Who Am I?

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

The hole in our heart

A couple months ago, i had a realization that pulled my heart strings. I can sense a deep hole within my heart that i am trying to fill all the time. How do i fill this hole in my heart? By controlling and manipulating my outside world to fix what’s wrong within myself within. My heart has pain. Lots of pain that i have held on too because i didn’t want to FEEL the pain. So what can we do? what can we do to clear all the pain we hold onto dictating and controlling every decision we make throughout our days. Our inner truth isn’t making our decisions. Our minds are making the decisions. It’s decisions are made by what “I” want and don’t want. Why is it difficult to accept what is? Our heart can’t handle truth so our minds try to come up with solutions to the hearts problems. That’s why our minds are so loud, distracting, and not focused on the present moment. So lets be honest with ourselves and face the pain in our heart. We do this by focusing our attention on our heart beat. What comes up when you try to feel your heart. Pain, chest tightening, anxiety, and many things came up for me. As we feel and allow the heart to purge all of its past hurts, we try to stay as completely unattached as possible. Don’t get attached to what comes up if you can. Let it arise and pass through you. If your heart pain is too much, move your focus somewhere else and come back another time. It can takes years to clear all of the pain in our hearts, but what’s left is beyond imaginable. What left after all the pain is cleared is something i want you and myself to experience. All of your answers are within you. Much love 

[lazyyogi]

There are things about ourselves that we need to get rid of; there are things we need to change. But at the same time, we do not need to be too desperate, too ruthless, too combative. Along the way to usefulness and happiness, many of those things will change themselves, and the others can be worked on as we go. The first thing we need to do is recognize and trust our own Inner Nature, and not lose sight of it.

Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh (via lazyyogi)

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

I LALALA

I love you!!!!! I love you!!! I love you :)

Thank you for you being you

Love Josh

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

I LALALA

I love you!!!!! I love you!!! I love you :)

Thank you for you being you

Love Josh

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

Vulnerability

You can’t be wrong. Every decision you make is right for you. You can’t lose in this game. We go through life catching the wave,riding it, and allowing it to crash. Accepting that with every decision made, the outcome will be the same. Perfect bliss. Perfect balance. It comes and it goes. It always changes so i slowly lift my fingers. I slowly allow my controlling self to let go and come to terms with what is. The life i perceive everyday has a flow to it. You are here, then somewhere else. Constantly creating a world that is never the same. The possibilities are infinite. Nothing is set in stone. You(God) have a perfect set up for learning. Nothing ever ever ever stays the same. It’s always changing so enjoy what you have and allow it to leave when it’s time. That’s the way to opening the heart. Being vulnerable and free. Being free is your birthright. I make this. I create it on a whim. 

[rainbowtwo]

Everything is Meditation

‘Sitting meditation means formal seated Zen meditation. Everybody understands what that is. But we must always keep a very wide view of meditation. If you keep a mind that is clear like space, then everything is meditation. There is walking meditation, chanting meditation, eating meditation. When your mind is clear like space, then your mind is not moving as situations constantly change. At that point, when you see, when you hear, when you touch, and when you think, everything is meditation, because everything is clearly reflected in your not-moving mind.’

- Zen Master Seung Sahn, The Compass of Zen.

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

I don’t know

At this point, the towel is in the air. My hands are up and my heart is open. Wide open pouring out love, forgiveness, and acceptance for what is. now. For now, the struggle between heart based feeling and constant thought/mind based living is hanging around. Over time, the heart will open fully, the mind will bow down, and the flow will take over. The flow has been guiding this ship ever since it was built, but it takes a long time to trust there are no holes in the ship. Accepting the idea that there are holes makes it a little easier. The more the i tries to figure out what i don’t know, the more internal clogs that build up. SO I AM SURRENDERING

