until it's science over safety.

Irken Scientist Dib, at your service. Of course, now I've been redubbed as 'Irken Invader Dib', but I can assure you that's not my real title and I'd very much rather you not use it. Don't worry - I'm not actually here to take over this pathetic little planet of yours. No matter how much Zim insists on the contrary.

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

{He laughs alittle before coughing.}

That was a good one, you’re not that bad. This just means you’re picking up from me, that’s something. Unless you didn’t want that to happen, then I’m terribly sorry {No I’m not.} At least I wont punch you in the gut, or your cloaca. Unless you want my fist up there.

{Zib holds the bowl over to Dib.} It’s better than eating actual soup made by humans which is probably consisted of poll̀ut͞e͠d́ water.

[safetyoverscience]

I don't thiNK GAZ HAS EVER GONE ANYWHERE NEAR THERE AT ALL, LET ALONE WITH HER FISTS... JUST. JUST FOR THE RECORD.

It's a very important record and I needed to establish that. 

... Out of curiosity, would an entire fist even fit up there? And wouldn't our claws make that kind of dangerous? I don't think getting scratched up down there where it's presumably so delicate would be very arousing, even for you.

If it is, let me know so I can be impressed.

[A ginger squint followed the offering of the bowl, gloved talons carefully taking the dish to stare it down as if attempting to intimidate it into tastiness or something equally pointless before Dib brought it up to his mouth for a cautious sip. There was a pause before the liquidised candy was returned to Zib with a shrug and a flicker of a worm-like tongue.]

Ehh. I'll give it a 5/10. I think I still prefer chewable candy better. Now soda, on the other hand, I can definitely get behind.

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

You most likely are but I’m not gonna go into full detail why.

I͟ alway͞s͝ ̛pa͘y̛ atteņtìon, mate, you could say I’m a pretty good listener. Which reminds me, you are allowed to talk to me or rant to me about whatever’s on your mind and I’ll have my antenae perked as you talk. You҉’́d ̕be sur͢prişed̀ how well I can remember what people tell me.

Yeah, it’s that kind of stuff used to make candy apples, actually. Bright red, with a slight a̢p͠ple̵ taste. Made this stuff myself, for when I felt like having something liquidy.

[safetyoverscience]

When aren't your antenna perked? 

If you know what I mean.

..Ahah, I'm probably really not good at these kind of jokes. I'll stop, I'll stop.

Rest assured my friend, you're essentially the only person I confide in anyway. Well, the only one who listens in any case, I rant to GAZ a lot until she sucker punches me in the 'spooch and then I clear off for a while, but I'm pretty sure she's not actually paying attention to whatever I'm saying and she's just irritated that my voice is going over her game BGM.

No offense, but what you're describing sounds kind of gross. I suppose if I actually tried I might be inclined to change my mind, but so far it doesn't seem like much of a treat, to me anyway.

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

The eye color of irkens are simply gen̢et̡i͠c͠s, nothing more or less.

{Smiles, some, though conflictingly with what’s going on with him and all.}

There’s sugar cubes in there, y̡e̴s͟. Unfortunately I’m coughing blood periodically, it may be unwise for me to eat anything solid for awhile. Maybe once I’m gotten my situation under control you can feed me some sugar cubes.

{Holding the bowl he was given, he sipped the candy fluid like it was, without use of a spoon.}

Candy sauce is pretty good, especially wa̧rm. This is about as close as soup as I would get.

[safetyoverscience]

Very unfortunate genetics, I'll tell you what. What even were the chances that I'd have these two specific quirks melded into me, the same Irken? I'd probably have a better chance at winning every single one of the major lotteries on Earth, or something.

I'm, you know. ..Not that much of a biologist. So I'm most likely wrong on the probability.

I probably should have expected that you'd have sugar cubes for me, heh. You're pretty good at digging out my favourite foods and keeping them in mind, I believe. Even if that's about two things, it's still nice to know you're paying attention. 

