upon a time, in a far away land, lived a monk. now, this monk was a humble man... a hermit, living alone, sustaining himself completely on his own. just his house, a small garden; he got his water from the river. all around, a borderline ascetic.
however, in this monk's house, were actually great riches- money, yes, but also pricey religious art (icons, mainly.) the monk wasn't corrupt or anything, and he barely ever used the money at all- but he did have it.
and one day, as the monk went to sleep, he saw a thief through his window- the person grabbing only three carrots from his garden, nothing more; then running away.
now, as i said- the monk was very poor! so he began to chase the thief.
so they're running, they're running, you know.... but the monk is just a monk. he may do a lot of physical work, but he's not exactly adept at sprinting, so the thief runs away.
therefore, the monk starts training! he does laps around his house every day, he runs up and down the stairs, he runs through the garden, he runs a semi-marathon, a sprint, everything you can imagine. soon enough, he's a master at running!...
...and the thief shows up again, and once more steals nothing except three carrots. so the monk chases him, and- they're running, they're running, they're running, and he's closing the distance between them pretty quickly.
but then! they reach the fence around the property. the thief, of course, hops over it with ease... the monk doesn't, and the thief gets away.
the monk begins training again, but jumping this time. he jumps around his house, over his fence, he trains his height, distance covered- and eventually becomes really good at it.
at which point, the thief shows up again- takes three carrots- the chase begins. they're running, running, running, they get to the fence, they jump the fence, they're running, they're running, they're running... there's a lake.
the thief swims away. but the monk, well... he can swim a little bit, but not enough to catch up, plus he's afraid his robes will make him drown!
so he gets to training. shallow water, deep water, upstream, downstream, in lakes and rivers, with different techniques- after a while, he could probably be an olympian!
the cycle repeats. the thief, with his three carrots, begins trying to escape. they're running, they're running, they're running, they get to the fence, they jump over the fence, they're running, they're running, they're running, they get to the lake, they jump into the lake, they swim through, they're running, they're running, they're running...
they get to the mountains. and the monk can't climb, so the thief gets away. Again.
so, well, you know. the monk starts learning to climb: in his home, in the mountains, with and without equipment, bouldering, more and less steep hills, yadda yadda. and just as he does with everything else, he gets good at it.
and the thief shows up again, takes three carrots. they're running, they're running, they're running, they get to the fence, they jump over the fence, they're running, they're running, they're running, they get to the lake, they jump into the lake, they swim through, they're running, they're running, they're running, they get to the mountains, they climb a mountain-
and the thief- realizing he's cornered- begins to fight the monk... and wins immediately. after all, the monk is... well, a monk! he's not used to physical combat! so while the monk is out cold, the thief flees.
the monk gets home, patches himself up, and begins learning how to fight. boxing, karate, kung fu, taekwondo- anything you can think of! he doesn't learn to wield any actual weapons, but he's damn good with his fists.
the thief shows up, steals three carrots, runs. they're running, they're running, they're running, they get to the fence, they jump over the fence, they're running, they're running, they're running, they get to the lake, they jump into the lake, they swim through, they're running, they're running, they're running, they get to the mountains, they climb a mountain, and they begin to fight.
and as it turns out, the monk and the thief are... pretty comparable in strength. they fight for the whole day, and the whole night, but finally, finally the thief collapses, exhausted.
at that point, the victorious monk leans over him and says: "please. please, i'll forgive all your sins and wrongdoings, but please just tell me: i'm a humble man! surely, you knew about the riches in my home, so why did you only ever take the fruit of my hard work, that i needed to sustain myself? if you had simply come to my doorstep and asked for help, i would've offered some to you, but instead we had to resort to this."
and the thief looks at him and replies: "fine. you win, so i'll tell you. but first, please: you have to promise me you'll keep the seal of confession."
