Sammi

I am an Australian thot. Suffer.

[sammisaurus-blog1]

My deep confusion towards Americans has deepened. No electric kettles? What is this? The middle ages?

[sammisaurus-blog1]

So when mythbusters looks for nuclear weapons on the black market they're "respected scientists" but when I do it I'm a "terrorist" and "threat to national security"

[sammisaurus-blog1]

My sisters boyfriend hates mint chocolate things and honestly? Good move. More for the rest of us.

[sammisaurus-blog1]

All I want is a cute and faithful girlfriend. Is that too much to ask?

[sammisaurus-blog1]

Does that guy who got a pewdiepie hand tattooed on his ass still have it? If so, does he call it his cutie mark?

[sammisaurus-blog1]

Confession

I like fondant icing

[sammisaurus-blog1]

My heart is broken. A mother said to her young child of about 6, "no petting the dog". But my dog was wagging her tail and sniffing his hand, gently placing her front paws on his thighs. She was broken. He was broken. I was broken. Let your children pat small, friendly dogs. Please.

[sammisaurus-blog1]

There are some things that surpass all others in this world. The soft, sweet tingle. The gentle crunch. The beautiful brown colouration pleasing.

I hekkin love raisin toast

[pukicho]

You flirt and kiss and for what??? Sex?????! Love?????? Pathetic.

[aphuckingbeesechurger]

To level my charisma stat

[pukicho]

Ah a gamer, you may pass

[sammisaurus-blog1]

Just like the anti vaxxers

[pukicho]

r/funny on reddit is just filled to the brim with the least comedic shit on the internet. So much so that it occasionally turns back around to being funny again.

[sammisaurus-blog1]

When I was 13 I said, “I’m not like other girls” unironically. Now I have evolved. 

“I am queen thot. Thotimus Maximus. Bow down before me, mortals.”

[sammisaurus-blog1]

You want a whore, buy one. You want a queen, earn her. 

that’ll be $30 thanks.

[sammisaurus-blog1]

I need to babysit my grandma for two and a half weeks while my sister is out of state. The woman is a pain to be around and I need to be with her for two and a half painful weeks. There is no God in this world that can protect my sanity from a woman so prone to disaster she might as well be suicidal.

[sammisaurus-blog1]

Jacklyn Hill Cosmetics

Don’t worry about the white hairs, they’re FDA approved

Don’t worry about the metal shards, they’re FDA approved

Don’t worry about the black spots, they’re oxygen bubbles (despite oxygen floating to the surface and lipstick being made upside down) and FDA approved

Don’t worry about the rashes, reactions and injuries you are receiving, they’re FDA approved.

[sammisaurus-blog1]

If humans can see their complete light spectrum in a rainbow, what does a Mantis Shrimp see?

[sammisaurus-blog1]

Garlic bread, but grilled.