Candy.. Sauce? That doesn't sound very pleasant at all. Maybe hot chocolate, or soda or something, but candy sauce brings to mind for me the melted remains of Halloween candy left out in the sun until it's become a hybridised puree of sticky, sweet gunk. That is probably also kind of liquidish in nature.

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

Ah, well… {coughs} I’m glad ̴y̛ou t̡ḩínk̛ ̴so.̢ I wanted to do something different when I built it… Something that͢ ŗef̨ļe͞ćt̸ed me.̴

Brown is a possible eye color for Irkens, albeit rár̴e̸ it’s still something that occurs. Gold is a shade of it that’s also rare, b͘u͏t̨ m̡ore than yo̸u͜ t͞h̀ink̸. I just think your eyes are unique and d͜e̡f͜ine҉s͡ you quite {cough} nicely.

{Glances over to a large floating screen.}

Computer, bring us some confectionaries, please…. And something more liquid for me, if you will.

[Understood.]

{Wasn’t long before a pair of sleek mechanical arms came down with a  box of treats and a warm bowl of a nicely colored liquid substence that was handed over to the clone.}

Thank you, Aisk

[safetyoverscience]

Well, you know how it is with the Empire. 'Uniqueness' isn't usually such a great idea. Unless it's uniqueness in innovation, I suppose, which is almost violently approved of, but golden eyes aren't exactly brilliant new inventions to help improve our race so, you know.

[His jagged antenna twitched a little and perked upwards slightly in curiosity as he glanced over at the box, gaze bright from behind his ever-present, and just as commonly unnecessary goggles.]

Got any sugar cubes in there? Other things are fine and all, but I usually find the way things crunch between my teeth soothing. Which is probably kind of weird, but it's just how it's always been for me.

Hahah, if you really want I could try feeding you some of them or something too. 

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

I tend to ch͞a͢n̛ge topics, myself. Rather gradually in fact, it seems. You already know so its n̛o͡t́ ͘s̸o̴ḿe̸th͞in̵g ̀e̶i̷t̶he͜ŗ ̛of͞ ̨us̷ should worry about. We wouldn’t have to talk if you don’t fȩel up to it.

We’re {Cough} in my lab, of course. We’re obliged to do anything together.

[safetyoverscience]

Speaking of, have I ever mentioned how much I prefer your lab over mine design-wise? Don't get me wrong, I'll probably always like mine the most just because it's mine, but it is kind of... Unappealing. It's just a normal Irken lab. Whereas yours, on the other hand, has that whole sleek black finish you've added to it. 

And then there's the blue. I like blue plenty. It's a very good colour, my uniform is blue. I like it better than the shade of brown my eyes are, certainly.

I never understood why my eyes just had to be this colour when my antenna already stood out enough.

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

The only thing that makes my situation worse is to be left alone. You can never know what I͢’l̢l͠ ͟d҉o͟, but what will occur may not be positive. Sure, I have a big fa̢n͘cý computer but it’s not a physical person. You won’t be a distraction, Dib.

[safetyoverscience]

... Well, if you're absolutely positive, I certainly won't refuse you my company. 

I'm afraid I presumably won't know how to carry a conversation on for too long though - my mind is liable to, ah ha, wander off somewhere else. So even if we did keep talking, I might constantly change the subject.

...Of course, you probably already knew that since we talk so much, so I'm not sure why I felt the urge to warn you about it. I think I may be a little apprehensive. Hard not to be, I suppose, when your essentially only friend is in such a dire situation.

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

I’m fighting a psychological battle, onę ͟I’m not s̸u̧r̶e ́Í’l̶l͟ wi͟n̢. It’s trying to kill me on the inside for it.

The bl͠ée҉di̷ng hasn’t stopped since I went to bed last night. I thought it was just a little spiff that it would go away but it hasn’t. I’m on a second life support for it until it can be settled.

