blaze it

Hey, I'm Samantha. I'm very happily employed at McDonald's where you can get delicious, artery clogging food for minimal cash. The rest of my free time is spent in my parents' basement, but I'm always up for a player two.

[samanthamcboyd]

have you ever spit in someones happy meal

Of course not! Big Mac meals, on the other hand...

[samanthamcboyd]

happy meals are for SQUARES

OKAY, NOW IT'S PERSONAL.

[samanthamcboyd]

hello can i buy from you one marijuana

I'm not a drug dealer, kid. Also, you sound like you're about twelve so...stay in school. Buy a Happy Meal instead.

[samanthamcboyd]

u blazed it too hard

I wanted to unblaze it, I swear.

[1dbeaboot-blog]

Well, it was a little more than just shoes…

[samanthamcboyd]

...yeah. Yeah it was.

[samanthamcboyd]

Give us the true, unadulterated story of how you burned Hava.

I blazed too much. 

[samanthamcboyd]

Oh, look, there's a bandwagon for me to jump on.

[hotblvck-blog]

Read More

[1dbeaboot-blog]

I’ll get over it, but thanks.

As it should be, in all honesty. And if people can’t see that, then they should have their shoes set on fire. Again.

[samanthamcboyd]

Alright then. No problem. I hope it doesn't suck for long.

Oh God. I set people's shoes on fire. I never thought about that. Oh God, their shoes.

[1dbeaboot-blog]

In some ways, it is.

While that last part might be true, you certainly don’t seem dumb. I mea, you know creamed corn is evil. That’s a smart thing to know.

[samanthamcboyd]

Well, I'm sorry. Seriously, that always sucks. 

Knowing the evils of creamed corn is probably the most important part of my brain.

[1dbeaboot-blog]

Not a real natural disaster. Just an ex who behaves too much like one.

Really? People actually think you’d set town on fire on purpose?

[samanthamcboyd]

That sounds more terrifying than an actual natural disaster. 

A lot of people just think I'm a dumb stoner who's the reason they don't have a job. Or a house. 

[1dbeaboot-blog]

No, my apartment’s safe— well, some of my things did get burned, but by a different natural disaster. But you don’t look like a pyromaniac. I believe that it was a mistake.

[samanthamcboyd]

...you had a natural disaster in your apartment? That sounds kind of horrific. What happened?

And...thanks. You're one of the only people that thinks that. 

[1dbeaboot-blog]

Ohh. So that was you.

[samanthamcboyd]

Uh, yeah. Hi. But it was an accident. I didn't mean to...you know, put everyone in town in danger. Oh God, I didn't like burn your house down or something, did I?

[1dbeaboot-blog]

What, are you a secret bank robber?

[samanthamcboyd]

Um...no, I kind of burned half the town down.

[1dbeaboot-blog]

I’m emailing NASA our discovery right now.

[samanthamcboyd]

They might put us in prison for discovering their secrets, though. And I'm already too close to jail to go for another strike.

[1dbeaboot-blog]

So that’s what test tube babies are.

[samanthamcboyd]

I think we've just discovered one of the biggest secrets in history.

[1dbeaboot-blog]

People who actually eat creamed corn aren’t human. They’re some kind of different species of demonic guinea pigs.

[samanthamcboyd]

I think they were bred in some sort of super secret evil lab. They've been sent to destroy us.