hi. opinion on my nathaniel nickname list:
nathaniel(the default.) natie, nath, natha, naza, nazaniiru, nano
omg hmm... i've discussed nathaniels name with my friends before (we were kinda making fun of it for sounding so old fashioned 🤧. did you know the biblical nathaniel is often conflated with apostle bartholomew... he just can't get a win.)
natie and similar nate diminutives are okay, it reminds me of the childrens book big nate though so it's hard to get used to 😞
i hear nath and natha are popular, they're in the middle for me
are naza/nazaniiru from the japanese transliteration of nathaniel? i think its fine as well
i cannot judge nano because i made that one and it wouldn't be fair so it's up to everyone else 🙂↕️ ...
when someone has something i want, it's not fair. i want it too. i want to be just like them. when i want something, i'll do anything to get it. i am nothing. all i have is desire.
finsen headcanons under construction subject to change
SUMMARY NOTES
*note: I used my own weibo intro translation for these notes and they're different from the idv wiki's translation. I have no hatred for the wiki lmao my version is just a bit more literal so it's bumpier to read but I wanted to preserve the original context for phrasing issues.
I think you can simplify his story into: Finsen has a core problem that there are two solutions to.
The problem is what is referred to as his "existence".
"If you cannot feel the world, how do you prove you exist?" - Deduction 9
"...he seeks proof that his own existence is real." - Deduction Summary
"...the feeling of being disrespected made him determined to do something to prove his existence." - Weibo Intro*
*The IDV wiki is using a translation, but in the original chinese text, the phrasing used is 存在 (cúnzài) for "existence" in both of these sentences.
Finsen feels a deep disconnect with the normal human experience. The text points most explicitly to his congenital insensitivity to pain and bullying as the source of this alienation. He lacks something everyone else has, he is noticeably different and socially othered, so he develops a persistent fixation and fear of "not existing" the way that other people can.
Finsen has one initial way to "prove his existence", through excelling in the worldview that he grew up in:
"...forcing him to surrender to this law: weak are prey to the strong*."
"...he became well versed with this principle — weakness is the original sin." - Weibo Intro
The original text uses an idiom (弱肉强食 ruòròuqiángshí).
These measures of weakness vs. strength determine your worth - nobody is born equal, weakness stems from lack and strength can be cultivated. If he can compensate for his weakness, if he can gain the approval of society, then he will have made a significant mark on the world and he can prove that he has meaningfully existed. This is why I think that despite being a "successful dentist", he still pursues the very work-intensive task of getting research accepted by the academic world. Ordinary effort and accomplishments are insufficient for people who have their baselines judged as lower. Excellence is necessary for a "weak" person to prove their place. And in order to reach these goals, he needs to make sacrifices. So forth and so on.
The other solution is his dynamic with the patients in the paediatric ward:
"Unexpectedly, among the children, Finsen discovered a quality that he did not have — interacting with the children seemed to let him find a different way of existing. Finsen's gloomy and damp childhood, in the stubborn and innocent care of the children, was faintly being healed."
"Fear made him selfish and pessimistic, but as he was gradually growing aware of his existence, he wanted to seek out a new solution." - Weibo Intro
"Children sung nursery rhymes around him, candy wrappers rustled in his pocket — that was probably the closest he got to existence." - Character Song Intro
The realization he makes here is that fulfillment, recognition, and acceptance without achieving material success as an individual are possible. In theory (?) I think Finsen might have gotten attached partly because they treated him like an ordinary person and were kind to him. There's also the aspect of Finsen seeing himself in them as "weak" children, and the realization that they share the same capacity for care and connection. This combined with the fact that he was responsible for their care could result in the sentiment that he wants to protect them in a way that he wasn't protected.
However, I don't think he's suddenly self-actualized and fixed his life through finding a new direction. Given his last act was done in the heat of the moment, these two sentiments existed at the same time. He wants to have fulfillment from both solutions at once, and for a while he saw growth in both, but they ultimately come into conflict when the mob breaks into the hospital, where he is forced to choose between the two.
Post-death, his personality feels like a corruption of his previous ideas:
Finsen valued the time he spent working with the children and his wish to protect them in life is reflected in resurrection, where he hurts/kills (?) people he deems a threat, considering them "rotten".
I also feel it's possible he no longer recalls/understands the emotional and mental preamble for why he cares about children, and is stuck in a sort of dead loop of trying to find physical proofs (teeth) of something he can't retrieve.
However, I'm a bit less certain about this part, since some of his post-death character feels more like a manifestation of rumours and urban legends than an exact reflection of his original character. Plus we haven't even gotten the first letter yet lmao so this is just speculation from me. I'll have to come back to this later sorry
MINIMALLY SUBSTANTIATED CLAIMS:
Finsen is kind of charmless underneath all the fluff. He is reasonably polite, and you can talk for like 5 minutes or so about the weather or something, but he can't really hold a conversation for too long because he doesn't know what to say and has nothing to connect over. Not in a disdainful way per se, I think he would act like this even if he wanted to socialize with someone, there's often a lot of gaps and awkwardness. There are situations where he is more talkative, it's just infrequent, ex. he might like having the opportunity to talk about his discoveries. Then again, it's secret research for a reason 😭
Because injuries are more risky for him, he's in the habit of checking himself frequently if anything got hurt, and he tends to carry bandages/ointment on him.
I feel some early fanon had him be more of a mad scientist type of character which is fair lol we had no lore back then, but as of today, I wouldn't say Finsen has a cruel or sadistic attitude about the human experimentation. I also kind of doubt he's deriving a sense of power tripping control about it. It looks more like a move made out of desperation where he was willing to go to any lengths to prove the effectiveness of phototherapy. He seems genuinely miserable, and his nightmares possibly stem from the nature of his work. But regardless of how he felt about it, he still did it. I think he has a more detached relationship with the moral hangup, and he rationalizes that the end justifies the means. Like the bystander example in his backstory, he tries to add post-hoc justifications for the things he sees or does, but it eventually eats at him over time.
Personality wise, I want to say Finsen is pretty flat/sombre whenever he's working. He's prone to anxiety, but I think he would've been wanting to hide that from coworkers and the like. He's also more shy than people would expect from him - despite wanting praise and recognition, he doesn't do well in the spotlight when everyone is watching and he's a bit of a wallflower. Ok last one, a lot of his design is pressure and restraint, he's usually very stressed, but he'll get kind of mushy and relaxed when he's happy
LIES/TRIVIA:
While he can't really feel the painful sensation of spicy food, I think he likes it because spicy dishes tend to use more seasonings in general and he's usually eating mild food so it's enjoyable to him. On the flip side I think he likes super weak drinks, tea and coffee with excessive ratio of milk, etc.
Contrary to his dreary and grey appearance he loves really upbeat songs or super sappy love songs or something. In the modern era I think his playlist would be full of sugary radio pop and letting him choose the car ride music is genuine psychological torture.
He's not very short but he's also not very tall. This one is actually TRUE and VERIFIED by EMPIRICAL RESEARCH (me and my friends standing around in the lobby comparing heights of different hunters. also i want it to be true. #falsifyingresults #academicdishonesty)
I think he has a secret silly and sweet side but nobody can know.
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