[safetyoverscience]

Will my presence really assist in a mental war such as the one you're talking about? It seems more like I'd distract you at a crucial time and cost you the battle, really. I mean, of course I can't say I know too much in the way of psychiatry, so I doubt I'd be much help in helping you to analyse your problem..

And I really don't think I want to be a hinder to you if the situation's dire enough that you need another life support to settle you properly.

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

Alot, you missed alot.

My c̛o̸nditi͡on̶ has gotten worse. Worst time as any, Zim just had to go to bed, or do something else.

[safetyoverscience]

Ahh.. I'm really sorry I've been busy lately, and it's awful that your well-being's been decreasing! What even brought this about? You seemed fine the last time I saw you..

Is there anything I can do to assist?

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

safetyoverscience replied to your post:W̕h͏er̸e͘’s̕ D͟i̧b̡?

Are you looking for me?

Yes.

[safetyoverscience]

Sorry, sorry, I've been rather busy as of late so I haven't checked around here as much as I should have -

Oh, Irk. What did I miss?

[sleepy-24-7]

The Greatest Elite Team Ever by Akarui-Midori

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

Tallest alive, that's screwed up! Someone like that.. Ugh, that's despicable. I'm glad you killed them! But that's not love at all. That's just control and lust and possession. I don't know if it's too much for you right now, but I can assure you with utmost certainty that love is not like that. I've seen it, I know it. I understand if you're edgy about affection after an experience like that, but I think you need to know that that's really not how love is supposed to be. That's not how it is.

I ҉kņow ̡n̕ow. I͘ k͘now.̷..̶

But… It’s impossible. No one can love a person truly without being okay with their nature, or accepting who they are without expecting them to change for selfish reasons.

Can you see why it’s a lie, Dib?

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

…

{Slient, Zib was silent. Dib had lots of points, but this one was abit too broken to be purely convinced that love was really like that, and that people had flaws. He was also a perfectionist, but he had flaws too even if he did overlook them time to time.

But when the other got to friendships, it made the irken turned human’s eyes widened at the scientist.}

Friendships aren’t a lie. You’ve shown me they are worth something.

But.. I never thought.

I d̡i̶dn’̷t th͝i͢ǹk ̡it ͝w̡o҉uld asso͢c͠i̴a̶te w͠i͠t͞h ̸love.͟..

[safetyoverscience]

Sure they are! Haven't you ever heard of friendship love? Family love?

There's more than just the romantic kind, you know. Even if you're not comfortable with that one, there are other sorts around.

See? Love itself isn't a lie. I mean, of course it all depends on the people about whether or not their love is, but that certainly doesn't mean the thing itself doesn't exist.

That's all the point I wanted to remind you of, though.

[A small shrug of the shoulders.]

We can talk about something else if you really want. It's fine.

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

Tallest alive, that's screwed up! Someone like that.. Ugh, that's despicable. I'm glad you killed them! But that's not love at all. That's just control and lust and possession. I don't know if it's too much for you right now, but I can assure you with utmost certainty that love is not like that. I've seen it, I know it. I understand if you're edgy about affection after an experience like that, but I think you need to know that that's really not how love is supposed to be. That's not how it is.

I ҉kņow ̡n̕ow. I͘ k͘now.̷..̶

But… It’s impossible. No one can love a person truly without being okay with their nature, or accepting who they are without expecting them to change for selfish reasons.

Can you see why it’s a lie, Dib?

[safetyoverscience]

Zib.. Love is compromise. Of course you're not supposed to bend over backwards to accommodate your partner! But if you entirely accept your partner's every single trait - and it happens, believe me. - that's more infatuation. Forgive me for sounding cliché, but nobody's perfect and if you think they are that's... That's not love either.

You can dislike some parts of your significant other and still be in love! It's entirely possible, from those little things like maybe them chewing with their mouth open to, I don't know, them being a serial killer. I'm pretty sure the latter is less common, but it's still possible.

You might not like it, but that doesn't always mean you'll try to change them either. 

