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@saintseeker
blog intro.
viv. 07. queer. ru/eng. punk butch lesbian.
byf: fuck off terfs. if you wanna be friends pls talk to me i promise im not scary!! no racists, zionists, or minors. you will be blocked if found.
dni: over 30, under 18. bigoted people. men. racists. stupid people in general. thanks.
i like: the last of us, comics, animals, metal music, punk music, history, and a bunch of other things :p
coming back to tumblr after being gone for a year...haii 👀👀
strange nerdy lesbians strange nerdy lesbians strange nerdy lesbians strange nerdy lesbians strange nerdy lesbians strange nerdy lesbians strange nerdy lesbians strange nerdy lesbians strange nerdy lesbians strange nerdy lesbians
i rest my case
⸻ ୨ৎ PINK GRADIENT DIVIDERS ୨ৎ
୨ৎ ˚.・◌ 1 ◌・.˚ ୨ৎ #FFE7F9
. FOR A MOMENT I WAS HEAVENSTRUCK...
୨ৎ ˚.・◌ 2 ◌・.˚ ୨ৎ #FFCBF4
AND FOR A FORTNIGHT THERE, WE WERE FOREVER...
hiii guys just wanted to let yall know im not dead just in a slump and finishing up senior year 😔😔 i will release something new by sunday!!
omg your blog is so pretty like WOW!!!!!
ahhh thank you darling!! so is yourssss (mann i miss arcane jinx BETTER. be alive.)
I ABSOLUTELY LOVVVEEEDDDDDD THE BSF ABBY FIC/HEADCANONS!!!!! I loved the vibe so much and it was so torturingly cute and the yearning … sigh 😔😔😔 lesbian yearning I love dhdhdjsjzjsj
thank you so much!!! i'm happy that you liked them it was such a treat to write them ^^ I LOVE IT 22222
your bsf abby hcs r so sweet and soo good!!!
aww thank you sweetheart <3 i'm glad that you like them!! abby has a soft spot in my heart 💗💗
bsf!abby headcanons pt2.
notes; abby is still the same as the last part ^-^. both of you are cheesing for each other so hard but still oblivious. reader is wlw but not specified otherwise. butch!abby. abby trying to quell her ache for u with other girls. both of you are in college now. kind of angsty buttt...abby's dad dies a bit later in the story than he does in actual TLOU franchise; trigger warning for that; not descriptive.
-◌ on your birthday, you and her go to the ocean. it's a bit cloudy, but it smells like sea salt and sweetness, and honestly? abby can't focus on anything but you and the way you look dressed in your swimsuit, how your skin seems to glow underneath the dim sun. the trip takes an hour or two to get to, and you spend the whole time karaokeing and talking about sentimental topics. she doesn't like small talk; and you seem to return the sentiment.
-◌ everything's going well until she mentions a girl. abby talks about her like she's some kind of goddamn...sweetheart, or something. your stomach aches and you stifle the hurt in your voice with a false sweetness. abby sees right through you; she always did. she never brings her up after; your saddened smile makes her heart stop in her chest, her eyes shut.
-◌ abby doesn't know why she's dating other girls. by now, she's well over her fear of liking girls publicly; almost a bit too much, you think, a little salt in your thoughts. the ocean is beautiful, and so is she; skin tan, eyelashes fluttering, her muscles making her look like some ancient statue, shining, how those sculptors made each and every sinew visible, each and every lock of hair worth noticing.
-◌ you fall asleep against her. even though it hurts every atom of you to be next to her, your head ends up against her shoulder, hair tracing her skin. abby swallows. this isn't the way it's supposed to go. you're supposed to...separate after high school (you never did), move on to college...you'd find some cool lookin' girl there, marry her. she'd be everything abby wasn't. but you're here, mouth turned into a little pout, breath coming in hot little puffs against her jugular.
-◌ a month later, she breaks up with that girl. when you get word, you try not to celebrate, but it's hard not to when abby doesn't look particularly saddened by this occasion. it gets even weirder when the ex starts sending you glares from across the lecture hall, so sharp, like a sword. she's not even supposed to know who you are; just a friend. just a friend.
-◌ it's weird. it begins to be a...pattern. abby dates a girl. girl and abby make your stomach hurt and your pillow wet with tears for a week, two, a month if you're lucky (or unlucky). abby breaks up with her, first, all the time; you'd be lying if you said that you never told abby that her dating habits were...futile. abby'd be lying if she said that your honesty wasn't part of what made her fall in love with you.
-◌ abby starts to break. at first this was a fun little childhood crush; her gay awakening, as one might put. then she got in her feels. now, completely and utterly in love with you. she starts going to the gym more often; scoffing at your silly jokes instead of belly-laughing at them like she used to. you start to retreat inwards, eyes falling shut, mouth closing up. it kills abby, but it's what has to be done.
-◌ you haven't talked for days until you hear a knock at your door. it's 2am, and you're still awake, so maybe this is for the better. you open it to see abby in tears; hair down and messy, and it looks like she's shattered. a couple of hours later, she's stopped crying in your arms. you learn that her dad's passed away. she doesn't leave from your lap for the whole day.
