TheRarestRuby @saniku - Tumblr Blog

When i visit a country im gonna post on instagram and caption it saying i cant believe im in [insert country or city ]

Cause whaat im in thailand? Howd i even get here?

I dont have exs but theres like 2 or 3 guys out there who might think theyre my ex and thats out of my control. Its hard to explain without sounding like a player 🌝

#therarestruby

Me cause every relationship i ever have exposes my anxious attachment nerve. I have fucking issues. But no cause imma start dancing to help with that.

#therarestruby

saniku

I feel like my energy isnt open to my sister anymore and i feel bad about it. Cause its helping her keep her energy closed too. But i just feel like shes not a safe person to be myself with anymore. Ever since that day we fought, and she acted exactly like my mom who i also closed my energy off too, i feel like i cant go back. And thats sad. I thought i was over it but i only thought that under the impression that we’d be how we were. But idk if i still need time or if im subconsciously, permanently protecting myself from that hurt again. Like we still talk and send each other stuff. But theres underlying tension. Like we dont want to say the wrong thing to each other so we just dont say anything. Isnt that sad.

I thought i had a friend in my sister. But shes just my sister. So i cant rely on her to be my friend also. I guess.

And i need to get back in my self validating bag.

saniku

Ok so scratch that cause much like my mom, if i eat their pussies they love me. I basically have to let them control me, act like a doll, and placate

#therarestruby

I feel like my energy isnt open to my sister anymore and i feel bad about it. Cause its helping her keep her energy closed too. But i just feel like shes not a safe person to be myself with anymore. Ever since that day we fought, and she acted exactly like my mom who i also closed my energy off too, i feel like i cant go back. And thats sad. I thought i was over it but i only thought that under the impression that we’d be how we were. But idk if i still need time or if im subconsciously, permanently protecting myself from that hurt again. Like we still talk and send each other stuff. But theres underlying tension. Like we dont want to say the wrong thing to each other so we just dont say anything. Isnt that sad.

I thought i had a friend in my sister. But shes just my sister. So i cant rely on her to be my friend also. I guess.

And i need to get back in my self validating bag.

#therarestruby #oh well

I instantly pictured a movie scene centered around the soap. Its a minute long scene of a man whistling while showering.

He betrayed someone he also did dirt with and is in good spirits to not be the one getting arrested soon. Little does he know, the man he betrayed knew what he did. The betrayed man had a plan where if A happened, then the whistling man didnt snitch. But if B happened, the whistling man did snitch. B happened and as the whistling man is washing himself in the last 10 seconds, the camera shifts angles showing the drain of the shower as he lowers the soap to wash his penis, he screams a scream thats unlike anyone has heard in movies, and drops the soap with the exposed razor, which lands by the drain and blood droplets scatter the shower floor and disappears with the water

And cause he dropped the soap, maybe that can foreshadow an insinuated retaliation rape later in the movie. Ive seen such a concept in snowfall

I could have the camera set up in front of building, where whistling man walks past it and into an ally and have him followed by two men shortly after and have the dialogue be something hopeless sounding like “grab his arms” and then muffled grunts along with sexual grunts, all off screen

And then he shows up in the courtroom, dazed but not physically harmed from the assault, and he retracts everything he said just to go to jail to get away from them. But jail is worse. And the betrayed man gets shot by the whistling mans wife at the end of the film

And cause thats all i got, id make it a short film instead of a movie

And the betrayed man is actually a black woman and the assassins she sends after him in the ally are women too

#therarestruby

Black ink crew new york s2e2

#therarestruby

I took this test and got the above result

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saniku

My period is in 7 days and im feeling crazy. Like mad and sad

Im acting crazy too. Mad to sad, back and forth, over everything that goes fucking wrong.

I felt bi-polar earlier

saniku

Lmao why did my period come 6 days early. Im not mad at it! Ayye

#therarestruby

Yk what would be a great present from a boyfriend? About $1,000 in a roth i.r.a account, a purse, and dinner

#therarestruby #some dick perhaps why not

The second part of the explantation was hard to follow like huh

But the highlighted is true. You have to give people the chance to add tallies to their friend score.

#therarestruby #Spotify

Also when im PMSing I have thoughts of self hatred for feeling hateful when i see other ppl who look happy. Im like why cant i just be happy.

But my serotonin is low and thats what the medication helped with. But it made me sweat too. And naturally hot. And turned me down. And dulled my psychic senses.

But im learning to embrace the down time cause by the second day of my period, im my happy-grateful to be alive-self . As long as i dont take it out on anyone, have angry outburst, or cry in front of people, ill be good. I wish i could retreat but sometimes i have to be around people. Like for work. But like i basically said, im managing it. I smoke more and eat more sweets too.

Times like these i always wish i had someone to pay extra care and attention to me cause it feels like no one around me cares about me when im not the one thats happy or nurturing or asking questions.

Its probably why ive attracted nonchalant men in the past.

Anyway, maybe thats just the reality im still coming to grips with. Keep the pain to myself until im ready to be in ppls faces.

Now i need to get the crying under control. Thats always been a problem for me. I cant cut it off, its legit a faucet of tears

#therarestruby #no one likes a sad bitch

My period is in 7 days and im feeling crazy. Like mad and sad

Im acting crazy too. Mad to sad, back and forth, over everything that goes fucking wrong.

I felt bi-polar earlier

Cause i was angry and then content after i ate

#therarestruby #life off meds ig