And I mean, if you think of it that way wouldn't you be telling me that friendships are lies as well? Aren't friendships give and take and sharing company with each other too?

[darkerfalls]

Lazy Monday [open!]

[darkerfalls]

"None taken."

Even at the risk of getting into trouble Dipper felt quite excited, jittery right down to the bones. He would have chosen leading Dib out himself rather than drawing a map even if he had been able to sketch out a map in the first place. The forest was much too big and though Dipper know many of the mysterious locations by heart, transferring them to paper was not simple. And he had certainly tried. He’d attempted many times to fill in the blank pages of Book 3 with guides to finding the spooky spots but he had never managed to do so successfully. No, it would be much better for Dipper to take the other out himself, even if only for a little while. And it would bring a little excitement into an otherwise humdrum day as well.

By now Dipper had almost completely forgotten his former suspicions about Dib and seemed perfectly content to take the stranger out into the forest with him. The way Dipper saw it, it really couldn’t be much more dangerous than heading out alone, which the boy did often. Very often. If anything it made him feel safer to go out into the dark and eerie woods with somebody else, even if it was somebody that he didn’t know. 

Dipper finished off the last of his coffee and ducked under the counter, reaching around for the journal and slipping it under his vest. Then he moved across the room, gathering a couple things from the inventory that they could use: a flashlight, some bug spray, a pocket knife (just in case). He looked rather chipper as he adjusted his hat and met back over with Dib, a lopsided smile settled on his lips. Was he ever excited- he was already trying to figure out the first thing he could show Dib, something neat but not anything high-risk. The size-changing crystals were one of Dipper’s favorites but they were much too far, and the issue was the same with the cave of the Multibear, though he was a pretty cool guy who Dipper enjoyed visiting on occasion.

A couple possibilities in mind Dipper switched the sign on the door to ‘closed’ and opened the shack door for Dib, waiting for the other to pass. He could hear crickets chirping and hear leaves rustling in the evening breeze when he opened the door.

"After you!

Okay, I have a couple ideas for where we could go. I want to keep away from anything that could try to eat, maim, disembowel, or skin us, as much as possible— you can borrow anything from the shop that might help protect yourself or whatever, heh! As.. long as you put it back after, Grunkle Stan watches inventory like a hawk.”

[safetyoverscience]

"Hah, I don't think anyone would usually want to try to get too close to something whose goal of the day is to eviscerate us into little tiny people pieces. It probably wouldn't be such a good idea for me to borrow anything, though. I'm pretty forgetful, so I might end up just taking it back home."

Not to mention, of course, that he simply didn't need it.

With a deep inhale of the refreshingly cool wind outside, Dib obligingly stepped through the door. However, while Dipper seemed to have forgotten his suspicions concerning the Irken already, he hadn't. The scientist edged carefully past the boy holding the exit open for him, keeping his PAK to the door frame rather than than walking straight through.

While it doubtlessly seemed kind of odd, Dib simply didn't trust the brunet enough to casually expose his life-giving device to him even briefly for the sake of maintaining his disguise, just on the off chance that the human actually had every idea of the importance of the bag on his back. Caution was overruling his desire to blend in at this exact moment, though once he had cleared that obstacle he relaxed greatly and returned into a more normal stance.

"So," The scientist began companionably as he turned backwards to face the boy behind him. "Where are you thinking of showing me first? Or are you going to make it a secret for until we actually get there? How many trips do you reckon it'd take to hypothetically show me every single thing ever in the forest? Though I guess you might not have the time or desire to do that, but I'm willing to bet a lot. If this goes well, what do you say about maybe going deeper later maybe?"

Perhaps it was a bit too early to already be thinking about a 'next time' for these considering this trip hadn't even started yet and there was every chance of something going wrong in said simple outing, but Dib was honestly as eager to see these things as Dipper was to show him them, and so he was already racing ahead mentally and pelting his guide with questions.

It was presumably going to be a very majestic bonding trip between two paranormally-obsessed dorks.

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

You never know.

