[osakatrade-deactivated20140311]

guess i’ll break my leg just for the hell of it hahaha

a canadian with hella healthcare probably  (via garyjarman)

[acupofteaandmore-deactivated201]

so i took a nap today and i had a dream that the secret service came to my house and they were stone face serious and said “the president wants to see you” and i was just like oh fuck what did i do and i got on a plane and went to DC to see the fucking president and i walk into his office all nervous like yes mr president what can i do for you and he just turns around and looks me in the eye before nodding and saying “your memes…….. they intrigue me…….”

[incredibly-cold]

[sanedn]

Things I Say While I'm Driving

Me: What the fuck are you doing. What. The fuck. Are you doing.

Me: NICE BLINKER ASSHOLE.

Me: Why the FUCK are we not even going to speed limit. Why.

Me: I AM GOING TEN MILES PER HOUR OVER THE SPEED LIMIT WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT

Me: Shit is that a cop? No.

Me: Shit THAT is a cop.

Me: /dinosaur screams/

[fuckudad]

[outofcontextarthur]

[stability]

i feel like this insult went under-appreciated

[bonusocean-blog]

[ladiesandlemonade]

[kardashy]

“get you a mans who can do both” what? lie AND get my hopes up? 😍😍 

[thebootydiaries]

[tom-spanks]

remember when u were like 11 and the only thing u wanted was a lava lamp

[girlwithapomegranate-deactivate]

thank you for following me I have nothing to offer

[gnarly]

do you ever just get too lazy to put on pants

[sanedn]

Gay Person: I'm gay

Straight Person: I don't care as long as you don't hit on me [forced laughter]

Gay Person: Don't worry about that, you're not really my type anyway.

Straight Person:

Straight Person:

Straight Person: wat the fcuk did u just say

[fatdogblog]

[joshpeck]

let her sleep

[gifyourass]