yo ho ooooh no.

I'm so tired... so I will be role-playing as a pirate to record a diary for my stupid mental health. I just gotta put this somewhere.

[sad-pirate]

Captian's log Day?? But for continuity say 6

It has been a week and a day since my last entry. Come Monday I could not make it through my voyage and daily duties. I had to runashore to visit an island witch doctor who told me I had contracted the seasonal plague. I had thought it merely allergies. Alas. I was so very wrong. I was sent to my quarters for bed rest for an entire week. My ass ached from being a bump on a log for days. The fever roared like a furious flame on a hot sand beach, mid day in the height of summer. It was valentine's celebrations and the anniversary of me and the skippers agreement to set sail together. We continued with festivities, but I was a little bit of a party pooper. First mate has been by my side, and avast! I'm cured. Ready to face the dud again come the morow. Wish me luck.

[sad-pirate]

Captian's log day 5

All is well! Or at least I think... today skipper gave me a gift. Valentines day and the anniversary of our first day sailing together are coming up. It was a very expensive gift. But I received a games receiver. We also went foraging for sustenance near the Mexican border. I'm still very sick, though. I hope i get better soon. Tomorrow is Monday. The Dud will be back on duty. Yikes. Wish me luck.

[sad-pirate]

Captian's log day 4

Today I have been sick as a salty dog. Mostly bed rest and doodles in bed. My skipper is unhappy. When I ask what is wrong there is no real reason. I'm afraid even at home I am no longer a good captian. Please dear God. Do no let this crew fall apart too.

[sad-pirate]

Captian's log day 3

Today I spoke with another member of the council. It was confirmed I am not the only one who is having problems with the dud. She assured me things would improve once we arrive at the port. I am hopeful. But I am afraid. She brought up a good point that it sounded as if it was an abusive partnership. This brought me back to how I felt with a previous first mate. I realized this situation is triggering my senses. I am stuck in an eddy in the current of emotions. Just like before. I was able to take charge with some of the below deck crew through deception, saying that the authorities were onto their less than savory slurs. Threatening to write to their personal authorities. Let's hope that sticks. Tonight I had a wave of melancholy after my first sip of ale in a month's time. I am getting older. Grayer. But so are my supports. Those who repair my ship won't be around forever. I yearn for my younger years. Yearn for my mama. Yearn for my Grandmother. I never asked to be put on this ship. I merely grew into it. Now I'm nearing my 30th year. With what to show. I'm an imposter. A phonie most days. I've grown slow, weak and fat.

I went walking with a crew member today. I may try to continue that into a habit.

I want to continue to remember those feelings of impending loss. But not marinate in them. Trade that new positive motion for a negative one. Make movement the habit. Leave marinating to the fish head soup.

[sad-pirate]

Day 2 Captian's Log

The crew is still complaining about problems with the below deck furnace. There are several reasons we cannot fix the furnace now. The main reason being it's lengthy red tape that is paid for by the high council. But. Also because the furnace is blocked by the belongings of a crew mate that had to sit this leg of our journey out to care for their new first mate. This mutney was brought on by The Dud. The pirate commissioner said The Dud would walk the plank when we hit mid sea. However. I'm afraid if that doesn't happen I will be forced to find another ship to set sail on. I must tell some of my most respected crew mates that I wish to keep The Dud as far away from me as possible. But I fear they will turn their backs on me if I seem difficult to work with. I need rest. But I am as restless as the stormy seas. My heart screams like a siren scorn. I am anxious. I hate this.

Regardless. I am feeling unwell. My skipper will not stop playing dice. My first mate is uninterested in hanging out with me in my search for peace and quiet. I am alone but not in pleasant company with these cycling thoughts.

[sad-pirate]

Day 1 Captian's log

I feel like a soggy muffin. The guy on my ship who frustrates me (aka the dud, turkey neck, Mr. Makeyoumiserable) humiliated me in front of my crew today. I am feeling underminded, underpaid, and underappriciated. I'm the captian God damn it! I can get along with the nastiest of barnacles. But not him. I... I think I actually hate him. He sent me into a doom spiral. I have questioned myself if I'm over or under reacting. I hope we leave him at the next harbor. Or I may go insane.