-◌ it's hard for her to regain her spark for a while; the only positive thing to come out is that she stopped dating and overworking herself. you help her with grief; you found a support group, made her meals, braided her hair. you switch roomies; living together in one dorm. sometimes, abby wakes up so fast and quick you blearily open your eyes to see that she's had a bad dream again. you hold her until she's asleep.
-◌ slowly, abby realizes that maybe her feelings for you aren't as bad as she once thought.
bsf!abby anderson headcanons.
she definitely doesn't have feelings for you. uhh abby is kind of a gymrat but also a golden retriever. butch!abby. reader is wlw but not specified as anything. abby has internalized homophobia that she later works out. :) i hope you guys enjoy honestly at heart i'm an abby girl, so. both of you are lowkey painfully in love with each other. if you guys want a fic, lmk!
-◌ you meet at summer camp, a few years back. abby looked pretty much the same; a bit skinnier, with a ruddy complexion caused by the summer heat. at first, you thought she was a mean jock. still muscular, just not as much as she was now, you thought that she'd pick on you; you preferred to spend the days reading books about the local wildlife, or helping out in the stables.
-◌ when abby first sees you, she tries not to be smitten. god, you looked so beautiful in the sweet shade of the oak tree, leaning against it as the rest of the kids played ball. abby would never let herself truly feel that, though. maybe she was jealous, 'cause you were so pretty and it was like wherever you were, a lapse of sunshine followed. that's why, duh.
-◌ abby who comes up to you first. you think she's gonna bully you or call you something mean, but she says she wants to be your friend. one of her buddies calls her back to the game; but she stays with you. you teach her about some animals, and she explains to you how to play the game. maybe this girl isn't as bad as you thought, with her golden hair and forest eyes.
-◌ abby, who starts getting into fights. she's so angry all the time. one time, when she's sleeping under your bunk, she begins to cry. you're the only one who sits by her and holds her as she sobs, tears staining your camisole, fingers digging into your back so hard it kind of hurts, but you could care less.
-◌ she comes to terms with her sexuality. it's a hard pill to swallow for her, but eventually, abby does. what she doesn't come to terms with is how pretty she thinks you are, and how she's slowly but surely falling in love with her best friend. cliche much? abby stifles these feelings with hours spent at the gym, hours spent at her internship at a hospital. it's easier that way, or maybe that's just a lie she tells herself.
-◌ abby knows everything about you. she could list off your five favorite bands like a mantra, your favorite drink, what color clothes you liked, even what brands you liked. abby, who remembers your favorite animal and could guess your reaction to anything and be pretty dead-on. you're just glad you finally have someone who remembers at least something about you.
-◌ abby, who waits for you under the rain to drive you home from school after one of your clubs. she knows better than to listen to you when you tell her that you'll be fine by yourself, chin up. she comes up with nicknames for you and you don't know how to tell her that you've never felt so loved. it's a hard pill to swallow, falling in love with your best friend.
“Dykes and Their Cars” by Chloe Sherman
ellie williams x bsf!reader.
you've been friends with ellie for two years; sleepovers and concerts, spending days basking on hot fields and riverbeds. she's a playboy; you're a saint. sometimes, things don't go the way we expect.
set in an undisclosed southern state during august. ellie is in a band. no specific physical descriptors are used for you.
my works are intended to be for any and all wlw/nblw, masc or fem, of any race. bigots dni!!! men dni!!! if this fic idea has been used before, please let me know.
umm so this is my first fic so please tell me if you guys want a pt. 2 or anything. i've always wanted to write for ellie but also for abby, who might be in the next part ;). we'll see. 1.3k words long, 'cause i didn't know if people would like this or not.
credits to @/hyuneskkami for the dividers.
pt. 1.
it's been a long two years and somehow, she still has feelings for you. recently, hanging out with you was a painstaking experience; watching the way your eyes shimmered whenever the sun hit them, watching your bright, wide grin. ellie was so, so whipped.
"it's not rocket science," you reprimand her. ellie's light green eyes meet yours, and she lets out a characteristic huff, fingers struggling to untie her shoe. "you'd think that for someone who plays guitar, you'd be pretty good with your fingers," you tease, sitting on the rock. the creek ripples quietly, and the early morning sun casts a light on top of it. the water glimmers a pale emerald, native wildlife making small sounds. for a moment, she doesn't speak, avoiding your eyes, and so you kneel down in front of her, beginning to unwork the knots in the dirty white laces. her converse are patchy; els always stubbornly wore them on your hikes and expeditions, even though each time they came back a bit more soiled, a bit more worn.
you finish untying them, and she huffs, looking down at you. a grin spreads across your face--she's planning something, and you squeal when she splashes you with some of the water, scooting back. ellie laughs, a high-pitched noise. you stare up at her; in these moments, she looked like an angel. freckled, kissed by the sun, as if she was some kind of saint, a poem within itself, meant to be studied and analyzed by word-hungry readers forever and ever. her skin was more tanned from spending practically each and every day outside with you, hair a bit longer than it should be, left untrimmed since june. you flick the water droplets off of your skin, adjusting your shirt, and it's ellie's turn to study the way your skin is illuminated by the hazy light, the way the water trails down your chest.