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

It is the portal to itself

We (i) search and search and search for fulfillment within this life. Happiness and a sense of communion with god is the ultimate goal. We are taught from a very young age to search outside here. To gain relationships, money, fame, personal beauty, and everything else you could imagine to have outside of yourself is the way to god. What ends up happening is we lose our divine connection to god within ourselves as we get older. The only thing separating you from god is yourself. The concept of who you play yourself to be everyday. The role our minds have given us since we gave our minds the responsibility to take care of us. To protect us and to keep us safe. not vulnerable. The mind will say and do anything it can to protect us from being vulnerable. The mind ends up keeping us constricted. instead of expanding our hearts with life, our mind denies vulnerability so we can be safe. Our minds never intend to cause massive amounts of suffering in our lives. If you want to free yourself and merge with god, being vulnerable is key. When you allow yourself to become vulnerable, our heart space begins to open. Instead of living life out of the mind all day, we open our senses and focus on our divine truth. That divine truth is everything you see,hear,taste,touch, and smell within and outside of us. Stepping into the role of the observer is consciousness experiencing itself without judgement and labeling. That’s the way to know yourself. Experiencing itself as it is without judgement is the way to know who you are. When we let go of the one limited experience we have experienced, we begin to mesh. To merge and to become one with yourself which is god. To know yourself is to know the infinite.

Quick thought. Have you ever wondered what’s behind you? We look out and see the world in front of us..but what’s behind? First thing that comes to mind is infinity. The universe itself right behind and inside you.

:)

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

Slowwwwwwwww it down :)

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

Addiction to?

I woke up this morning and made the decision. I made the decision to stop feeding the obsessiveness that draws my consciousness towards it everyday. Why do i continue to allow myself to follow down trails of thought that are gone? Events happened and they entered my awareness. If that specific event hit my stuff..STORED. DONE. Pushing and running away from the things that bother me. But do they leave? No. I carry them inside of me while distracting myself from them with other things. Deep down, if i want to confront and release the past, i need to make the conscious choice to stop going down that road. So how do i do this? By focusing my attention (consciousness) on what is happening in front of me right now. The moment i catch myself listening to that noise maker inside, i switch the attention to what is going on right NOW. What’s happening now? That’s where freedom is. That’s where enlightenment is. Enlightenment is us. We are just focusing our attention on the thing that causes our own suffering.Thoughts. The billions of words going through our minds all the time. We are literally addicted to thought. If you ever want to leave that obsessive compulsive thinking, refocus your attention on what you are doing at that exact moment. What is going on? How do you feel? Can you smell what’s in the air? If you pay close close close attention, you will begin to notice what you ARE NOT. SO you ALWAYS have a choice. Do i feed this inner voice and cause myself more suffering? Or do i refocus my attention here. Eventually, the words will slow down, the mind bows down to its master, and the truth of you will come fourth.

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

What is that within us?

Although the external world is so appealing and engaging, it can only go so far. After a long time of searching for what has been within me the whole time..i accept and forgive. What is brewing inside of me is so beyond wonderful, my mind can’t figure it out. It won’t ever be able to figure it out. When we still the mind over time (it takes time) and treat our bodies decently, our consciousness begins to gravitate towards the energy behind it all. Behind the breath, body, and mind is a constant flow of energy that is ALWAYS there. It’s within us. My thoughts make it out to be god consciousness or Buddha consciousness. Spirit. Soul. That energy that my awareness is beginning to gravitate towards while in meditation. Instead of getting stuck in the mind and body, my awareness is finding something new. It feels like it’s behind my spine but it’s there. It’s a little tube of energy running up my body and shakes me over time. I start instantly rocking back and fourth. I know when i allow this energy to flow up, it picks up my heart rate quick but ill allow it. I will allow what this is. I will merge with myself behind the mind. Where there is stillness..Is god. Is you. The same force that connects everything with everyone. Consciousness. God. YOU.

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

Stepping behind it all

There i am..Sitting. Sitting down allowing life to flow through me without resistance. Without judgement. Without movement. Just being. Over time, the more i lean into my true self, the more i realize what i am not. I am not the thoughts, feelings, and events happening to me all the time. I am the watcher. I am the witness consciousness experiencing thoughts,feelings, and events passing before me. It’s a change to see the mind as a separate object from your you. Since we live in our bodies, we must clean inside also. Life hits us everyday and if we tense up during situations as life hits out stuff..Our energetic system gets clogged. The mind starts acting up and is loud. So first is the seed planted. We are the watcher and we can start by paying attention to what goes on WITHIN us. Calm the body down to allow the mind to show up. Quiet yourself and the environment and your inner world will come alive quickly. Observe what comes up, release, and come back to your anchor. The anchor can be anything but most of us use the breath. The breath is the portal connecting the inner and outer world. Much love 

