“We are alone with our changing minds” has always been my favorite line from my favorite Taylor song (State of Grace obv), but it has carried so much more meaning for me recently. We all have a tendency to judge and say or think bad things about what we don’t know, things we don’t fully understand, and people that we believe to be different from us. But what we fail to recognize is that everyone around us is a product of their own struggles and experiences and of how their mind has changed in response to those struggles and experiences. Yet, too many times, our instinct is to judge and belittle people that are not similar to us as if we wouldn’t be in the same position as them if we had gone through what they’ve gone through throughout their lifetime, or as if we understand their perspective. Brains are weird, complex organs, yet they play such an essential role in creating our personal lenses of everything and everyone. They control our perceptions of not only the world and everyone around us, but of ourselves, and these perceptions control how we behave, and they control exactly who we let into our little worlds. They’re perceptions that are hard to recognize but have a large effect on how we treat ourselves and others, and especially how we behave in romantic relationships. We all have our own tendencies, insecurities, mangled pasts that have shaped the way our minds work today […without your past, you could never have arrived…]; but those are what make us unique and who we are, and they’re something to take pride in. And everyone around us is the same way, they’ve just experienced different things that have brought them to a different place today […so wondrously and brutally, by design or some violent, exquisite happenstance…]- so there’s really no reason for judgment, because, for the most part, we don’t know or understand what the people around us have been through. Especially when it spreads negativity in a world that’s all too negative to begin with, and especially because I’m sure the people we have the impulse to judge deserve positivity in their lives just like we do. Because we’ve all gone through different things in our lives, we react differently to certain situations, express ourselves in different ways, date different people, etc. And when two distinctly different people, with vastly different minds, come together to form a romantic relationship, it’s hard. Human beings just want to be loved and happy but we all react differently to other people’s anger, are insecure about different things, express love differently, and expect to receive security and love from our partner in different ways. Which is why love is a ruthless game, unless you play it good and right. But it’s so hard to play it good and right, at least at first, because, to me at least, that means fully understanding the whole of our partner- their perceptions, their insecurities, and their mind that has changed throughout the years- and that takes time, and it’s hard. But we have a need to feel that love, that deep connection with someone else, and despite the differences we have with the people we love, it’s always worth pursuing and even if it feels terrible at times, when it feels good, it feels amazing, like nothing we’ve ever felt before. And that’s why it’s the worthwhile fight.
I got these notes tattooed on my side earlier today because I, just like everyone else, sometimes need a reminder that we really are alone with our changing minds, and even if you perceive someone to be different from you, they’re probably not that different from you at all- and they deserve the love, respect, compassion, and empathy that you deserve as well. And no one, no matter who they are, what they’ve been through, or who they associate themselves with, deserves anything less than that.
Now whether that’s what Taylor meant when she wrote these lyrics I don’t know, but I do know that letting people be themselves and being kind and accepting towards everyone including [and this is very important] yourself has been how Taylor has lived her life and has asked us to live ours. I think these lyrics represent that perfectly, and they’re words I’m going to continue to live my life by.
And of course I had to add the 13 on the end. I was born on the 13th, my 13th birthday was on Friday the 13th, and 13 has always been my lucky number, just like Tay ❤️
gummygunk
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