hi it's me again. i'm in the middle of hanzo's act 1 so i didnt read your post to the end bc spoooilers but i still have a q about something he said.
i quote: "there was nothing to amuse me in my village. the boredom was terribly lonely".
is he lying to mc there? or does that mean he's just lonely and wants friends but thinks it's boredom he feels?
A very deep explanation for Hattori Masanari's boredom and loneliness
To make that clear, I think I should explain why Hanzo seeks entertainment all the time first, and the two reasons for his loneliness afterwards. Hanzo’s form of ASPD is very severe, meaning that so are his symptoms, one of which is a constant need for stimulation, and on the flip side – gnawing, sometimes unbearable boredom.
Simply put, there are two states of boredom a person with ASPD experiences. The ‘mild’ one is somehow comparable with that gnawing feeling when you are trying to relax, yet an important project due tomorrow is burning a hole in your head – only more intense, ever present, and void of fear of what happens if you don’t act on it.
Most of the time, it is easy to quell, but it requires constant stimulation, which makes your attention jump between hobbies, people, activities, duties – having ASPD makes it impossible to sit still.
However, sometimes (second state of boredom – a psychopath's literal hell, one could call it) the boredom is too extreme to bear. It might come up anyplace and anytime with seemingly no reason, and the worst part is that it is very difficult to control.
When that happens, no amount of stimulation – not even overstimulation – is enough to achieve momentary peace of mind. Things you love become boring, the most fascinating topics and activities become boring, you can't sleep; it makes you want to rip everything around you into pieces (not many actually do it, obviously, but the urge is there all the same), do something to make it stop. For some people, that boredom is so intense it even becomes physically painful.
The point is, Hanzo is not just very curious about how people react to this and that – his brain is hardwired to make him seek amusement and thrill all the time. Well, at least that’s the reality of ASPD – whether or not the authors know this is another question, because the majority of psychiatrists don’t know that, either.
As for why Hanzo used the word ‘lonely’ to describe his boredom – there are two reasons, I believe. The first one is that feeling it makes antisocials even more detached from their environment and society; it makes him realize he is completely and truly alone. The second one is that I’m pretty sure Hanzo unconsciously wishes for attention and emotional care – everyone does, whether or not they understand it.
Having conduct disorder and later ASPD means being completely detached from other people – having to study them like books, not being able to understand how and why they feel most of the time (depends on the EQ, but every antisocial still has to learn it), not being able to relate to their feelings. Obviously, that also means emotional bonds don’t come naturally to antisocials; whereas normal people can bond easily, antisocials don’t feel the need to, and don’t have an emotional base to build them on – and thus almost never do.
It might be difficult to imagine in Hanzo’s case, but he does wish to be loved and cared for just like any other human being does – it has nothing to do with boredom, however. The scene you’ve based your ask on is the one where Hanzo spoke of his lack of understanding of love to MC – he chose to do so because he wanted to keep her at his side, and knew he had to feed her emotional details to bind her; yet probably didn’t realize he would enjoy the attention and sympathy from MC (I wouldn’t say it was “soothing” for him – people with ASPD are generally not emotionally affected by most negative events in their past). Or maybe he did realize he enjoyed it after they spoke, which made MC more intriguing and interesting in his eyes – I may understand Hanzo, but I’m not a mind reader still xD.
There’s honestly so much more I could say and explain (man, I love analyzing, it’s really fun), so don’t hesitate to ask whatever you want to know. I hope I could help you understand :)
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