Oh my God Iâm sorry I gotta:
The opening number is the prologue, a soliloquy Bella sings about the power of love and death. Has a lot of vague mentions of Edwardâs hair and eyes. She is planted on a turning stage walking slowly as the sun sets behind her.
Charlie sings a song about his daughter and how unprepared he is to parent a teenage girl but it doesnât matter because the sun has finally returned to Forks and how being Dad is much better than being Chief.
âWelcome to Forksâ an ensemble number led by Jessica, who spends the entire time gossiping about her peers and Mike and Eric definitely come hit on Bella during it and Angela has one line and itâs âWelcome to Forksâ. She is the only one to say it the entire number.
An ENTIRE SONG called âLa Tua Cantanteâ where Edward freaks out about Bella in class. The bell rings halfway through the number and the set quickly switches to the Cullensâ as Carlisle joins in and explains about âthe singersâ. V Evan Hansen-esque melancholy harmonies and chords.
Mike Newton always inexplicably hackysacks across the stage when he appears, he then takes Bellaâs books and walks her to the office when school ends. Edward is there and pissed as hell.
âWelcome to Forksâ reprise dung by Bella when Edward misses school for a week. She sings about how she has no reason to think so, but sheâs pretty sure he hates her and left on her account.
âBiologyâ a duet where Edward and Bella try to outdo each other with mitosis projects, singing about how theyâre feeling. Edward is singing about how good she smells and how he can control his Biology and Bella is singing about how beautiful he is but heâs a jerk so she needs to control her Biology.
The entirety of act 1 not a single Cullen child speaks but Edward, but you hear them in VO in Edwardâs head sometimes, Rosalie is pissed.
The car crash is a dance break
Edward tells her itâs better if they arenât friends, itâs deffo a âBiologyâ reprise
The beach scene is Jake singing a song called Cold Ones. The actors do background work to show the story visually.
Act 1 closes with Edward saving Bella and taking her to dinner. He sings all the answers to her questions. As they near Forks, you can hear the Cullens harmonizing with Edward in his head. All except Rosalie.
Act 2 opens with ANOTHER âWelcome to Forksâ reprise where Jessica is still gossiping but now itâs about Bella and the Cullens and what the hell is going on????
Anna Kendrick reprises her iconic role as Jessica
The Meadow is a duet. Bella asks Edward âlike a spidermonkey?â when he tells her to hop on his back. He goes, âno. Thatâs weird.â
âMeet the Cullensâ is a family song. Rosalie has one line: âsend for me when sheâs goneâ Bella sings about being nervous and the Cullens mostly sing about how happy they are that Edward is acting happy that depressed bitch
Baseball is a number interrupted by the hunters.
James sings a number about hunting and the thrill of the chase as Bella flees to Phoenix
When Bella escapes Jasper and Alice she sings an opening reprise and finally starts walking around the turntable as the sun sets. But Edward joins in on harmonies as he searches for her.
Edward sings a soliloquy about whether or not heâs strong enough to stop Bellaâs change
The closing number is âProm (Impasse)â about how Edward doesnât want to change Bella and Bella wants to be changed. Everyone joins in on the parts about how theyâll always be young forever and Prom will never end. Victoria sings a reprise of Jamesâs hunting song woven in.
Alice is a SOPRANO like holy hell her final note in the closing number busts your ears
Edward definitely plays her lullaby and you recognize it as being part of the music whenever he sings
Bellaâs songs all include some mention of a questionable line of dialogue from the book or movie: âsay it out loudâ âso the lion fell in love with the lambâ
Bella dances along but manages to trip or stumble the entire time
I FORGOT BLOOD TYPING they definitely have a song about how Bella hates blood when he takes her to the nurse and Edward has a few throwaway lines in it about how incredibly ironic that is.
Tyler Crowley, Mike, and Eric all have a number about the New Girl and how cute she is. Jessica hears the entire thing and runs off to tell Lauren.
Charlie unabashedly hates the hell out of Edward and is not subtle about it
Renee leaves crazy voicemails sung on Bellaâs machine
Alice and Jasper have a duet about family when theyâre watching Bella in Arizona. Maybe a âMeet the Cullensâ reprise
Bella tells Edward she loves him and he says âYou are my life nowâ and she goes âthat doesnât count Dracula, you have to say it back.â
The turning stage is put to use to make the Cullens seem crazy fast
They use a fly whenever Edward jumps
The Cullens all have crazy white stage makeup but manage to still look good????? Maybe it shimmers a lil
When Edward is Diamond Man Bella makes a comment about having âmy own personal disco ballâ
No one ever says the word âvampireâ
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