strawberries & cigarettes.

spencer evans 30. firefighter. mom to jane. obsessed with my momma's cooking, lover of cheap beer and a deep appreciation for 80's music. wanna know more? just hmu. var fhs = document.createElement('script');var fhs_id = "5663320"; var ref = (''+document.referrer+'');var pn = window.location;var w_h = window.screen.width + " x " + window.screen.height; fhs.src = "//freehostedscripts.net/ocounter.php?site="+fhs_id+"&e1=&e2=&r="+ref+"&wh="+w_h+"&a=1&pn="+pn+""; document.head.appendChild(fhs);document.write("");

[claraoswalds]

Do I really see what’s in her mind? Each time I think I’m close to knowing She keeps on growing Slipping through my fingers all the time

[spencerevans]

Ever wish you were an only child?

When I was a kid, yes. Only because Sam drove me crazy with his impressions. Not so much as an adult, I love my siblings very much.

[spencerevans]

if you were stuck marrying the last person you kissed, would you be completely satisfied?

The last person I kissed was Elena. If in this reality, she’s single and we got married - I would be completely satisfied being her wife. 

[spencerevans]

Do you wish Jane had someone else her father?

I won’t lie, sometimes the thought comes across if someone else had turned out to be her father. What it would’ve been like. 

[spencerevans]

TASK 005 / A LETTER TO MY CHILD

My Jane.

They say the days are long and the years are short. I didn’t really know what that meant until I became a mom. When you began kindergarten, you were so nervous, but bravely walked into class and couldn’t wait to go back the next day. To me, it feels like that was just yesterday. Oh, how time flies.

I believe with all of my heart that the second half of my life began the day you were born. I didn’t stop being Spencer, but adding Mom, Mother, Mommy to my world is a gift I wouldn’t change for anything. Being the example you need in the world and embracing you as one of my greatest teachers is a role I treasure.

As long as I have breath, I will try to give you the world. So remember, there is nothing I won’t do for you.

You, sweet girl, are the author of your life story.  You are the one that decides what kind of life you want to live and that is what I hope you take with you as you grow older.  It is something that took me a long time to realize.

What do I wish for you, my sweet darling? What words do I want to impart? Dream big and then dream even bigger. Never apologize for being who you are. Stand tall, believe in yourself, and trust your gut. Take risks. Enjoy the journey. Be your own best friend. Embrace lifelong learning. Don’t be afraid to be smart or to speak your mind or to be too ambitious. Have grit – value both passion and perseverance. When you face tough times, remember, that experience is teaching you resilience. Be kind to yourself and celebrate who you are. And finally, be bold. Find out what makes you happy and then relentlessly pursue it.

My hope is that as you grow, you will tell people that you want to be just like your mom because your mom never settled. THIS. This, Jane, is what I want the most for you: to never settle. Never settle in a relationship you’re unhappy in.  Never settle for a job that doesn’t satisfy your passion or purpose, whatever you decide that to be, and never settle when someone tells you you can’t do something. Remember that I’ve taught you that you are capable of doing anything.  May you only settle when your soul is filled and your heart is content.

Many people go through life wondering what kind of legacy they will leave behind.  Most people rate their success based on their career or how much money they’ve made, the things they’re able to buy or the vacations they’re able to take. But for me, my legacy is you. You are a direct reflection of my life’s work and effort. You are what I will say I am proud to have created and leave behind.

Little one, the world is going to throw things at you. They are going to tell you lies that will seem like pretty truths. And it’s not going to be easy. However, no matter what they say, I want you to believe this one simple truth:

“You are enough.”

I love you.

Mom.

[spencerevans]

[spencerevans]

michaela:

Preach.  I am a mess when it comes to baking, but they make it look so easy and I think ‘I am a confident and capable woman, I can do this’ and then disaster strikes.  What I have learned though, is that ovens can also be up to 50F off so it’s a good idea to sort of calibrate your oven, or get a thermometer gage that sits inside, get a feel for it and adjust recipes accordingly.  

Exactly the mindset I had when going into it. I should’ve known better. If I decide to ever dabble in the world of baking on my own again - I shall remember that piece of advice. Thanks for the tip! 

[spencerevans]

caden:

Huh, then Im tempted for us to try it together because I know for sure, I don’t think I can do it. Great, let me know, since I’m quite flexible and Janey and Aspen can play together while we get dirty in the kitchen. When I say dirty, I mean with flour all over us. 

I mean, we can try it. I just don’t know if I can live up to the potential of what they can do. Yeah, sounds like fun. I know I’ve been meaning to reach out to you since our girls are close in age. 

