allow me to ramble for a moment. im sure everyone's talking about it already but i wanna say my own piece.
In regards to my Eremika post where I sorta tried to talk about why Eren would possibly say he hated bby Mikasa...
I could actually be partly right
Okay so I said it could be that Eren felt betrayed--but also apparently my son is just brokenhearted.
Hot damn. My son raged and allowed himself to drink away the heartbreak for one night before he let that bit about having feelings go.
Anyway so here's the tea. We're now all obviously and painfully aware that Eren was pretending the entire time. We need to be constantlt reminded that Eren admitted he cared about them very much, vocalizing that he did not intend to leave the Founding and Attack Titan to any of them because he wants them to live long full lives that he planned to give them.
Eren took this mission upon himself, to deceive everyone else because there simply is no other way but to do it alone. Not if he wants the closest people to him to survive. That's why he had them imprisoned. He didnt want them in the way. He wanted to protect them. And if he could hurt the two most most important people to him, then they would believe the lie. (Sadly for Eren, he's not as smart or lucky as he hopes to be because they practically see through it anyway)
But the thing is, Eren's learned the lesson the hard way. If he let someone else in on it, or trusted that his friends and allies are there for him no matter what, he would be responsible for losing them or them getting hurt. It has happened over and over again. It started with the chapters aptly named The Easy Way and Choices & Consequences back at the Female Titan arc. It happened again when Reiner and Bertholdt got ahold of him.
Look at what happened then.
Levi's entire squad was eliminated. The Survey Corps was practically decimated trying to rescue him. Mikasa got her ribs crushed. Commander Erwin lost his arm.
He isnt eager for that to happen again. Eren is wholly committed to freeing Eldians, because their freedom had been stolen from them even if it was unknowingly. He knows he won't probably survive this. But he is ready to take the gamble for the sake of all their futures. He was ready to take on the world's rage if it meant the future he saw.
He wasn't making the same mistake again. Levi's words have taken hold firmly in Eren's heart and mind.
He would rather he hurt them all, emotionally at least, and detach himself from them, rather than lose them altogether.
He couldn't save Sasha. He laughed when she died. But. Remember the last time Eren laughed that derisively? When the Titan version of Dina ate Hannes. He wasn't laughing just for the lols. He couldnt do anything and he was at loss at how to react. All these powers and he cant seem to save the people that mattered. (He even just gained the Warhammer Titan too. Which was like the toughest armor you could get.)
For all the knowledge he has of the future that awaits them all, he still cannot control everything. So like any sane person who knows how to love someone, he tries his best to control what he actually can. (i.e, imprisoning them, making people think he's under Zeke's control, killing innocents, making Mikasa think he hates her, you know that whole bit.)
He can't allow himself to hesitate or doubt his plans anymore.
Except apparently this one time.
Im taking us back to Eren asking Mikasa what he is to her.
(sidenote: this was your chance Mikasa. I get that you dont want to be rejected and you're saving your feelings because you've been so used to Eren being so dense and not seeing you as a lover but as family but maaaaan you shoulda told him. but now its too late.) (And now she feels like she could have stopped him. But she couldnt. Even if she did. He had his mind made up. Have you seen Eren change his stubborn mind about anything yet?) (Im just saying she could have confessed so at least it was out in the open already.)
Im sure that Eren wanted to hear those words from Mikasa but Im also sure he wished she had said otherwise. This was the one moment Eren allowed himself to want the love Mikasa had been nursing for him all these years. That sombre look during his and Zeke's trip to the past, its because he missed her dearly. He wished he could tell her he lied. He wished he could talk to her one more time. Make do with his promise to wrap that scarf around her, over and over and over again. He finally understood her love and wanted more than anything to reciprocate. But he can't. Not now. He only had a few years left. Could only protect her and her future with this one last shot. And he couldnt let her get in trouble in the process.
Look at the sorrow in these eyes. Look at the blushing, shy woman who feels vulnerable and exposed. Look at those eyes. The truth reflected in them.
"Perfect timing," he had said, when the man comes to them bearing gifts. He knows the others are close by too.
Perfect timing because this saves him from having to explain why he asked. Saves him from himself blurting out he loved her too. Saves him from the need to tell her his plans. So that no one can stop him. Not her. And most importantly, himself.
One last dinner. One last hurrah with the rest of the family they both, as orphans, have made. Because love, in the end, was about the bonds they created with Armin and the other 104th. Their love is a bond with these other child-soldiers who carry the burden and weight lives of their small world--the world they were born into. Their love for each other that would have made them a real family.
If only he had 'more time'.
(I know that last bit turned into a romantic prose but i did say let me ramble. Anyway, it seems like we'll always have angst is the motto we shall carry for Eremika. At least they got to share that ice cream. That counts for indirect kiss, people! You'd count it too if your crush shared your food!!!)
tangentwithtanner
kianamaiart
yousharknotpass
ellievsbear
andulkaphoto
germansingergirl
