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@sarahtheskank
Halloween season. You know what that means. Terrible horror movies being released every hour on the hour. Plus, they’re re-releasing Twilight next week. Someone come sit in the back of the a dingy theater and make fun of all these terrible movies with me stat.
I’m honestly offended you didn’t ask me first and foremost, Lor. Making fun of movies is one of my top five favorite things to do.
I know this is pretty late but does anyone have any good halloween costume ideas? No, I will not dress up as Selena so don’t even try to suggest it.
Which Selena are they suggesting? Since there’s one that’s at least a good suggestion and one that I assume a lot of people in this town have unfortunately suggested.
rufuslynn:
I mean like yeah, probs, but I thought I’d throw it out there for all the little dudes too.
Oh, wow, how noble of you. Thinking of all of us “little dudes” out there. You’d just think a couple costume would be done with someone...you are a couple with...?
Dudes. Who wants to do a couple costume with me cause like… be the Cool Whip to my Nae Nae horse, please and thank you.
Shouldn’t you have some cheerio to ask about this stuff?
piercejamie:
Jamie look around to make sure no one was paying too close attention to them. He couldn’t risk getting caught talking to Sarah the Skank. “Rum. It’s sweeter, so it’s hard to notice. Last year we put straight vodka. Big mistake.”
Sarah rolled her eyes as she saw Jamie check no one was around. He definitely had no problems with being around her whenever she snuck in through his bedroom window. “Yeah, anyone could’ve told you that,” Sarah said with a slight shake of her head.
She ventured a sip and hummed; yes, that was definitely much better than the year before. “Nice. It looks like you have a career as a bartender in your future. I’ve got to admit, that’s a brighter future than I would’ve expected for you.”
smythelorelai:
“Sorry, couldn’t tell it was you in the dark.” Sarah’d gone from skank to socialite in just a few coats of makeup. Sarah was the one person Lorelai didn’t actually want to be mean to. “Not really into the dancing, but you can come outside and watch me smoke?” She offered. “I know lung cancer isn’t your thing, but I just can’t quit ‘em.”
"It’s cool. This isn’t my usual looks. Except the boobs,” Sarah replied. Actually wearing colors and not just in her hair? That was pretty radical for her. While Sarah normally lectured Lorelai about smoking - you know, except for weed, which Sarah definitely did from time to time to calm down the neurotic, inner nerd she tended to be - she didn’t mind the idea of spending time with her. “You might as well have company before the chemo.” Sarah smirked a little and followed Lorelai out of the gym.
“So, should I start calling you Princess now? If your brother’s the king and all.”
Lorelai was sitting at a table alone while her embarrassing squad of friends were ironically badly dancing on the floor when someone sat next to her. Great, social interaction at a school event. She’d rather commit seppuku.
“Please don’t make this dance any more miserable than it has to be,” she groaned. “I’d like to stew alone in my misery.”
“I’m just sitting down. Chill,” Sarah said. Her feet were hurting from the heels she had stupidly decided to wear; Jude owed her a ton for doing her best to be the best beard ever.
After a moment of pause, Sarah asked, “Are you sure you don’t want to do something besides, like, sitting here and moping? You know, like...we could dance - like, you and me and the rest of the gang and stuff.” Lorelai was the only skank that made her feel nervous and intimidated and she hated that.
piercejamie:
“Have you tried the punch yet?” Jamie said, addressing the person in front of him. “It’s… really good this year.”
“Oh yeah?” Sarah replied, one of her eyebrows arching as she smirked. “What did you spike it with this time? Last year’s was really terrible.”
↳ INSTAGRAM: @othergilbert uploaded a photo.
rolling up to the dance with the shawty @sarahtheskank ( 📷: @smythelorelai )
↳ 10 LIKES, 2 COMMENTS:
@grandmammygilbert: does this mean you finally have a girlfriend?
TEXT ✉ JAMIE ⇄ SARAH
JAMIE: if thats an insult i refuse to aknowlege it
JAMIE: yikes rough time at chez puckerman?
JAMIE: u know what to do, windows open
SARAH: I'm impressed you figured that out
SARAH: When is it not?
SARAH: I always do. See ya there
TEXT ✉ JAMIE ⇄ SARAH
JAMIE: yeah sure, i need some "tutoring" in anatomy
JAMIE: ur place or mine?
SARAH: I figured. You tend to struggle in that subject.
SARAH: Yours. I need a break from this place.
toto, i’ve a feeling we’re not in kansas anymore…
but like, for real, what’s up lima? i’ve been in this town for a whole day and a half and i can’t figure out what you guys do for fun here. someone care to help a girl out?
Depends on what you consider fun, but there’s really not much you could call “fun” about this town. Most of the fun is under the bleachers of the school or in the WaHo parking lot, tbh.
TEXT ✉ JAMIE ⇄ SARAH
JAMIE: idk everything it does, but u could teach me
JAMIE: wyd tonite?
SARAH: You do have a lot to learn
SARAH: Nothing big. Why? Do you need a little bit of tutoring?
i know ya’ll yeehaw motherfuckers are going to ring in the fall season by going to the pumpkin patch but if you want to actually do something fun then you should come see me, ol’ smackdonald, and my team at the roller derby qualifiers this weekend.
Ellen Rag and Ol’ Smackdonald are definitely about to kick some ass and take some names. Definitely better than any fucking pumpkin patch could ever be.
TEXT ✉ JAMIE ⇄ SARAH
JAMIE: hey baby what that mouth do
SARAH: Don't you know what it does by now?
piercejamie:
I live off of food, water, and pussy.
You’re worse than my brother and that’s saying something.
So, like, theoretically… if someone were to have stolen Westminster High’s mascot, Gilly the Billy Goat would he be able to spend the night outside, or would he need to be stored in, like, an old Barbie treehouse? Also, do goats really eat paper? Like, can they really get all their Goat-macros just from paper, or does he need some whey protein?
I’m just writing a story for English class…
...Sometimes I truly wonder how you’ve managed to survive for so long.