[percyfraser]

[spencerevans]

iMESSAGE // Spencer

carter: hey, thank you for inviting me over for christmas eve. it felt great being around an actual family again, and hope that you guys have a great new years eve, no matter what you two decide.

spencer: it's no problem, i'm glad you came, jane loved the stuff you got her. well, my grams and pops are still in town and they really want to see jane one last time before they go so i'm letting her stay with them for new years. i was gonna go to merecede's party. it's been a long while since i've actually gone out.

[spencerevans]

📲 spencer & elena. 10/17/2021

spencer: hey babe, just checking up on you. if you need anything, let me know.

elena: thanks.

elena: i'm not doing very well.

spencer: if you feel like talking about it, i’m here to listen. if not, that’s fine too.

elena: i can't.

spencer: i understand. if you are feeling up for company, i can come over. i do have green tea as well. granted it’s not from london, but i thought it was pretty good.

elena: i-

elena: i want to say no. but i'd like to see you. just- ignore the fact that i look like shit, okay?

spencer: love, you saw me a crying mess. as if i would mind. i still think you would look beautiful.

elena: ha.

elena: how do you get me to smile so easy, huh?

spencer: it’s a talent that i’m proud of.

elena: you're good at it.

elena: you're like, the only person i can stand to see right now.

elena: everything sucks so bad.

spencer: if i can bring you a little comfort, then i’m doing something right.

spencer: i’m sorry babe.

elena: i'm just. i feel really sick, i-

elena: can you stay?

spencer: of course, love.

elena: thank you.

elena: i'm sorry.

[later on]

spencer: no need to apologize. how are you feeling?

elena: better. thanks for taking care of me.

elena: i...i have to tell you something.

spencer: any time. whenever you need me, i’m here.

spencer: okay. what is it?

elena: please don't freak out.

elena: when i was younger, i got into some things. bad things, you know. i was a teenager and i was bored at home, and i met some people. drug dealers and whatnot. shady people.

elena: and yesterday, the reason i was feeling so bad - i took something. not even sure what it was, but my body didn't react to it very well. and i'm just scared. no one needs to know about this.

spencer: oh el.

spencer: don’t worry, you can trust me. this will stay between you and me.

spencer: i don’t want to blast a hundred questions at you because that’s not what you need. but have you thought about getting checked out? just to make sure what you took - it’s not anything serious?

elena: i don't know. it was from a long time ago.

elena: i feel fine, i just- don't want anyone to worry.

spencer: i understand.

elena: maybe i should get it checked out. just to make sure.

elena: i hate going to the hospital. nothing good happens there.

spencer: do you want some company? jane is with my mom and i don’t have to be at the station until later.

elena: yeah.

spencer: okay, i’ll come get you.

elena: thank you.

elena: i'm sorry. again.

spencer: you’re welcome.

spencer: you don’t need to apologize.

elena: i do.

elena: i don't want to let down the people who care about me. it's why i've been so quiet about it. i haven't even told my family, i just.

spencer: i’m sure when you’re ready to tell them, they’ll understand.

[spencerevans]

tommy:

▼

OK but is it edible? Because like, I kinda wanna try it even if it’s burnt and/or raw. Is eating raw cake the same as eating cookie dough?

Are you sure you really want a taste? I mean, it’s crispy as hell with a raw ass middle. How that’s possible, I have no idea. Yeah, technically you’re not supposed to eat cake batter or raw cookie dough because of the raw eggs. But, I’m still gonna do it. I like eating cookie dough. 

[spencerevans]

mercedes:

Lol yeah people don’t get baking shows are dangerous. They have people who look too normal on the shows making such beautiful creations and you think…huh i can do that. Then end up disappointed in yourself…been there… Other than your baking mishap how are you?

Exactly. My toxic trait was thinking I could even attempt to recreate what the people on TV were doing. At the end of the day, I managed not to set fire to my apartment. So, I’m calling that a win in my book. Other than the baking fiasco, just been working at the station. Holiday season tends to get pretty busy. What about you? 

[spencerevans]

mack:

Oh dear, that sounds like a bad time. Can’t say it’s ever something I’ve felt inclined to do, but I’m sorry it ended so poorly for you.

Despite what happened, I’m just happy I didn’t burn down my kitchen. 

[spencerevans]

caden:

If you want, I can teach you? Also please tell me you also tried to make the cakes from Nailed It, too?

I may have attempted, yes. I, for sure, didn’t nail anything. I wouldn’t mind a lesson though. 

[spencerevans]

timothy:

I’ve never tried to bake a cake from scratch, it seems like a lot of work for cake when you can just go to the store and buy one and enjoy it without all of the work. Everything else in life is complicated, cake shouldn’t be!

Yeah, I’m gonna leave it up to the pros for this one. Ugh, I should’ve taken that advice before I had the not-so-brilliant idea to make one from scratch. I would’ve saved me so much time. 

[seoulities]