vent blog

19 | he/him | check pinned

[sadpubbywhines]

man i’m so tired of being such a fuckup

[sadpubbywhines]

im so sorry for being me

[sadpubbywhines]

i want to talk about how i’ve been feeling but i just can’t bring myself to because i don’t want to seem like i want attention or bring him down

[sadpubbywhines]

not being able to recognize my tone of voice is the worst thing that’s ever fucking happened to me and is genuinely ruining my life

[sadpubbywhines]

sometimes i wish i could just mask all the time again. id rather be guilty for things i can control like being a prick than feel so bothersome and guilty and disgusting for my behaviors and quirks i can’t control

[sadpubbywhines]

i did everything i was supposed to go feel good today why do i still feel so terrible

[sadpubbywhines]

how do i express im struggling without having to express it

[sadpubbywhines]

worried

[sadpubbywhines]

i don’t think i’ve felt this bad since i was like 14 and my pathetic attempts at asking for help are so muddy that they’re not understood as what i intend for them to be and i’m so frustrated with myself for not being able to articulate what i want or need bc ig i don’t even know and now i’m paranoid that he’s not going to want to have to deal w me or put up w me feeling *this* bad

[sadpubbywhines]

pov a netflix show has u questioning everything abt ur current life n thinking maybe everyone in ur life would be happier if you were just a 10x better version of urself w/o all the negative bullshit

[sadpubbywhines]

feeling guilty makes me feel disgusting and makes my stomach hurt so bad and i feel so terrible i literally would rather die than keep messing up like i have been

[sadpubbywhines]

i don’t mean to be such a pain and frustrate you when i get overwhelmed and shut down i’m sorry u have to deal with me

if i could curl into a ball and hide forever i think that would be very nice and would solve my anxiety

[sadpubbywhines]

i love ruining everything it’s my favorite pass time and i’m really good at it yay

[sadpubbywhines]

i don’t understand why she has to be so mean to me just because she doesn’t feel well, as if i feel any better

[sadpubbywhines]

why am i the worst lol

[sadpubbywhines]

i just wanna be held and told it’s okay instead of have to wallow in my own tears and horrible fucking thoughts but i can’t even ask for support when i need it the most so i guess it’s my fault i don’t get what i want at the end of the day

[sadpubbywhines]

i didn’t mean to annoy you, i just can’t tell how you feel and sometimes when you don’t tell me i get nervou

ouchy my chest hurts

airplane ears