I donât know what this is but I hope you enjoy it. SG674 ANGST LETâS GOOO. (Also itâs freaking 2am)
â When you think of your best friend..or your lover..whatâs the first thing that comes to mind? Surely not a scenario like this; standing face to face under a gray sky, droplets of cold rain falling one by one until they grow impatient and just pour down to the earth, dirt beneath your feet accompanied by silly lines that form an assortment of shapes, tired eyes with not an ounce of life in them, bloody hands and faces, broken hearts, a single knife in hand and once againâŚface to face with someone you once put all your trust in, about to participate in a murderous waltz for something that lost itâs worth after so many sacrifices. What is it all for at this point?
They made the efforts, made the sacrifices, all because they held those memories of the past so close to their hearts, because they held each other so closeâŚhow long would they be able to protect the other? They knew it was a last man standingâs game but they fogged up reality with something they made up together. He said he loved him. He said it too. Undelivered messages and unexpressed desires that could finally be met, even if within such a short time frame. They never shouldâve done that; never shouldâve loved, lusted, and craved. But fuck, itâs life or death, it wonât matter soon. Heâll be gone.
Instead of craving his touch, heâs avoiding his hand; his intentions have changed, their priorities faltered. One wanted vengeance. The other wanted victory. Neither of those goals involved the other. Their fates depended on the white lines and the blades in their hands, the will in their souls and the desperation in their eyes.
Theyâre shedding the clothes on their backs as a means of keeping the other at bay. Theyâre grabbing their hair, overstimulated by anger and not by that sinking feeling in their guts that hurt so bad but felt so good all the same. Choking, biting, scratching, stabbing, screaming, crying, killing.
Nothing mattered in the end; helpless looks in the otherâs eyes as he lay exhausted, broken, defeated. Face held gently in the otherâs as the seemingly endless memories came flooding back in, voices in the back of his head that he could never shake off.
It was never meant to be; innocence was temporary, adolescent years were spent being sad and confused, and they never saw each other again until now. Were they really destined if their next meeting would be their last?
Donât kiss me. You wonât let me go if you do.
End it. End it now. But they wonât get their justice if he does. They canât leave together, theyâd have to die together and that canât happen. They want to see the other progress. He not only made promises to him, but to her. He canât take that away, she wonât rest peacefully, neither will he.
Salty tears blend with the rain as it waters down the blood seeping from his neck. A broken voice sounds throughout the quiet yard, calling his name desperately as he picks him up in his arms. The urge is there. Just once more, heâs already gone. Heâs already lost him. But he canât. Heâd never let him go. Once last kiss isnât enough. Theyâd all just add up.
He never wanted to see him be carried away in one of those dreaded black boxes, the pink ribbon would haunt him for the rest of his life. It wasnât right. He deserved a proper send off, they all did.
Maybe we werenât meant to go any further than friends. Maybe we werenât meant to be friends at all. But at least we met.