Just Abused Kid Things

It's okay to get help if you need help. It's okay to cut people out of your life. If you see this today, promise to try not to hurt yourself. I love you more than you can know (Always feel free to talk to me.) Ask - About - Submit

[fagstaynight]

(getting a taste of my own medicine) actually this is okay. Is this what you guys have bene whining about? Jesus christ

[shroomshroomm]

[burnazog]

[thegadaboutgirl]

One more for the collection. Book is Stars at Last by Jessica Jocelyn

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

I hate that you can be like “this experience was not traumatic for me, that’s stupid” but then you start shaking like a chihuahua while talking about it

[sesamie]

learning that addiction is a progressive narrowing of the range of things that make one happy was kinda life changing for me. i apply it to everything not even just addiction i am always checking to ask if i am narrowing my range of happiness or widening it

[argumate]

always good to check whether your coping strategy has become something that needs its own coping strategies

[tiktoks-i-enjoyed]

[hollowboobtheory]

surprisingly difficult pill to swallow: most people are not playing 8 dimensional mind chess and can be taken at face value

[kunosoura]

I think it’s normal for people to be mad at each other sometimes even if they’re close friends or family or intimate with each other. Like I think that’s a normal and healthy part of relationships that can happen sometimes

[kunosoura]

“Why were you on Mad At Me island” because at the time I was mad at you and yet our friendship has weathered that without trouble

[tiredragedemon]

I went to Mad At You island because my feelings are my problem. I needed to stomp down the beach until I could sit and watch the sunrise. I built a sandcastle and did some thinking. Then I boarded the good ship You Matter To Me and sailed it all the way to meet you on the Let’s Talk Shore of I Love You Island.

[actualized-animal]

honestly it seems really unfair that if you have a shitty childhood you have to deal with all these extra problems once you’re older. i think that you should get to have some kind of beam attack and a double jump instead

[positivitygenic]

so, you failed a social interaction.

i assure you it is going to be okay. it is not going to be the end of the world, even if it does feel like it. these feelings will pass, no matter how embarrassing the social interaction was.

we can't always succeed, and that is perfectly okay.

[furiousgoldfish]

abusive parents will give you mental illness they've never even heard of, put you in a state of hopelesness where you don't expect to survive or be worth anyone's attention and yet they have the absolute gall to resent you for 'having it better than they did'

[kaity--did]

can not recommend letting your child do a big scream when they are frustrated enough. Just straight up ask them like "hey do you need to do a big scream?" And if they say yes let cover your ears and say okay GO and let them scream because you know what eventually when you're really frustrated your little person with your face is gonna look at you with their ears covered and yell "HEY DO YOU NEED TA DO A BIG SCHREAM?!" and you can just... do a big scream and it won't scare them and you will feel better too

[kaity--did]

Hey this is literally great advice for anyone just warn the people around you that you need to do a big schream and do it, so they will do it back and it is very cathartic

[transgothicgenre]

guys i have a confession to make i literally betrayed the noble unicorn

[transgothicgenre]

[teaboot]

Okay so you know that Kinda Fucked Up Person™ feeling when like. Someone is nice to you at the exact right resonant frequency to make all the hairs on the back of your neck stand up

And it’s not even that they’re creepy or inappropriate but being around them gives you… like. That “someone is walking on your grave” type feeling?

What IS that, and is there a word for it? Because “pathological heebie-jeebies” isn’t getting me anywhere

[teaboot]

And no I don’t mean “intuition” or “sixth sense” or anything like that, I mean. Like

Okay, so the dad I grew up with was an asshole, right? Bad with kids, didn’t like me, old-fashioned kinda guy. ‘Nuff said.

Now, the year I moved out, I was having a great day, out in public doing my thing. No buildup at all. But then this kid nearby started running around screaming, right? Not hurt or anything, just being a hyperactive kid

And her Dad called her over, and she didn’t listen, so I was kinda. Tense. You know? Trauma stuff, basic 1 for 1 reminders and all

But THEN instead of getting all angry-stumpy he just got down on her level, explained that if she kept running around she could get hurt or trip someone, and said that if she slowed down and held his hand then they could go to the park later. And she listened, and he gave her a hug, and they went about their day

And like

Sometimes when people are nice like that, it feels like your soul is throwing up? And I had to leave and have a panic attack by myself somewhere for a bit, which is WAY more extreme of a reaction than it normally is, but like

You know THAT feeling? That “everything is fine but it’s not” feeling?

