Current Dilemma
Can you even really call it sleep when your mind won’t shut off? Not even really sure if you can say it’s rest either, as every morning I wake up with a neck ache. Things that are restful are supposed to leave you feeling rejuvenated, or at least “better, “ as they say. It’s definitely not anxiety. I don’t worry or dwell over things I can’t control. Its the stuff I can control, and can change that keeps me up. Things that are 100% making me miserable and yet I stay connected to them, with fears of how others will feel if I stop wanting to do those things or be involved with them. Though I think about the things I do want, and do crave, and find myself standing in an empty room. No one else seems to care. This general sense of not wanting to hurt people is good, but to what point? When your own happiness and well being are the things being sacrificed, what then? Where does the moral compass fall? It’s not intentional, the hurt others will feel from my decisions. Its a fleeting feeling they will recover from, and they need to recover by themselves. I have spent a majority of my life recovering from pains that were caused by others in intentional or unintentional ways or self inflicted. I know at this stage in my life, I would be fine. The process would move along. I can’t begin to heal however, if I never take the leap to just cause that momentary anguish in someone else. So many memes these days, say things about making yourself happy and not caring what anyone else thinks or feels about the journey you must take, and to a point they’re right. Being a sensitive and highly intuitive person is good in a lot of ways, and total shit in others.