I’m having a hard time putting this all into words, but I am going to do my best because I think it is really important. It is important to have this discussion and I think it is important to make these points.
I understand that you wanted to show the struggle in the 100 world. You wanted to show how things aren’t always black and white. You wanted to show how everyone acts based on what they believe is right. I can see that.
And honestly, I actually like that it was Titus who killed her in the end. A lot of people are saying she deserved a better death, but honestly, I think that is one of the most purposeful deaths you could have given her. Had she died in battle, the opposition would have gained from it. Dying at the hand of Titus is actually a beautiful and constructive way for her to die. The other side doesn’t win that way. Titus is going to carry that guilt with him for the rest of his life. He was Lexa’s father figure, and her strongest opposition because he so strongly believed what he thought was right. He tried to push her to think differently, he tried to manipulate her life to get her to agree with him. And in doing so, he lost her entirely. And I think Titus really feels terrible for that. And now he can learn from that, and he can support Lexa in her death. He can continue to work towards promoting what Lexa knew to be right. He doesn’t get to go off now and influence the next commander to follow his erroneous thinking. He messed up and he knows it and now he is going to stand fully behind everything that Lexa was working towards, and he is going to do his damndest to make sure the next commander upholds that. So all things considered, I actually appreciate that it was Titus who killed her, and that it happened by accident while he was trying to protect her.
I am not mad about it being a stray bullet. I am not even mad about the basic fact that she is dead, really. We all know that at any given moment in this story, everyone’s life is constantly in danger. We are reminded of that in practically every episode. It is not uncharacteristic in this show for main characters to die.
What gets me about it is the sequence of events leading to her on screen death, the way it was teased about irl without addressing the devastation, the way it was intended to be entirely gut wrenching, the lack of foresight as to how deeply this might affect people, and the repeated justification and ego stroking that appears to be continuing after the fact. My sadness, anger, and frustration goes way beyond the actual events that transpired on screen.
As a writer, you want to make us feel. You want to bring us joy, hope, sadness, anger. Your goal is always to have us connect with the story and be moved by it. You, and others, keep saying that you did your job, and you did it well by making us feel. I will not deny that the episode made me feel. I felt hope, elation, sadness, fear, among other emotions, and often multiple emotions at the same time. But that is not the only thing that matters when considering a job well done. You also have to consider the impact of those feelings. You have to know how much push and pull, how much is too much, and how much is too little. And that’s where the balance was off here.
If I were to watch each scene as in individual, isolated unit of the whole, I would probably have many good things to say about each one. I do not have the capacity to go back through and do that now, so I cannot comment specifically. But individually, I think each scene stood up well. The issue is in the sequencing of it, and in how it flows with the episodes leading up to it. The issue is that the death happened literally in the scene directly following the love scene. It gave us no chance to breathe. No chance to process. No chance to move through our emotions.
When Clarke walked into Lexa’s room and they both knew she was leaving, and they didn’t know when they would see each other again, we as viewers felt that. We felt sad, their words gave us hope, their actions gave us joy. We felt all of those emotions and they all fit. I was grateful for the commercial break after the kiss because I needed some time to squeal and be happy that Clarke had finally gotten to the point where she not only accepted, but felt comfortable to act on her feelings for Lexa. I needed that time to calm down and prepare myself for the next scene.
And then the next scene brought all of those same feelings back again. And I was on such an emotional high because even though the circumstances were sad, we were getting to see Clarke and Lexa truly together. The soulmates finally connecting and being intimate and vulnerable and beautiful.
And we needed a moment after that too.
We needed time to sit with that. To process that. To go over all the different things that it meant.
But we didn’t get that time.
The intimate love scene literally fades straight into the scene where Lexa is shot.
There was no time for us to collect ourselves. No time to process. No time to feel that moments. That happiness. That tender sadness.
Because it was literally ripped from us a couple of minutes later in the most brutally agonizing manner possible.
I’m not sure how much of it is up to you what goes in each episode. I am not sure if there was ever a conversation about how it might be better to split these two earth shattering moments into separate episodes. But there should have been. Because as a viewer, it feels like it was written so that it would hurt us the most. And that is too much. There should have been a moment where someone looked at it and saw that it was too much before it made it to the screen. Instead everyone teased about how it was going to be the best episode. How we were going to be blown away. They teased about this without giving any notion of how devastating it would be. None of us could even prepare for it. We were given hope all season for Clexa, we were given excitement and suspense the days leading up. But never warned.
There were discussions before the episode even aired about how we didn’t think the sex scene was going to appear in this episode because from the trailers it already looked too busy. We didn’t know how there was going to be time to fit it in there will everything that was happening. That feeling is only multiplied now that her death has happened immediately after. There was hardly time for one of those major events to happen. And definitely not for both of them to happen at the same time. Other main character deaths a built up, foreshadowed throughout the episode, they give you time to prepare for it, to recover from it. This death gave us nothing.
You wanted us to hurt for Lexa. You wanted us to miss her. But you didn’t need to make it hurt that much. We would have missed her if she had died next week. We would have missed her if she had died this week and they never did accept their feelings for each other. We would have been torn up and missed her enough. Combining the two scenes into a 10 minute sequence was too much. Weighing the level of hurt and impact this was going to have should have been more thoroughly addressed.