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

Our Inner Monster

We experience life everyday. Can you imagine what it would feel like to experience the openness of life without being caught in our minds all the time? Without our inner roommate having to make a comment on every action or decision we make throughout the day. For example, an event turns out an income we are not comfortable with. Take your awareness and switch it to your mind when you feel disturbed inside. Take a good look and listen to what is going on. When we take a closer look at this voice, we begin to realize how psychotic and crazy it can be when no awareness is present. It can be encouraging and discouraging. It’s always judging and having to come to agreements with everything. This voice is consistently chattering with itself. Basically we are having conversations with ourselves within our minds and without awareness, it can dictate our entire life. Is there a way to calm this inner roommate down and allow that voice to step behind the experience itself? Yes. Awareness. Next time someone honks at you in town, pay attention to what is going on within the mind. What is that voice saying? Screaming at the person who just honked? Awareness allows us to step behind this voice and not act out through that monster. We all have that monster within us, but awareness shows us WE ARE NOT THAT. Our truth is behind the chatter. Learn to calm the voice down by putting awareness on it and seeing it’s not you. It’s a part of you but not the entire truth of you. What you are is beyond any intellectual comprehension.

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

Letting go. Allowing life to flow in and out without hesitation. Trying not to get stuck. Not allowing the energy to get stuck in the body and heart. Allowing each day to flow through me. Silently but very aware. Of the thoughts and the sense of my beingness. What connects me here? Everything. I...

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

In and Out

Letting go. Allowing life to flow in and out without hesitation. Trying not to get stuck. Not allowing the energy to get stuck in the body and heart. Allowing each day to flow through me. Silently but very aware. Of the thoughts and the sense of my beingness. What connects me here? Everything. I use the world as my meditation. Typing, eating, drinking coffee, being with myself. Hearing the music or listening to the breath, The whole world is meant to ground us here and NOW. The mind wants to take us away from this moment. Want to know whats behind the mind. You. Spirit. source. Peace. Calm. Relaxation. When something gets stuck in your heart, feel it out. Allow it to rise up and release. Relax and release. This is what we do. We take each day at a time and allow this energy to flow in and out of us at all times. The heart loves the release of pressure it has been having to carry around for years. The heart holds on to things since birth so when things come up when the mind begins to sit still, that’s Ok. Relax and release. Release that energy that the mind has distracted you from with countless things to do. All those distractions only work for so long but once the mind is alone with itself, that’s when the healing process can begin. Let yourself rest for 20 minutes and allow the energy to move through you. Let her cleanse you. Allow this cleansing. Accept it and let it go. Just like we do with everything else in life. Allow, accept, and release. Release, release, release. Letting go of who we think we are and what’s going on in our lives in this moment is the key. It takes us right into the moment. The now. Where love, peace, calm, joy, spirit, you are. You are the answers you seek. When we can come to acceptance with our own being, that’s when we can release. Love is the answer. Love will work through you. Love is always there and always will be there. You are love so when you find the answers you want, it will be obvious. Why? Because it’s been you this whole time. Relax. Release. Let go. Let life flow in and out.

:)

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

Sexual Energy Ignites the Flame

For men and women, our sexual energy is in my personal experience, the number one driving us to accomplish what we want to accomplish. It gives “me” that extra boost. That confidence. It’s a gift. It’s a gift within you at all times. Use it or well..learn to control it. I am just here and i love it. Calm. Peace. Joy. Much love to everyone

[awakeyetsleepyjosh]

What’s left?

As of right now, i am not in school and recently out of pure honesty with myself, i quit my job on a whim. I put my hands in the air and asked myself truly what’s going on. One of my good friends called me and i asked her the question, what would you do if you had no job or was not in school? For the majority of my life growing up in the united states, i have always been left the impression as what’s best for me. Why is that? I could see that in the U.S. Most of us including myself listen. I always listened to others. Just listening and seeing because they are “successful”, their ways can bring upon that same success to me. But now i asked, what are we always distracting ourselves from? What is it with the drive to succeed and always accomplish something. Get this, buy that, have this, do that, drink this, etc...Everything i do from what iv seen is a distraction from the underlying silence behind EVERYTHING. You could even say meditation is a type of distraction from what is..or is it? Is it used to surrender to the silence behind everything. Not sure. I will continue to meditate and sit here in astonishment and appreciation for whats going on right now. What happens is what needs to happen. Remember, you can’t make a mistake whatever you do. That’s the beauty so me sitting in my room following my breath is just the beginning and ending to my success. Truth is, success is an illusion. Want to break it? Just be here NOW.