But.. You smell a bit more like grass, fresh grass. With a hint of an oak tree. Strange, as you also spend many a time in a lab. Even as a human the scent is… pretty strong. Usually humans have a weaker sense of smell. It’s interesting. I’ve been meaning to do more experiments while in this body that involved the senses, see how much different it is and all.

{He chuckled some, reaching his hand up to rub the top of Dib’s head.}

I wouldn’t mind treating you like a cat. At least you’ll be better than one because you have no fur. Despite that I stick my face in science and research, I actually have a lot of time to devote all my attention to one person. So far, you are the only person I’ve come across that deserves that devotion from me.

[safetyoverscience]

Aw, man. Really? The only one? You're going to make me feel special, Z. It'll get to my head, and then I really will have a big one.

I'm not sure there'd be much difference in our current relationship if you just started petting me at random. I certainly don't mind it, but if you babytalk me or something like that I'm going to push you out a window. Gently, but nevertheless still out a window.

Oh? An oak tree specifically? That's intriguing. I don't believe I go gallivanting out into grass that often, so it's interesting that you can smell it so strongly, especially when as you said humans don't have that good of a nose. I wonder why. I would have thought I'd maybe have smelt of sugar, at most. Maybe sort of labby.

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

Sterile? Well.. reproductively I am. Maybe it’s also because a I hang around with chemicals, who knows. So long as it eases you, Dib, I’m happy with that.

{A soft smile spread on his lips, not malicious or seductive as he usually smiled, but generally calm and soft. Like if he was really happy, even if it slightly showed.}

I probably will… But it depends if you want it. I’d like to see a day that you’d come to me for some, or even attention would work. I don’t mind giving you those.

[safetyoverscience]

I don't think reproductive sterility really smells like anything, Z. And yeah, that's probably the case. Maybe? I mean, I did the same and I'm not so sure I smell quite as sterile. Though I guess I do kind of go out more. 

Honestly, I'm pretty okay with the little kisses. I... Don't know if I'd ever get to the point of peppering you with any amount of them myself, but I certainly like them just fine. And I'll definitely take that attention, thank you. 

Hah, I must really sound like a cat now. 'Purr, purr, meow, meow, feed me and rub my belly and also pay attention to me. Why aren't you paying attention to me, damn it.' It's just kind of nice to talk to people that aren't looking for the next excuse to leave, or are just completely ignoring me.

Or insulting me.

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

{Hearing the rumbling sound piqued his interest, it seemed that the other could purr but at the moment it was not quite one. So his finger continued to trace back and forth on his chin as if to see what else it would do.}

I know I don’t but I don’t want to get you uncomfortable or anything if I suddenly kiss you without warning. Sometimes I forget boundaries.

At least I smell better than him, yes?

[safetyoverscience]

[The low reverberation continued steadily as Zib kept running his finger against the Irken's chin, still slight enough that Dib could comfortably speak without having to fight against his own vocal chords. Which was, of course, always a good thing.]

Everyone smells better than Zim, but I actually kind of like your scent. It's more sterile than anything, like a lab or a hospital or somewhere like that. It's comforting. 

Don't worry about it. A little peck like that? I'm a big boy, I can handle something like that. I just broadened your boundary for you right there. You should still probably ask if you're going to go any more of a kiss than that, though.

[swanthatcrashedonyourlawn]

I’m not at all saying humans are disgusting or gross. But you have to think they live and was born in a polluted planet.

{He chuckled, bringing a hand up to lightly run his finger under Dib’s chin. At this point he’s probably being a big tease.}

Disappointed? Or is it you that wanted something more?

[safetyoverscience]

[Soft, very slightly rumbling answered the touch, not quite a purr but almost to it as the Irken comfortably leaned closer to Zib's hand.]

Mhhhh. Not so much as I expected a little more than a quick peck. You don't have to ask just for something like that, you know.

Zim's probably still disgusting and gross though, just by principle. He does smell pretty bad, at least.