The Small Rain

[sarahkwolfe]

Four Years

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[sarahkwolfe]

Toughness, Elegance and Humor.

There are two strains of bloodline that came together to make me who I am. One strain carries tough Swiss blood. Farming stock. Those who braved Nebraska winters and the life of being dependent on nature. I love the pictures I see of them…I love the fact that they look not only tough as anything, but there is humor in them. That’s my Grandfather in the overalls. They came from Switzerland, my…

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[sarahkwolfe]

Silence.

I realize that I have not written anything since Mom passed away. I haven’t really felt like writing, to be honest. I’ve taken lots of pictures, which is another way I process life, but I have not written. I began this blog to process Mom’s decent into Dementia. It was a way to think out loud and to connect. So now there will have to be a shift. I still feel funny having a “blog”. There is so…

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[sarahkwolfe]

Mental Health Days, Weakness, Leaves...and Remembering

Mental Health Days, Weakness, Leaves...and Remembering.

Someone posted on my son’s college FB parents’ page a picture from another college. An announcement of a mental health day called by the president of that college. Something along the lines of “y’all (yes it was in the South) are under a lot of stress, catch up on work and decompress.”

They posted this with the suggestion of how nice it would be at our college. This was met with many…

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[sarahkwolfe]

I Dug A Grave For My Dog Today...

I Dug A Grave For My Dog Today…

The skies are grey, there is a bit of wind, and the leaves in the trees are rustling. The weather suits my mood.

  I dug a grave for my dog today. 

  Well, my husband began it this morning before anyone else was awake. I went out thinking I would break the ground, and found instead a shared chore. It is right beside the grave of the previous home owners’s dog Squeak, with all kinds of shades of…

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[sarahkwolfe]

We Haven't Missed the Moment...

We Haven’t Missed the Moment…

How are you doing this morning?

  I find it a little silly, this blog that I turn to from time to time. I realize that friends read, but I think it is mostly a place for me to process my thoughts. Since it is more than a journal or something hidden, maybe I try to think a little more clearly. My grammar is still poor, but the thoughts get across. Today I need the push to think more clearly.

  Tod…

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[sarahkwolfe]

Pause.

It has been about 24 days since I last left the house. Same for the kids. That’s a long time. You would think in that time I would have paused and thought deep thoughts, or come up with some rhythm and plan for these days. You would think I would have things to say. Deep truths that have come clear in this time.

  Not so much.

  Here’s a bit of what 24 days in stay-at-home has looked like.

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[sarahkwolfe]

The things we carry with us...

The things we carry with us…

Over the last three weeks I have had at least five discussions with friends who are watching family members slip into that strange world of here and not here. They are watching their loved ones begin to forget. They are watching the agitation and the fear that begins to settle in as this person realizes they are losing their identity. Their memories. Their story. And finally their ability to…

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[sarahkwolfe]

Do Not Fear....Sing.

Do Not Fear….Sing.

Years ago I was fearless.

I remember walking up to people on Central Avenue in Albuquerque and asking them if they knew Jesus.

I think I met an angel one night, but that is a story for conversation over a cup of coffee.

I had a deep joy, a delight in life, and a passion to tell people about Jesus. I had friends who were the same, and we would drink coffee from late night into morning hours at the…

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[sarahkwolfe]

Impossible God

The coffee shop is full of chatty people this morning. There is a rather loud din all around me; I was lucky to find a seat! I am ridiculously thankful for my time here on Mondays and Fridays. The shop is aptly named “The Good Cup”. The coffee is good, but the blessing of goodness extends to the friendliness of the patrons and the lack of a need for hipness. I feel at ease and not old, and well,…

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[sarahkwolfe]

Advent? Really? I’m stopping.

Advent? Really? I’m stopping.

There was a time I marked Advent daily with poems and reflections.

There was a time I read poems and reflections daily about Advent. I prayed daily welcoming the coming of the Christ. I had the Advent calendar ready, and even the Elves to dance around the house and entertain.

This has not been that year.

I honestly have no idea where the Elves are. Maybe they will surprise us all and appear on…

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[sarahkwolfe]

This boy...part two. Broken bones and immense pride

This boy…part two. Broken bones and immense pride

Okay, so I shared in part one of this story that our boy had an amazing opportunity to explore his delights of language and Asian culture. He had a fantastic time, and was scheduled to remain with this group through the end of August.

And then he fell. A simple accident, carrying something and hit a wet patch where stone met wood. We don’t know exactly how he hit, but he broke his humerus into…

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[sarahkwolfe]

This boy...part one. Delight and gifting, and....Asia

This boy…part one. Delight and gifting, and….Asia

This boy. Since he was the smallest of boys, he has been independent.

Fiercely.

He did not want to be rocked and cuddled to sleep; he wanted simply to be laid down and he would take care of the getting to sleep bit.

He wanted only the minimal instruction in conquering new abilities. Riding a bike without training wheels took no time as he got the concept and then was off ripping down the street…

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[sarahkwolfe]

Spaghetti For Breakfast: Sustaining Moments

Spaghetti For Breakfast: Sustaining Moments

I’ve been up since 2am. Trying to navigate a challenge involving one of the kids off on an adventure. I promise to tell about that soon, but not quite yet.

I can tell you this boy and his independence will teach Steve and I more about relying on God than many things we have experienced. We have learned to pray and trust and realize that ultimately these kids are God’s and He has plans we can’t…

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[sarahkwolfe]

Mourning into Dancing...We Need to do them in order.

Mourning into Dancing…We Need to do them in order.

One week has passed since we dropped the boy at college. One week of him finding his way around a new campus, sleeping in a room that is not quite his yet, finding his own meals and making new friends.

  One week has passed and there is still a heaviness for me when I walk to the basement and realize for the hundredth time that day his absence is going to only be more felt with passing days.

  On…

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[sarahkwolfe]

The boy. Transitions and Tears.

The boy. Transitions and Tears.

Last night we dropped the oldest at college. Well. First I took the youngest to 3rd grade orientation. The middle boy is off on a grand adventure which will have to wait to be told. The youngest boy spent the day in the humidity and heat of the south lugging things up to the 4th floor college door room with Dad.

So we “dropped” the boy at college after a full day of outfitting the room, making…

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[sarahkwolfe]

Sorrow Sent by God...

Sorrow Sent by God…

  Whew. Sometimes the weight of sorrow surprises me.

  I came online today, logged in to the blog, and tried to translate some recent thoughts to coherent words.

  I made a very quick trip home about a month ago. I wanted to see Mom, and the rest of the family. There is a lingering homesickness that strikes sometimes, even when you moved away from home 24 years ago. Even when you have lived away…

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