Like when someone you don’t know very well tells you something incredibly personal and considerate and heartfelt or something and it feels like your skin is peeling off

What’s the WORD for that

[teaboot]

Well I mean yeah but like. Other than that

[teaboot]

I’m not finding any other good words for this so I’m calling it “The FreakyWeirds” and it’s when something is only Freaky because u are Weird

[cyborgpsychic]

it's called Negative Affect Interference (NAI) and it is an observed phenomenon in PTSD

source: link

but FreakyWeirds also works

[teaboot]

Oh wicked, thanks!

[fandom-trash-goblin]

we've got a life to love living.

[borderlinereminders]

The other day, I asked my partner, “What are you doing?”

Simple question, right?

Except… he suddenly got defensive. His tone changed. I could feel tension building, and I had no idea why. So I took a breath and asked, “Wait, what did you hear me say?”

He paused, thought about it, and said, “I thought you meant ‘Why aren’t you doing anything?’ Like you were mad I was being lazy.”

But that wasn’t what I meant at all. I’d genuinely just been curious.

And that moment reminded me how easily things can go sideways when we assume intent. Our brains, especially when we’ve had messy pasts, trauma, or relationship anxiety, tend to fill in the blanks with the worst possible meaning.

But that one question, “What did you hear me say?”, turned what could’ve been an argument into understanding.

It gave both of us a chance to clarify before our brains made up a story that wasn’t true. I was able to explain, and he was able to listen. Understanding what I meant changed his tension entirely.

Sometimes the fight isn’t about what was said. It’s about what was heard.

“What did you hear me say?” can defuse a storm before it starts.

[homunculus-argument]

People who are impossible to please fucking hate it when you give up trying. If nothing's ever good enough anyway, literally why bother. If you're going to bitch just as hard about how uncomfortable your bed is no matter how nice it is, you're sleeping on the floor. If you're going to bitch just as hard about how the nice outing specifically tailored to accommodate you doesn't please you enough no matter how much anyone tries to appease you, you're not coming. If no homecooked gourmet meal made exactly how you said you like it is sufficiently to your liking, you're getting the cheapest shitty frozen TV dinner. Maybe seething at it harder will make it thaw faster.

[sword-of-chance]

maybe people who are impossible to please are in fact impossible to please because they don't know how to express gratitude, they actually really appreciate it, just no one ever taught them to say thank you

[homunculus-argument]

Well, if being nice to them could teach them that, it would have worked by now.

[diekatimitdemhutohnehut]

I have some friends like that. They came out of a very toxic household and really never learned the protocol of 'nice things to say'. I actually sat them down and gave them the protocol. It helped a lot.

If I cook for you, you say: "This looks great. Thank you for the food." And if you taste it and like the taste you may say: "This tastes really good!"

If you don't like it, you can still express that you are grateful for the time, energy and expenses I went through to feed you.

If I give you a compliment, you say "thank you".

If you like something about me, you are allowed to mention it. And I will be happy you said so.

After we spend some time together we text each other. In that text we ask if everyone got home safe, and we express how the time with each other has influenced us. This is a good time to say thank you again.

A text could read: "I made it home now. Did you get home ok? Hope the traffic wasn't too bad. I had a lot of fun today! Thank you for organising the tickets to the museum! I am looking forward to next time!"

And the other may reply similarly.

Saying please and thank you is something that has to be learned. And it's not just for passing the salt on the table. It is for valuing interactions as well.

I know, if you are overly critical of yourself, you might be overly critical of others. But if you practice to be kind to others you learn the words to use to be nice to yourself as well. But this takes practice.

If you have something nice to say, then please do! It makes the world a better place!

Passive aggressive behavior is not helpful in this situation.

[homunculus-argument]

You've got a lot more grit and dedication than I do, and there's no way to say this without sounding unintentionally sarcastic but I admire your willingness to reparent your friends. I could not.

[lelif]

on survival

-// @aridante // @orivu // @buzzkillgirls // ? // ? // richard siken// @cemeterything // moomin, tove jansson// @disenchanted-killjoy // isn't that enough, shawn mendes// @ prettytheyswag on twitter// @ coletyumuch on twitter// ? // ? // bird by bird, anne lamott// undertale// @strawberrycircuits

[kosmogrl]

[manwhorewednesdays]

This is actually such a crucial part of healing from neglect and abuse and I have to add to this.

Because indeed, people who like you will not roll their eyes and sigh at the idea of accommodating your needs, they will value your voice and be upset with you about injustice done to you, not at you for "being difficult". They will be happy when you find a way to live a better life, and help you to get there. If you are struggling, someone who loves you wants to see you smile, not tell you to smile because "you have it so good".

[alexseanchai]

[image: tweet by overlyxclusive: "when people love you they find joy in making life easier for you"]