Beancurd Bisexual

[sadbiguy]

Ngl, I can't really see myself carrying on with this account. This site just feels lonely, like hanging out in mall that's in terminal decline.

[sadbiguy]

Yeah, I'm just logging out now. Cant remember my password so that'll just be me away.

[sadbiguy]

Ngl, I can't really see myself carrying on with this account. This site just feels lonely, like hanging out in mall that's in terminal decline.

[sadbiguy]

I could really go for being a robot of some kind.

[sadbiguy]

Can't actually remember my last good Saturday.

[sadbiguy]

While I know consciously that the notion of deserving a thing you want by virtue of time & effort spent in pursuit of it is flawed, it's something that I just cannot get out of my head.

That feeling of "But I've done everything right and what people have told me works" while seeing other people who just haven't, but are walking around with what it is you want, or even not liking what it is they have that you want, is so fucking demoralizing.

This can apply to lots of things but, as is my own style, this is literally just about body and gender stuff.

Like, I don't really want to go into it in a massive detailed way because I know full well it just makes me sound pathetic and resentful but... All this healthy eating, exercising, reading and working on myself mentally and physically to try and look good and be confident, and to outwardly be a way that is reflective of how I want to be, and it feels like a complete waste of time because even a cursory look online and you can find no end of conventionally-attractive and well-endowed, chain-smoking twinks with an active sex life, an eating disorder, and rich parents, who simultaneously manage to look more femme and masculine than you do, who just don't need to put any effort into it at all and it's like...??? Why do I bother?

Like, not to be too sincere or anything.

[sadbiguy]

It's gonna be so over for yous all when/if I'm ever successful and live in a world where they've invented dick-longening, ball-biggening, and body-hairening surgery!

SO OVER!

[sadbiguy]

Bro when are they going to have hair transplants that take the hair from your head, and put it on your body?!?

You know, for the wannabe hairy freaks like me!!

[sadbiguy]

I'm at the point where I can't tell if I'm having a genuine difficulty relating to my own bisexuality to the point of repressing it, or if I'm doing the same to my gayness...

[sadbiguy]

I at least had friends on other social media this place is a pit and a hole full of the least serious and performative phoneys. Jfc

[sadbiguy]

Got a severe case of "Have a wasted a large part of my fucking life?" angst after my birthday ngl.

Again mostly hassled by thoughts of education and employment and other shite like that.

[sadbiguy]

Gonna be honest, I actually fucking hate this site. Even compared to the big antisemitic, anti-LGBT+ reactionary hole that twitter has become, this place is shit. Like, nobody helps anyone out or reaches out at all. This place is absolute garbage.

[sadbiguy]

Got a severe case of "Have a wasted a large part of my fucking life?" angst after my birthday ngl.

Again mostly hassled by thoughts of education and employment and other shite like that.

[sadbiguy]

I can't tell you how much I really wish I didn't have to section-off talking about my feelings about gender and sexuality because it's so fucking isolating.

I don't know anyone here, I barely have any online friends at all tbh. Every day it just feels like I get closer to just ending it.

[sadbiguy]

The kink podcast I listen to has the most annoying guest on rn and it's honestly torturous.

How can you sit and talk about gender for 27 whole minutes (so far) and manage to say absolutely nothing?!

And when did therapy-speak make such massive inroads into how we communicate with other people. I know I've complained before that literally every American who seems to appear on this podcast is buoyed up by years of therapy, and it bleeds into how they talk, but... Is this just what middle class America is? Annoying, white therapy people who call themselves "sex nerds" appearing on podcasts?

[sadbiguy]

Anyone here been through the process of going to university as a mature student in Ireland?

At this point I feel like my life up to now has just been a complete waste, jumping bullshit-job to bullshit-job. I'm honestly ready to just do anything mercenary to just be able to afford to have leisure time.

[sadbiguy]

One thing that I'm beginning to feel more acutely recently is and creeping (and worsening) sense of sexual inadequacy.

Of course accompanied by my more usual masculinity, gender & sexuality angst, but this feels quite different to me.

I've never really gotten off to conventional penetrative sex, or even really felt drawn much to relationships, so tended to find solace in more kink & fetish oriented spaces & sexual outlets. But it feels like even that is beginning to be taken away from me.

Due to past experiences I no longer sub, but I don't even feel dominant at all at the moment. I just feel small and useless tbh.

Especially around my partner. As much as she talks about being submissive I just don't feel dominant at all. She's more talkative than me, dominates conversations more than me, earns more than me, is more educated than me (I could go on, there's a lot of wee things but I don't want to make it sound like it's on her, it's not) and it's left up to me to just do all the cooking, shopping, cleaning and full-time working and I just feel worn out. I have my little outlets in martial arts and things but it's just not enough. I feel like I'm losing some essential part of myself.

I just can't fucking do it, any more. My confidence is just shot.

More and more I just feel like I'm headed for a dead end.

[sadbiguy]

Back onto missing being gay. How do ppl ever find ppl to talk to about this kind of shit?!!?

[sadbiguy]

Being bisexual is like the absolute peak of living the FOMO life.