☆☆☆

jenna. 26. she/her. ca. mixed. queer.

[sailorkepler-438b]

i wish i had someone to talk to that wouldn’t just say “have you seen a therapist yet” or get me institutionalized

[sailorkepler-438b]

just wanted to clarify about this post in case people don’t read the responses.

1) wow this is a cruel response!

2) i was talking about my anxiety and my work (job) making me feel bad about myself

3) i was talking about how some of my friends do not support me when i want to talk about how i’m having a difficult time. instead they say “just go to a therapist”. (btw, i have gone to therapy. i have tried numerous antidepressants. i have been proactive in seeking help from professionals, especially recently)

being honest about lacking the background to help friends with suicidal thoughts? 100% agree.

being unable to emotionally support friends when they’re going thru a difficult time? well if you have friends who do that for you while you refuse to do that for them, count yourself lucky

[sailorkepler-438b]

FURTHERMORE before i go to sleep

humans are social creatures. therapy can only do so much. friendship is fundamental to survival.

i’ve worked in a hospital. i’ve seen the medical side of psychiatric care. it is not anywhere near the loving and kind nature of intimate friendship that is needed for survival. if you (anyone reading this!! not just salt blog) would like to learn more, message me.

[sailorkepler-438b]

i wish i had someone to talk to that wouldn’t just say “have you seen a therapist yet” or get me institutionalized

[sailorkepler-438b]

just wanted to clarify about this post in case people don’t read the responses.

1) wow this is a cruel response!

2) i was talking about my anxiety and my work (job) making me feel bad about myself

3) i was talking about how some of my friends do not support me when i want to talk about how i’m having a difficult time. instead they say “just go to a therapist”. (btw, i have gone to therapy. i have tried numerous antidepressants. i have been proactive in seeking help from professionals, especially recently)

being honest about lacking the background to help friends with suicidal thoughts? 100% agree.

being unable to emotionally support friends when they’re going thru a difficult time? well if you have friends who do that for you while you refuse to do that for them, count yourself lucky

[softandsapphic]

u know how girls look when they’re half asleep and have just woken up?

when u push them with ur foot and they make the “mmph” noise before they stretch and sit up and blink @ u bc they can’t see yet but then they smile and u both do the little laugh bc ur sleepy bitches

and their hair’s all messed up and their eyes are cloudy and they’re probably wearing clothes 3x too big but it still looks amazing on them

then u both just sit there and their voice is croaky and a little sore and they probably whisper because even though it’s morning it’s quiet and they don’t want to be too loud

just. girls r stunning even in moments you wouldn’t think they are and my ass is gay

[sailorkepler-438b]

this is literally fake. i don’t know a single girl who would ever wake up willingly, much less with clothes on

[siickangel]

[sailorkepler-438b]

i wish i had someone to talk to that wouldn’t just say “have you seen a therapist yet” or get me institutionalized

[sailorkepler-438b]

Identifying As Queer

I was in middle school when I realized I wasn’t straight. I told close friends and family that I was bisexual. From the start, many people said “Are you sure?” and “I don’t think you are. You will probably grow out of it.” For a year of high school, they “convinced” me I was straight - or at least, I told them they were right. 

Late high school, I met the first person I ever fell in love with. I came out again as bisexual. This time people believed me, because I was dating a girl. 

My identity as bisexual didn’t sit well with my girlfriend, however. She told me repeatedly how she thought I was going to cheat on her with a boy. After awhile, I decided to tell her - and everyone else - that I was lesbian. She had peace of mind that I wouldn’t cheat on her, though I’d never planned on cheating on her with anyone in the first place. 

Even after we broke up, I continued to identify as lesbian. I was afraid that if I again called myself bisexual, that people wouldn’t believe me - similar to the reactions when I first came out.

Now, I refuse to identify in a way that makes other people comfortable. My identity as a queer individual means that I am attracted to whomever I am attracted to; that I can be attracted to people of any gender & gender expression. If people don’t believe me or like the way I identify, then that’s their problem & not mine. 