Especially considering that you knew of the lesbian death trope, and you say you considered it when writing this episode. You knew we were a vulnerable population. You should have known how deeply we connect with the characters who represent us. You should have known how characters like Lexa give people hope about their sexuality. How she helped people to accept themselves, and feel like they were valuable, and like they could still be someone regardless of their sexual orientation. These characters give queers hope that they can have a life. Maybe you didn’t know that. Maybe you didn’t understand that. Maybe you didn’t think it would be the same as the other queer characters who have been killed off. But it should have been considered more. It should have been understood that this death would be impactful and painful on its own. It should not have been put in sequence like that to make it cut deeper. It cuts deep enough on its own. And now it has cut too deep.
And as much as people are saying “she didn’t die because of her sexuality” “she died for more than that” “her death has nothing to do with her sexuality”. In the big picture, no, it doesn’t. She died because she lived in a world where death was a constant reality. But in the sequence, she entirely did die because of her love for Clarke. Every single event leading up to that exact moment where she was shot in the chest, it all happened exactly because of her love.
Titus was angry with her for loving Clarke. He was threatened by it. He felt it was weakness. He thought their love would ruin their people. He disapproved. No, not because Clarke was a female, I know that, but he disapproved because Lexa loved her. The whole reason Titus was in that room with that gun was because Lexa loved her. Because she loved Lexa. And Titus couldn’t have that. So he tried to bring an end to it.
The only reason Lexa walked into that room was because of Clarke. She likely heard the commotion from outside the room. She was concerned for Clarke. So she went to check on her. To make sure she was okay. To send her off with Octavia. That is THE ONLY REASON Lexa walked into that room. And that is the only reason she was there to get shot. She got hit by a stray bullet because she loved Clarke. There is literally no other reason.
So no. Maybe she didn’t die because she was queer. But she did die because she loved Clarke.
And that hurts. That hurts everyone so deeply. That shows everyone who looked up to this relationship, everyone who looked up to them, everyone who saw ourselves in them, everyone who saw them and felt even a little bit justified in that our own sexuality could be valid, it shows us that our love can hurt us. It shows us that our love is tragic. It shows us that our love cannot be. It shows us that we cannot exist. And it hurts.
And you know this now. You know this from the countless fans sharing their grief. You know this from the scared Anons sharing their feelings of desperation at the one thing that was meaningful enough to them to give them the will to live another day just to see what would happen being ripped away from them. You know this from the people who are angry. You know this from the people who are just hurting. You know this from the people who try to talk to you.
You know this, Jason knows this, the cast knows this. And no one has apologized. No one has stood up and taken responsibility and said “I am sorry we went too far.” No one. That is not the job of the cast, the cast brings the characters to life, but they are not responsible. Yet the cast have been some of the most vocally supportive of the broken fans. It should not be the cast’s job to post videos begging people not to end their lives. It should not be their job to post info about suicide hotlines. That should not have to fall on anyone really. Yet it has. And no one has apologized for that.
It went too far. And I feel like that should be clear by now. And that responsibility needs to be accepted, acknowledged, and answered. You say you understand people’s hurt, anger, frustration, desperation. But you haven’t said sorry. And Sorry is often the most meaningful thing you can say. People are hurting. Truly hurting. Not just upset, but truly in pain. You can’t go back now and change what happened. You can’t fix that. You can’t change that even if you wanted to. But you can hear them and you can say sorry. You can ease the hurt by acknowledging that you caused it, learning from it, giving back to the people you have affected. Sorry is meaningful. It’s more meaningful when you don’t have to ask for it. But sometimes you have to ask for people to understand why sorry is important in the first place.
You are going to write Xena. Which tbh I am scared for again now that I and so many others have been hurt by what happened with Lexa. But, the whole story of Xena is to fight for the greater good. To move forward and make better choices. To do whatever she can to help people, to try and ease some of the damage that she caused in her past. Its about learning from the past and growing. Its about having support from the people around you to help you be the best you can be.
Xena can’t change her past. She can’t make it go away. But she chooses to learn from it. She chooses to make better choices moving forwards. She allows Gabrielle to guide her in those choices, to help her to stay true to the greater good.
Take a page from that. Realize that you have damaged people. Apologize for that. Learn from the experience. Let people who care and who really understand at a personal level how your work can affect people guide you. Listen to the hurting fans. Be critical of yourself and your work and use foresight to the potential consequences to avoid damaging people like this in the future.
You can’t change what you wrote. You can’t change what happened. By the sounds of things you do not even want to. But you can see how you have hurt people, and you can apologize for that.
My heart hurts for everyone who is damaged, traumatized, ripped open and broken from what happened to Lexa. I am sad about Lexa myself, but above all else I am sad for everyone who has lost hope. And I hope to god that everyone who was affected makes it out the other end of this okay, because last night this fandom was entirely heartbreaking.
So please. Stop making jokes. Stop trying to justify your actions. Even if you can’t agree with us. Please, just.