[sarahtrieswriting]

such a slap in the face when you are reminded he is in fact, a guy

he may love you and make you swoon and usually take care of you

but every now and then

the second you are losing sight of your guard in your rear view mirror

a comment is made and you are your mother and your mothers mother and her mother before her

you are sobbing in the bathtub and wishing your body was your own

you are mad at yourself for being in the position to be toppled by a man

you explain how the comment hurts and the right things are said and the man goes away to reveal your life parter, your comfort

you can breathe again

but don’t lose sight of your guard

[sarahtrieswriting]

[sarahtrieswriting]

ily forever.

[sarahtrieswriting]

it’s like holding your breath for fun then having it knocked out of you

[sarahtrieswriting]

it wasn’t like fate or eureka, the world didn’t stop in that moment and stars didn’t collide. it was just a kiss. but that’s exactly what we needed. it didn’t change the course of our lives and we weren’t in love. i didn’t think they were flawless and their breath was maybe a little stale. but that maybe made it better. it was just lips and spit and some noises of approval between awkward smacking sounds. i didn’t know where to put my hands and im pretty sure there was gum under my right shoe. and it was exactly what we needed.

[sarahtrieswriting]

i know myself like i know the meaning of life

fleeting, ever changing, often unattainable

will giving the hurricane in my soul a definitive textbook name make me feel better about it?

will giving the meandering walk I’m taking toward death a thesis statement make it more meaningful?

[arivers610]

There once was a girl who felt everything.

She went to sleep

Feeling sad about this person and uncertain about another

She woke up

Feeling happy the sun came out

She enjoyed the night

Feeling calm by the moon and stars

She went to sleep

Feeling anxious for the next day

She laid in bed

Feeling the vibration of the thunder outside her window

She walked around

Feeling the eyes that watched her

She laid in bed

Feeling the stale air in her room

She passed by people

Feeling the stretch of her smile

She entered her room

Feeling the pull of her frown

She collapsed

Feeling out of breath from feeling

She felt everything… until you touched her

-Caught In The Undertow

[sarahtrieswriting]

I wanna be taken to LA and Barcelona. To places where the facade is colorful and palpable and everyone is okay with it. I want 3am taquitos and late lazy mornings and bleary eyed 8am trysts. I want to feel invincible and scared in the same three breaths. I want to feel wanted and wanted and wanted. I want your name to sound like home and your hand to feel like a security blanket. I want to ruin a bed set and raise an animal and fill a camera roll. I want to know that past all the pleasantries and pleasure and fights and long nights, that you'll still want these things too.

[sarahtrieswriting]

no i don't know the feeling. well... i definitely know the feelings, the wanting and longing but the touching the subtleties and not so subtle ties and being wanted and longed for and felt, no i don't know the feeling.

[sarahtrieswriting]

fleeting are all these feelings all these moments of mutual safety and warmth, now we're left reeling. through cardboard lives filled with uncertainties and the certainty of sadness, and the back and forth. i should be glad i should be thankful for the experience, happy with the time we had. but now i remember how much i hate, my insides and outsides and surroundings. it's more than sad, but i still have you, i still love you. and i'm sure i'll be happy again.

[sassoonery]

she is white and bright and blinding rage and jittery sun fire with hands that brand me right down to my core shame that stings

he is pale blue control and cynicism hardcore and ice cold smile with hands that burn me third degree shame that weeps

I am black and empty and eclipsed by them both with no place that’s home since seven years old shame that consumes

[exai]

7 years later i’m still someone talking about their feelings on the internet

nov 23

[triessarahtonin]

greasy fried eggs & the smell they leave behind, eating a ripe orange then sucking the rinds. listening to pop punk in crisp autumn air, those girls so pretty you can’t help but stare, smiles unguarded, not meant for a soul the laughs that come with them that are ugly & gorgeous & make you feel so full. like the giddiness of christmas but it’s mid-may, those people in life who will love you, no matter what you say. weepy little puppies and their incessant yawns or springtime rain or a freshly mown lawn. the split second-eternal eye contact with an attractive stranger, how completely invincible little you felt watching Power Rangers. laying under decade old blankets in hospital socks, absorbing zeppelin or any good classic rock. yeah, the world freaking sucks, but the little things that make you smile matter so much.

[triessarahtonin]

status report for the clinically ill

yeah okay im cutting across my thighs again, but at least im not cutting down my arms. maybe im driving a bit more recklessly… but im telling the voices that want me to punch it and whip the wheel to shut up. maybe im still living in a dream world but at least im faking self love in it. i might think way too fondly about any person who shows the slightest bit of fondness for me but it keeps me from completely giving up on the hope that someone will ever ever ever show an actual interest in me. i may have literally no aim in life at the moment, i may be listlessly wasting my days away,,, but at least i got out of the actual prison that was university. fuck, yeah social interactions make me squirm, and want to cry, and make me so g*ddamn self conscious but i still go out, maybe twice a month. absolutely, im writing these pretentious ass whiny rants i call poetry, but at least it’s not a goodbye note.