[sailorkepler-438b]

^^ i stumbled upon this post i made in 2013 && guess what!!!! it’s still true and relevant!!! ✨✨

[inahiddenplace]

being an adult is just… calling people that’s literally it… just calling people you don’t want to call about problems you don’t want to have to be solving.. it’s disgusting

[lilmamabeyellin]

im practicing non-attachment. accepting what comes and allowing it to leave when it’s time. what is for me will be for me effortlessly

[trust-me-im-satan]

owning a cat is hearing things crash during the night and deciding its a problem for tomorrow you

[imthelesbian-archive-deactivate]

[deactivated-blog]

Alexa release the serotonin

[c-isnenegro]

[sailorkepler-438b]

my sister didn’t say hi when she came to meet up w my other sister so they could go to a desert party thing together and didn’t invite me and i know it’s cuz now i’m not skinny and quirky but fat and weird and they’re embarrassed of me

my best friend doesn’t wanna be around me while i’m drunk cuz i’m too much but will go out w her coworkers and they’ll party so hard they pass out at a random persons apartment

nobody wants to be around me and wow it sucks a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sailorkepler-438b]

wow this week has been really rough i wouldn’t mind like not existing for awhile

[yourbigsisnissi]

A part of being an adult is living with regret and not allowing it to consume you. The older you get, the more mistakes you’ve made, opportunities you’ve missed, people you’ve disappointed. And every day you have to remind yourself to be kind and forgiving of yourself. You accept and love the you from the past and understand that it’s all a part of the process. Then you move on and live your best life, knowing now as old as you feel today, you’ll never be this young again.

[sailorkepler-438b]

wow so i’m three months in to my progress in terms of dedication to working on myself so i wanted to write down what it’s been like so far.

i’ve spent 85% of nights sober since the beginning of 2018. prior to that, i was drinking daily - probably for about 4-5 years. drinking to the point of browning or blacking out. life was a blur. every day was the same.

i decided that i don’t want to live like that anymore. i was depressed and anxious constantly. so i stopped drinking with the help of some prescription meds. i still have anxiety and depression but i think i’m heading in the right direction.

things i’ve begun doing or have accomplished due to my sobriety:

- working out multiple days a week. i can already feel my body getting stronger, though i haven’t lost any weight. definitely starting to gain muscle though.

- self care routine that includes showering, face mask, moisturizing with cocoa butter from the neck down, facial wrinkle cream (since i’m getting old! 26 already), and aquaphor for the lips because i’m always chapped!

- redecorated my room into an environment that makes me feel calm. wall tapestries that remind me of my connection to the universe, fake plant decorations that remind me of my connection to the earth, stones and crystals that are beautiful and put good energy into my room, fairy lights for a nice dim lighting, salt rock lamps

- got a weighted blanket (20lb) that is so comfortable and helps with my anxiety

- i clean my cats litter box on a regular basis

- i take multiple vitamins and supplements since i have previously been diagnosed with a nutritional deficiency - likely due to my drinking and poor diet

every day is still a struggle. i have to make a conscious effort not to drink. i don’t plan on being sober 100% of the time - id still like to drink in social settings - so for the most part i’m happy with my progress. i still know that alcohol has affected my life very deeply and in some ways possibly irreparably. my best friend even now says she doesn’t want to be around me when i’m drunk. and it hurt a lot but i have to accept the consequences of my substance abuse.

but reflecting on the things i’ve been able to do, i want to keep going and keep healing.

- find a therapist and have regular therapy sessions to gain tools to address my anxiety

- begin incorporating more highly nutritious food into my diet

- find a hobby. maybe pick up bass again

💕✨

[sailorkepler-438b]

thank you to those leaving supportive messages!!!!!! it made me so happy!!!!

i’ve made another step and scheduled an appointment with a therapist! i also got an anxiety and depression workbook. i’m going to conquer 2018. 💕✨💕✨

[jeditree-deactivated20240416]