"you coming to my show?" she asks. it's more of a statement than a question, really. ellie knows you'll come; you always did. in a way, it made her feel guilty; she'd ask and you'd say yes no matter what, the 'yes' bubbling out of your mouth so quickly it made her smirk. there's a hint of softness behind her bark, a soft, little smile carving a crescent on her face. you swallow, turning away. ellie frowns. this wasn't like your usual, enthusiastic response. for a moment, she's worried; did something happen? did she upset you? or maybe dina said something. or jesse. the thoughts flicker through her mind like fireflies, glowing green, on and off. she almost reaches for you, to grab your shoulder. you're silent for a while before you look up at her, a faint expression of what--sadness, she thinks? no. hesitation, on your face.
she watches you as you clear your throat, sitting up, your back hitting the back of the rock you'd been leaning against. ellie can hear everything; the way the trees whistle in the wind, the way the cars passing by the road through the forest zoom closer, before zooming out. she knows you like the back of your hand; something is wrong. a frown blooms on your face, and she's about to grab your hand for real this time, before you start to speak.
"uh. i have a date tonight." your voice is matter-of-fact, and for a moment, you hate how cold you sound. but then, you're reminded that ellie is nothing but your best friend. even though during your sleepovers, she woke up from nightmares and immediately hid in your arms, bawling into your neck until a sheen of her tears made your skin shine under the moonlight. or the way you came to her whenever something happened, expression stony, but she could read the way your eyes were a bit wetter than usual, or the way you swallowed, the curve of your throat like a swan's. you avoid her eyes, looking down at your hands. a lapse of guilt eats away at you, before you remember the times that els stood your plans up. first, it happened because she forgot about a date. sure, that happens. ellie wasn't the greatest person with memory--but it began to happen again and again. you started to spend more time with her fucking band, for god's sake--sometimes you swore that jesse's face turned into one of pity when you traipsed into his garage, eyes wide and willowy. slowly, ellie began to ebb further and further away from you, even when you reached for her like a drowning woman.
ellie frowns. "a date? what?" you, a date? you were the saintliest person she knew. you didn't go on dates--always preaching that you were too busy, either focusing on refining your skills, or spending time with your friends, who you prioritized. not like her, she realizes with a bitter thought. you weren't like her, sleeping around with girls who's names floated away in the span of a week, getting drunk to push away any feelings until all ellie felt was cold numbness, waking up with no blanket and a bad headache. it was unbelievable--with who? who was this--girl, boy, ellie didn't care. did she know them? a hot, sticky feeling passes over her. this couldn't be. if you were telling her, now...how long had it been going on? her heart beats faster and faster, like her veins are constricting and opening.
"yeah," you say, a quiet mumble. "i...can't come. sorry, els." you give her a weak smile. "i really have to go. i'm really sorry." and in that moment, she hated you, for the way you smiled at her and apologized, even though this wasn't really your fault, she was just a jealous bastard--too good for her, that's what you were. the town druggie and the saint, best friends; this is how all the stories went. girl loses best friend she's secretly in love with because she's too much of a pussy to say anything. girl has been trying to kill these feelings for months with alcohol and other girls, who are nothing more than playthings. girl completely loses it.
"with who?" she demands. "who is it?" ellie was always good at pretending, slipping on masks. right now, she pretended that it was for your good, really. not because she was going to spend the rest of the night analyzing how could you fall for this person--how could you date them. you didn't even say you liked them, hell, loved them, but ellie's mind drifted to the worst case scenarios, fingers kneading into her toned thigh, bronze and tanned. her mouth is dry, tongue running over her lips. god. she really messed up, didn't she? she fixes her hair; all of a sudden, so aware of her physical appearance it hurts. before, ellie didn't really care; she could be in pajamas in front of you and not care, hair messy, but now, her heart beat faster and faster. it was like everything was going in slow motion.
"this girl," you say weakly. "she's...really nice." god, that's the best you could come up with? great job. you meet her eyes, and your heart falls all the way to your stomach. she looks like she's about to cry. was she okay? you're about to ask her when ellie huffs, red blossoming over her cheeks as she stands up, glaring down at you. you'd never seen her look at you like that. like you're anything but someone she'd be gentle with. her green shirt clings to her skin with sweat and riverwater, and she lets out a breath through her nose, eyes shut, before they open again.
"that's all it takes to get you to bend, huh? a really nice girl, yeah right." she snorts. "you're easy." your cheeks burn a sickly heat, eyes glowing. what the hell? ellie never...never spoke to you like that. not in this brutish, cruel way. her nails dig into her hands, creating little crescents in the soft flesh.
"i thought you knew me better than that." your voice cracks. ellie's face pales for a second, and she swallows.
"guess i don't." she bites back. and for the first time ever, you stand up, and you leave.
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